Hey, we get an extra night of professional tackle-football starting this week.
Actually, both the Thursday and Saturday games are on NFL Network, and 2/3rds of all American households don't even have that station on their cable package. So, I guess that a more accurate way of phrasing it would be: "I'm getting an extra night of football this week". I just wish it was better football than these two stinkers. It's kinda hard to lord over anyone when the teams involved are all below .500.
Fuck it, I'm out...
Okay, It's gonna take the bizarro DC Liar, Baltimore Truthteller, to make these two turd-packed games interesting. Here he goes:
Last Weeks Picks: 13/3
Season Record: 137/71
Thursday Night Game:
Broncos (6-7) over Texans (6-7)
Baltimore Truthteller: I am greatly looking forward to this compelling matchup. Both squadrons am 7+6. Both am very, very good. This am game of the week.
Postgame: Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler? Fucking brilliant!
Enjoy your offseason Shanahan, you fucking retard - It starts right now.
Saturday Night Game:
Bengals (5-8) over 49ers (3-10)
Baltimore Truthteller: 49ers am the best-ever 2007 team [except for Dolphins]. They are dominate the very good Cincinnati team. It be so good game, it silly.
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Fuck that guy, I'm back. If Bizarro me picks two losers, does that mean that I get to count those as wins? No? Dammit.
Busy moving. Not time to chat.
Here are my Sunday Picks:
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (8-5) over Bills (7-6)
I'm digging both of these teams this year. Sadly, it looks like only one is gonna make the postseason - I'm betting on the Browns.
Titans (7-6) over Chiefs (4-9)
Don't get me wrong, The Titans could easily choke (yet again), but they don't seem to lose whenever Haynesworth is active - Go figure.
Packers (11-2) over Rams (3-10)
I've got this game on the DC affiliate (if I'm not driving through Ohio), but that doesn't matter. If I'm not on the road, I'm watching:
Ravens (4-9) over Dolphins (0-13)
I'm really psyched that we have this game this week. Cleo Lemon is back at the helm for the Fish, and this week they have the best shot at winning a game this season.
Don't let me down Miami, buckle down and lose this one. You have to remain beaten. That would make this shitty NFL season worthwhile. Please?
Postgame: Hey Baltimore: FUCK YOU!!! I hope you all choke to death on dicks.
Patriots (13-0) over Jets (3-10)
GRUDGE MATCH!!!
This is gonna be nasty. The last time these teams met, Coach Mangina busted out Coach Sweatshirt for totally tapin' his sideline doodz.
All your signals are belong to us!
Some ESPN analyst (I forget who) suggested that Belichick list his punter as inactive for this game.
We're not punting, bitches - Try and stop us.
That would be wicked-awesome.
Saints (6-7) over Cardinals (6-7)
The Lions have gone back to sucking, but the Cards keep threatening to be half-way decent this season. That worries me deeply. I'm hoping like hell that the Saints can pull out a win here and ease my soul.
Jaguars (9-4) over Steelers (9-4)
I have absolutely no idea who's gonna win this one. Both teams are 9 & 4. Pittsburgh got humiliated last week, and has something to prove. Jacksonville is the best team in the NFL that nobody ever remembers, and winning this one would be a huge statement going into the postseason.
{flipping a coin}
Jags.
Buccaneers (8-5) over Falcons (3-10)
I'd feel bad for the Falcons if I didn't hate their fucking guts. I think it has something to do with the whole 'Dirty Bird' thing from '98.
Fuck those guys - I hope every last one of 'em ends up in jail (or, even worse, Arkansas).
Seahawks (9-4) over Panthers (5-8)
Every year I seem to forget that the Seahawks are good. I'm an idiot.
On another unrelated note; I caught Matt Hasselbeck on P.T.I. the other day - He's a really witty guy. Who knew?
Postgame: This is the kind of shit that keeps making me forget.
Late Sunday Games:
Colts (11-2) over Raiders (4-9)
The Colts are trying like hell to hold onto the #2 seed in the AFC. This game should help 'em.
Cowboys (12-1) over Eagles (5-8)
I've got this game. I'm gonna spend this time dreaming of EIU's Romo in a Bears jersey, and trying to decide if I want Chicago native, McNabb, in one next season.
Chargers (8-5) over Lions (6-7)
Say goodnight Detroit.
Sunday Night Game:
Washington Redskins (6-7) over Giants (9-4)
Crap! These last two I really want to pick with my heart over my brain. I'm gonna split the difference.
The Giants have a wild-card spot nailed down (more or less) right now - The Skins are fighting for their lives right now. I see DC pulling the upset.
Maybe.
Monday Night Game:
Vikings (7-6) over Bears (5-8)
The one thing that I want for Christmas is for Orton to come into this one and lead the Bears on a 3-game winning streak to end out this season. Oh, and a job - Two things.
I'm gonna be routing like hell for Chicago, but am going with the odds on the pick.
Postgame: Fuck.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
1 comment:
I would normally be upset that you picked the Vikings over the Bears. I am torn over this game. On the one hand, I hate the Vikings. On the other hand, I would like to see Kyle Orton and Mike Hass set a TD record. On the third hand, the Bears could sure use some picks. Fuck.
Was it just me, or did the jubilation over the ONE FUCKING WIN seem excessive on the part of the Dolphins? I mean, the owner who wants to sell the team was weeping. WTF?
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