The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks

-Part One-
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.

Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56

(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.

(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.

(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.

-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.

Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.

Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.

Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!

Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.

Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.

Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.

Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.

Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.

Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.

Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.

Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.

Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.

Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN