Friday, November 30, 2007
Thanx Mike!
Mr. Mike K. unearthed this truly spectacular ATHF gem on the current state of sports. Enjoy:
Wild Turkey from a Cane
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bulls-hit
OK, I know it's early and we're knee deep in the NFL but this Bulls start is worse than the Floyd years. At least we had that toad Krause to blame. I know it's a running theme in the Skiles years to start slow but this is a joke.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
This Commercial
The Liar's Fathead commercial (that is not code) posted below got me to thinking...
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Why I Hate Rex Fucking Grossman
Soldier Field, Chicago - December 18th, 2005:
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
I Only Joined to Rub Rexy All Over The Gay Clubhouse.
:)
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Fuck!
It's six o'clock in the AM, and I'm still awake. It's just coming over the wires that Sean Taylor has just died from his wounds.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
Score!
I'm freaking amazed. I just googled "Killing for Sports" and came up with six (6) big results - All of 'em grammatical errors or anomalies (except for a link to my L&E post).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'm In
So I’m in. Thanks and much love to my friend the Liar for starting this and inviting us all to join such a blog on such an auspicious day.
Re: Sean Taylor, as horrible of a story as it is, here's my favorite part:
"Sharpstein said
Fucking Perfect
The day after I set up a sports-blog named "Killing for Sports", my favorite Skins player is critically wounded in a home-invasion.
Killing For Sports
I've just took a long look at L&E , and realized that it's over-run with my lunatic sports ravings (as opposed to my standard lunatic ravings). That's not good. I've heard the same from several other blog-dorks, so I decided to start up this site as a clearing house for ALL OF OUR sports rants.
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks
-Part One-
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks
This week I'm busy as hell in Chicago looking for work and attending Riot Fest. This week's picks are gonna be sparse. I made a commitment (to myself) to pick the entire NFL season this year. That kinda sucks right now. I'm picking 'em all on Tuesday, and probably won't get much of a chance to update the blog until next Tuesday when I get back to DC, so here they are:
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks
It's inter-divisional week in the NFL! All but 4 games this week are inter-divisional match-ups - I love the inter-divisional games. Those are the grudge-match games filled with hate and fire - You can't beat 'em.
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks
This week is officially the start of the second half of the regular-season. I think it's about time to compare how I'm doing compared to the big-boys... Well, I'm doing pretty damned good with my picks. Up against the ESPN experts I'm tied for third with Mortenson (Jaws has one game on me and Schlereth has three). Not bad.
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
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