Friday, November 30, 2007
Thanx Mike!
Mr. Mike K. unearthed this truly spectacular ATHF gem on the current state of sports. Enjoy:
Wild Turkey from a Cane
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bulls-hit
OK, I know it's early and we're knee deep in the NFL but this Bulls start is worse than the Floyd years. At least we had that toad Krause to blame. I know it's a running theme in the Skiles years to start slow but this is a joke.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
This Commercial
The Liar's Fathead commercial (that is not code) posted below got me to thinking...
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Why I Hate Rex Fucking Grossman
Soldier Field, Chicago - December 18th, 2005:
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
I Only Joined to Rub Rexy All Over The Gay Clubhouse.
:)
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Fuck!
It's six o'clock in the AM, and I'm still awake. It's just coming over the wires that Sean Taylor has just died from his wounds.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
Score!
I'm freaking amazed. I just googled "Killing for Sports" and came up with six (6) big results - All of 'em grammatical errors or anomalies (except for a link to my L&E post).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'm In
So I’m in. Thanks and much love to my friend the Liar for starting this and inviting us all to join such a blog on such an auspicious day.
Re: Sean Taylor, as horrible of a story as it is, here's my favorite part:
"Sharpstein said
Fucking Perfect
The day after I set up a sports-blog named "Killing for Sports", my favorite Skins player is critically wounded in a home-invasion.
Killing For Sports
I've just took a long look at L&E , and realized that it's over-run with my lunatic sports ravings (as opposed to my standard lunatic ravings). That's not good. I've heard the same from several other blog-dorks, so I decided to start up this site as a clearing house for ALL OF OUR sports rants.
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks
-Part One-
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks
This week I'm busy as hell in Chicago looking for work and attending Riot Fest. This week's picks are gonna be sparse. I made a commitment (to myself) to pick the entire NFL season this year. That kinda sucks right now. I'm picking 'em all on Tuesday, and probably won't get much of a chance to update the blog until next Tuesday when I get back to DC, so here they are:
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks
It's inter-divisional week in the NFL! All but 4 games this week are inter-divisional match-ups - I love the inter-divisional games. Those are the grudge-match games filled with hate and fire - You can't beat 'em.
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks
This week is officially the start of the second half of the regular-season. I think it's about time to compare how I'm doing compared to the big-boys... Well, I'm doing pretty damned good with my picks. Up against the ESPN experts I'm tied for third with Mortenson (Jaws has one game on me and Schlereth has three). Not bad.
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks
As you all probably know by now, I'm back in Illinois for a whirlwind surprise Halloween visit. That means that this post was written (for the most part) last Sunday and Monday because I knew that there was no way in hell that I'd have the time to sit down and do this while I was in the middle of a drinking marathon. Therefore, I'm sure that there's a bunch of injuries and/or last minute shifts that I'm gonna miss, but I don't care. I'm having way too much fun to worry about being right.
Last week's picks: 10/4
Season record: 67/36
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (3-4) over Lions (4-2)
I can't see Chicago dropping both regular-season games to the fucking Lions (or the abstinent Lions, for that matter).
The key to this game is somehow abducting Ron Turner before kickoff and keeping him locked in a utility closet until there's 30 seconds left in the 4th. Hell, If the closet is big enough, I'd strongly recommend doing the same with Benson and Berry-Ann.
Steelers (4-2) over Bengals (2-4)
Pittsburgh is gonna be grumpy after shitting the bed on national television against Denver last week. Cincinnati is gonna be over-confident after coming back to beat a 1&5 team last week.
Quick, Mr. Bunny, hop off of the train tracks!
This is gonna be the stuff that cautionary traffic-safety films are made of.
Titans (4-2) over Raiders (2-4)
It looks likely that the Titans are getting Big Dummy back for this one. That's all I needed to hear - I'm goin' with Tennessee.
Browns (3-3) over Rams (0-7)
If you had to call this game when the 2007 schedule was released, nobody would have picked the Browns. Now nobody would pick the Rams. You gotta love this game.
Giants (5-2) over Dolphins (0-7)
'Ello, London!
This one counts as a home game for Miami, which is totally unfair to the Dolphins - It can't possibly feel like a home-game for the Fish with people in the stands. Heres my theory: (NFL Commissioner) Tagliabue's plan is to get the Dolphins out of the country, have NFL personal confiscate their passports, and summarily eradicate all history of the franchise from the NFL record. It worked for Stalin.
Vikings (2-4) over Eagles (2-4)
I'm gonna be routing for Philly in this one, but I was really impressed with the Minnesota defense last week against the Cowboys. It looks like a classic hard-nosed Bears defense, for chrissake. Plus, those Nordic fuckers have a running game that Lovie can only dream of. How'd that happen - That's not good. The only thing that's holding Minnesota back is their clown at QB - That twat makes Grossie look good. I'm just hoping that this team gets dismantled by injuries before week 15.
Colts (6-0) over Panthers (4-2)
The Colts are playing HUGE lately. For my money, they're a much better team than the Patriots (more on that next week). The Panthers definitely have enough talent to pose a legitimate threat, but after seeing Indy manhandle the Jags last week, I have to go with the Colts to get the win against Carolina.
Late Sunday Games:
Bills (2-4) over Jets (1-6)
Why do I keep picking the motherfucking Jets to win? They haven't come through for me since week 3 (against the hapless Dolphins). My Mangina man-crush is over - I'm going with the Williams in this one.
Texans (3-4) over Chargers (3-3)
Note: This game will probably be played in Arizona or (possibly) postponed.
San Diego has been on fire lately... Sorry. The Chargers are hot, but all of the wrath-of-god issues that they've had to deal with this last week are gonna take their toll - It's hard to focus on professional tackle football when every thing you have has been reduced to a smoldering pile of embers. The Texicans are good enough to exploit this 'crisitunity' for a win.
Buccaneers (4-3) over Jaguars (4-2)
The Jags took a beating against Indy last week and it looks like Garrard will either be out this week or be playing hurt. I like Tampa, but just barely.
Postgame: Jags by 1 point. I was barely wrong.
Saints (2-4) over 49ers (2-4)
The Saints need to get another win against a cupcake team before hosting the Jaguars next week. They can do it.
Patriots (7-0) over Redskins (4-2)
Fun Fact: The Patriots haven't won in DC since 1972. Let's see how they do against a team with a winning record (so far the only winning team they've faced was Dallas). As much as I'd love to see my Skins pull off the upset in this one, it ain't gonna happen. Hell, Washington barely squeaked out a win against the crippled Cardinals last Sunday. If the Skins are going to pull off this upset they're gonna have to commit to smash-mouth football on both sides of the ball - Offense: Hard Run, Hard Run, Hard Run, etc. Defense: Keep the pressure on Brady and hope for mistakes. Blitz like fuck; that'll give up a bunch of completions, but will eventually wear down the O-line and leave Brady vulnerable.
-There isn't a Sunday Night Game due to the World Series-
Monday Night Game:
Broncos (3-3) over Packers (5-1)
This game is gonna be going on about 2 miles away from game 5 of the World Series (if needed). I'm hoping that it snows like hell - I'm routing for chaos. I think that the Pack has a real good shot at winning this one, but it looks like the Broncos may be on an upswing. I'm picking this one based on my NFC North hopes, and Denver's home-field advantage.
Postgame: Pack wins in overtime - Pencil 'em in for the NFC North title this year.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last week's picks: 10/4
Season record: 67/36
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (3-4) over Lions (4-2)
I can't see Chicago dropping both regular-season games to the fucking Lions (or the abstinent Lions, for that matter).
The key to this game is somehow abducting Ron Turner before kickoff and keeping him locked in a utility closet until there's 30 seconds left in the 4th. Hell, If the closet is big enough, I'd strongly recommend doing the same with Benson and Berry-Ann.
Steelers (4-2) over Bengals (2-4)
Pittsburgh is gonna be grumpy after shitting the bed on national television against Denver last week. Cincinnati is gonna be over-confident after coming back to beat a 1&5 team last week.
Quick, Mr. Bunny, hop off of the train tracks!
This is gonna be the stuff that cautionary traffic-safety films are made of.
Titans (4-2) over Raiders (2-4)
It looks likely that the Titans are getting Big Dummy back for this one. That's all I needed to hear - I'm goin' with Tennessee.
Browns (3-3) over Rams (0-7)
If you had to call this game when the 2007 schedule was released, nobody would have picked the Browns. Now nobody would pick the Rams. You gotta love this game.
Giants (5-2) over Dolphins (0-7)
'Ello, London!
This one counts as a home game for Miami, which is totally unfair to the Dolphins - It can't possibly feel like a home-game for the Fish with people in the stands. Heres my theory: (NFL Commissioner) Tagliabue's plan is to get the Dolphins out of the country, have NFL personal confiscate their passports, and summarily eradicate all history of the franchise from the NFL record. It worked for Stalin.
Vikings (2-4) over Eagles (2-4)
I'm gonna be routing for Philly in this one, but I was really impressed with the Minnesota defense last week against the Cowboys. It looks like a classic hard-nosed Bears defense, for chrissake. Plus, those Nordic fuckers have a running game that Lovie can only dream of. How'd that happen - That's not good. The only thing that's holding Minnesota back is their clown at QB - That twat makes Grossie look good. I'm just hoping that this team gets dismantled by injuries before week 15.
Colts (6-0) over Panthers (4-2)
The Colts are playing HUGE lately. For my money, they're a much better team than the Patriots (more on that next week). The Panthers definitely have enough talent to pose a legitimate threat, but after seeing Indy manhandle the Jags last week, I have to go with the Colts to get the win against Carolina.
Late Sunday Games:
Bills (2-4) over Jets (1-6)
Why do I keep picking the motherfucking Jets to win? They haven't come through for me since week 3 (against the hapless Dolphins). My Mangina man-crush is over - I'm going with the Williams in this one.
Texans (3-4) over Chargers (3-3)
Note: This game will probably be played in Arizona or (possibly) postponed.
San Diego has been on fire lately... Sorry. The Chargers are hot, but all of the wrath-of-god issues that they've had to deal with this last week are gonna take their toll - It's hard to focus on professional tackle football when every thing you have has been reduced to a smoldering pile of embers. The Texicans are good enough to exploit this 'crisitunity' for a win.
Buccaneers (4-3) over Jaguars (4-2)
The Jags took a beating against Indy last week and it looks like Garrard will either be out this week or be playing hurt. I like Tampa, but just barely.
Postgame: Jags by 1 point. I was barely wrong.
Saints (2-4) over 49ers (2-4)
The Saints need to get another win against a cupcake team before hosting the Jaguars next week. They can do it.
Patriots (7-0) over Redskins (4-2)
Fun Fact: The Patriots haven't won in DC since 1972. Let's see how they do against a team with a winning record (so far the only winning team they've faced was Dallas). As much as I'd love to see my Skins pull off the upset in this one, it ain't gonna happen. Hell, Washington barely squeaked out a win against the crippled Cardinals last Sunday. If the Skins are going to pull off this upset they're gonna have to commit to smash-mouth football on both sides of the ball - Offense: Hard Run, Hard Run, Hard Run, etc. Defense: Keep the pressure on Brady and hope for mistakes. Blitz like fuck; that'll give up a bunch of completions, but will eventually wear down the O-line and leave Brady vulnerable.
-There isn't a Sunday Night Game due to the World Series-
Monday Night Game:
Broncos (3-3) over Packers (5-1)
This game is gonna be going on about 2 miles away from game 5 of the World Series (if needed). I'm hoping that it snows like hell - I'm routing for chaos. I think that the Pack has a real good shot at winning this one, but it looks like the Broncos may be on an upswing. I'm picking this one based on my NFC North hopes, and Denver's home-field advantage.
Postgame: Pack wins in overtime - Pencil 'em in for the NFC North title this year.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 7 Picks
Last week I got cute with my picks and got my ass handed to me. This week I'm gonna try to get back on track, but really think that any of this week's games could go either way (with a few exceptions). Historically, it's easier to pick as the season progresses, but this season isn't following any of the rules. It doesn't help that so many quarterbacks are out that a couple of teams showed actual interest in signing Rex Grossman before the trade deadline (but not enough to surrender a 2nd round draft pick) - that's sayin' something. There's so much blood in the water at this point that I'm more interested in potential injuries than game results. It makes for great football, but terrible prognostication.
That, kids, is why you should never bet real money on professional tackle football. Always bet with a check.
Last week's picks: 6/7
Season record: 57/32
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (1-4) over Ravens (4-2)
I always seem to lead off my picks with a turkey, so I don't see why this week should be any different. The Ravens are looking like thrice hammered shit lately, and I was really impressed with the Bills play against the Cowboys a couple of weeks back (except for the part where they up and lost). I think that the Williams have a great shot at an upset this week coming off of their 'bye'. I'm sure that I'll be wrong, but that's how I see it.
Buccaneers (4-2) over Lions (3-2)
Dude, like who would win in a fight between a Lion and a Pirate? I'm just hoping that the Bucs can throw some hurt down on the Lions to soften 'em up for next week's trip to Chicago.
Patriots (6-0) over Dolphins (0-6)
The Pat's first loss this season will be against Miami, but that won't happen until week 16. The Fish are famous (infamous?) for scoring huge upsets on undefeated teams. Remember the Bears game late last season (or the '85 Bears, for that matter)?
Saints (1-4) over Falcons (1-5)
Flood town meets drought town. I'd rather sit through a House Natural Resources Subcommittee on Water and Power hearing than this game.
Giants (4-2) over 49ers (2-3)
Here's how to make this the game of the week:
1) Build a working time-machine.
2) Travel back to 1989.
3) Enjoy.
Skins (3-2) over Cardinals (3-3)
If the Cards keep up with their current streak, expect Rattay (Arizona's starting QB) to go out with injuries sometime before the half. If that happens, there's a good chance that Arizona will be forced to play Tim Hassleback, who they just signed this week. He's the Skins' old back-up QB, brother of Matt, and hubby of the crazy blond chick on The View. It's gonna take yet another Arizona QB injury to give this game an interesting story-line, but I'm thinking that the Cards can do it.
Texans (3-3) over Titans (3-2)
If I thought that das Wunderlicher was gonna be healthy for this one, I'd pick the Titans hands-down. There's a good chance that he'll play, get stuck in the pocket, and fuck his leg up even worse than it is now trying to make some stupid play. I'm not sold on Kerry Collins, so I'm picking the Texicans at home.
Postgame: The end of this game was a genuine barn-burner. Too bad CBS couldn't show it - Instead I got to watch Cower, Sharpe, Brown, and Esiason watching the end of the game and narrating. Fucking lame as hell.
Late Sunday Games:
Jets (1-5) over Bengals (1-4)
No offense -vs- no defense, who will win? More importantly, who cares?
Chiefs (3-3) over Raiders (2-3)
I really want to pick the Raiders at home, but I still haven't picked the Chiefs to win yet this season. Let's see how that goes. This is my way of saying "The Chiefs aren't who I thought they were".
Cowboys (5-1) over Vikings (2-3)
I'm hoping that they both lose, but that ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna be watching this one just to see if Adrian Peterson II (Electric Boogaloo) is really that good, or if the Bears D is really that bad.
Bears (2-4) over Eagles (2-3)
The DC market is getting the Vikes-Boys matchup - Can't say I'm surprised. I'm predicting that the story after this game will be about (additional) injuries. I'm setting the line at '5'. 3 Eagles players hurt, 2 for the Bears.
Postgame: Ron Turner calls plays for 58 minutes of play - Result = 4 field goals. Communications are cut for 2 minutes and Griese is forced to call the plays - Result = Touchdown. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Seahawks (3-3) over Rams (0-6)
The story of the Saint Louis Rams: They stink. The End.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Steelers (4-1) over Broncos (2-3)
It's lucky for the Broncos that the Rockies are in the World Series. It's the only thing keeping the Denver fans from screaming for Mike Shanahan's head.
Monday Night Game:
Colts (5-0) over Jaguars (4-1)
This is gonna be one hell of a game. I like the Colts in this one, but this is gonna be their biggest test of this season (so far).
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
That, kids, is why you should never bet real money on professional tackle football. Always bet with a check.
Last week's picks: 6/7
Season record: 57/32
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (1-4) over Ravens (4-2)
I always seem to lead off my picks with a turkey, so I don't see why this week should be any different. The Ravens are looking like thrice hammered shit lately, and I was really impressed with the Bills play against the Cowboys a couple of weeks back (except for the part where they up and lost). I think that the Williams have a great shot at an upset this week coming off of their 'bye'. I'm sure that I'll be wrong, but that's how I see it.
Buccaneers (4-2) over Lions (3-2)
Dude, like who would win in a fight between a Lion and a Pirate? I'm just hoping that the Bucs can throw some hurt down on the Lions to soften 'em up for next week's trip to Chicago.
Patriots (6-0) over Dolphins (0-6)
The Pat's first loss this season will be against Miami, but that won't happen until week 16. The Fish are famous (infamous?) for scoring huge upsets on undefeated teams. Remember the Bears game late last season (or the '85 Bears, for that matter)?
Saints (1-4) over Falcons (1-5)
Flood town meets drought town. I'd rather sit through a House Natural Resources Subcommittee on Water and Power hearing than this game.
Giants (4-2) over 49ers (2-3)
Here's how to make this the game of the week:
1) Build a working time-machine.
2) Travel back to 1989.
3) Enjoy.
Skins (3-2) over Cardinals (3-3)
If the Cards keep up with their current streak, expect Rattay (Arizona's starting QB) to go out with injuries sometime before the half. If that happens, there's a good chance that Arizona will be forced to play Tim Hassleback, who they just signed this week. He's the Skins' old back-up QB, brother of Matt, and hubby of the crazy blond chick on The View. It's gonna take yet another Arizona QB injury to give this game an interesting story-line, but I'm thinking that the Cards can do it.
Texans (3-3) over Titans (3-2)
If I thought that das Wunderlicher was gonna be healthy for this one, I'd pick the Titans hands-down. There's a good chance that he'll play, get stuck in the pocket, and fuck his leg up even worse than it is now trying to make some stupid play. I'm not sold on Kerry Collins, so I'm picking the Texicans at home.
Postgame: The end of this game was a genuine barn-burner. Too bad CBS couldn't show it - Instead I got to watch Cower, Sharpe, Brown, and Esiason watching the end of the game and narrating. Fucking lame as hell.
Late Sunday Games:
Jets (1-5) over Bengals (1-4)
No offense -vs- no defense, who will win? More importantly, who cares?
Chiefs (3-3) over Raiders (2-3)
I really want to pick the Raiders at home, but I still haven't picked the Chiefs to win yet this season. Let's see how that goes. This is my way of saying "The Chiefs aren't who I thought they were".
Cowboys (5-1) over Vikings (2-3)
I'm hoping that they both lose, but that ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna be watching this one just to see if Adrian Peterson II (Electric Boogaloo) is really that good, or if the Bears D is really that bad.
Bears (2-4) over Eagles (2-3)
The DC market is getting the Vikes-Boys matchup - Can't say I'm surprised. I'm predicting that the story after this game will be about (additional) injuries. I'm setting the line at '5'. 3 Eagles players hurt, 2 for the Bears.
Postgame: Ron Turner calls plays for 58 minutes of play - Result = 4 field goals. Communications are cut for 2 minutes and Griese is forced to call the plays - Result = Touchdown. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Seahawks (3-3) over Rams (0-6)
The story of the Saint Louis Rams: They stink. The End.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Steelers (4-1) over Broncos (2-3)
It's lucky for the Broncos that the Rockies are in the World Series. It's the only thing keeping the Denver fans from screaming for Mike Shanahan's head.
Monday Night Game:
Colts (5-0) over Jaguars (4-1)
This is gonna be one hell of a game. I like the Colts in this one, but this is gonna be their biggest test of this season (so far).
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 6 Picks
I beat that fucking NRA Medallion last week! 12/2 to 8/6. Hoo-Ha! Take that motherfucker.
I'm celebrating my awesome record last week now, because this looks like another "trap" week (see: week 4) - I'll be lucky to break even on Week 6.
C'mon all you party people say "Yeah"! It was fun while it lasted.
Last week's picks: 12-2
Season record: 51-25
1PM Sunday:
Bears (2-3) over Vikings (1-3)
.500, here we come! It looks like the Bears are back on track. Looking at their schedule, I say they end up with 9 or 10 wins, 6 or 7 losses, and a play-off berth.
I see the Pack heading south, the way Kitna's playing in Detroit he's lucky to be out of a wheelchair, and the Vikes will be lucky to end this season with just a losing record (and that's sayin' something). Bears will make this postseason - Write it down.
Postgame: Fuck it. I give up trying to figure out this Bears team - Forget everything I said. As soon as they fix the QB problem, their Defense starts leaking like a sieve. I just don't know.
Browns (2-3) over Dolphins (0-5)
This hotly anticipated match-up of elite QBs finally happens - Cleo Lemon or Derek Anderson; who will win?
-Click-
Redskins (3-1) over Packers (4-1)
I'm really digging my adoptive football squadron (Skins) this season. I'm hoping that they only lose one more game this regular-season (December 6th). Realistically, I think that they'll only lose 3 or 4 more. This ain't one of 'em.
Postgame: The Skins woulda had this one wrapped if their fucking receivers could hold on to the fucking ball. Fucking bums.
Monday Update: THIS sums it up.
Bengals (1-3) over Chiefs (2-3)
The Bengals defense is so depleted that they're actually playing a make-a-wish kid, two migrant laborers that they picked up in front of the 7-11, and a 1985 "Monsters of the Midway" poster on their D-line. It's still gonna be good enough to stop the Chiefs.
Jets (1-4) over Eagles (1-3)
Dear Andy Reid,
You aren't coaching. Seriously, You have more important issues at hand. Both of your sons are in jail and it's fucking obvious that you're just not concentrating on the game - That was crystal-clear after you let the Giants steamroll the same spot in the Philly O-line and sack McNabb 12 fucking times in your last outing. Take a year or two off, and sort out your life before you kill this team.
Sincerely,
The City of Philadelphia
P.S. Trading Jeff Garcia before McNabb was fully healed was really stupid.
P.S.S. BOOOOOO!!!
P.S.S.S. BOOOOOO!!!!
Buccaneers (3-2) over Titans (3-1)
Hey, where's Garcia quarterbacking now? That's right; Tampa. The Bucs are doing pretty good this year. This is gonna be a close one. The Titans have the wonder-tard behind center, remember?
I'm just picking the home-team in this coin-toss.
Jaguars (3-1) over Texans (3-2)
Both are good teams. It just so happens that Jacksonville is gooder.
Note to Mrs. Schindlebeck (my 2nd Grade teacher): Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ravens (3-2) over Rams (0-5)
The Ravens are playing with all of the athletic vigor of Amando de Ossorio zombies. Still, the Rams are even more hapless than the victims in Amando de Ossorio films. All they do is stand still, scream, trip a couple of times, and die - That's the Rams for you.
4PM Sunday:
Cardinals (3-2) over Panthers (3-2)
I have it on good authority that Matt Leinart broke his collarbone when he fell off of his fat fucking whore of a wife mid-coitus. Luckily for the Cards, half of the Carolina team was injured doing the same.
Postgame: It looks like Warner fell off of Leinart's wife in the first quarter.
Tim Rattay -vs- Vinny Testaverde?!?! What the fuck is this; the CFL?
Cowboys (5-0) over Patriots (5-0)
Fuck you - You heard me right, I'm picking the Cowboys to win this one.
Every-fucking-body is picking the Pats to win this week. Whenever that happens, the other team always seems to pull an upset. The only arguments for the Pats winning that I've heard are:
a) The Cowboys haven't had to play a real team this year. Agreed - The team with the best record they've faced this season is the Chicago Bears under The Quarterback Who Shall Not Be Named, but the best team that the Pats have played this year has the same record at this point (2&3). If you look at the combined win/loss stats of the past opponents of these two teams they break down as such: Pats: 7/17, Boys: 6/19. That's not too different, is it? Plus, Dallas is playing in a division where the other teams rivals have a combined winning record, whereas the Pats are playing in a division where the other teams are 2/13. Dallas has a lot more to play for.
b) The Cowboys fucking sucked against the Bills last week. They still won didn't they? They had no fucking place winning that game, but they did. The last game I saw where something like that happened was last season's Bears -vs- Cardinals game. To pull off a win like that is infinitely more impressive than staging a blow-out. Plus, now Dallas is gonna correct those mistakes, whereas the Pats are expecting last week's Cowboys to take the field.
c) The Patriots don't lose. I'm sure that the NE players are buying into that mentality, and that makes them vulnerable. Every year New England blows a "gimme" game against some shitty team (usually the Jets, Bills, or Dolphins), I think that they're walking into a huge trap this week in Dallas.
All that all being said, I'm fully expecting to get my ass handed to me on this pick.
Postgame: This is what happens when you pick games at 4AM on a Saturday morning. Liquor makes you think funny things.
Chargers (2-3) over Raiders (2-2)
It looks like the Chargers got their "spark" back last week... Bluurgh! That was so horrible that I'm ending this pick before someone gets hurt.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Seahawks (3-2)over Saints (0-4)
This probably seemed like an white-knuckle thrill-ride of a game when NBC picked this one in the offseason. Not so much, now. Use this time to check out Dexter on Showtime, watch Adult Swim, and interact with your loved ones (if you must).
Postgame: Whaaaaa?!? It's official - Football makes no sense at all (this week).
Monday Night Game:
Giants (3-2) over Falcons (1-4)
Believe it or not, The Giants have turned that bend in the road and are looking real good right now. Atlanta is still stuck on the off-ramp with 3 flat tires, no power-steering, and their turn-signal flashing in the wrong direction.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
I'm celebrating my awesome record last week now, because this looks like another "trap" week (see: week 4) - I'll be lucky to break even on Week 6.
C'mon all you party people say "Yeah"! It was fun while it lasted.
Last week's picks: 12-2
Season record: 51-25
1PM Sunday:
Bears (2-3) over Vikings (1-3)
.500, here we come! It looks like the Bears are back on track. Looking at their schedule, I say they end up with 9 or 10 wins, 6 or 7 losses, and a play-off berth.
I see the Pack heading south, the way Kitna's playing in Detroit he's lucky to be out of a wheelchair, and the Vikes will be lucky to end this season with just a losing record (and that's sayin' something). Bears will make this postseason - Write it down.
Postgame: Fuck it. I give up trying to figure out this Bears team - Forget everything I said. As soon as they fix the QB problem, their Defense starts leaking like a sieve. I just don't know.
Browns (2-3) over Dolphins (0-5)
This hotly anticipated match-up of elite QBs finally happens - Cleo Lemon or Derek Anderson; who will win?
-Click-
Redskins (3-1) over Packers (4-1)
I'm really digging my adoptive football squadron (Skins) this season. I'm hoping that they only lose one more game this regular-season (December 6th). Realistically, I think that they'll only lose 3 or 4 more. This ain't one of 'em.
Postgame: The Skins woulda had this one wrapped if their fucking receivers could hold on to the fucking ball. Fucking bums.
Monday Update: THIS sums it up.
Bengals (1-3) over Chiefs (2-3)
The Bengals defense is so depleted that they're actually playing a make-a-wish kid, two migrant laborers that they picked up in front of the 7-11, and a 1985 "Monsters of the Midway" poster on their D-line. It's still gonna be good enough to stop the Chiefs.
Jets (1-4) over Eagles (1-3)
Dear Andy Reid,
You aren't coaching. Seriously, You have more important issues at hand. Both of your sons are in jail and it's fucking obvious that you're just not concentrating on the game - That was crystal-clear after you let the Giants steamroll the same spot in the Philly O-line and sack McNabb 12 fucking times in your last outing. Take a year or two off, and sort out your life before you kill this team.
Sincerely,
The City of Philadelphia
P.S. Trading Jeff Garcia before McNabb was fully healed was really stupid.
P.S.S. BOOOOOO!!!
P.S.S.S. BOOOOOO!!!!
Buccaneers (3-2) over Titans (3-1)
Hey, where's Garcia quarterbacking now? That's right; Tampa. The Bucs are doing pretty good this year. This is gonna be a close one. The Titans have the wonder-tard behind center, remember?
I'm just picking the home-team in this coin-toss.
Jaguars (3-1) over Texans (3-2)
Both are good teams. It just so happens that Jacksonville is gooder.
Note to Mrs. Schindlebeck (my 2nd Grade teacher): Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ravens (3-2) over Rams (0-5)
The Ravens are playing with all of the athletic vigor of Amando de Ossorio zombies. Still, the Rams are even more hapless than the victims in Amando de Ossorio films. All they do is stand still, scream, trip a couple of times, and die - That's the Rams for you.
4PM Sunday:
Cardinals (3-2) over Panthers (3-2)
I have it on good authority that Matt Leinart broke his collarbone when he fell off of his fat fucking whore of a wife mid-coitus. Luckily for the Cards, half of the Carolina team was injured doing the same.
Postgame: It looks like Warner fell off of Leinart's wife in the first quarter.
Tim Rattay -vs- Vinny Testaverde?!?! What the fuck is this; the CFL?
Cowboys (5-0) over Patriots (5-0)
Fuck you - You heard me right, I'm picking the Cowboys to win this one.
Every-fucking-body is picking the Pats to win this week. Whenever that happens, the other team always seems to pull an upset. The only arguments for the Pats winning that I've heard are:
a) The Cowboys haven't had to play a real team this year. Agreed - The team with the best record they've faced this season is the Chicago Bears under The Quarterback Who Shall Not Be Named, but the best team that the Pats have played this year has the same record at this point (2&3). If you look at the combined win/loss stats of the past opponents of these two teams they break down as such: Pats: 7/17, Boys: 6/19. That's not too different, is it? Plus, Dallas is playing in a division where the other teams rivals have a combined winning record, whereas the Pats are playing in a division where the other teams are 2/13. Dallas has a lot more to play for.
b) The Cowboys fucking sucked against the Bills last week. They still won didn't they? They had no fucking place winning that game, but they did. The last game I saw where something like that happened was last season's Bears -vs- Cardinals game. To pull off a win like that is infinitely more impressive than staging a blow-out. Plus, now Dallas is gonna correct those mistakes, whereas the Pats are expecting last week's Cowboys to take the field.
c) The Patriots don't lose. I'm sure that the NE players are buying into that mentality, and that makes them vulnerable. Every year New England blows a "gimme" game against some shitty team (usually the Jets, Bills, or Dolphins), I think that they're walking into a huge trap this week in Dallas.
All that all being said, I'm fully expecting to get my ass handed to me on this pick.
Postgame: This is what happens when you pick games at 4AM on a Saturday morning. Liquor makes you think funny things.
Chargers (2-3) over Raiders (2-2)
It looks like the Chargers got their "spark" back last week... Bluurgh! That was so horrible that I'm ending this pick before someone gets hurt.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Seahawks (3-2)over Saints (0-4)
This probably seemed like an white-knuckle thrill-ride of a game when NBC picked this one in the offseason. Not so much, now. Use this time to check out Dexter on Showtime, watch Adult Swim, and interact with your loved ones (if you must).
Postgame: Whaaaaa?!? It's official - Football makes no sense at all (this week).
Monday Night Game:
Giants (3-2) over Falcons (1-4)
Believe it or not, The Giants have turned that bend in the road and are looking real good right now. Atlanta is still stuck on the off-ramp with 3 flat tires, no power-steering, and their turn-signal flashing in the wrong direction.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Saturday, October 6, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 5 Picks
I got off lucky last week. I went 8 & 6 with my picks, but most professional prognosticators did even worse. After last week's topsy-turvey games, I figured that a coin-flip had just as good of a chance of predicting the winners as anybody, so I'm undergoing an experiment this week.
This week I have a guest picker:
I present: The NRA commemorative medallion.
For every game this week I flipped this coin to determine the outcome of the game.
Heads = Home team win.
Tails = Road team win.
I'm picking the games as per usual, but am including the medallion's "picks" at the end of each breakdown.
Let's see who knows more about professional tackle-football; me or an inert hunk of bronze.
Last week's picks: 8-6
Season record: 39-23
1PM Sunday:
Arizona (2-2) over St. Louis (0-4)
Everyone was picking the Rams to be a playoff team and for the Cards to keep on sucking it in the '07 season. Everyone was wrong. Whisenhunt has done an unbelievable job polishing this red-bird-turd this year
NRA Medallion: Cardnials
New England (4-0) over Cleveland (2-2)
I'm hoping that the Browns win this one so that the Bears can get Brady Quinn after Cleveland puts the franchise tag on Anderson. It ain't gonna happen, but...
NRA Medallion: Browns
New Orleans (0-3) over Carolina (2-2)
If Carolina had Delhomme and not Carr starting this game, I'd pick the Panthers hands-down. With a shaken-up Carolina team, I think that the 'Aints have a real good shot to get their first win at home this week.
NRA Medallion: Saints
Postgame: News Flash - If the Saints can't get a win at home over a beat-down Carolina team, they really, really, really stink.
N.Y. Giants (2-2) over N.Y. Jets (1-3)
Giants are heading up, Jets are heading down. Momentum.
NRA Medallion: Giants
Pittsburgh (3-1) over Seattle (3-1)
This is probably the best-matched game in the NFL this week. I'm sticking with the home-team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Steelers
Washington (2-1) over Detroit (3-1)
The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. Let me say that again: The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. I don't see why this week should be any different. I don't care what the stupid medallion says.
NRA Medallion: Lions
Postgame: The Bears should send the Skins a cookie basket. Include a promissory note for more goodies if they can do the same thing against the Pack next week.
Houston (2-2) over Miami (0-4)
Texans -vs- Dolphins: It's a battle for the worst-named team in the NFL. As for the game itself, it's no contest: Texicans all the way. Hell, I'm hoping that the Fish go without a win all year. If they do, I'm getting a bunch of buddies together and pop a few bottles of champagne.
NRA Medallion: Dolphins
Postgame: Hey, Miami! Keep on sucking.
Tennessee (2-1) over Atlanta (1-3)
I would call this one a "lock", but I said that the Texans were a "lock" to beat Atlanta last week. That didn't happen. I'm more contrite this week in picking against the Birds.
NRA Medallion: Falcons
Jacksonville (2-1) over Kansas City (2-2)
The Chiefs might not be nearly as bad as I thought. That's the best I can say about 'em. I like the Jags.
NRA Medallion: Jaguars
4PM Sunday:
Indianapolis (4-0) over Tampa Bay (3-1)
Tampon Bay is doing pretty damned good this year with Garcia under center, unfortunately their Cadillac is in the shop for this road-trip to Indianapolis.
NRA Medallion: Colts
Denver (2-2) over San Diego (1-3)
This game could easily go either way. San Diego is desperate, and Denver just hasn't been able to get things done this year. I'm just picking the home team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Chargers
Postgame: The only move in the NFL stupider than axing Schottenheimer for Norv Turner to help the Chargers win in the playoffs was axing Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler to help the Broncos win in the playoffs. Neither of these teams will have to worry about winning in the playoffs for a long fucking time.
Baltimore (2-2) over San Francisco (2-2)
The Ravens look half-dead lately. The 49ers just lost their QB. God, this game is gonna be depressing. I'm gonna watch because it's the only 4PM game offered in my market, but I'm not gonna like it.
NRA Medallion: Ravens
Postgame: The most exciting part of this game was when I fell asleep on the couch during the third quarter and dreamed that I was being chased by zombies.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Chicago (1-3) over Green Bay (4-0)
The Bears have been built up over the years with one singular purpose in mind: To beat the fucking Packers. It's hurt us a lot over the years, but will come in handy for week 5.
The Bears got clowned in their last prime-time appearance against Dallas, so if they don't want to be completely written-off for this year, they'd better win. Everybody's gonna be watching.
NRA Medallion: Bears
Postgame: Wooooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woo-Hoo!!!
Monday Night Game:
Dallas (4-0) over Buffalo (1-3)
The Bills seem to have found their stride with their new QB. Too bad that the Cowboys are visiting this week to snap the Williams' one game winning streak.
Programing Note: You might want to skip this one for Heroes or Playoff baseball (if the Yanks or the Angels can hold on for a game 4) unless you enjoy embarrassing beat-downs, or listening to three grown men kiss Romo's ass for 3 straight hours.
NRA Medallion: Bills
Postgame: Holy shit! This was probably the game of the year - I really hope that everyone ignored my advice and watched this one, it was a genuine nail-biter. I just wish that I had been wrong with this pick, and that the Williams could have pulled this one off.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
This week I have a guest picker:
I present: The NRA commemorative medallion.
For every game this week I flipped this coin to determine the outcome of the game.
Heads = Home team win.
Tails = Road team win.
I'm picking the games as per usual, but am including the medallion's "picks" at the end of each breakdown.
Let's see who knows more about professional tackle-football; me or an inert hunk of bronze.
Last week's picks: 8-6
Season record: 39-23
1PM Sunday:
Arizona (2-2) over St. Louis (0-4)
Everyone was picking the Rams to be a playoff team and for the Cards to keep on sucking it in the '07 season. Everyone was wrong. Whisenhunt has done an unbelievable job polishing this red-bird-turd this year
NRA Medallion: Cardnials
New England (4-0) over Cleveland (2-2)
I'm hoping that the Browns win this one so that the Bears can get Brady Quinn after Cleveland puts the franchise tag on Anderson. It ain't gonna happen, but...
NRA Medallion: Browns
New Orleans (0-3) over Carolina (2-2)
If Carolina had Delhomme and not Carr starting this game, I'd pick the Panthers hands-down. With a shaken-up Carolina team, I think that the 'Aints have a real good shot to get their first win at home this week.
NRA Medallion: Saints
Postgame: News Flash - If the Saints can't get a win at home over a beat-down Carolina team, they really, really, really stink.
N.Y. Giants (2-2) over N.Y. Jets (1-3)
Giants are heading up, Jets are heading down. Momentum.
NRA Medallion: Giants
Pittsburgh (3-1) over Seattle (3-1)
This is probably the best-matched game in the NFL this week. I'm sticking with the home-team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Steelers
Washington (2-1) over Detroit (3-1)
The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. Let me say that again: The Lions have NEVER won at Washington. I don't see why this week should be any different. I don't care what the stupid medallion says.
NRA Medallion: Lions
Postgame: The Bears should send the Skins a cookie basket. Include a promissory note for more goodies if they can do the same thing against the Pack next week.
Houston (2-2) over Miami (0-4)
Texans -vs- Dolphins: It's a battle for the worst-named team in the NFL. As for the game itself, it's no contest: Texicans all the way. Hell, I'm hoping that the Fish go without a win all year. If they do, I'm getting a bunch of buddies together and pop a few bottles of champagne.
NRA Medallion: Dolphins
Postgame: Hey, Miami! Keep on sucking.
Tennessee (2-1) over Atlanta (1-3)
I would call this one a "lock", but I said that the Texans were a "lock" to beat Atlanta last week. That didn't happen. I'm more contrite this week in picking against the Birds.
NRA Medallion: Falcons
Jacksonville (2-1) over Kansas City (2-2)
The Chiefs might not be nearly as bad as I thought. That's the best I can say about 'em. I like the Jags.
NRA Medallion: Jaguars
4PM Sunday:
Indianapolis (4-0) over Tampa Bay (3-1)
Tampon Bay is doing pretty damned good this year with Garcia under center, unfortunately their Cadillac is in the shop for this road-trip to Indianapolis.
NRA Medallion: Colts
Denver (2-2) over San Diego (1-3)
This game could easily go either way. San Diego is desperate, and Denver just hasn't been able to get things done this year. I'm just picking the home team in this one.
NRA Medallion: Chargers
Postgame: The only move in the NFL stupider than axing Schottenheimer for Norv Turner to help the Chargers win in the playoffs was axing Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler to help the Broncos win in the playoffs. Neither of these teams will have to worry about winning in the playoffs for a long fucking time.
Baltimore (2-2) over San Francisco (2-2)
The Ravens look half-dead lately. The 49ers just lost their QB. God, this game is gonna be depressing. I'm gonna watch because it's the only 4PM game offered in my market, but I'm not gonna like it.
NRA Medallion: Ravens
Postgame: The most exciting part of this game was when I fell asleep on the couch during the third quarter and dreamed that I was being chased by zombies.
Primetime Sunday Game:
Chicago (1-3) over Green Bay (4-0)
The Bears have been built up over the years with one singular purpose in mind: To beat the fucking Packers. It's hurt us a lot over the years, but will come in handy for week 5.
The Bears got clowned in their last prime-time appearance against Dallas, so if they don't want to be completely written-off for this year, they'd better win. Everybody's gonna be watching.
NRA Medallion: Bears
Postgame: Wooooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woooooooooo!!! Woo-Hoo!!!
Monday Night Game:
Dallas (4-0) over Buffalo (1-3)
The Bills seem to have found their stride with their new QB. Too bad that the Cowboys are visiting this week to snap the Williams' one game winning streak.
Programing Note: You might want to skip this one for Heroes or Playoff baseball (if the Yanks or the Angels can hold on for a game 4) unless you enjoy embarrassing beat-downs, or listening to three grown men kiss Romo's ass for 3 straight hours.
NRA Medallion: Bills
Postgame: Holy shit! This was probably the game of the year - I really hope that everyone ignored my advice and watched this one, it was a genuine nail-biter. I just wish that I had been wrong with this pick, and that the Williams could have pulled this one off.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Saturday, September 29, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 4 Picks
This week my NFL picks are getting an Upgrayedd (with an extra ‘d’ for a double-dose of pimpin’) - I’m including the team records and my pick history/season record. Look for me to suck from here-on-out since I had the gaul to post my record – I’m like the Mets on that front.
If one week I happen to pick a perfect slate I’ll include the betting line picks thereafter (as soon as I recover from my fainting spell and ensuing head injury).
This week I’m betting heavily against the home teams and frequently picking against conventional-wisdom, so I’m sure that I’ll get boned this week. That'll learn me.
Last week's picks: 11-5
Season record: 31-17
Bears (1-2) over Lions (2-1)
Roy Williams needs to shut his fat fucking yap - the Bears will do it for him. The Lions have an over-inflated confidence in their team and a (Rex induced) low view of the Bears. Grossman isn’t our quaterback, and I can’t see Detroit winning without his obligatory 3 turnovers per game. Our D is banged-up, but our second-string is better than a lot of starting defenses.
I’ve got a full-raging hard-on for the Bears again now that they’ve dropped the chump (I really, really, really tried to phrase that in a way that didn’t sound totally gay, and failed miserably). Griesse isn’t our John Elway or Dan Marino (the 2 QBs he followed-up in Denver and Miami, respectively), but he’s better than the less-than-nothing that we had there last week. I only wish that I had gotten this game in my market or had the patience for sitting through a game in a fucking sports-bar. I have neither.
Bonus bet: After this game, put Kitna on the DL.
BEARS!!!
Postgame: FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... Bernard Berrian... FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... a record 34 points allowed in the 4th quarter.. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
Texans (2-1) over Falcons (0-3)
Awkward! The red-hot Texans waltz into Atlanta with the Falcons' old back-up QB (Matt Schuab). Hey Atlanta! How's Joey Harrington working out for you? This is my schadenfreude lock of the week.
Jets (1-2) over Bills (0-3)
The Jets might not be very good this year, but Buffallo stinks on ice. If things keep up at this pace for the Bison Williams, they'll have to attach a hospital wing onto Ralph Wilson Stadium
Ravens (2-1) over Browns (1-2)
This game is gonna be the football equivalent of a hardened criminal mugging a retarded kid. The analogy isn’t straying too far from reality on this one.
Postgame: What I failed to take into account is that when the mentally-disabled feel threatened, they get that super-retard-strength.
Cowboys (3-0) over Rams (0-3)
Those Bovineguys are getting cocky, and are vulnerable to an upset from a desperate team. That being said, the Rams don’t have the huevos to do anything that bold.
Raiders (1-2) over Dolphins (0-3)
Hey, Joey Porter; Guarantees are cheap theater stunts, anyone can make 'em and they don't mean a damned thing. I personally guarantee that the Fish aren't gonna see the postseason this year or next year or... - See how easy that was? The Raiders are gonna pull the upset in this one, thereby stunning all 28 fans who bothered to show up for this turd-fest.
Packers (3-0) over Vikings (1-2)
I have the feeling that the Pack is walking into a trap this week. The Vikes might be squirrelly, but nothing would make ‘em happier than up-ending their nemesis and breaking their winning streak - NFC North entropy ensues. That being said, I’m copping-out and picking the Packers.
Bucs (2-1) over Panthers (2-1)
This is gonna be a great game. I would pick Carolina, but the word is that Dehlome won’t start and the Kittys will have to rely on the masterful skills of David Carr (that worked so well for Houston all those years). I really like what Garcia is doing for Tampa and am picking them to triumph without a second thought.
Seahawks (2-1) over 49ers (2-1)
Who will win this one? Hold on... {shaking magic 8 ball}. What the fuck do you mean "Reply hazy, try again"? Stupid piece of junk. Let's just say the Seahawks win this one and move on.
Steelers (3-0) over Cardinals (1-2)
The Cards new coach (Wisenhutt) comes fresh from the Pittsburgh coaching staff, so this one's not a "gimme" by any stretch. I still think that the Steelers have what it takes to pull this one off.
Postgame: The Cardinals are who I thought they were! They were who I thought they were, and I let a huge upset-pick off of the hook!
Colts (3-0) over Broncos (2-1)
Everyone is calling this one the “Game of the Week”. Only if you like fireworks. It's more of the "junkfood" game of the week - It's gonna be tasty, but full of empty calories.
Chargers (1-2) over Chiefs (1-2)
Nothing would make me happier than another embarrassing Chargers loss – Shut their loud mouths for good like the (now contrite) Floodtown ‘aints. Unfortunately for me, they’re playing the lower gastrointestinal tract of the NFL.
Postgame: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I was laughing so hard, I think I peed myself a little on this one. Shottenheimer for Norv Turner? Oh, Holy shit - I can't breathe... It feels so good to be wrong, now (hopefully) they'll shut the fuck up.
Giants (1-2) over Eagles (1-2)
Both teams are playing for their lives. I really want to go with Philly on this one, but after seeing NY’s resurgent defense in their (unexpected) win over my Skins I'm not so sure. Speaking of defense, the Giants’ defensive coordinator, Steve Spagnuolo, just spent the last 8 years on Philly’s payroll – Talk about stealing signals… I’m picking Coughlin’s pituitary anomalies in this one.
Postgame: This fucking pick saved me from a losing Sunday (7 wins & 6 losses) - whew.
Patriots (3-0) over Bengals (1-2)
…and in other earth-shattering news: Cows go “Moo”.
* Wrong Picks in RED.
** Correct Picks in GREEN.
If one week I happen to pick a perfect slate I’ll include the betting line picks thereafter (as soon as I recover from my fainting spell and ensuing head injury).
This week I’m betting heavily against the home teams and frequently picking against conventional-wisdom, so I’m sure that I’ll get boned this week. That'll learn me.
Last week's picks: 11-5
Season record: 31-17
Bears (1-2) over Lions (2-1)
Roy Williams needs to shut his fat fucking yap - the Bears will do it for him. The Lions have an over-inflated confidence in their team and a (Rex induced) low view of the Bears. Grossman isn’t our quaterback, and I can’t see Detroit winning without his obligatory 3 turnovers per game. Our D is banged-up, but our second-string is better than a lot of starting defenses.
I’ve got a full-raging hard-on for the Bears again now that they’ve dropped the chump (I really, really, really tried to phrase that in a way that didn’t sound totally gay, and failed miserably). Griesse isn’t our John Elway or Dan Marino (the 2 QBs he followed-up in Denver and Miami, respectively), but he’s better than the less-than-nothing that we had there last week. I only wish that I had gotten this game in my market or had the patience for sitting through a game in a fucking sports-bar. I have neither.
Bonus bet: After this game, put Kitna on the DL.
BEARS!!!
Postgame: FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... Bernard Berrian... FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... a record 34 points allowed in the 4th quarter.. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
Texans (2-1) over Falcons (0-3)
Awkward! The red-hot Texans waltz into Atlanta with the Falcons' old back-up QB (Matt Schuab). Hey Atlanta! How's Joey Harrington working out for you? This is my schadenfreude lock of the week.
Jets (1-2) over Bills (0-3)
The Jets might not be very good this year, but Buffallo stinks on ice. If things keep up at this pace for the Bison Williams, they'll have to attach a hospital wing onto Ralph Wilson Stadium
Ravens (2-1) over Browns (1-2)
This game is gonna be the football equivalent of a hardened criminal mugging a retarded kid. The analogy isn’t straying too far from reality on this one.
Postgame: What I failed to take into account is that when the mentally-disabled feel threatened, they get that super-retard-strength.
Cowboys (3-0) over Rams (0-3)
Those Bovineguys are getting cocky, and are vulnerable to an upset from a desperate team. That being said, the Rams don’t have the huevos to do anything that bold.
Raiders (1-2) over Dolphins (0-3)
Hey, Joey Porter; Guarantees are cheap theater stunts, anyone can make 'em and they don't mean a damned thing. I personally guarantee that the Fish aren't gonna see the postseason this year or next year or... - See how easy that was? The Raiders are gonna pull the upset in this one, thereby stunning all 28 fans who bothered to show up for this turd-fest.
Packers (3-0) over Vikings (1-2)
I have the feeling that the Pack is walking into a trap this week. The Vikes might be squirrelly, but nothing would make ‘em happier than up-ending their nemesis and breaking their winning streak - NFC North entropy ensues. That being said, I’m copping-out and picking the Packers.
Bucs (2-1) over Panthers (2-1)
This is gonna be a great game. I would pick Carolina, but the word is that Dehlome won’t start and the Kittys will have to rely on the masterful skills of David Carr (that worked so well for Houston all those years). I really like what Garcia is doing for Tampa and am picking them to triumph without a second thought.
Seahawks (2-1) over 49ers (2-1)
Who will win this one? Hold on... {shaking magic 8 ball}. What the fuck do you mean "Reply hazy, try again"? Stupid piece of junk. Let's just say the Seahawks win this one and move on.
Steelers (3-0) over Cardinals (1-2)
The Cards new coach (Wisenhutt) comes fresh from the Pittsburgh coaching staff, so this one's not a "gimme" by any stretch. I still think that the Steelers have what it takes to pull this one off.
Postgame: The Cardinals are who I thought they were! They were who I thought they were, and I let a huge upset-pick off of the hook!
Colts (3-0) over Broncos (2-1)
Everyone is calling this one the “Game of the Week”. Only if you like fireworks. It's more of the "junkfood" game of the week - It's gonna be tasty, but full of empty calories.
Chargers (1-2) over Chiefs (1-2)
Nothing would make me happier than another embarrassing Chargers loss – Shut their loud mouths for good like the (now contrite) Floodtown ‘aints. Unfortunately for me, they’re playing the lower gastrointestinal tract of the NFL.
Postgame: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I was laughing so hard, I think I peed myself a little on this one. Shottenheimer for Norv Turner? Oh, Holy shit - I can't breathe... It feels so good to be wrong, now (hopefully) they'll shut the fuck up.
Giants (1-2) over Eagles (1-2)
Both teams are playing for their lives. I really want to go with Philly on this one, but after seeing NY’s resurgent defense in their (unexpected) win over my Skins I'm not so sure. Speaking of defense, the Giants’ defensive coordinator, Steve Spagnuolo, just spent the last 8 years on Philly’s payroll – Talk about stealing signals… I’m picking Coughlin’s pituitary anomalies in this one.
Postgame: This fucking pick saved me from a losing Sunday (7 wins & 6 losses) - whew.
Patriots (3-0) over Bengals (1-2)
…and in other earth-shattering news: Cows go “Moo”.
* Wrong Picks in RED.
** Correct Picks in GREEN.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 3 Picks
Jets over Dolphins
Someone's gotta win this one. I like NY to get their first win on home-turf.
Lions over Eagles*
The Beagles really need to win this one to keep their (normally tolerant) fanbase from storming the "Linc" with torches and pitchforks. I'm helpin' 'em here - I've gotten burned betting against Detriot the last 2 weeks. Now that I've picked the Lions, you can pencil Philly in for the win.
Postgame: Told you. My theory is that the butt-ugly Philly throwback uniforms blinded Detroit (and they played like it).
Steelers over 49ers
The first 2 & 0 / 2 & 0 match-up on the board. Not all undefeateds are created equal - I like the Steelers at home.
Patriots over Bills
New England. Period. End. Until I see some reason to doubt the Pats, I'm not gonna dare pick against 'em.
Buccaneers over Rams
I'm done with the Rams. Both weeks I've picked 'em and they've screwed me. Garcia should pull this one out at home.
Ravens over Cardinals
The battle of the birds. I'm hoping that Boller starts at QB this week in Baltimore, but I think that in this match-up of D's you've gotta go with the proven team.
Postgame: I can't believe that the Cards pulled Leinert for Warner (and that the old man almost pulled the upset). Someone should tell Lovie that it's okay to pull bad quarterbacks to give the team a chance to win.
Colts over Texans
Houston looks really good this season - Indy is really good. Big difference.
Chargers over Packers
The Pack is back (fuck!). Norv Turner is a joke (trust me, I had to suffer through his tenure following Schottenheimer out here in DC - Look for SD to follow the pattern and bring in Steve Spurrier after a couple of seasons). I'm just hoping that San Diego is much better than they look right now - This is their test of mettle. If Green Bay wins this one, I'll be even more pissed at Grossie (for week 1).
Postgame: The Pack is good, and the Chargers are screwed under Norv. I'm really fucking embarrassed that the Bears couldn't beat this turd in Week 1.
Vikings over Chiefs
I really think that KC is the worst team in the NFL right now. I gotta go with the Norsemen.
Postgame: On a plus-note, The Bears aren't alone at the bottom of the NFC North Rankings.
Raiders over Browns
Toss a coin on this one. I don't think that Oakland's defense will allow another 50+ point game for the Cleveland Steamers. I'm just not sure if the Raiders offense is good enough to win. I'm (begrudgingly) going with the home-team.
Broncos over Jaguars
2 good teams - another coin-toss. I'm going with the home-team (again).
Seahawks over Bengals
Once Cincinnati gets a defense, give me a call. Holmgren really needs to justify his salary at home. I'm pickin' Seattle.
Redskins over Giants
Set this one in stone. Crybaby Eli is gonna be struggling against the Skins' pass-defense. Speaking of defense, NY doesn't have one. This game is going to be the toughest nail for Coughlin to push out of his coffin.
Postgame: The Giants picked one hell of a day to have their defense take the field. Knock out two coffin nails for Coughlin.
Panthers over Falcons
The only real question with this one is whether (Atlanta QB) Harrington will stay in the game for all 4 quarters.
Cowboys over Bears
Here's my "Fuck Rex" pick of the week. Grossman's career is potentially riding on this one game, and he's proven time and time again that he's worse than horrible under pressure. If the Mental Midget stays in this one all the way through, he'll get the Dallas game ball. On the plus side, if Grossie goes "bye-bye" I'll have infinitely more faith in a successful post-season.
Postgame: I really, really, really wish that I had been wrong on this one - I wasn't. And to all of the Grossman apologists out there; 1 decent scoring possession does NOT overcome 3 interceptions. Bench him if you want to glimpse the postseason.
Titans over Saints
I'm really tempted to pick the Saints to win in their home opener, but the momentum of these two teams (Titans up, Saints down) is too strong to ignore.
*Wrong picks in RED.
Someone's gotta win this one. I like NY to get their first win on home-turf.
Lions over Eagles*
The Beagles really need to win this one to keep their (normally tolerant) fanbase from storming the "Linc" with torches and pitchforks. I'm helpin' 'em here - I've gotten burned betting against Detriot the last 2 weeks. Now that I've picked the Lions, you can pencil Philly in for the win.
Postgame: Told you. My theory is that the butt-ugly Philly throwback uniforms blinded Detroit (and they played like it).
Steelers over 49ers
The first 2 & 0 / 2 & 0 match-up on the board. Not all undefeateds are created equal - I like the Steelers at home.
Patriots over Bills
New England. Period. End. Until I see some reason to doubt the Pats, I'm not gonna dare pick against 'em.
Buccaneers over Rams
I'm done with the Rams. Both weeks I've picked 'em and they've screwed me. Garcia should pull this one out at home.
Ravens over Cardinals
The battle of the birds. I'm hoping that Boller starts at QB this week in Baltimore, but I think that in this match-up of D's you've gotta go with the proven team.
Postgame: I can't believe that the Cards pulled Leinert for Warner (and that the old man almost pulled the upset). Someone should tell Lovie that it's okay to pull bad quarterbacks to give the team a chance to win.
Colts over Texans
Houston looks really good this season - Indy is really good. Big difference.
Chargers over Packers
The Pack is back (fuck!). Norv Turner is a joke (trust me, I had to suffer through his tenure following Schottenheimer out here in DC - Look for SD to follow the pattern and bring in Steve Spurrier after a couple of seasons). I'm just hoping that San Diego is much better than they look right now - This is their test of mettle. If Green Bay wins this one, I'll be even more pissed at Grossie (for week 1).
Postgame: The Pack is good, and the Chargers are screwed under Norv. I'm really fucking embarrassed that the Bears couldn't beat this turd in Week 1.
Vikings over Chiefs
I really think that KC is the worst team in the NFL right now. I gotta go with the Norsemen.
Postgame: On a plus-note, The Bears aren't alone at the bottom of the NFC North Rankings.
Raiders over Browns
Toss a coin on this one. I don't think that Oakland's defense will allow another 50+ point game for the Cleveland Steamers. I'm just not sure if the Raiders offense is good enough to win. I'm (begrudgingly) going with the home-team.
Broncos over Jaguars
2 good teams - another coin-toss. I'm going with the home-team (again).
Seahawks over Bengals
Once Cincinnati gets a defense, give me a call. Holmgren really needs to justify his salary at home. I'm pickin' Seattle.
Redskins over Giants
Set this one in stone. Crybaby Eli is gonna be struggling against the Skins' pass-defense. Speaking of defense, NY doesn't have one. This game is going to be the toughest nail for Coughlin to push out of his coffin.
Postgame: The Giants picked one hell of a day to have their defense take the field. Knock out two coffin nails for Coughlin.
Panthers over Falcons
The only real question with this one is whether (Atlanta QB) Harrington will stay in the game for all 4 quarters.
Cowboys over Bears
Here's my "Fuck Rex" pick of the week. Grossman's career is potentially riding on this one game, and he's proven time and time again that he's worse than horrible under pressure. If the Mental Midget stays in this one all the way through, he'll get the Dallas game ball. On the plus side, if Grossie goes "bye-bye" I'll have infinitely more faith in a successful post-season.
Postgame: I really, really, really wish that I had been wrong on this one - I wasn't. And to all of the Grossman apologists out there; 1 decent scoring possession does NOT overcome 3 interceptions. Bench him if you want to glimpse the postseason.
Titans over Saints
I'm really tempted to pick the Saints to win in their home opener, but the momentum of these two teams (Titans up, Saints down) is too strong to ignore.
*Wrong picks in RED.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 2 Picks
St. Louis over San Francisco*
Does anyone care about this one? No? Let's move on.
Green Bay over NY Giants
Without lil' Manning (or anything resembling a defense) the Giants are gonna fall to 0 & 2.
Pittsburgh over Buffalo
Buffalo is going to be playing with plenty of emotion after the Everett loss. Emotion doesn't win football games.
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
I have a feeling that by the end of the season the Bucs will have had more quarterbacks than wins.
Carolina over Houston
The Texans look like they have a decent team this year. That being said, this one belongs to the Panthers.
Jacksonville over Atlanta
The new Atlanta quarterback reminds me of that horrible QB that used to play for the Lions and Dolphins. What was his name?
Cincinnati over Cleveland
The battle for Ohio. The loser has to keep it.
Indianapolis over Tennessee
The Titans' wonder-tard QB is lookin' good, but not that good.
Seattle over Arizona
Seahawks = Good. Cardinals = Bad. Any questions?
Minnesota over Detroit
A bunch of people are picking Detroit to win at home. A bunch of people also think Crocs are appropriate footwear for a grown adult. That don't make 'em right.
Dallas over Miami
I genuinely like Tony Romo. This bothers me because I fucking hate (and have always fucking hated) the Cowboys.
Baltimore over New York Jets
The Bengals rattled up the Baltimore hornets nest last week. I feel sorry for those poor sons of bitches in NY.
Chicago over Kansas City
Good Rex needs to show up for this one. If he can break out the razzle-dazzle against the hapless Chiefs it might keep the lynch-mob at bay for a (short) while.
Denver over Oakland
And in other news, I'm picking Wladimir Klitschko over Drinky Joe in a street-fight.
New England over San Diego
The cheaters need to win this one. If they lose here, the floodgates will open and wash all of the scum off of the face of bean-town.
Washington over Philadelphia
Picking with my heart over my head on this one. I just can't see the Beagles losing to the Packers and winning over the Skins.
*Wrong answers in RED.
Does anyone care about this one? No? Let's move on.
Green Bay over NY Giants
Without lil' Manning (or anything resembling a defense) the Giants are gonna fall to 0 & 2.
Pittsburgh over Buffalo
Buffalo is going to be playing with plenty of emotion after the Everett loss. Emotion doesn't win football games.
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
I have a feeling that by the end of the season the Bucs will have had more quarterbacks than wins.
Carolina over Houston
The Texans look like they have a decent team this year. That being said, this one belongs to the Panthers.
Jacksonville over Atlanta
The new Atlanta quarterback reminds me of that horrible QB that used to play for the Lions and Dolphins. What was his name?
Cincinnati over Cleveland
The battle for Ohio. The loser has to keep it.
Indianapolis over Tennessee
The Titans' wonder-tard QB is lookin' good, but not that good.
Seattle over Arizona
Seahawks = Good. Cardinals = Bad. Any questions?
Minnesota over Detroit
A bunch of people are picking Detroit to win at home. A bunch of people also think Crocs are appropriate footwear for a grown adult. That don't make 'em right.
Dallas over Miami
I genuinely like Tony Romo. This bothers me because I fucking hate (and have always fucking hated) the Cowboys.
Baltimore over New York Jets
The Bengals rattled up the Baltimore hornets nest last week. I feel sorry for those poor sons of bitches in NY.
Chicago over Kansas City
Good Rex needs to show up for this one. If he can break out the razzle-dazzle against the hapless Chiefs it might keep the lynch-mob at bay for a (short) while.
Denver over Oakland
And in other news, I'm picking Wladimir Klitschko over Drinky Joe in a street-fight.
New England over San Diego
The cheaters need to win this one. If they lose here, the floodgates will open and wash all of the scum off of the face of bean-town.
Washington over Philadelphia
Picking with my heart over my head on this one. I just can't see the Beagles losing to the Packers and winning over the Skins.
*Wrong answers in RED.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 1 Picks
Eagles over Packers
Texans over Chiefs
Broncos over Bills
Steelers over Browns
Rams over Panthers
Falcons over Vikings
Patriots over Jets
Redskins over Dolphins
Titans over Jaguars
Bears over Chargers
Seahawks over Buccaneers
Raiders over Lions
Cowboys over Giants
Ravens over Bengals
49ers over Cardinals
Texans over Chiefs
Broncos over Bills
Steelers over Browns
Rams over Panthers
Falcons over Vikings
Patriots over Jets
Redskins over Dolphins
Titans over Jaguars
Bears over Chargers
Seahawks over Buccaneers
Raiders over Lions
Cowboys over Giants
Ravens over Bengals
49ers over Cardinals
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