Ah, It's that time of year. The snow is finally gone, flowers are popping up everywhere, the Cubs still haven't have broken my heart, and I finally can give a shit about the NHL.
Yup, Tonight marks the beginning of the race for the Stanley Cup. Since 99.999% of the population cares even less about the NHL than I do, here's my rooting guide for the 2008 NHL playoffs:
Montreal Canadians -vs- Boston BruinsOh, boy! This is gonna be a series to watch. These two teams fucking HATE each other. I'd like to pick the Bruins out of sentimentality, but they are
way outgunned by Montreal.
Washington Capitals -vs- Philadelphia FlyersI can't decide if I like Ovechkin more than I hate (Caps owner) Leonsis. It's a tough one. The Capitals are the better team, but I'm going with Philly as a "fuck you" to AOL Boy.
Detroit Red Wings -vs- Nashville PredatorsNormally I'd be all over a chance to piss on the Red Wings, but my hatred for Nashville is even greater. This November the city of Nashville finally killed the move of the Predators to Ontario (which I saw as one of the first steps in reforming the sorry state of the NHL). So now another city that has zero business in having a NHL franchise keeps on dragging down the sport, and I have to throw out a pick for the Maxi-Pad brigade.
Minnesota Wild -vs- Colorado AvalancheI'm still pissed at Minnesota for letting the Northstars escape to Dallas (see below). I'm holding that grudge to this day, and picking the ex-Nordiques (Colorado) to pull the upset in this series.
Pittsburgh Penguins -vs- Ottawa SenatorsHey, It's a re-match from last year's playoffs. In 2007 the Senators looked invincible - Right now they're practically invisible. I'm going with the Flightless Sea Birds.
New Jersey Devils -vs- New York RangersI'm still crestfallen that Jersey didn't pick up Ε atan as their left winger after he left Buffalo. Still, I'm not gonna hold that against 'em. I like the Devils. (insert Ronnie James Dio scream here)
San Jose Sharks -vs- Calgary FlamesFlames! No question. Next!
Anaheim Ducks -vs- Dallas StarsOh, great. My two most hated teams in the pantheon of sports.
I have to chose one? Really?
I'm picking the lesser of 2 evils with the Stars, but hoping for a terrorist bombing.
Keep in mind this is my
ROOTING guide. I've given up on picking winners after the fucking Mighty Ducks
won it last year.
Cocksuckers.
Remember, it doesn't matter who wins - All that matters is who loses (namely Aneheim, Dallas, San Jose, & Nashville).
Later tonight, the Philadelphia Flyers and Pittsburgh Penguins are matching up in the NHL Eastern Conference finals. This is HUGE. This is one of the great rivalries in the sports-world, and this series promises to be one of the few that people will talk about for decades to come.
