The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks

I'm back in chaos mode. I'm tying up all of the lose ends here in DC, packing up the rest of my shit, and still finding time to head out to Fed Ex Field this week for the Skins -vs- Bears game. Woo-Hoo!

... I mean BOO!
That fucking game damn near turned me off of football (and grilled oysters).
Here's the rest of my picks.

Last week's picks: 11/5
Season record: 124/68

Thursday Night Game
Bears (5-7) over Redskins (5-7)
Who fucking knows how this game will go? If you're thinking of wagering on this one; you're insane - You'd be better off going down to the turtle races at Andy's Tap in D-Town and wagering the title to your car on turtle #13.
The Skins have had a really rough short week and are playing with a two-day practice week due to Taylor's funeral. They could be inspired, but after last week, I'm not seeing it. Then again, the Bears are finding a way to lose at every given opportunity. Who fucking knows?
I'm gonna be front & center at this train wreck. I'm picking Bears and routing for a Grossman career ending injury.
Postgame: Bluuuuuurrrrgggghhhhh!
This game was so blowful, that It needs its own post.

Early Sunday Games
Bills (6-6) over Dolphins (0-12)
Miami is starting to get desperate and making some crazy-ass plays so that they don't run the board in reverse. Miami QB, John Beck, might even get his first touchdown of the season in this one - Don't count on it. The Williams will triumph.

Rams (3-9) over Bengals (4-8)
The Bengals are reaching critical mass as a team. This is the game that will blow them apart.

Cowboys (11-1) over Lions (6-6)
Good news: It looks like the Lions aren't gonna make the postseason. Bad news: It looks like the Vikings will. Fucking NFC North.

Packers (10-2) over Raiders (4-8)
Brett is still hurt from last week, but should play. The Raiders are still hurt from January 26th, 2003, and really haven't played since.

Chargers (7-5) over Titans (7-5)
I'm not loving this pick. I think that the Titans at home have a damned good shot of up-ending the Bolts winning streak, and pulling off a win at home. The Titans really need this win, whereas San Diego has a 2 game division lead going into the playoffs. All signs point to a Titans win, but I think that the Chargers will drive the nail into Tennessee's playoff hopes.

Giants (8-4) over Eagles (5-7)
Donovan got real healthy real quick after Jay Touchy-Feely started throwing picks. It's still not gonna work. The G-Men own this one.

Jaguars (8-4) over Panthers (5-7)
I've been waiting all season for this match-up to tee-off.
Both of these teams came in as expansion teams in 1995 and I always get 'em mixed up after my second beer. Who can blame me? These both are teams from lame-ass southern cities that are named after THE SAME FUCKING ANIMAL. The Jaguar is a panther native to Central America.
I'm just amazed that they didn't grant extension teams to the Birmingham Pumas and the Texarkana Cougars the same fucking year. Yeeesh.

Buccaneers (8-4) over Texans (5-7)
With a win here, Tampa can secure a playoff spot. Houston is out, so they're just playing for pride. If you've ever been to Houston, you'll know how little pride they're playing for.

Late Sunday Games
Vikings (6-6) over 49ers (3-9)
The Vikes are gonna make the playoffs. The Niners are gonna make excuses and an early draft pick.

Seahawks (8-4) over Cardinals (6-6)
Once again, the Cards really need this road win to advance in the playoff race, and Seattle has a 2 game lead with 4 games left. Arizona really needs this win, I don't think that they're gonna get it.

Broncos (5-7) over Chiefs (4-8)
Hey kids, it's the crushed expectations bowl. Flush quick.

Patriots (12-0) over Steelers (9-3)
Here's the game of the week. Here's why: This (statistically) is the best shot at upending the Pats' perfect season; Both of these teams have a history of breaking each other's undefeated streaks; New England has struggled in the past couple of weeks against two awful teams; and if the Steelers could knock out a win here, they'd be in position for some home playoff games.
All that being said, the Patriots always seem to find a way to win. Plus, I want to see those '72 Fish bastards shut the fuck up.

Browns (7-5) over Jets (3-9)
Bad news for the Brown Bombers: Last week the Jets scored 40 points with Kellen Clemens at the helm. Good News for the Browns: Last week they played the hapless Dolphins.
Cleveland rocks this one.

Sunday Night Game
Colts (10-2) over Ravens (4-8)
Last week the Ravens almost upended the Patriots in the Monday night game. That was fucking weird. This week they should be back to full glacier mode - Slow and melting away into nothingness.

Monday Night Game
Saints (5-7) over Falcons (3-9)
Poor ESPN - I'll be watching just to see how long it takes for Kornheiser to lose it.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN