The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks

With the Skins in a (merciful) bye, and Grossman behind center for the Bears, I'm looking forward to this Sunday of football like a Ugandan colonoscopy. It doesn't help that the late games we get in the Chicago market are Indy at Pittsburgh (meh) and Carolina at Oakland (?!?!?).
I can't get excited about any televised game this week other than the NBC Sunday nighter.

Here's to week 11.

Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 77/53

Thursday Night Game:
Browns (3-5) over Broncos (4-4)
Thus begins the Brady Quinn era in Cleveland (now the kid might be able to get endorsement deals with a few companies that aren't operated out of some guy's basement).
Postgame: Fucking Kellen Winslow. You owe me one pick, you bum. Without any single of the 3 stupid mistakes you made tonight, the Browns would have won this game.

Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (5-3) over Saints (4-4)
With an Atlanta win this week and a Carolina loss this week there would be a 3-way tie for first in the NFC South (Tampa's on a bye this week). That's crazy. It's too bad for Atlanta that the Panthers are playing the Raiders this week, or things could get real interesting in this division.

Titans (8-0) over Bears (5-3)
My worst nightmare is that Sexy Rexy is going to step in and pull a "good Rex" miracle out of his ass and smack the undefeated Titans square in the mouth. Then Angelo (feeling vindicated) immediately signs him to a $50-million / 10 year contract extension, and then I'll have to go out and buy a Packers jersey. --shudder-- I'm hoping for a 6 turnover embarrassment from Grossie, a chance to see Haine take the reigns as the Bears back-up QB, and for Rex buy a one-way ticket out of town.
Let the Rexecution begin!

Jaguars (3-5) over Lions (0-8)
It's amazing how hard the Jags are sucking this year. This was arguably the most dominant team in the league last season, now they're a freakin' disaster. I just hope that they have enough steam left to keep the desperate Lions defeated. I'm not sure that they do.
I'm tempted to hope for career-ending injuries for the Lions this week in retribution for the Orton hit-job last week, but there's no one left on the Detroit team that's good enough to wish injury upon. Any homeless C.H.U.D. that you could pull of the rat-infested streets of Detroit would probably be a vast improvement to that team. It's more of a punishment to keep that squad just as it is.

Dolphins (4-4) over Seahawks (2-6)
It is equally amazing at how well the Fins are doing this year. I'm just extremely glad that Parcells went down to Miami last year, instead of to Detroit next year.

Packers (4-4) over Vikings (4-4)
Look on the bright side, now matter how bad the Bears lose this week, we'll still be tied for first in the division with the winner of this game. Maybe not the best scenario, but it could be much worse (see 2 picks above).

Patriots (5-3) over Bills (5-3)
Last Friday I was out drinking at Delilah's. On my way out I picked up a flyer of upcoming events. Much to my surprise, I noticed that they are showing all the Bills & Sabers games live. I never would have pegged Delilah's as a Buffalo loyalist bar. Good for them, I might have to swing by and catch a game there one Sunday when the Bears are playing an off-day, or a night game. Anyway, hipster loyalty isn't gonna save them this week. I see the Patriots winning this one on their home-turf.

Jets (5-3) over Rams (2-6)
The Rams really impressed me with the win over the Skins, the Cowboys and the impressive showing against the Patriots in Foxboro. Although, after last week's pitiful display against the Cardinals, I think that I may have over-valued 'em. I'm reluctantly picking Brett's Jets in this one, but a St Louis upset wouldn't surprise me one bit.

Ravens (5-3) over Texans (3-5)
Here's the Hurricane Ike make-up game from week 2. I think that I picked the Texans to win that game back in September. I'm officially changing that pick right now.

Late Sunday Games:
Panthers (6-2) over Raiders (2-6)
All I can say about this game is: NEXT!

Steelers (6-2) over Colts (4-4)
I would be shocked if the Colts made it to the playoffs this year - The Titans have a 4 game cushion at the half-way point, and are almost guaranteed to win the division. The Colts would have to pull off an impressive winning streak to even be in the running for a playoff spot. That streak isn't going to start this game. Goodnight, Indy.

Chargers (3-5) over Chiefs (1-7)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your teams suck it.
I hope that neither of you clown-squads win another game this year. I'll pick Sham Diego here, and Kansas Shitty on December 14th just to spread the manure evenly for you losers.
Postgame: See, I told you that Herm Edwards was the worst coach in the NFL right now. His super-retard egotistical play-calling cost the Chiefs the win here.

Sunday Night Game:
Giants (7-1) over Eagles (5-3)
This should be a damn fine game. The Eagles play really well against the Giants, and there's no love loss between these two teams. I'm picking the Giants, but pulling for the Eagles to triumph and bring some equilibrium to the NFC East.

Monday Night Game:
Cardinals (5-3) over 49ers (2-6)
I'm so gonna watch this just to see if Samurai Mike can out-crazy Dennis Green on his old turf in the post game rant. I'm just waiting for: "The Cardinals are who we thought they were... Now look at my bare ass! LOOK AT IT!!!"
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN