The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks

I'm screwed. There's no way I'm gonna hit my goal of .667% accuracy this season unless I only have 2 bad picks in the next 2 weeks - Ain't gonna happen. So now I'm just having some fun and going crazy with the picks this week - A lot of heart, very little brain.
I'm only picking 2 home teams to win this week (and 14 teams to win on the road). I may be screwed, but at least I'm having a blast.
Let's see how this works.

Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 140/83/1

Thursday Night Game:
Colts (10-4) over Jaguars (5-9)
Indy can clinch a playoff spot with a win here, and nothing would make the sullen Jags happier than throwing a wrench in their divisional rivals' postseason plans. That being said, I think that Indy has the strength to win on the road and keep their playoff aspirations from being decided in next week's match-up with the 12 & 2 Titans.

Saturday Night Game:
Ravens (9-5) over Cowboys (9-5)
Hoo-fucking-Ha! This is gonna be interesting. This looks to be the final game at Texas Stadium, but it's gonna be a sour send-off for the home crowd. The 'Boys are careening straight into a brick wall heading up against the second-ranked defense in the NFL.
Remember the Alamo? They lost.
Postgame: As far as I can tell, I'm the only motherfucker who sincerely believed the Ravens could win this one - Bite me world.

Early Sunday Games:
Bengals (2-11-1) over Browns (4-10)
The Browns are decimated three deep at this point in the season, and Cincy has been getting an 'A' for effort lately. I don't like this pick one bit, and have very little faith in it, but I have to call for a Bengals win on the road.

Saints (7-7) over Lions (0-14)
A lot of prognosticators are picking the Lions to get their first win here, and I don't blame 'em one bit. The Saints are done, and the Lions have been gnashing and clawing hard to avoid going down as the worst team in NFL history. I just don't see New Orleans letting them off the hook merely as a good will gesture - They might be Saints, but they're not Jesus.

Steelers (11-3) over Titans (12-2)
Here's the AFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are on a huge up-swing and the Titans are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the Tennessee DL. I think that the Titans would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.

Dolphins (9-5) over Chiefs (2-12)
Here's my fire-forged-iron-clad-double-tough-steel-trap^® lock of the week. Watch it be wrong, and me have an NFL induced embolism.

49ers (5-9) over Rams (2-12)
In Greek mythology Chronos served as the personification of time. He was imagined as an incorporeal god, serpentine in form, with three heads—that of a man, a bull, and a lion. He and his consort, serpentine Ananke (Inevitability), circled the primal world-egg in their coils and split it apart to form the ordered universe of earth, sea and sky.
Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but is infinitely more interesting than any insight I might have into this crap-match.

Patriots (9-5) over Cardinals (8-6)
This is the first home-team that I've picked to win this week. I'm so fucking doomed.

Chargers (6-8) over Buccaneers (9-5)
Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the Chargers still believe that they can win out and clinch the AFC West with 2 more Denver losses. I'm picking the Chargers to win and the Broncos to lose this week in hopes of a winner-takes-all throw-down between those two next week in San Diego. Plus, Tampa is beat-to-hell right now - Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Late Sunday Picks:
Jets (9-5) over Seahawks (3-11)
The Jets can't lose every single west-coast game this year. Can they? I just wanna see Brett make it deep into the playoffs this year and then watch the Packers organization explode in the offseason.

Texans (7-7) over Raiders (3-11)
Remember when the Raiders were the bad-asses of the NFL? Every team got the fear when those unruly bastards came up on their schedules - It was like opening up the front door and coming eye-to-eye with an axe-murderer. I say that the Raiders go retro this week and hack-up the Texans for next week's match-up in Chicago.

Bills (6-8) over Broncos (8-6)
Am I the only one who still thinks that the Broncos are a huge sham? The Williams haven't inspired confidence as of late, but still seem light-years ahead of any of the west-coast teams.

Eagles (8-5-1) over Redskins (7-7)
I still want to pick the Skins in this one, but I've learned my lesson after they've dumped 5 of their last 6 games. The Eagles still have the faintest hopes of grasping at a playoff spot - The Skins are hopeless. I just wish that the Washington would put in Colt Brennan so we can see how he functions in a real NFL game.

Falcons (9-5) over Vikings (9-5)
The Falcons have to win this one just so Chicago can lose the NFC North crown on their own against the Texans next week. We don't need any damned charity, we can fuck everything up on our own just fine, thank you very much.

Sunday Night Game:
Panthers (11-3) over Giants (11-3)
I'm just gonna crib from the previous Steelers/Titans match and swap out the pertinent info:
Here's the NFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Panthers are on a huge up-swing and the Giants are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the New York DL. I think that the Giants would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.

Monday Night Game:
Bears (8-6) over Packers (5-9)
No team would rather end Chicago's season early than the Pack, but Lovie knows that this one is a MUST WIN (bold all-caps).
If the Bears get bitched by the Packers twice in one season, and have the north-woodsers kill the season. Lovie Smith is going to transmogrify into Dusty Baker in the collective conscience of Chicago fandom skippy-quick. One loss here, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be basted in tar, dipped in feathers, and ridden out on a rail to Cincinnati. Metaphorically, of course (since everyone knows that Cincinnati only exists in the minds of Ohioans).
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN