The Liar's NFL Week 4 Picks

Last week I broke even with my picks, so we've all learned that quickly picking games at 3AM after a night of drinking and before another day of drinking isn't the best strategy for a winning record - That blew my theorem all to hell.
If I don't do any better than .500 this week, I'm going back to the drinkin' method and writing this season off as a loss - It seems to have worked for the White Sox.

Last Week's Picks: 8/8
Season Record: 26/21

Early Sunday Games:
Titans (3-0) over Vikings (1-2)
In Greek mythology the sun-god was known as Titan (aka: Helios/Hyperion). The vikings were medieval raiders from the Scandinavian region. Norsemen and sun just don't mix. In fact, Gundy will burst into flame if exposed to direct sunlight for any longer than 23 minutes (I've seen it - it ain't pretty). Due to this startling revelation, I'm forced to pick the Titans to vanquish the Vikings down in ye olde fabled land of Tennessee.

Broncos (3-0) over Chiefs (0-3)
Okay, I was wrong about the Broncos sucking it. Shut up about it already. On the other hand, I was dead-on in stating that the Chiefs were the worst team in the NFL this season. Here's hoping that they can pull off the "perfect" 0&16 record that eluded the 'Fins last year.
Postgame: Okay; fuck it. I give up.

Saints (2-1) over 49ers (1-2)
I really wouldn't be surprised if the 49ers could pull off a win here, but I think that the 'Aints have a distinct advantage at their refugee-encrusted Metrodome.

Jets (1-2) over Cardinals (2-1)
Brett Favre -vs- Kurt Warner, That match-up might have meant something 9 years ago. Now, not so much.

Packers (2-1) over Buccaneers (2-1)
I really want the Bucs to win this one for the sake of NFC North parity, but if (ex-Bear QB) Brian Griessee can pull off another brilliant win, that'll just send me into another rage with the throwing of shit, gnashing of teeth, speaking in tongues, and whatnot.

Panthers (2-1) over Falcons (2-1)
This should be a pretty good game, which is a minor-miracle considering how blowful both of these teams were last year.

Jaguars (1-2) over Texans (0-2)
Hey, Texans fans, buck up! You might be 0&2 (soon to be 0&3), be Hurricane prone, and be consistently within the bottom-half of the rankings, but if you had it your way you'd also be stuck with Vince Young instead of Mario Williams, and that would be a damn shame.

Browns (0-3) over Bengals (0-3)
Remember all that stuff that I said last year about the Bears stepping up and doing anything to land Derrick Anderson once his contract expires with Cleveland? Well, nevermind - Please disregard.

Late Sunday Games:
Chargers (1-2) over Raiders (1-2)
Next to Al Davis, Mike Millen looks like Stephen Fucking Hawking.

Bills (3-0) over Rams (0-3)
The "Buffalo Bills Shout":
Shout! Buffalo's happen' now.
Shout! We're on the move now.
Shout! The Bills are happenin' now.
Shout! They're makin' it happen now.
Shout! We've got the spirit.
Shout! A lotta' spirit, yea.
Shout! We've got the spirit.
Shout! Just watch it happen now.
-vs-
The "St. Louis Rams Shout":
Dammit!

Cowboys (3-0) over Redskins (2-1)
I really, really, really hope I'm wrong on this pick (and the next one), but I'm picking with my head rather than my heart (for once). Let's see how that works.
Regardless, I'm gonna be glued in front & center of the tube for this one. Go Skins!
Postgame: Who's the best team in the NFL now, bitches? All hail the Redskins!

Sunday Night Game:
Eagles (2-1) over Bears (1-2)
I have not called one single Bears game correctly this season. Every game I pick 'em to win; they lose - Every game I pick 'em to lose; they win.
I'm doing you a favor here guys, now take a cue from North Chi-Town and be more like the '08 Cubs and less like the '08 Sox; okay?
Postgame: That's the last time I listen to my brain. If I would have picked with my heart, I'd have been 11&1 at this point.

Monday Night Game:
Steelers (2-1) over Ravens (2-0)
I'm amazed that the purple-peckers are doing as well as they are; dead-amazed. If they can win this game, I'll be on board 100% and cede the AFC North crown to 'em immediately. I don't think they have what it takes to beat Pittsburgh, but then again, I didn't think that Philly had what it took either. We'll see.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN