Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Storm
My favorite memories of Stormin’ Norman Van Lier are on the local ESPN station…Carmen DeFalco was doing a post game (more like a post mortem) following a listless outing. Norm was po'd about the lack of effort on the court and Carmen referenced the ironic slogan for the season…
“You know Norm, ’Everything can change in the blink of an eye’”…to which Norm responded, “Yeah everything can change with a punch in the eye too!”
As mad as I was about the crappy basketball I just watched, Norm made me laugh and fired me up with his passion for the sport he loved.
It was right around that time that Norm had his own radio show on Sunday nights and as the music played him out to commercial he demanded that the song be turned up as he sang along, “Jeremiah was a Bullfrog…was a good friend of mine”
With his passing I think of that dog food song from Three Dog Night and find it ennobled because Norm sang it like there was something good in it for all of us.
His passion and his joy always seemed genuine and in this world that is a rare thing. Heaven better look out because Stormin Norm is there…and he’s got all his fouls to give.
“You know Norm, ’Everything can change in the blink of an eye’”…to which Norm responded, “Yeah everything can change with a punch in the eye too!”
As mad as I was about the crappy basketball I just watched, Norm made me laugh and fired me up with his passion for the sport he loved.
It was right around that time that Norm had his own radio show on Sunday nights and as the music played him out to commercial he demanded that the song be turned up as he sang along, “Jeremiah was a Bullfrog…was a good friend of mine”
With his passing I think of that dog food song from Three Dog Night and find it ennobled because Norm sang it like there was something good in it for all of us.
His passion and his joy always seemed genuine and in this world that is a rare thing. Heaven better look out because Stormin Norm is there…and he’s got all his fouls to give.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Liar's Super Bowl XXLIII Pick
This had been one fucking wacky season. The Bears and 'Skins shit the bed in a spectacular fashion. A team that shouldn't have broken even is in the fucking Super Bowl. Tom Brady gets knocked out for the season, but the Pats still win 11, yet miss the playoffs. The Lions have the first perfect-loss 16 game season in NFL History. Giants fall and joke-teams reign supreme. This was a deeply strange season - Thank Christ it's over.
Last Week's Picks: 1/1
Season Record: 168/97/1
Super Bowl (6:30 PM Eastern):
Cardinals (12-7) over Steelers (14-4)
Fuck it, I give up!
I've discounted the Cardinals entirely, but they just won't die. If you can't beat 'em...
I'm picking Arizona and rooting Pittsburgh.
Last Week's Picks: 1/1
Season Record: 168/97/1
Super Bowl (6:30 PM Eastern):
Cardinals (12-7) over Steelers (14-4)
Fuck it, I give up!
I've discounted the Cardinals entirely, but they just won't die. If you can't beat 'em...
I'm picking Arizona and rooting Pittsburgh.
Friday, January 23, 2009
What's In a Name?
First, there was McPhail. Now Ricketts. Will the Cubs ever win the battle of negative names? Maybe Milton Bradley is a start.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Fucked, Jurko & Harry
...or Two Co-Hosts and a Microphone
Should a guy be paid $600,000 a year to talk about sports, booze and flatulence on the public airwaves? Probably not, but I am gonna miss Dangerous Dan McNeil host…pardon me, former host of ESPN 1000’s Afternoon Saloon.
Did I always agree with his views on the games people play?
No.
Do I think his opinions outside the realms of sports, esp. music and movies were worth a damn?
Hell no.
Do I think he sometimes went way the fuck out of his way to agitate guests, his co-hosts and the Chicago sports radio listening audience?
Yes…and I’m not ashamed to admit that is what I liked best about him.
I hate seeing these Danny Mac pieces that also mention Mike North. Yeah yeah yeah, North had a big morning drive sports show for years, but he always struck me as someone acting like he was from Chicago. McNeil proudly admits he calls the dumbest state in the Union home. He doesn't have to pretend to be from anywhere, he just needs to talk his shit and guys like me will listen.
Mac's love of hockey, even in the darkest years for the Blackhawk organ-aye-zation ranged from punk rock to downright poetic. Until this year, if someone on the show talked too much about the Hawks or hockey in general the Hawk horn blew. This is my first year of following hockey somewhat regularly and I have Mac and Harry and their love (and sadness for the long decline) of the sport to thank for that. There must be something to the icy puck and shur-wood (sp. Jeanz? Nikolai Khabibulin? anybody?!) if these guys are so ready to lament the near death of the sport.
Some douchebag once said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Dangerous Danny Mac had a mic and he damned well knew how to use it. Unnecessary hullabaloos may not be the hallmark of great broadcasting, but they sure made for entertaining listening during sleepy, cold winter afternoons.
The show goes on with Carmen DeFalco in the driver’s seat. I will listen because where the hell am I going in my life? But I’ll miss the loudmouth bastard that ran the show for 9 years…
…and I hope to shit I don’t run into him at a bar. It could get ugly, cuz I'm an obnoxious piece of crap even without the microphone.
Should a guy be paid $600,000 a year to talk about sports, booze and flatulence on the public airwaves? Probably not, but I am gonna miss Dangerous Dan McNeil host…pardon me, former host of ESPN 1000’s Afternoon Saloon.
Did I always agree with his views on the games people play?
No.
Do I think his opinions outside the realms of sports, esp. music and movies were worth a damn?
Hell no.
Do I think he sometimes went way the fuck out of his way to agitate guests, his co-hosts and the Chicago sports radio listening audience?
Yes…and I’m not ashamed to admit that is what I liked best about him.
I hate seeing these Danny Mac pieces that also mention Mike North. Yeah yeah yeah, North had a big morning drive sports show for years, but he always struck me as someone acting like he was from Chicago. McNeil proudly admits he calls the dumbest state in the Union home. He doesn't have to pretend to be from anywhere, he just needs to talk his shit and guys like me will listen.
Mac's love of hockey, even in the darkest years for the Blackhawk organ-aye-zation ranged from punk rock to downright poetic. Until this year, if someone on the show talked too much about the Hawks or hockey in general the Hawk horn blew. This is my first year of following hockey somewhat regularly and I have Mac and Harry and their love (and sadness for the long decline) of the sport to thank for that. There must be something to the icy puck and shur-wood (sp. Jeanz? Nikolai Khabibulin? anybody?!) if these guys are so ready to lament the near death of the sport.
Some douchebag once said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Dangerous Danny Mac had a mic and he damned well knew how to use it. Unnecessary hullabaloos may not be the hallmark of great broadcasting, but they sure made for entertaining listening during sleepy, cold winter afternoons.
The show goes on with Carmen DeFalco in the driver’s seat. I will listen because where the hell am I going in my life? But I’ll miss the loudmouth bastard that ran the show for 9 years…
…and I hope to shit I don’t run into him at a bar. It could get ugly, cuz I'm an obnoxious piece of crap even without the microphone.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Liar's NFL Conference Championship Playoff Picks
Man, this had been a hectic playoff season (and I'm not talking about on the field). Last week I missed all but one game doing the Chili Solstice and related hinterland activities, and tomorrow night I'm gonna miss the marque game to see the Hudson Falcons at Bottom Lounge. I'm Tivoing that one, so any texts and/or calls regarding that game will be summarily ignored until after I get a chance to watch it. I'm just saying, is all...
Last Week's Picks: 3/1
Season Record: 167/96/1
Sunday Afternoon Game (3 PM Eastern):
Eagles (11-6-1) over Cardinals (11-7)
Ho-lee-shit! The Cards could be heading to the mother-fucking Super Bowl with one more win. Did anyone see this one coming? Anyway, I think that the Eagles are the far-superior team in this match-up, but then again, I said the same thing about the Falcons and Panthers.
Sunday Night Game (6:30 PM Eastern):
Steelers (13-4) over Ravens (13-5)
Yeah, I picked the Ravens to win the whole shebang, but I also said that I was hoping like hell for a Steelers -vs- Eagles Super Bowl . I'm going with hope in this one.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last Week's Picks: 3/1
Season Record: 167/96/1
Sunday Afternoon Game (3 PM Eastern):
Eagles (11-6-1) over Cardinals (11-7)
Ho-lee-shit! The Cards could be heading to the mother-fucking Super Bowl with one more win. Did anyone see this one coming? Anyway, I think that the Eagles are the far-superior team in this match-up, but then again, I said the same thing about the Falcons and Panthers.
Sunday Night Game (6:30 PM Eastern):
Steelers (13-4) over Ravens (13-5)
Yeah, I picked the Ravens to win the whole shebang, but I also said that I was hoping like hell for a Steelers -vs- Eagles Super Bowl . I'm going with hope in this one.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Friday, January 16, 2009
Pittsburgh All The Way
Eagles, Cardinals, and Ravens. I'd bet the Rooney family is glad they don't run the Pittsburgh Parrots.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Risk, Monopoly or The Game of Life
Milton Bradley, love him and hate him, is now the Cubbies right fielder. I, for one, remember watching when he went after his manager, Eric Wedge, as an Indian and grabbed him by the throat in 2005. I said, "Indians, you do not need this crap...bleeping get rid of him, Scalp the bastard"!
...It so happens shortly after that incident I was attending one of my baseball drafts. I was outside smoking and near the end of the draft of this N.L.(Only) 13angry men draft. When one angry member in the league starts asking how much $ does each of have to spend? It came down to that I had more money ($13) to bid than any other team owner for Bradley. Little did I know that this person was reading the ticker tape on espn as I was not aware that Milton had been traded. Anyway, I would not have ventured his way at all. I had the feeling he was going high when the bidding suddenly begun for him. I put up $0 for him. I believe that the player I draft must be clean, noble, and know how to play the game. The latter praise is all I have for Bradley. I instead opted for that year to draft Ricky Nolasco, Josh Johnson and Chris Young for the $13.
I have never enjoyed having the Clemen's, Sosa's, Palmiero's on any of my teams. Ever! Never Will! This league is special as we are allowed to draft anybody not in the major leagues as future keepers. Often times my wife finds me reading many a Baseball America and checking on the potential young stars. NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS! I find that I pick those who will have to claw and fight their way to the SHOW!
Enough about fantasy ball; even though it is real. Milton Bradley poses upsides/downsides for the Cubbies. He is older (30) and has claimed to have matured with the game. Is he soft? Injuries may answer that. The Cubs have an out clause in the first year that protect them from his ability to get injured. Can he contribute? Hell Ya! In that lineup and in that field! He is the same hitter from both sides of the plate - rare for a switch hitter. "He takes too many walks", I hear. Let him! He has hitters behind him! The cubs are in a rare position in the National League where their patience and power equals that of any AL powerhouse that enjoys the luxury of the DH. And their pitching is the envy of all of baseball (outside the Angels).
Will he respond to Lou? Will they have it out? How will he interact with Aramis, Lee and Soriano? The guy could not be better fitted for this team as is the team for him.
Bradley will be rested often...125 games started is my goal for him with pinch hitting duties - this helps replace Ward.
"Santi", you scream, "You Idiot"! While this is true 98.723% of the time (Calling me an idiot is a game of percentages on beers consumed), I defer that we still have Reed and Fukudome. "Santi, are you even dumber than you type?" No, I reply. The ploy is that cubbies are signing another Japanese hero to keep the other Jap happy. This means we still enjoy great defense in right field with fuku... and maybe a ressurgence of his offense. (And YES am I stupid for believing that after watching him against ML pitching)
At the end of the dealings I think they cubbies came out winners - this is only possible with a healthy Bradley (Miles and Gregg need to perform as well). There is still talk between the Padres and Cubs on Peavy who might make an interesting mid-season deal. The end goal is winning it all.
And that said, I like the off season Cubs moves. They have made themselves more liquid for the new ownership (whomever that might be - I am glad it is not crazy guy from Dallas) to make some immediate moves. (Don't forget the MLB blocking of Carl Crawford coming to us in 2006 for fear of the ownership would not be liquid enough). The Nuclueus is still there. I would love to have seen Lee gone and Giambi playing first for a season or two. Anyway, Roberts is still on the table!
...It so happens shortly after that incident I was attending one of my baseball drafts. I was outside smoking and near the end of the draft of this N.L.(Only) 13angry men draft. When one angry member in the league starts asking how much $ does each of have to spend? It came down to that I had more money ($13) to bid than any other team owner for Bradley. Little did I know that this person was reading the ticker tape on espn as I was not aware that Milton had been traded. Anyway, I would not have ventured his way at all. I had the feeling he was going high when the bidding suddenly begun for him. I put up $0 for him. I believe that the player I draft must be clean, noble, and know how to play the game. The latter praise is all I have for Bradley. I instead opted for that year to draft Ricky Nolasco, Josh Johnson and Chris Young for the $13.
I have never enjoyed having the Clemen's, Sosa's, Palmiero's on any of my teams. Ever! Never Will! This league is special as we are allowed to draft anybody not in the major leagues as future keepers. Often times my wife finds me reading many a Baseball America and checking on the potential young stars. NOT THAT YOU SICK BASTARDS! I find that I pick those who will have to claw and fight their way to the SHOW!
Enough about fantasy ball; even though it is real. Milton Bradley poses upsides/downsides for the Cubbies. He is older (30) and has claimed to have matured with the game. Is he soft? Injuries may answer that. The Cubs have an out clause in the first year that protect them from his ability to get injured. Can he contribute? Hell Ya! In that lineup and in that field! He is the same hitter from both sides of the plate - rare for a switch hitter. "He takes too many walks", I hear. Let him! He has hitters behind him! The cubs are in a rare position in the National League where their patience and power equals that of any AL powerhouse that enjoys the luxury of the DH. And their pitching is the envy of all of baseball (outside the Angels).
Will he respond to Lou? Will they have it out? How will he interact with Aramis, Lee and Soriano? The guy could not be better fitted for this team as is the team for him.
Bradley will be rested often...125 games started is my goal for him with pinch hitting duties - this helps replace Ward.
"Santi", you scream, "You Idiot"! While this is true 98.723% of the time (Calling me an idiot is a game of percentages on beers consumed), I defer that we still have Reed and Fukudome. "Santi, are you even dumber than you type?" No, I reply. The ploy is that cubbies are signing another Japanese hero to keep the other Jap happy. This means we still enjoy great defense in right field with fuku... and maybe a ressurgence of his offense. (And YES am I stupid for believing that after watching him against ML pitching)
At the end of the dealings I think they cubbies came out winners - this is only possible with a healthy Bradley (Miles and Gregg need to perform as well). There is still talk between the Padres and Cubs on Peavy who might make an interesting mid-season deal. The end goal is winning it all.
And that said, I like the off season Cubs moves. They have made themselves more liquid for the new ownership (whomever that might be - I am glad it is not crazy guy from Dallas) to make some immediate moves. (Don't forget the MLB blocking of Carl Crawford coming to us in 2006 for fear of the ownership would not be liquid enough). The Nuclueus is still there. I would love to have seen Lee gone and Giambi playing first for a season or two. Anyway, Roberts is still on the table!
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Liar's NFL Divisional Playoffs Pick
I don't know how much football I'm gonna catch this weekend. I'm planning on making the pilgrimage out to DeKalb for the Chili Solstice tomorrow night, which means that by the time I sober-up, it'll be Tuesday. Good times.
Maybe I'll catch some games with the D-Town drinking brigade, or I might just have to read about the results in the paper after they let me out of the drunk-tank. We'll see.
Last Week's Picks: 2/2
Season Record: 164/95/1
Saturday Afternoon Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Ravens (12-5) over Titans (13-3)
I picked the Ravens to win it all this year, so (by extension of logic) they sorta have to win this game for my Super Bowl pick to happen. The Titans are tough, but I think that Baltimore stacks up nicely against 'em. This game is going to be decided by the better offense (neither of them are great, but...), I'm going with the Ravens.
Saturday Night Game (8:15 PM Eastern):
Panthers (12-4 ) over Cardinals (10-7)
How the fuck did Arizona make it out of wild-card weekend?!?! Hell, how did they make it into the playoffs to begin with? If Carolina doesn't send the Red-Birds back to the desert dejected, I'll be shocked. Again.
Early Sunday Game (1 PM Eastern):
Eagles (10-6-1) over Giants (12-4)
I'm holding a huge grudge against the G-Men for letting the Vikes have a win in their last game of the season. Fucking bums. Not that it would have made any kind of a difference if Minnesota had won, but I'm pissed on principal alone. I think that the Giants have the upper-hand in this one, but are in for a brutal street-fight against their against-all-odds divisional rival.
Late Sunday Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Steelers (12-4) over Chargers (9-8)
The Bolts ruined what was to be Tony Dungy's swan-song season (now he'll probably come back again to make yet another run at it). Unfortunately for the Bolts, Pittsburgh is a totally different kind of team. San Diego matches up well against the high-octane show teams, but not so well against the hard-D brick-wall teams. I see the Steelers making an example of the Chargers in this one.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Maybe I'll catch some games with the D-Town drinking brigade, or I might just have to read about the results in the paper after they let me out of the drunk-tank. We'll see.
Last Week's Picks: 2/2
Season Record: 164/95/1
Saturday Afternoon Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Ravens (12-5) over Titans (13-3)
I picked the Ravens to win it all this year, so (by extension of logic) they sorta have to win this game for my Super Bowl pick to happen. The Titans are tough, but I think that Baltimore stacks up nicely against 'em. This game is going to be decided by the better offense (neither of them are great, but...), I'm going with the Ravens.
Saturday Night Game (8:15 PM Eastern):
Panthers (12-4 ) over Cardinals (10-7)
How the fuck did Arizona make it out of wild-card weekend?!?! Hell, how did they make it into the playoffs to begin with? If Carolina doesn't send the Red-Birds back to the desert dejected, I'll be shocked. Again.
Early Sunday Game (1 PM Eastern):
Eagles (10-6-1) over Giants (12-4)
I'm holding a huge grudge against the G-Men for letting the Vikes have a win in their last game of the season. Fucking bums. Not that it would have made any kind of a difference if Minnesota had won, but I'm pissed on principal alone. I think that the Giants have the upper-hand in this one, but are in for a brutal street-fight against their against-all-odds divisional rival.
Late Sunday Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Steelers (12-4) over Chargers (9-8)
The Bolts ruined what was to be Tony Dungy's swan-song season (now he'll probably come back again to make yet another run at it). Unfortunately for the Bolts, Pittsburgh is a totally different kind of team. San Diego matches up well against the high-octane show teams, but not so well against the hard-D brick-wall teams. I see the Steelers making an example of the Chargers in this one.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The Liar's NFL Wild-Card Weekend Playoff Picks
PLAYOFFS!!!
It's that time of the year. And since the Bears and Skins were kind enough to piss away their seasons into oblivion, I can go into the postseason with a clear and impartial mind. Thanks guys; you fucking suck it.
Here's my thoughts on the Super Bowl this year: I (like most everyone else in the nation) want to see a Pennsylvania Super Bowl throw-down between the Eagles and Steelers - It's possible, but unlikely.
We'll probably get a Titans -vs- Panthers snooze-fest with all of the nail-biting excitement of a trip to the bank.
My prediction is that the big game will be the Ravens over the Panthers, but really have nothing (other than pure conjecture) to back it up.
The one thing that I can guarantee: After this week, there will be all of zero teams left in the playoffs from west of the Mississippi river. Bank on it .
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 162/93/1
Saturday Afternoon Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Falcons (11-5) over Cardinals (9-7)
The NFC South divisional record is 40-24. The NFC West divisional record is 22-42.
The Cardinals don't even belong in the playoffs, and are heading toward one of the biggest embarrassments in the long sucky history of the oldest team in the NFL (1898). The classy thing would be to forfeit at the coin-flip and save Arizona the indignity.
Postgame: The Cards fucking won?!?! I give up.
Saturday Night Game (8 PM Eastern):
Colts (12-4) over Chargers (8-8)
The AFC South divisional record is 38-26. The AFC West divisional record is 23-41.
Yeah, the stats are almost as bad as the aforementioned match, but the Bolts have a good record at matching up against Indy. If any of you have ever watched a zombie flick, you know how dangerous the risen-from-the-dead-Chargers are right now, but I see the Colts standing tough with a sawed-off street-sweeper ready to send them back to their AFC West grave.
Postgame: A Chargers -vs- Cards Super Bowl doesn't seem so ridiculous right now. Christ help us all.
Early Sunday Game (1 PM Eastern):
Ravens (11-5) over Dolphins (11-5)
I am jazzed-up for this one. It's going to be such a good game that I might just forget how much I hate both of these teams for 4 quarters of play. This one's gonna be a down & dirty smack-down for the ages, and it's anyone's game.
Yeah, I just said that I think that the Ravens will win the Superbowl, but it wouldn't surprise me one bit if they got knocked-out in the first round. They are going to have the hardest road of ANY team in the playoffs. If they can make it all the way, they'll be impossible to stop.
Postgame: Even the one I got right, I got wrong. Of all the games so far, this is the only one that wasn't even close. The two that I thought were gonna be blow-outs were barn-burners and the game I thought was gonna go down to the line was over by half-time. Go figure.
Late Sunday Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Eagles (9-6-1) over Vikings (10-6)
Yup, I Google mapped it, and the Metrodome is a whole 4 blocks south-west of the Mississippi.
They're out.
At least I could find the stadium, unlike the Vikings fans. It looks like this HOME GAME IS GOING TO BE BLACKED-OUT in the Minneapolis market due to poor ticket sales. Are you fucking kidding me? Just go away, Vikings, and leave us football fans alone.
Postgame: Thanx, Minnesota. Your unparalleled ability to fail saved me from getting totally schooled in my first-round playoff picks.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
It's that time of the year. And since the Bears and Skins were kind enough to piss away their seasons into oblivion, I can go into the postseason with a clear and impartial mind. Thanks guys; you fucking suck it.
Here's my thoughts on the Super Bowl this year: I (like most everyone else in the nation) want to see a Pennsylvania Super Bowl throw-down between the Eagles and Steelers - It's possible, but unlikely.
We'll probably get a Titans -vs- Panthers snooze-fest with all of the nail-biting excitement of a trip to the bank.
My prediction is that the big game will be the Ravens over the Panthers, but really have nothing (other than pure conjecture) to back it up.
The one thing that I can guarantee: After this week, there will be all of zero teams left in the playoffs from west of the Mississippi river. Bank on it .
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 162/93/1
Saturday Afternoon Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Falcons (11-5) over Cardinals (9-7)
The NFC South divisional record is 40-24. The NFC West divisional record is 22-42.
The Cardinals don't even belong in the playoffs, and are heading toward one of the biggest embarrassments in the long sucky history of the oldest team in the NFL (1898). The classy thing would be to forfeit at the coin-flip and save Arizona the indignity.
Postgame: The Cards fucking won?!?! I give up.
Saturday Night Game (8 PM Eastern):
Colts (12-4) over Chargers (8-8)
The AFC South divisional record is 38-26. The AFC West divisional record is 23-41.
Yeah, the stats are almost as bad as the aforementioned match, but the Bolts have a good record at matching up against Indy. If any of you have ever watched a zombie flick, you know how dangerous the risen-from-the-dead-Chargers are right now, but I see the Colts standing tough with a sawed-off street-sweeper ready to send them back to their AFC West grave.
Postgame: A Chargers -vs- Cards Super Bowl doesn't seem so ridiculous right now. Christ help us all.
Early Sunday Game (1 PM Eastern):
Ravens (11-5) over Dolphins (11-5)
I am jazzed-up for this one. It's going to be such a good game that I might just forget how much I hate both of these teams for 4 quarters of play. This one's gonna be a down & dirty smack-down for the ages, and it's anyone's game.
Yeah, I just said that I think that the Ravens will win the Superbowl, but it wouldn't surprise me one bit if they got knocked-out in the first round. They are going to have the hardest road of ANY team in the playoffs. If they can make it all the way, they'll be impossible to stop.
Postgame: Even the one I got right, I got wrong. Of all the games so far, this is the only one that wasn't even close. The two that I thought were gonna be blow-outs were barn-burners and the game I thought was gonna go down to the line was over by half-time. Go figure.
Late Sunday Game (4:30 PM Eastern):
Eagles (9-6-1) over Vikings (10-6)
Yup, I Google mapped it, and the Metrodome is a whole 4 blocks south-west of the Mississippi.
They're out.
At least I could find the stadium, unlike the Vikings fans. It looks like this HOME GAME IS GOING TO BE BLACKED-OUT in the Minneapolis market due to poor ticket sales. Are you fucking kidding me? Just go away, Vikings, and leave us football fans alone.
Postgame: Thanx, Minnesota. Your unparalleled ability to fail saved me from getting totally schooled in my first-round playoff picks.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Friday, December 26, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 17 Picks
It's the last week of the NFL Regular Season, and much like a good number of the teams below, I'm taking a break this week.
I'm picking the teams that I want to win, rather than the teams that I think will win. I'm suspending the hell out of disbelief for one week and just going for the gusto. Hell, I was even tempted to pick a tie for the Bears this week, just because I thought that it would be that much more awesome if the Viking lose and the Bears tie to get into the playoffs. I had it down and then changed it because I realized what a stupid fucking pick that was. But the point is that I am actually tempted to pick a fucking tie.
It's totally that kind of a week.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 151/88/1
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (10-5) over Rams (10-15)
With an Atlanta win here and a Carolina loss, the Falcons could secure the NFC South championship. I say that just that happens. Why? because for the last 5 seasons every team that has finished last in that division has come back the next year to win the title. Falcons were the last-place finisher last year - I say they keep the streak going.
Patriots (10-5) over Bills (7-8)
The Patriots at 11 & 5 probably aren't gonna make the playoffs. Really. They need either a Baltimore loss or a Miami loss to make it in. I don't think that either of those things will happen (even though I'm picking the Jets to win later on in this post). Regardless, even if there's the slimmest hope of postseason play, Belichick is gonna go after the Williams full-throttle.
Bengals (3-11-1) over Chiefs (2-13)
With a loss here the Chiefs can nail down the second pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. You can do it, Kansas City! Lose one for the fans.
Packers (5-9) over Lions (0-15)
This is history folks! The Lions are on the precipice of becoming the worst team in NFL history. One more loss and "2008 Lions" will be synonymous with failure, thus supplanting the '76 (0-14) Bucs. They'll hold that honor until some future suck team goes 0 &18 once the League decides to bump up the regular season by a couple of games.
Also, I'd be reminisced if I didn't add that the Pack really needs a win here to keep the normally placid fan base from burning Lambeau Field to the ground. I'm kinda hoping for a Pack loss just to watch the fireworks in the off-season, but would rather see Detroit make history.
Colts (11-4) over Titans (13-2)
Neither of these teams has anything to play for this week. They're both locked-into their playoff positions, but I think that the Colts are looking at this one as a statement game. If Indy can get a win here, their post-season stock will sky-rocket.
Giants (12-3) over Vikings (9-6)
The Giants have nothing to play for, but I'm saying it again: "the Vikes aren't that great of a team". I think that the Giants 3rd stringers could handle 'em. Plus, Tom Coughlin isn't the kind of guy to roll over and take a loss going into the playoffs (remember the week 17 Giants/Pats game last year?). I say the Giants have some home-field fun and beat down Minnesota for the NY fans.
Saints (8-7) over Panthers (11-4)
If I pick North Carolina here, I negate my NFC South prediction made in the Falcons/Rams pick. The Saints are a damn fine team at home (shaky on the road), so I'm not going too far out on a limb with this one.
Steelers (11-4) over Browns (4-11)
This is Romeo Crenell's last game as coach of the Browns. Trust me, he'll be out before the clock strikes '12' on New Year's Eve.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Raiders (4-11)
Okay even my suspension of disbelief goes only so far. I can see the Bears winning, I can see the Cowboys losing at Philly, but I just cant see the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. The Bears aren't getting into the playoffs with this wild card slot. Then again, I didn't think that the Raiders had a prayer against the Texans last week, so...
Bears (8-6) over Texans (7-8)
Is there anything that I'm missing here? I'm racking my brain to find any single reason for the Texans to play full-out this week. They napped last week against the Raiders and got beat, and they have even less to play for this week. The only other time these 2 teams played was back in 2004 and the Texans won, so there's no grudge. I think that Chicago has the tenacity to get a win when it really matters. Maybe I'm missing something, but, if so, I can't see it.
Postgame: Football is gay.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (6-9) over Redskins (8-7)
The one week I pick against the Skins they go out and kill Philly's playoff hopes. That was so sweet. I enjoyed that so much last week that I'm picking against them again this week just for the hell of it.
Oh, and I'm saying it now: At this time next year, the 49ers will be in the playoffs - Mark my words.
Ravens (10-5) over Jaguars (5-10)
This game has "TRAP" written all over it. If Baltimore looks past this game, they could be watching the playoffs from Porters.
Jets (9-6) over Dolphins (10-5)
I really wanted to see the Jets make the playoffs this year just to piss-off every Packer fan. They need a win here and a New England loss to get in - Ain't gonna happen, but I'm holding out the slightest hope and picking 'em here just in case. Plus, I really can't stomach any feel-good bullshit stories about the Fish (which are coming in spades if Miami makes the postseason). Do not want.
Eagles (8-6-1) over Cowboys (9-6)
Can Tony Romo pull a "Romo" in a must-win game to make the playoffs rather in the first playoff game? That question has haunted all prognosticators for the last week or so. In his first season he dropped the ball during the winning field-goal attempt. In his second season he threw an interception into his endzone with less than a minute left on the clock. So I'm wondering that if (for his third season) he can lose a game (at the last minute) that's like a playoff game, but not actually a playoff game. I say he can.
Postgame: Hey Chicago, this could have been your playoff spot if you weren't too busy dropping passes.
Cardinals (8-7) over Seahawks (4-11)
Whichever team gets Arizona Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs are one bunch of lucky-ass motherfuckers. I say we all concur that the Niners are the better NFC West team and just send them to the playoffs this year.
Sunday Night Game:
Chargers (7-8) over Broncos (8-7)
I used to like the Broncos when Jake Plummer was the QB. That organization killed any goodwill I might have felt when they axed Plummer for uber-douche Jay Cutler back in 2006. They lost 2 of the last 3 games in '06 to finish 9 & 7 to just miss the playoffs. Cutler has maintained that losing record ever since (17-19). If they lose this game that QB-switch decision will go down as one of the all-time worst in NFL history.
If Ed Hochuli hadn't handed the game to Denver back in week 2, this game would be significantly less interesting. Now the winner goes on, the loser goes home empty-handed.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I'm picking the teams that I want to win, rather than the teams that I think will win. I'm suspending the hell out of disbelief for one week and just going for the gusto. Hell, I was even tempted to pick a tie for the Bears this week, just because I thought that it would be that much more awesome if the Viking lose and the Bears tie to get into the playoffs. I had it down and then changed it because I realized what a stupid fucking pick that was. But the point is that I am actually tempted to pick a fucking tie.
It's totally that kind of a week.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 151/88/1
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (10-5) over Rams (10-15)
With an Atlanta win here and a Carolina loss, the Falcons could secure the NFC South championship. I say that just that happens. Why? because for the last 5 seasons every team that has finished last in that division has come back the next year to win the title. Falcons were the last-place finisher last year - I say they keep the streak going.
Patriots (10-5) over Bills (7-8)
The Patriots at 11 & 5 probably aren't gonna make the playoffs. Really. They need either a Baltimore loss or a Miami loss to make it in. I don't think that either of those things will happen (even though I'm picking the Jets to win later on in this post). Regardless, even if there's the slimmest hope of postseason play, Belichick is gonna go after the Williams full-throttle.
Bengals (3-11-1) over Chiefs (2-13)
With a loss here the Chiefs can nail down the second pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. You can do it, Kansas City! Lose one for the fans.
Packers (5-9) over Lions (0-15)
This is history folks! The Lions are on the precipice of becoming the worst team in NFL history. One more loss and "2008 Lions" will be synonymous with failure, thus supplanting the '76 (0-14) Bucs. They'll hold that honor until some future suck team goes 0 &18 once the League decides to bump up the regular season by a couple of games.
Also, I'd be reminisced if I didn't add that the Pack really needs a win here to keep the normally placid fan base from burning Lambeau Field to the ground. I'm kinda hoping for a Pack loss just to watch the fireworks in the off-season, but would rather see Detroit make history.
Colts (11-4) over Titans (13-2)
Neither of these teams has anything to play for this week. They're both locked-into their playoff positions, but I think that the Colts are looking at this one as a statement game. If Indy can get a win here, their post-season stock will sky-rocket.
Giants (12-3) over Vikings (9-6)
The Giants have nothing to play for, but I'm saying it again: "the Vikes aren't that great of a team". I think that the Giants 3rd stringers could handle 'em. Plus, Tom Coughlin isn't the kind of guy to roll over and take a loss going into the playoffs (remember the week 17 Giants/Pats game last year?). I say the Giants have some home-field fun and beat down Minnesota for the NY fans.
Saints (8-7) over Panthers (11-4)
If I pick North Carolina here, I negate my NFC South prediction made in the Falcons/Rams pick. The Saints are a damn fine team at home (shaky on the road), so I'm not going too far out on a limb with this one.
Steelers (11-4) over Browns (4-11)
This is Romeo Crenell's last game as coach of the Browns. Trust me, he'll be out before the clock strikes '12' on New Year's Eve.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Raiders (4-11)
Okay even my suspension of disbelief goes only so far. I can see the Bears winning, I can see the Cowboys losing at Philly, but I just cant see the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. The Bears aren't getting into the playoffs with this wild card slot. Then again, I didn't think that the Raiders had a prayer against the Texans last week, so...
Bears (8-6) over Texans (7-8)
Is there anything that I'm missing here? I'm racking my brain to find any single reason for the Texans to play full-out this week. They napped last week against the Raiders and got beat, and they have even less to play for this week. The only other time these 2 teams played was back in 2004 and the Texans won, so there's no grudge. I think that Chicago has the tenacity to get a win when it really matters. Maybe I'm missing something, but, if so, I can't see it.
Postgame: Football is gay.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (6-9) over Redskins (8-7)
The one week I pick against the Skins they go out and kill Philly's playoff hopes. That was so sweet. I enjoyed that so much last week that I'm picking against them again this week just for the hell of it.
Oh, and I'm saying it now: At this time next year, the 49ers will be in the playoffs - Mark my words.
Ravens (10-5) over Jaguars (5-10)
This game has "TRAP" written all over it. If Baltimore looks past this game, they could be watching the playoffs from Porters.
Jets (9-6) over Dolphins (10-5)
I really wanted to see the Jets make the playoffs this year just to piss-off every Packer fan. They need a win here and a New England loss to get in - Ain't gonna happen, but I'm holding out the slightest hope and picking 'em here just in case. Plus, I really can't stomach any feel-good bullshit stories about the Fish (which are coming in spades if Miami makes the postseason). Do not want.
Eagles (8-6-1) over Cowboys (9-6)
Can Tony Romo pull a "Romo" in a must-win game to make the playoffs rather in the first playoff game? That question has haunted all prognosticators for the last week or so. In his first season he dropped the ball during the winning field-goal attempt. In his second season he threw an interception into his endzone with less than a minute left on the clock. So I'm wondering that if (for his third season) he can lose a game (at the last minute) that's like a playoff game, but not actually a playoff game. I say he can.
Postgame: Hey Chicago, this could have been your playoff spot if you weren't too busy dropping passes.
Cardinals (8-7) over Seahawks (4-11)
Whichever team gets Arizona Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs are one bunch of lucky-ass motherfuckers. I say we all concur that the Niners are the better NFC West team and just send them to the playoffs this year.
Sunday Night Game:
Chargers (7-8) over Broncos (8-7)
I used to like the Broncos when Jake Plummer was the QB. That organization killed any goodwill I might have felt when they axed Plummer for uber-douche Jay Cutler back in 2006. They lost 2 of the last 3 games in '06 to finish 9 & 7 to just miss the playoffs. Cutler has maintained that losing record ever since (17-19). If they lose this game that QB-switch decision will go down as one of the all-time worst in NFL history.
If Ed Hochuli hadn't handed the game to Denver back in week 2, this game would be significantly less interesting. Now the winner goes on, the loser goes home empty-handed.
===
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Monday, December 22, 2008
Quick Note
The Bears offense, with rookie phenom Forte and poised QB Orton, rank 26th in the league out of 32 teams. The Bears defense, with it's new break-but-sometimes-bend philosophy, is ranked 14th overall. Doesn't that seem backwards given the way both units have looked this year?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks
I'm screwed. There's no way I'm gonna hit my goal of .667% accuracy this season unless I only have 2 bad picks in the next 2 weeks - Ain't gonna happen. So now I'm just having some fun and going crazy with the picks this week - A lot of heart, very little brain.
I'm only picking 2 home teams to win this week (and 14 teams to win on the road). I may be screwed, but at least I'm having a blast.
Let's see how this works.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 140/83/1
Thursday Night Game:
Colts (10-4) over Jaguars (5-9)
Indy can clinch a playoff spot with a win here, and nothing would make the sullen Jags happier than throwing a wrench in their divisional rivals' postseason plans. That being said, I think that Indy has the strength to win on the road and keep their playoff aspirations from being decided in next week's match-up with the 12 & 2 Titans.
Saturday Night Game:
Ravens (9-5) over Cowboys (9-5)
Hoo-fucking-Ha! This is gonna be interesting. This looks to be the final game at Texas Stadium, but it's gonna be a sour send-off for the home crowd. The 'Boys are careening straight into a brick wall heading up against the second-ranked defense in the NFL.
Remember the Alamo? They lost.
Postgame: As far as I can tell, I'm the only motherfucker who sincerely believed the Ravens could win this one - Bite me world.
Early Sunday Games:
Bengals (2-11-1) over Browns (4-10)
The Browns are decimated three deep at this point in the season, and Cincy has been getting an 'A' for effort lately. I don't like this pick one bit, and have very little faith in it, but I have to call for a Bengals win on the road.
Saints (7-7) over Lions (0-14)
A lot of prognosticators are picking the Lions to get their first win here, and I don't blame 'em one bit. The Saints are done, and the Lions have been gnashing and clawing hard to avoid going down as the worst team in NFL history. I just don't see New Orleans letting them off the hook merely as a good will gesture - They might be Saints, but they're not Jesus.
Steelers (11-3) over Titans (12-2)
Here's the AFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are on a huge up-swing and the Titans are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the Tennessee DL. I think that the Titans would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Dolphins (9-5) over Chiefs (2-12)
Here's my fire-forged-iron-clad-double-tough-steel-trap® lock of the week. Watch it be wrong, and me have an NFL induced embolism.
49ers (5-9) over Rams (2-12)
In Greek mythology Chronos served as the personification of time. He was imagined as an incorporeal god, serpentine in form, with three heads—that of a man, a bull, and a lion. He and his consort, serpentine Ananke (Inevitability), circled the primal world-egg in their coils and split it apart to form the ordered universe of earth, sea and sky.
Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but is infinitely more interesting than any insight I might have into this crap-match.
Patriots (9-5) over Cardinals (8-6)
This is the first home-team that I've picked to win this week. I'm so fucking doomed.
Chargers (6-8) over Buccaneers (9-5)
Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the Chargers still believe that they can win out and clinch the AFC West with 2 more Denver losses. I'm picking the Chargers to win and the Broncos to lose this week in hopes of a winner-takes-all throw-down between those two next week in San Diego. Plus, Tampa is beat-to-hell right now - Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Late Sunday Picks:
Jets (9-5) over Seahawks (3-11)
The Jets can't lose every single west-coast game this year. Can they? I just wanna see Brett make it deep into the playoffs this year and then watch the Packers organization explode in the offseason.
Texans (7-7) over Raiders (3-11)
Remember when the Raiders were the bad-asses of the NFL? Every team got the fear when those unruly bastards came up on their schedules - It was like opening up the front door and coming eye-to-eye with an axe-murderer. I say that the Raiders go retro this week and hack-up the Texans for next week's match-up in Chicago.
Bills (6-8) over Broncos (8-6)
Am I the only one who still thinks that the Broncos are a huge sham? The Williams haven't inspired confidence as of late, but still seem light-years ahead of any of the west-coast teams.
Eagles (8-5-1) over Redskins (7-7)
I still want to pick the Skins in this one, but I've learned my lesson after they've dumped 5 of their last 6 games. The Eagles still have the faintest hopes of grasping at a playoff spot - The Skins are hopeless. I just wish that the Washington would put in Colt Brennan so we can see how he functions in a real NFL game.
Falcons (9-5) over Vikings (9-5)
The Falcons have to win this one just so Chicago can lose the NFC North crown on their own against the Texans next week. We don't need any damned charity, we can fuck everything up on our own just fine, thank you very much.
Sunday Night Game:
Panthers (11-3) over Giants (11-3)
I'm just gonna crib from the previous Steelers/Titans match and swap out the pertinent info:
Here's the NFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Panthers are on a huge up-swing and the Giants are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the New York DL. I think that the Giants would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Monday Night Game:
Bears (8-6) over Packers (5-9)
No team would rather end Chicago's season early than the Pack, but Lovie knows that this one is a MUST WIN (bold all-caps).
If the Bears get bitched by the Packers twice in one season, and have the north-woodsers kill the season. Lovie Smith is going to transmogrify into Dusty Baker in the collective conscience of Chicago fandom skippy-quick. One loss here, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be basted in tar, dipped in feathers, and ridden out on a rail to Cincinnati. Metaphorically, of course (since everyone knows that Cincinnati only exists in the minds of Ohioans).
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I'm only picking 2 home teams to win this week (and 14 teams to win on the road). I may be screwed, but at least I'm having a blast.
Let's see how this works.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 140/83/1
Thursday Night Game:
Colts (10-4) over Jaguars (5-9)
Indy can clinch a playoff spot with a win here, and nothing would make the sullen Jags happier than throwing a wrench in their divisional rivals' postseason plans. That being said, I think that Indy has the strength to win on the road and keep their playoff aspirations from being decided in next week's match-up with the 12 & 2 Titans.
Saturday Night Game:
Ravens (9-5) over Cowboys (9-5)
Hoo-fucking-Ha! This is gonna be interesting. This looks to be the final game at Texas Stadium, but it's gonna be a sour send-off for the home crowd. The 'Boys are careening straight into a brick wall heading up against the second-ranked defense in the NFL.
Remember the Alamo? They lost.
Postgame: As far as I can tell, I'm the only motherfucker who sincerely believed the Ravens could win this one - Bite me world.
Early Sunday Games:
Bengals (2-11-1) over Browns (4-10)
The Browns are decimated three deep at this point in the season, and Cincy has been getting an 'A' for effort lately. I don't like this pick one bit, and have very little faith in it, but I have to call for a Bengals win on the road.
Saints (7-7) over Lions (0-14)
A lot of prognosticators are picking the Lions to get their first win here, and I don't blame 'em one bit. The Saints are done, and the Lions have been gnashing and clawing hard to avoid going down as the worst team in NFL history. I just don't see New Orleans letting them off the hook merely as a good will gesture - They might be Saints, but they're not Jesus.
Steelers (11-3) over Titans (12-2)
Here's the AFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are on a huge up-swing and the Titans are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the Tennessee DL. I think that the Titans would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Dolphins (9-5) over Chiefs (2-12)
Here's my fire-forged-iron-clad-double-tough-steel-trap® lock of the week. Watch it be wrong, and me have an NFL induced embolism.
49ers (5-9) over Rams (2-12)
In Greek mythology Chronos served as the personification of time. He was imagined as an incorporeal god, serpentine in form, with three heads—that of a man, a bull, and a lion. He and his consort, serpentine Ananke (Inevitability), circled the primal world-egg in their coils and split it apart to form the ordered universe of earth, sea and sky.
Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but is infinitely more interesting than any insight I might have into this crap-match.
Patriots (9-5) over Cardinals (8-6)
This is the first home-team that I've picked to win this week. I'm so fucking doomed.
Chargers (6-8) over Buccaneers (9-5)
Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the Chargers still believe that they can win out and clinch the AFC West with 2 more Denver losses. I'm picking the Chargers to win and the Broncos to lose this week in hopes of a winner-takes-all throw-down between those two next week in San Diego. Plus, Tampa is beat-to-hell right now - Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Late Sunday Picks:
Jets (9-5) over Seahawks (3-11)
The Jets can't lose every single west-coast game this year. Can they? I just wanna see Brett make it deep into the playoffs this year and then watch the Packers organization explode in the offseason.
Texans (7-7) over Raiders (3-11)
Remember when the Raiders were the bad-asses of the NFL? Every team got the fear when those unruly bastards came up on their schedules - It was like opening up the front door and coming eye-to-eye with an axe-murderer. I say that the Raiders go retro this week and hack-up the Texans for next week's match-up in Chicago.
Bills (6-8) over Broncos (8-6)
Am I the only one who still thinks that the Broncos are a huge sham? The Williams haven't inspired confidence as of late, but still seem light-years ahead of any of the west-coast teams.
Eagles (8-5-1) over Redskins (7-7)
I still want to pick the Skins in this one, but I've learned my lesson after they've dumped 5 of their last 6 games. The Eagles still have the faintest hopes of grasping at a playoff spot - The Skins are hopeless. I just wish that the Washington would put in Colt Brennan so we can see how he functions in a real NFL game.
Falcons (9-5) over Vikings (9-5)
The Falcons have to win this one just so Chicago can lose the NFC North crown on their own against the Texans next week. We don't need any damned charity, we can fuck everything up on our own just fine, thank you very much.
Sunday Night Game:
Panthers (11-3) over Giants (11-3)
I'm just gonna crib from the previous Steelers/Titans match and swap out the pertinent info:
Here's the NFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Panthers are on a huge up-swing and the Giants are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the New York DL. I think that the Giants would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Monday Night Game:
Bears (8-6) over Packers (5-9)
No team would rather end Chicago's season early than the Pack, but Lovie knows that this one is a MUST WIN (bold all-caps).
If the Bears get bitched by the Packers twice in one season, and have the north-woodsers kill the season. Lovie Smith is going to transmogrify into Dusty Baker in the collective conscience of Chicago fandom skippy-quick. One loss here, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be basted in tar, dipped in feathers, and ridden out on a rail to Cincinnati. Metaphorically, of course (since everyone knows that Cincinnati only exists in the minds of Ohioans).
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Pet Peavy
The Peavy deal is dead and I for one say…meh.
I like Jake Peavy and think he is as accomplished as any of the current Cubs starters. But is he worth losing the six players the Cubs might’ve lost in the two or three team deal? On paper, based on the numbers we know, many argued that the Cubs would have the most dominant rotation in the BL with Peavy as their number 1.
But they don’t play the games on paper. Games are played on a field and that is sort of my point.
Don’t be confused, I am not about to argue that Wrigley is too much of a hitter friendly park for Peavy and fly balls will be leaving the yard left and right on this guy. But after considering Jake Peavy’s Home and Away splits in 2008, he has an impressive 1.74 ERA @ sea level in SanDiego. But get Peavy on the road and his ERA jumps up to 4.28. Opponents hit 58 points higher against him when he dons the road uniform. This translated into only one fewer win on the road last year, but the Padres hit pretty well for Peavy on the road last year.
The Padres hitters were probably thrilled to be away from their home turf where the curveball bites more and the balls don’t travel quite as far…
At Wrigley and throughout the NL CENTRAL parks Peavy would not enjoy the advantages he had for more than half of his starts last year.
I like Peavy. I think the Cub rotation could be improved with his acquisition. But, I am not sure that he was worth all Towers wanted for him. I am fairly sure that as a Cub he would not have the same production as he did in SD. This is not because of any curse…just part of the telling numbers of baseball.
Peavy or no, the Cubs should be the favorite to win the NL Central again. Maybe they should pick up (or is it cowboy up) Derrick Lowe just so they don’t have to face his ass in October.
Just a thought…
I like Jake Peavy and think he is as accomplished as any of the current Cubs starters. But is he worth losing the six players the Cubs might’ve lost in the two or three team deal? On paper, based on the numbers we know, many argued that the Cubs would have the most dominant rotation in the BL with Peavy as their number 1.
But they don’t play the games on paper. Games are played on a field and that is sort of my point.
Don’t be confused, I am not about to argue that Wrigley is too much of a hitter friendly park for Peavy and fly balls will be leaving the yard left and right on this guy. But after considering Jake Peavy’s Home and Away splits in 2008, he has an impressive 1.74 ERA @ sea level in SanDiego. But get Peavy on the road and his ERA jumps up to 4.28. Opponents hit 58 points higher against him when he dons the road uniform. This translated into only one fewer win on the road last year, but the Padres hit pretty well for Peavy on the road last year.
The Padres hitters were probably thrilled to be away from their home turf where the curveball bites more and the balls don’t travel quite as far…
At Wrigley and throughout the NL CENTRAL parks Peavy would not enjoy the advantages he had for more than half of his starts last year.
I like Peavy. I think the Cub rotation could be improved with his acquisition. But, I am not sure that he was worth all Towers wanted for him. I am fairly sure that as a Cub he would not have the same production as he did in SD. This is not because of any curse…just part of the telling numbers of baseball.
Peavy or no, the Cubs should be the favorite to win the NL Central again. Maybe they should pick up (or is it cowboy up) Derrick Lowe just so they don’t have to face his ass in October.
Just a thought…
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 15 Picks
Fucking gotta love those Bears. They're gonna fucking kill me, but holy shit, what a game. After Thursday, the rest of this week is gravy.
Let's ladle it on.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 130/77/1
Thursday Night Game:
Bears (7-6) over Saints (7-6)
The one thing that struck me recently is that I suddenly realized that I haven't enjoyed watching Bears games since week 3 of this season when they lost the lead within the 2 minute-warning to lose their second game in a row. Every game since then has had an ominous cloud hanging over the field.
I remember a few years ago (in the first Orton era) when if the Bears were behind by 14 going into the 4th quarter, I was hopeful. Now if they have a lead of 14 going into the 4th, I feel apprehensive. Hell, last fucking week I was convinced that were were going to give up a 17 point lead in the final quarter. It never happened, but I don't think that I'm the only PTSD Bears fan out there.
Chicago really needs to win out to give the franchise its swagger back - It either starts here, or ends here. Period. End.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (8-5) over Buccaneers (9-4)
Tampa got hit hard last week at Carolina. It wasn't a knock-out, but it will take them a couple of weeks to get back on their feet. I like Atlanta's chances against the punch-drunk pirates.
Redskins (7-6) over Bengals (1-11-1)
My Skins really need a win here, and will get it if they can stop the explosive running power of Cedric Benson (who, with a good game here, might actually finish this season with positive running yardage). Also, look for Ocho Cinco to try and sneak over to the Skins bench during the game. He's hoping that nobody will notice if he suits up in burgundy and gold for the second half.
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, you bums.
Seahawks (2-11) over Rams (2-11)
Nofuckingbody wants to watch this turd-fest. Even the St. Louis FOX affiliate switched over to the Falcons -vs- Bucs game. Really - Here's the distribution MAP.
Dolphins (8-5) over 49ers (5-8)
After last week's HUGE upset of the Jets, it looks like Samurai Mike is gonna hold on to his coaching job in the offseason. If he can finagle another win here, that position will be guaranteed.
Jets (8-5) over Bills (6-7)
Those damned Bills. It looked like they were gonna be a contender this year, and then the wheels fell right the fuck off of the organization. The Jets really need a win here to end their 2 game slide and rack up another divisional win. New York can't afford to lose this one, I see 'em pulling a win on the home-front.
Colts (9-4) over Lions (0-14)
How excited is everybody at the prospect of the Lions going 0 & 16? I'm fucking jazzed. Here's their last 3: at Indy, vs. New Orleans, & at Green Bay. It's gonna happen, people!
Chargers (5-8) over Chiefs (2-11)
Back in week 10, I promised that I would pick Kansas Shitty in this game - I totally lied.
Packers (5-8) over Jaguars (4-9)
I'm tempted to pick the Jags at home in this march of the damned, but they looked so terrible against the Bears that I'm giving Green Bay the benefit of the doubt.
Titans (12-1) over Texans (6-7)
The Texicans are en fuego right now. I'd love to pick 'em to upset, but the Titans have to maintain a strong front going into the playoffs.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (8-5) over Vikings (8-5)
I never thought I'd be excited about sitting down to watch a Vikes/Cards game, but here we are. I'm gonna be glued-down for this one. Go Arizona!
Panthers (10-3) over Broncos (8-5)
When is the AFC West going to go away and stop wasting our time? Dealing with these sucks week in and week out is like being stuck next to a bum at the bus stop. He keeps talking to you, begging for money, and not making one lick of sense, but there's really nothing you can do but wait and weather the storm until the bus comes or he gives up and wanders off to defecate behind the 7-11 dumpster.
Ravens (9-4) over Steelers (10-3)
Man, this is gonna be one hell of a game. I'm hoping that the Cards throw down a blow-out on the Vikes so that I can switch to this game at half-time. This one is gonna be brutal. I like the Purple Birds at home, but just barely.
Patriots (8-5) over Raiders (3-10)
Here's another fucking AFC West team wasting our time (and New England's).
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (11-2) over Cowboys (8-5)
Terrell Owens gets a bad rap for being a "me first" player, and he's gotten slammed in the press for his new feud with Saint Romo. Say what you want, but I think that in the video clip (below) he makes an articulate, well thought out arguement for getting more passes in the upcoming weeks.
Here it is, Terrell Owens in his own words:
Monday Night Game:
Eagles (7-5-1) over Browns (4-9)
Lets face it, Philly isn't getting into the playoffs this year (that tie really did hurt 'em), but they're playing with a ferocity. I feel bad for anyone coming up against them for the rest of this season.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Let's ladle it on.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 130/77/1
Thursday Night Game:
Bears (7-6) over Saints (7-6)
The one thing that struck me recently is that I suddenly realized that I haven't enjoyed watching Bears games since week 3 of this season when they lost the lead within the 2 minute-warning to lose their second game in a row. Every game since then has had an ominous cloud hanging over the field.
I remember a few years ago (in the first Orton era) when if the Bears were behind by 14 going into the 4th quarter, I was hopeful. Now if they have a lead of 14 going into the 4th, I feel apprehensive. Hell, last fucking week I was convinced that were were going to give up a 17 point lead in the final quarter. It never happened, but I don't think that I'm the only PTSD Bears fan out there.
Chicago really needs to win out to give the franchise its swagger back - It either starts here, or ends here. Period. End.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (8-5) over Buccaneers (9-4)
Tampa got hit hard last week at Carolina. It wasn't a knock-out, but it will take them a couple of weeks to get back on their feet. I like Atlanta's chances against the punch-drunk pirates.
Redskins (7-6) over Bengals (1-11-1)
My Skins really need a win here, and will get it if they can stop the explosive running power of Cedric Benson (who, with a good game here, might actually finish this season with positive running yardage). Also, look for Ocho Cinco to try and sneak over to the Skins bench during the game. He's hoping that nobody will notice if he suits up in burgundy and gold for the second half.
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, you bums.
Seahawks (2-11) over Rams (2-11)
Nofuckingbody wants to watch this turd-fest. Even the St. Louis FOX affiliate switched over to the Falcons -vs- Bucs game. Really - Here's the distribution MAP.
Dolphins (8-5) over 49ers (5-8)
After last week's HUGE upset of the Jets, it looks like Samurai Mike is gonna hold on to his coaching job in the offseason. If he can finagle another win here, that position will be guaranteed.
Jets (8-5) over Bills (6-7)
Those damned Bills. It looked like they were gonna be a contender this year, and then the wheels fell right the fuck off of the organization. The Jets really need a win here to end their 2 game slide and rack up another divisional win. New York can't afford to lose this one, I see 'em pulling a win on the home-front.
Colts (9-4) over Lions (0-14)
How excited is everybody at the prospect of the Lions going 0 & 16? I'm fucking jazzed. Here's their last 3: at Indy, vs. New Orleans, & at Green Bay. It's gonna happen, people!
Chargers (5-8) over Chiefs (2-11)
Back in week 10, I promised that I would pick Kansas Shitty in this game - I totally lied.
Packers (5-8) over Jaguars (4-9)
I'm tempted to pick the Jags at home in this march of the damned, but they looked so terrible against the Bears that I'm giving Green Bay the benefit of the doubt.
Titans (12-1) over Texans (6-7)
The Texicans are en fuego right now. I'd love to pick 'em to upset, but the Titans have to maintain a strong front going into the playoffs.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (8-5) over Vikings (8-5)
I never thought I'd be excited about sitting down to watch a Vikes/Cards game, but here we are. I'm gonna be glued-down for this one. Go Arizona!
Panthers (10-3) over Broncos (8-5)
When is the AFC West going to go away and stop wasting our time? Dealing with these sucks week in and week out is like being stuck next to a bum at the bus stop. He keeps talking to you, begging for money, and not making one lick of sense, but there's really nothing you can do but wait and weather the storm until the bus comes or he gives up and wanders off to defecate behind the 7-11 dumpster.
Ravens (9-4) over Steelers (10-3)
Man, this is gonna be one hell of a game. I'm hoping that the Cards throw down a blow-out on the Vikes so that I can switch to this game at half-time. This one is gonna be brutal. I like the Purple Birds at home, but just barely.
Patriots (8-5) over Raiders (3-10)
Here's another fucking AFC West team wasting our time (and New England's).
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (11-2) over Cowboys (8-5)
Terrell Owens gets a bad rap for being a "me first" player, and he's gotten slammed in the press for his new feud with Saint Romo. Say what you want, but I think that in the video clip (below) he makes an articulate, well thought out arguement for getting more passes in the upcoming weeks.
Here it is, Terrell Owens in his own words:
Monday Night Game:
Eagles (7-5-1) over Browns (4-9)
Lets face it, Philly isn't getting into the playoffs this year (that tie really did hurt 'em), but they're playing with a ferocity. I feel bad for anyone coming up against them for the rest of this season.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Kid K Sera Sera
Pending the results of a physical it looks as if Kerry Wood will be a Cleveland Indian as early as tomorrow.
Maybe he and Joe Borowski can swap Larry Rothschild-hands-on-hips-while-crop-dusting-during-pregame-warm-up stories?
Who knows, if he works hard over the winter, Middle Aged K could strike out 20 batters in a single season.
Whatever will be will be, but I hope what will be will be Carlos Quentin taking the "good" half of Broke Arm Mountain deep into the Cleveland night for a few late-inning WhiteSOX winners next summer.
Maybe he and Joe Borowski can swap Larry Rothschild-hands-on-hips-while-crop-dusting-during-pregame-warm-up stories?
Who knows, if he works hard over the winter, Middle Aged K could strike out 20 batters in a single season.
Whatever will be will be, but I hope what will be will be Carlos Quentin taking the "good" half of Broke Arm Mountain deep into the Cleveland night for a few late-inning WhiteSOX winners next summer.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Look at What they Did to My Field
Can it be that the turf on the New & Improved Soldier Field is being maligned as much as the old bumpy, greentop from the Vet?
If you are one of those folks that believe Tom Waddle (who actually played on that field) or Dan Dickdorf from the sorry-ass CBS team...there is only one solution to this problem.
Da Bears need to reach out to Da Sodfather.
If you are one of those folks that believe Tom Waddle (who actually played on that field) or Dan Dickdorf from the sorry-ass CBS team...there is only one solution to this problem.
Da Bears need to reach out to Da Sodfather.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks
Hey week 13, fucking eat it. You single-handedly killed my love of football.
I'm gonna keep doing these picks, but I'm not gonna like it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 119/72/1
Thursday Night Game:
Chargers (4-8) over Raiders (3-9)
Both of these teams have proven that there's no game that they can't manage to lose. I'm just gonna pick the home-team and hope that I'm wrong.
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (6-6) over Jaguars (4-8)
The Bears have still got a really good shot at winning the NFC North. The final 4 games are against teams without winning records, whereas the Vikings have a much tougher schedule and are about to lose the Williams sisters going into the home-stretch. I'm picking the Bears to win the division, and then get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.
Vikings (7-5) over Lions (0-12)
Have fun in this one, Minneapolis. This is your last win of the season.
Packers (5-7) over Texans (5-7)
The Pack has a really good shot of winning out this season (if they can win against the Bears at Soldier Field on the 22nd). As far as I'm concerned, the NFC North is still wide-open. All bets are off of the table.
Postgame: Look on the bright side, Green Bay; you'll have plenty of opportunities to watch Brett Favre in playoff games this year.
Titans (11-1) over Browns (4-8)
It's too early for Tennessee to take a nap here. They've got a good hold on homefield-throughout, but could lose it to the Steelers if they go into hibernation for the last 4 weeks.
Colts (8-4) over Bengals (1-10-1)
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson is gonna look damn fine in a Redskins jersey next season.
Falcons (8-4) over Saints (6-6)
I really want to pick the Saints to win at home here, but I keep getting burned whenever I put my faith in New Orleans.
Postgame: ...and burned when I pick against 'em. Stupid voodoo.
Giants (11-1) over Eagles (6-5-1)
The problem with Philly is that they're so god-damned erratic that you have no idea which team is gonna show up from week to week. That doesn't really matter this week - The Giants are in full domination mode.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (7-5) over Chiefs (2-10)
The Broncos are taking their dear sweet time in limping into the playoffs. It's pretty damned sad that the Chargers still have a (small) shot at winning this division. The Broncos need to win this gimme game if they want to sleep soundly any time before January.
Dolphins (7-5) over Bills (6-6)
Hello, Canada! Who's bright idea was it to do a late-season dome game up in Toronto against the Dolphins? Way to negate your biggest advantage in a "home" game. If this was in Ralph Wilson Stadium, I'd pick the Bills, but Since it's in the Rogers Centre Dome, I'm going with the Fish.
Jets (8-4) over 49ers (4-8)
This has the potential of being the Jets' biggest embarrassment of the season. The Niners are clicking at home and are setting their sights on grounding the high-flying Jets. New York has to keep focus, or risk being written-off going into the playoffs.
Postgame: Told 'ya.
Patriots (7-5) over Seahawks (2-10)
Another good AFC East team visiting another blowful NFC West team (see above). Same rules apply.
Cardinals (7-5) over Rams (2-10)
It looks like the Cards have the NFC West division locked-down. They'll make great fodder for one of the NFC wild-card teams this year.
Steelers (9-3) over Cowboys (8-4)
I'm gonna be front & center for this one Sunday afternoon. This should be a great game and could easily go either way. I'm giving Pitttsburgh the advantage on homefield, where the weather should be a huge advantage.
Sunday Night Game:
Ravens (8-4) over Redskins (7-5)
If the Skins can get a win here, I think that they'll be a lock for a playoff spot. If they lose here, they're in real trouble. I'm pulling hard for my Skins in this one, but calling it like I see it.
Monday Night Game:
Buccaneers (9-3) over Panthers (9-3)
I have no idea why I'm picking the Bucs in this coin-toss. Usually, I just go with the home team in situations like this, but (for some reason) I think that Tampa has the edge here.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I'm gonna keep doing these picks, but I'm not gonna like it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 119/72/1
Thursday Night Game:
Chargers (4-8) over Raiders (3-9)
Both of these teams have proven that there's no game that they can't manage to lose. I'm just gonna pick the home-team and hope that I'm wrong.
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (6-6) over Jaguars (4-8)
The Bears have still got a really good shot at winning the NFC North. The final 4 games are against teams without winning records, whereas the Vikings have a much tougher schedule and are about to lose the Williams sisters going into the home-stretch. I'm picking the Bears to win the division, and then get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.
Vikings (7-5) over Lions (0-12)
Have fun in this one, Minneapolis. This is your last win of the season.
Packers (5-7) over Texans (5-7)
The Pack has a really good shot of winning out this season (if they can win against the Bears at Soldier Field on the 22nd). As far as I'm concerned, the NFC North is still wide-open. All bets are off of the table.
Postgame: Look on the bright side, Green Bay; you'll have plenty of opportunities to watch Brett Favre in playoff games this year.
Titans (11-1) over Browns (4-8)
It's too early for Tennessee to take a nap here. They've got a good hold on homefield-throughout, but could lose it to the Steelers if they go into hibernation for the last 4 weeks.
Colts (8-4) over Bengals (1-10-1)
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson is gonna look damn fine in a Redskins jersey next season.
Falcons (8-4) over Saints (6-6)
I really want to pick the Saints to win at home here, but I keep getting burned whenever I put my faith in New Orleans.
Postgame: ...and burned when I pick against 'em. Stupid voodoo.
Giants (11-1) over Eagles (6-5-1)
The problem with Philly is that they're so god-damned erratic that you have no idea which team is gonna show up from week to week. That doesn't really matter this week - The Giants are in full domination mode.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (7-5) over Chiefs (2-10)
The Broncos are taking their dear sweet time in limping into the playoffs. It's pretty damned sad that the Chargers still have a (small) shot at winning this division. The Broncos need to win this gimme game if they want to sleep soundly any time before January.
Dolphins (7-5) over Bills (6-6)
Hello, Canada! Who's bright idea was it to do a late-season dome game up in Toronto against the Dolphins? Way to negate your biggest advantage in a "home" game. If this was in Ralph Wilson Stadium, I'd pick the Bills, but Since it's in the Rogers Centre Dome, I'm going with the Fish.
Jets (8-4) over 49ers (4-8)
This has the potential of being the Jets' biggest embarrassment of the season. The Niners are clicking at home and are setting their sights on grounding the high-flying Jets. New York has to keep focus, or risk being written-off going into the playoffs.
Postgame: Told 'ya.
Patriots (7-5) over Seahawks (2-10)
Another good AFC East team visiting another blowful NFC West team (see above). Same rules apply.
Cardinals (7-5) over Rams (2-10)
It looks like the Cards have the NFC West division locked-down. They'll make great fodder for one of the NFC wild-card teams this year.
Steelers (9-3) over Cowboys (8-4)
I'm gonna be front & center for this one Sunday afternoon. This should be a great game and could easily go either way. I'm giving Pitttsburgh the advantage on homefield, where the weather should be a huge advantage.
Sunday Night Game:
Ravens (8-4) over Redskins (7-5)
If the Skins can get a win here, I think that they'll be a lock for a playoff spot. If they lose here, they're in real trouble. I'm pulling hard for my Skins in this one, but calling it like I see it.
Monday Night Game:
Buccaneers (9-3) over Panthers (9-3)
I have no idea why I'm picking the Bucs in this coin-toss. Usually, I just go with the home team in situations like this, but (for some reason) I think that Tampa has the edge here.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Monday, December 1, 2008
Who Else Can I Root For?
If it was at least a close game last night I wouldn't be thinking this stuff, but what's the point of hoping for a playoff berth? This is NOT a superbowl team. I am convinced now more than ever that the coaches suck. I am also convinced that we should have dealt Devin Hester after last season, although I understand why we didn't.
I remember back in the 2005 season that I wasn't totally convinced by the Bears. This was the "bend but don't break" defense that worked properly and a functional running game with Thomas Jones. More importantly, however, was the feeling by everyone in the organization that they were better than mediocre. Getting to the superbowl proved that, but that's where they stalled out.
Since then, they have sucked. So, here's my quick assessment of a number of individuals:
1. Lovie Smith - people say he's more animated away from the media. I don't buy it. Also, on the field of play, he appears to make bad decisions. I'm not sold on him as the long-term coach of the Bears - especially with the current roster.
2. Bob Babich - haven't seen one good thing since he's been at the helm, and his superstars are healthy again. Time to make a switch.
3. Ron Turner - have never been a fan, the four-down stall on the goal line last night (at MN) just proved that he doesn't understand the strengths and weaknesses of his own offense, and it's not like he just got here. Time to make a switch.
4. Brian Urlacher - needs to be heard or something. Not sure why he appears to have been a baby for the past few years, but he only has flashes of greatness in that time. He's here, so get a coordinator that will feature him.
5. Lance Briggs - a guy I bagged when he held out as not being worth it while we still have Urlacher. I was 100% wrong. Of all the guys that got paid, he's still hitting dudes like he has something to prove.
6. Mike Brown - great player when he's healthy, although he seems older this year.
7. Nate Vasher - where did "the Interceptor" disappear to? This guy kind of sucks.
8. Charles Tillman - still a great corner, but I think he's the barometer for the entire defense. And his play and facial expressions are exaspirated.
9. Matt Forte - I feel sorry for him because he's one of the few players on the field that doesn't seem to care about extracurriculars. He just wants to play the game. The fact that he didn't hold out for more money kind of proves it. Reminds me of a young Brian Urlacher.
10. Kyle Orton - take that, Rex bashers! He's not that good, either. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the QB at all. Maybe the coordinator, offensive line, and receivers also play into the equation. He's definitely made strides this year, but it all went out the window last night.
11. Devin Hester - it's too late now, he's part of the team and he's getting paid. Abysmal numbers this year.
12. Adrian Peterson - why did we get Kevin Jones? He wasn't that good in Detroit, and our AP fights harder for yards.
13. Greg Olsen - I had such high hopes here, but is he just another Jeremy Shockey? (The Giants won the superbowl with Shockey on the sidelines.)
I think that's it. So, where do we go from here?
New coaches - I say we put the full-court press on a Bill Cowher or Marty Schottenheimer. The premier name would hopefully garner some control and create a more solid, long-term success. Let them bring in coordinators of their choosing. Lovie seems to have lost this team, and I do not want to sit through more attrition, just waiting for contracts to end.
New receivers - in the short term, I have given up on our current group. Lloyd looked like he could break out early in the year, but he has a glass jaw, apparently. Forte is the only sure thing receiver (maybe Des Clark) and that is just sad.
New QB - I don't care if we keep Orton, but maybe the McNabb era can get started. I don't think he's done winning, and there's a shortage in the league. Let McNabb and Orton battle it out in the pre-season.
Defense - I would hope that good recruiting would injury-proof some of these positions and a new coordinator would light a fire under the current starters. Make Urlacher work a little.
That's a lot to do in a year.
I remember back in the 2005 season that I wasn't totally convinced by the Bears. This was the "bend but don't break" defense that worked properly and a functional running game with Thomas Jones. More importantly, however, was the feeling by everyone in the organization that they were better than mediocre. Getting to the superbowl proved that, but that's where they stalled out.
Since then, they have sucked. So, here's my quick assessment of a number of individuals:
1. Lovie Smith - people say he's more animated away from the media. I don't buy it. Also, on the field of play, he appears to make bad decisions. I'm not sold on him as the long-term coach of the Bears - especially with the current roster.
2. Bob Babich - haven't seen one good thing since he's been at the helm, and his superstars are healthy again. Time to make a switch.
3. Ron Turner - have never been a fan, the four-down stall on the goal line last night (at MN) just proved that he doesn't understand the strengths and weaknesses of his own offense, and it's not like he just got here. Time to make a switch.
4. Brian Urlacher - needs to be heard or something. Not sure why he appears to have been a baby for the past few years, but he only has flashes of greatness in that time. He's here, so get a coordinator that will feature him.
5. Lance Briggs - a guy I bagged when he held out as not being worth it while we still have Urlacher. I was 100% wrong. Of all the guys that got paid, he's still hitting dudes like he has something to prove.
6. Mike Brown - great player when he's healthy, although he seems older this year.
7. Nate Vasher - where did "the Interceptor" disappear to? This guy kind of sucks.
8. Charles Tillman - still a great corner, but I think he's the barometer for the entire defense. And his play and facial expressions are exaspirated.
9. Matt Forte - I feel sorry for him because he's one of the few players on the field that doesn't seem to care about extracurriculars. He just wants to play the game. The fact that he didn't hold out for more money kind of proves it. Reminds me of a young Brian Urlacher.
10. Kyle Orton - take that, Rex bashers! He's not that good, either. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the QB at all. Maybe the coordinator, offensive line, and receivers also play into the equation. He's definitely made strides this year, but it all went out the window last night.
11. Devin Hester - it's too late now, he's part of the team and he's getting paid. Abysmal numbers this year.
12. Adrian Peterson - why did we get Kevin Jones? He wasn't that good in Detroit, and our AP fights harder for yards.
13. Greg Olsen - I had such high hopes here, but is he just another Jeremy Shockey? (The Giants won the superbowl with Shockey on the sidelines.)
I think that's it. So, where do we go from here?
New coaches - I say we put the full-court press on a Bill Cowher or Marty Schottenheimer. The premier name would hopefully garner some control and create a more solid, long-term success. Let them bring in coordinators of their choosing. Lovie seems to have lost this team, and I do not want to sit through more attrition, just waiting for contracts to end.
New receivers - in the short term, I have given up on our current group. Lloyd looked like he could break out early in the year, but he has a glass jaw, apparently. Forte is the only sure thing receiver (maybe Des Clark) and that is just sad.
New QB - I don't care if we keep Orton, but maybe the McNabb era can get started. I don't think he's done winning, and there's a shortage in the league. Let McNabb and Orton battle it out in the pre-season.
Defense - I would hope that good recruiting would injury-proof some of these positions and a new coordinator would light a fire under the current starters. Make Urlacher work a little.
That's a lot to do in a year.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 13 Picks
It's a good thing that Chicago is playing a night game tomorrow, because Gundy and I are watching the first two games at Quenchers Saloon and participating in their 28th annual European Beer Tour.
Y'all are welcome to join us. If you dare.
I just hope that I can get enough espresso down my throat to be lucid for the Bears kickoff. On second thought, I may be better off staying drunk for that one.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 110/65/1
Thanksgiving Early Game:
Titans(10-1) over Lions (0-11)
If the Titans hadn't lost last week, I'd pick the Lions to win this miracle game. It's always the crappiest teams that break huge winning streaks, and they don't get any crappier than Detroit. Anyway, the Jets upended the Titans last week and deprived me of my "upset of the century lock of the week". Way to ruin everything, Brett.
Half-Time Report: Holy Shit, the only thing more pathetically embarrassing than the Lions' play was that turd of a half-time show. If Marinelli has one ounce of dignity in his body, he'll come straight out of the locker room and forfeit this abortion.
Thanksgiving Late Game:
Cowboys (7-4) over Seahawks (2-9)
I'm hoping that the Shawks can get their heads out of their asses and deal a crippling loss to the mighty Cowboys. That being said, there's a better chance that Stephen Hawking will win next season's 'Dancing With the Stars" competition. I can dream.
Thanksgiving Night Game:
Cardinals (7-4) over Eagles (5-5)
This has the potential to be a HUGE game. The Eagles need a decisive win here to quell the native uprising (and save their jobs for another week), whereas the Cards are sitting pretty and almost have a playoff berth locked down. I really want to pick the Eagles in this one, but have a feeling that they'll find a way to lose.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (6-5) over 49ers (3-8)
I'm hoping that Samurai Mike is enjoying his stint as an NFL head coach. By my count, he only has 5 games left in that capacity.
Ravens (7-4) over Bengals (1-9)
The Ravens are the better overall team, but the Bengals have the explosive running power of CEDRIC BENSON. The Bengals will be lucky to get out of this one with any positive running yardage.
Colts (7-4) over Browns (4-7)
Romeo Crennel is on his dying breath over in Steamer-Town. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy - Shit coach, but nice guy.
Panthers (8-3) over Packers (5-6)
I'm deluding myself in thinking that the Panthers are good enough to get a win up in Green Bay, but I'm sticking with hope over logic.
Dolphins (6-5) over Rams (2-9)
The Rams are a great team on paper, but last week's suck-fest against the Bears just shows how little stats matter in real games. I'm just hoping that Mr. Kraftwerk himself (Rock Berlin) continues on as the Rams QB, or at the very least gets to do a cabaret act at half-time.
Saints (6-5) over Buccaneers (8-3)
Here's another stupid pick. I'm still amazed at how unbelievably great the Saints looked last week against the Pack. I'm buying into the sucker's bet that they can keep that up for 2 weeks in a row.
Giants (10-1) over Redskins (7-4)
I'm making way too many "heart" picks this week to go with my Skins in this one. I'm picking NY and rooting Washington.
Late Sunday Games:
Chargers (4-7) over Falcons (7-4)
Because San Diego can't lose every game to a last-minute field-goal.
Steelers (8-3) over Patriots (7-4)
Aaaaaaaargh! The Chicago TV market is getting the stupid Jets-Broncos game instead of this one. It's bad enough that we get Green Bay-Carolina instead of New York Washington, but this horse-shit is just rubbing salt into the wound.
Jets (8-3) over Broncos (6-5)
The Jets are gonna win. There, I just freed up 3 hours of your Sunday afternoon to follow more interesting pursuits (like cleaning the leaves out of your gutters).
Raiders (3-8) over Chiefs (1-10)
I still say that the Chiefs are an overall worse team than the Detroit Lions. How Tony Dungy is scamming an NFL franchise out of real folding money as a head coach is way beyond my comprehension. After his coaching career ends (in 4 weeks or so) he should cash in on his unparalleled ability to suck and take out a lease on a dumpster behind the local porno theatre.
Sunday Night Game:
Bears (6-5) over Vikings (6-5)
I might be deluded by fandom, but I can't see how the Vikings are a better team than the Bears. We beat 'em back in week 7, but nobody seems to be giving Chicago a shot in this one.
True, the Vikings really need the win here to have a shot at the NFC North title, but the Bears need a win here almost as bad. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if the Bears crapped out here, but I'm definitely not expecting it. This one's for a good share of the marbles, boys - Don't shit the bed.
Postgame: They shit the bed. Shit the bed HUGE.
Monday Night Game:
Texans (4-7) over Jaguars (4-7)
The Jags are done for the year - Things could be worse, the Texans have been done since they were awarded the franchise. I see the joke-squad getting a mercy-win on the home-turf.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Y'all are welcome to join us. If you dare.
I just hope that I can get enough espresso down my throat to be lucid for the Bears kickoff. On second thought, I may be better off staying drunk for that one.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 110/65/1
Thanksgiving Early Game:
Titans(10-1) over Lions (0-11)
If the Titans hadn't lost last week, I'd pick the Lions to win this miracle game. It's always the crappiest teams that break huge winning streaks, and they don't get any crappier than Detroit. Anyway, the Jets upended the Titans last week and deprived me of my "upset of the century lock of the week". Way to ruin everything, Brett.
Half-Time Report: Holy Shit, the only thing more pathetically embarrassing than the Lions' play was that turd of a half-time show. If Marinelli has one ounce of dignity in his body, he'll come straight out of the locker room and forfeit this abortion.
Thanksgiving Late Game:
Cowboys (7-4) over Seahawks (2-9)
I'm hoping that the Shawks can get their heads out of their asses and deal a crippling loss to the mighty Cowboys. That being said, there's a better chance that Stephen Hawking will win next season's 'Dancing With the Stars" competition. I can dream.
Thanksgiving Night Game:
Cardinals (7-4) over Eagles (5-5)
This has the potential to be a HUGE game. The Eagles need a decisive win here to quell the native uprising (and save their jobs for another week), whereas the Cards are sitting pretty and almost have a playoff berth locked down. I really want to pick the Eagles in this one, but have a feeling that they'll find a way to lose.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (6-5) over 49ers (3-8)
I'm hoping that Samurai Mike is enjoying his stint as an NFL head coach. By my count, he only has 5 games left in that capacity.
Ravens (7-4) over Bengals (1-9)
The Ravens are the better overall team, but the Bengals have the explosive running power of CEDRIC BENSON. The Bengals will be lucky to get out of this one with any positive running yardage.
Colts (7-4) over Browns (4-7)
Romeo Crennel is on his dying breath over in Steamer-Town. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy - Shit coach, but nice guy.
Panthers (8-3) over Packers (5-6)
I'm deluding myself in thinking that the Panthers are good enough to get a win up in Green Bay, but I'm sticking with hope over logic.
Dolphins (6-5) over Rams (2-9)
The Rams are a great team on paper, but last week's suck-fest against the Bears just shows how little stats matter in real games. I'm just hoping that Mr. Kraftwerk himself (Rock Berlin) continues on as the Rams QB, or at the very least gets to do a cabaret act at half-time.
Saints (6-5) over Buccaneers (8-3)
Here's another stupid pick. I'm still amazed at how unbelievably great the Saints looked last week against the Pack. I'm buying into the sucker's bet that they can keep that up for 2 weeks in a row.
Giants (10-1) over Redskins (7-4)
I'm making way too many "heart" picks this week to go with my Skins in this one. I'm picking NY and rooting Washington.
Late Sunday Games:
Chargers (4-7) over Falcons (7-4)
Because San Diego can't lose every game to a last-minute field-goal.
Steelers (8-3) over Patriots (7-4)
Aaaaaaaargh! The Chicago TV market is getting the stupid Jets-Broncos game instead of this one. It's bad enough that we get Green Bay-Carolina instead of New York Washington, but this horse-shit is just rubbing salt into the wound.
Jets (8-3) over Broncos (6-5)
The Jets are gonna win. There, I just freed up 3 hours of your Sunday afternoon to follow more interesting pursuits (like cleaning the leaves out of your gutters).
Raiders (3-8) over Chiefs (1-10)
I still say that the Chiefs are an overall worse team than the Detroit Lions. How Tony Dungy is scamming an NFL franchise out of real folding money as a head coach is way beyond my comprehension. After his coaching career ends (in 4 weeks or so) he should cash in on his unparalleled ability to suck and take out a lease on a dumpster behind the local porno theatre.
Sunday Night Game:
Bears (6-5) over Vikings (6-5)
I might be deluded by fandom, but I can't see how the Vikings are a better team than the Bears. We beat 'em back in week 7, but nobody seems to be giving Chicago a shot in this one.
True, the Vikings really need the win here to have a shot at the NFC North title, but the Bears need a win here almost as bad. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if the Bears crapped out here, but I'm definitely not expecting it. This one's for a good share of the marbles, boys - Don't shit the bed.
Postgame: They shit the bed. Shit the bed HUGE.
Monday Night Game:
Texans (4-7) over Jaguars (4-7)
The Jags are done for the year - Things could be worse, the Texans have been done since they were awarded the franchise. I see the joke-squad getting a mercy-win on the home-turf.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks
Oh Saturday, you cruel vixen. You got me again.
Instead of sitting down and doing my picks early (like a good boy), I went out drinking in the afternoon at Kathy's, got loaded, and (at The Girl's request) headed over to Popeye's for some greasy chicken (bad idea). I had passed out on my couch by 9PM, and woke up at 2AM when the chicken and beer ganged up on me for revenge.
Now I'm up for the day, sore as hell, half-awake, and cranking out these picks hung-over at 4 o'clock in the AM while sipping on some Sunday morning bourbon.
That should explain more than a couple of things.
Last Week's Picks: 12/3/1
Season Record: 100/59/1
Thursday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Bengals (1-8-1)
Ocho Stinko just got deactivated for this game. He's the lucky one. Hell, If I owned the Bengals, I'd deactivate the whole fucking team, coaching staff, fans, and mascot for the remainder of the season - I'd be a hell of a lot less embarrassing for everyone.
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (4-6) over Texans (3-7)
The Texans just can't catch a break. They looked great coming out of the gate and then just nose-dived into oblivion. Now a game comes along that they thought that they might be able to win a few weeks ago, but the Browns are on a huge up-swing with Brady Quinn behind center. There goes the Alamo.
Cowboys (6-4) over 49ers (3-7)
Factiod of the week: When Tony Romo isn't rescuing stranded motorists, hugging bums, or making friends with the mentally retarded, he is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Did you know?
Buccaneers (7-3) over Lions (0-10)
Watching Detroit play football is akin to watching a clown get kicked in the nuts for 3 hours straight.
Jets (7-3) over Titans (10-0)
This is the first time this season that the Titans have been in a match-up with a winning team that's firing on all cylinders. I'm really interested to see how this goes down. I'm going with the Jets on a hunch that Tennessee is primed for a fall just about now.
Bills (5-5) over Chiefs (1-9)
I'm about ready to put the Bills in the corner to think long and hard about what they've done to me over these last few weeks, but not just yet. This is their very small shot at redemption.
Bears (5-5) over Rams (2-8)
Here's what needs to happen in this game: Rest Orton - He came off the DL way too early. That was obvious. Haine and the other guy should be able to handle this one. If not, bring out Orton judiciously. The last thing we need is for the desperate St. Louis D to bring the hurt down and knock him out for the season.
The Bears defense needs to get ugly - Not ugly like they've been playing lately, we're talking Chicago-ugly. Babbich needs to dial up a high-pressure blitzkrieg on the weak St. Louis offense. Knock some teeth out, hammer 'em down, go for the highlight reel plays. If the Bears D keeps up it's anemic ways against the 2&8 Rams, there's no way that Lovie's loyalty can save Babbich from the fans and the front office.
Dolphins (6-4) over Patriots (6-4)
For my money, here's the game of the week. Belichick got bitched by the gimmicky wildcat plays in the Pats embarrassing week 3 loss to the Fish. If he loses another one to Miami, his head is gonna explode live on television. If Miami can secure 2 wins over the mighty Patriots, then they would be in great position for a playoff spot going into the homestretch, and Miami will get a life-sized emerald-encrusted statue of Parcells erected in front of Dolphins stadium.
Jaguars (4-6) over Vikings (5-5)
Here I go again. The Vikes might be for real, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. If they can grab a win over the middling Jags, then they might have a legitimate shot at their very first NFC North title ever (and no one wants that).
Ravens (6-4) over Eagles (5-4-1)
The normally sedate and even-tempered Philly fans are really in an uproar over last week's tie with the Bengals (and McNabb's ignorance regarding the basic rules of the game). The Eagles need to pull off some miracle shit over the next five weeks, or else they're going to be looking for a new head-coach and QB in the offseason.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (6-4) over Raiders (2-8)
It just dawned on me that the only AFC West team that I don't fucking hate right now is the Oakland Raiders, and they couldn't piss their way out of a paper bag. Since this division is so unbelievably weak right now, a Denver win this week could all but clinch it.
Panthers (8-2) over Falcons (6-4)
The Falcons really need the win here to keep the Panthers from running away with the division. I don't see it happening. The Panthers are crazy-good this season. If they weren't from Hicksville, or boring as a biscuit, someone might actually acknowledge their accomplishments this season.
Giants (9-1) over Cardinals (7-3)
Ho-Lee-Shit! The Cards have the NFC West all tied up - That division is even more pathetic than the AFC West. The #2 team behind the Cards right now is the 49ers with 3 wins. Seriously. Arizona is being hoisted by midgets right into the playoffs. I just hope that they could somehow manage an improbable win against a real team this week to help level-out the NFC East.
Redskins (6-4) over Seahawks (2-8)
The Skins really need a win here to end their 2 game skid. It's probable that (as things stand right now) they could reach 10 wins and still miss the playoffs. They have the Giants next week, so if they fold this one, they're toast. Go Skins; You can do it!
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (6-4) over Chargers (4-6)
The Chargers are teetering on the brink of oblivion. Good for them. I'm hoping that Indy can give them that push on over.
Monday Night Game:
Packers (5-5) over Saints (5-5)
This is probably the Saints' last game before a good chunk of their team gets yanked for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. I just hope that they can go out guns blazing and knock Green Bay down one slot in the NFC North standings. I'm not picking it, just hoping it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Instead of sitting down and doing my picks early (like a good boy), I went out drinking in the afternoon at Kathy's, got loaded, and (at The Girl's request) headed over to Popeye's for some greasy chicken (bad idea). I had passed out on my couch by 9PM, and woke up at 2AM when the chicken and beer ganged up on me for revenge.
Now I'm up for the day, sore as hell, half-awake, and cranking out these picks hung-over at 4 o'clock in the AM while sipping on some Sunday morning bourbon.
That should explain more than a couple of things.
Last Week's Picks: 12/3/1
Season Record: 100/59/1
Thursday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Bengals (1-8-1)
Ocho Stinko just got deactivated for this game. He's the lucky one. Hell, If I owned the Bengals, I'd deactivate the whole fucking team, coaching staff, fans, and mascot for the remainder of the season - I'd be a hell of a lot less embarrassing for everyone.
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (4-6) over Texans (3-7)
The Texans just can't catch a break. They looked great coming out of the gate and then just nose-dived into oblivion. Now a game comes along that they thought that they might be able to win a few weeks ago, but the Browns are on a huge up-swing with Brady Quinn behind center. There goes the Alamo.
Cowboys (6-4) over 49ers (3-7)
Factiod of the week: When Tony Romo isn't rescuing stranded motorists, hugging bums, or making friends with the mentally retarded, he is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Did you know?
Buccaneers (7-3) over Lions (0-10)
Watching Detroit play football is akin to watching a clown get kicked in the nuts for 3 hours straight.
Jets (7-3) over Titans (10-0)
This is the first time this season that the Titans have been in a match-up with a winning team that's firing on all cylinders. I'm really interested to see how this goes down. I'm going with the Jets on a hunch that Tennessee is primed for a fall just about now.
Bills (5-5) over Chiefs (1-9)
I'm about ready to put the Bills in the corner to think long and hard about what they've done to me over these last few weeks, but not just yet. This is their very small shot at redemption.
Bears (5-5) over Rams (2-8)
Here's what needs to happen in this game: Rest Orton - He came off the DL way too early. That was obvious. Haine and the other guy should be able to handle this one. If not, bring out Orton judiciously. The last thing we need is for the desperate St. Louis D to bring the hurt down and knock him out for the season.
The Bears defense needs to get ugly - Not ugly like they've been playing lately, we're talking Chicago-ugly. Babbich needs to dial up a high-pressure blitzkrieg on the weak St. Louis offense. Knock some teeth out, hammer 'em down, go for the highlight reel plays. If the Bears D keeps up it's anemic ways against the 2&8 Rams, there's no way that Lovie's loyalty can save Babbich from the fans and the front office.
Dolphins (6-4) over Patriots (6-4)
For my money, here's the game of the week. Belichick got bitched by the gimmicky wildcat plays in the Pats embarrassing week 3 loss to the Fish. If he loses another one to Miami, his head is gonna explode live on television. If Miami can secure 2 wins over the mighty Patriots, then they would be in great position for a playoff spot going into the homestretch, and Miami will get a life-sized emerald-encrusted statue of Parcells erected in front of Dolphins stadium.
Jaguars (4-6) over Vikings (5-5)
Here I go again. The Vikes might be for real, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. If they can grab a win over the middling Jags, then they might have a legitimate shot at their very first NFC North title ever (and no one wants that).
Ravens (6-4) over Eagles (5-4-1)
The normally sedate and even-tempered Philly fans are really in an uproar over last week's tie with the Bengals (and McNabb's ignorance regarding the basic rules of the game). The Eagles need to pull off some miracle shit over the next five weeks, or else they're going to be looking for a new head-coach and QB in the offseason.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (6-4) over Raiders (2-8)
It just dawned on me that the only AFC West team that I don't fucking hate right now is the Oakland Raiders, and they couldn't piss their way out of a paper bag. Since this division is so unbelievably weak right now, a Denver win this week could all but clinch it.
Panthers (8-2) over Falcons (6-4)
The Falcons really need the win here to keep the Panthers from running away with the division. I don't see it happening. The Panthers are crazy-good this season. If they weren't from Hicksville, or boring as a biscuit, someone might actually acknowledge their accomplishments this season.
Giants (9-1) over Cardinals (7-3)
Ho-Lee-Shit! The Cards have the NFC West all tied up - That division is even more pathetic than the AFC West. The #2 team behind the Cards right now is the 49ers with 3 wins. Seriously. Arizona is being hoisted by midgets right into the playoffs. I just hope that they could somehow manage an improbable win against a real team this week to help level-out the NFC East.
Redskins (6-4) over Seahawks (2-8)
The Skins really need a win here to end their 2 game skid. It's probable that (as things stand right now) they could reach 10 wins and still miss the playoffs. They have the Giants next week, so if they fold this one, they're toast. Go Skins; You can do it!
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (6-4) over Chargers (4-6)
The Chargers are teetering on the brink of oblivion. Good for them. I'm hoping that Indy can give them that push on over.
Monday Night Game:
Packers (5-5) over Saints (5-5)
This is probably the Saints' last game before a good chunk of their team gets yanked for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. I just hope that they can go out guns blazing and knock Green Bay down one slot in the NFC North standings. I'm not picking it, just hoping it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Huskie Update
It was a good night for Huskie athletics! A win away from home at Kent State and a win at home against Indiana State.
Attending the Mens's Basketball home opener, this Huskie fan enjoyed a gaime that saw good defense that kept a taller team back on the outside and an offensive effort that stayed strong and composed to keep the lead for the entire game. It was pressure, pressure and more pressure from a well coached group of ugly bags of mostly freshmen.
More importantly, I began with popcorn and coffee in the hospitality room, followed bya hot dog with mustard and relish. I followed-up at half-time with another piping hot cup of coffee, but missed out on the cookies.
I'm looking forward to next week's pigskin skirmish against Navy at Huskie Stadium. You can bet that I'll enjoy a couple of cups of hot coffee that night! Don't be surprised if I have a couple of dogs and a bag of peanuts - gotta eat the shells!
Go Huskies!
Football
NIU 42
Kent 14
M. Basketball
NIU 86
IS 79
Attending the Mens's Basketball home opener, this Huskie fan enjoyed a gaime that saw good defense that kept a taller team back on the outside and an offensive effort that stayed strong and composed to keep the lead for the entire game. It was pressure, pressure and more pressure from a well coached group of ugly bags of mostly freshmen.
More importantly, I began with popcorn and coffee in the hospitality room, followed bya hot dog with mustard and relish. I followed-up at half-time with another piping hot cup of coffee, but missed out on the cookies.
I'm looking forward to next week's pigskin skirmish against Navy at Huskie Stadium. You can bet that I'll enjoy a couple of cups of hot coffee that night! Don't be surprised if I have a couple of dogs and a bag of peanuts - gotta eat the shells!
Go Huskies!
Football
NIU 42
Kent 14
M. Basketball
NIU 86
IS 79
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks
Oh, crap!
I neglected to do the rest of my picks on Thursday and chose to watch the Jets/Pats game instead. Then on Friday I decided to jeopardize my relationship with Jenny by attending a game night at Gundy's (The Girl is a way-sore loser). And today I headed out to the 2PM Ben Weasel show (fucking great!) and then hit Chinatown afterward. Now I'm trying to get the rest of these stupid picks out before everybody comes over for Saturday movie night.
Hurry-up time. Go!
These are gonna be sparse, my bad.
Last Week's Picks: 11/3
Season Record: 88/56
Thursday Night Game:
Jets (6-3) over Patriots (6-3)
What the fuck am I doing? Why in the hell do I think that the fatherfucking Jets can just waltz into Foxboro and walk away with 1st place in the AFC East? I should have my head examined.
Regardless, I'm gonna be glued front & center in front of the parlor wall for this game tonight.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (6-3) over Broncos (5-4)
Hey Atlanta, do me a solid and finish off Denver's playoff dreams this week. Thanx.
Eagles (5-4) over Bengals (1-8)
Wah-wah-wah. You lose, Cincy. Thanks for playing.
Postgame: A tie?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? How do I even score this? People? Help!
Packers (4-5) over Bears (5-4)
I have a bad feeling that Rex is gonna get the majority of snaps this Sunday and something like this is gonna happen:
Colts (5-4) over Texans (3-6)
I rescind my earlier statements - The Clots are lookin' like a playoff bound team again. Go Texans!
Saints (4-5) over Chiefs (1-8)
The 'Aints have gone back to being the bumbling losers of the NFC South. The sure fire cure to your "our team is a' losin' blues" is a visit to ole Kansas City.
Dolphins (5-4) over Raiders (2-7)
Flush!
Giants (8-1) over Ravens (6-3)
Here's the game of the week for the unwashed masses (since nobody without NFL Net saw the Thursday game). I'm picking New York and pulling for Baltimore.
Buccaneers (6-3) over Vikings (5-4)
With a loss here by Minnesota, the Bears will still share 1st place in the NFC North (in a 3-way tie) regardless of what else happens this week.
Panthers (7-2) over Lions (0-9)
It's too bad for Detroit that they don't get to play any games against the Lions. If so, they might just win a game this year.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (2-7) over Rams (2-7)
Hey kids, It's a noobie coach smackdown! In this situation, you've got to root for Samurai Mike.
Cardinals (6-3) over Seahawks (2-7)
Sometime before this season is over, Holmgren is gonna dress-up a walrus with a clipboard and a Seahawks visor and sneak out (unnoticed) to the parking lot to beat traffic.
Titans (9-0) over Jaguars (4-5)
Hey Tennessee; TRAP GAME!!! Watch your ass. This is exactly the sorta game that all the undefeateds seem to lose. I'd totally pick the Jags to win this one if I weren't such a spineless pussy.
Steelers (6-3) over Chargers (4-5)
Drive those nails deep in their coffin, Pittsburgh.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (6-3) over Cowboys (5-4)
Romo's nowhere near 100%, the Dallas team is a pubic-hair away from self-destructing, and the Skins have something to prove coming off of their bye - Happy trails, Cowboys.
Monday Night Game:
Bills (5-4) over Browns (3-6)
This should be a real interesting game - Lots of angles. Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, is trying to get his first win in the NFL (and looking good), while the Williams are trying like hell to hang tough in the tumultuous AFC East. The Bills have homefield and a lot more to fight for, so I'm going with them in this toss-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Ties in BLUE
I neglected to do the rest of my picks on Thursday and chose to watch the Jets/Pats game instead. Then on Friday I decided to jeopardize my relationship with Jenny by attending a game night at Gundy's (The Girl is a way-sore loser). And today I headed out to the 2PM Ben Weasel show (fucking great!) and then hit Chinatown afterward. Now I'm trying to get the rest of these stupid picks out before everybody comes over for Saturday movie night.
Hurry-up time. Go!
These are gonna be sparse, my bad.
Last Week's Picks: 11/3
Season Record: 88/56
Thursday Night Game:
Jets (6-3) over Patriots (6-3)
What the fuck am I doing? Why in the hell do I think that the fatherfucking Jets can just waltz into Foxboro and walk away with 1st place in the AFC East? I should have my head examined.
Regardless, I'm gonna be glued front & center in front of the parlor wall for this game tonight.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (6-3) over Broncos (5-4)
Hey Atlanta, do me a solid and finish off Denver's playoff dreams this week. Thanx.
Eagles (5-4) over Bengals (1-8)
Wah-wah-wah. You lose, Cincy. Thanks for playing.
Postgame: A tie?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? How do I even score this? People? Help!
Packers (4-5) over Bears (5-4)
I have a bad feeling that Rex is gonna get the majority of snaps this Sunday and something like this is gonna happen:
Colts (5-4) over Texans (3-6)
I rescind my earlier statements - The Clots are lookin' like a playoff bound team again. Go Texans!
Saints (4-5) over Chiefs (1-8)
The 'Aints have gone back to being the bumbling losers of the NFC South. The sure fire cure to your "our team is a' losin' blues" is a visit to ole Kansas City.
Dolphins (5-4) over Raiders (2-7)
Flush!
Giants (8-1) over Ravens (6-3)
Here's the game of the week for the unwashed masses (since nobody without NFL Net saw the Thursday game). I'm picking New York and pulling for Baltimore.
Buccaneers (6-3) over Vikings (5-4)
With a loss here by Minnesota, the Bears will still share 1st place in the NFC North (in a 3-way tie) regardless of what else happens this week.
Panthers (7-2) over Lions (0-9)
It's too bad for Detroit that they don't get to play any games against the Lions. If so, they might just win a game this year.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (2-7) over Rams (2-7)
Hey kids, It's a noobie coach smackdown! In this situation, you've got to root for Samurai Mike.
Cardinals (6-3) over Seahawks (2-7)
Sometime before this season is over, Holmgren is gonna dress-up a walrus with a clipboard and a Seahawks visor and sneak out (unnoticed) to the parking lot to beat traffic.
Titans (9-0) over Jaguars (4-5)
Hey Tennessee; TRAP GAME!!! Watch your ass. This is exactly the sorta game that all the undefeateds seem to lose. I'd totally pick the Jags to win this one if I weren't such a spineless pussy.
Steelers (6-3) over Chargers (4-5)
Drive those nails deep in their coffin, Pittsburgh.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (6-3) over Cowboys (5-4)
Romo's nowhere near 100%, the Dallas team is a pubic-hair away from self-destructing, and the Skins have something to prove coming off of their bye - Happy trails, Cowboys.
Monday Night Game:
Bills (5-4) over Browns (3-6)
This should be a real interesting game - Lots of angles. Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, is trying to get his first win in the NFL (and looking good), while the Williams are trying like hell to hang tough in the tumultuous AFC East. The Bills have homefield and a lot more to fight for, so I'm going with them in this toss-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Ties in BLUE
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks
With the Skins in a (merciful) bye, and Grossman behind center for the Bears, I'm looking forward to this Sunday of football like a Ugandan colonoscopy. It doesn't help that the late games we get in the Chicago market are Indy at Pittsburgh (meh) and Carolina at Oakland (?!?!?).
I can't get excited about any televised game this week other than the NBC Sunday nighter.
Here's to week 11.
Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 77/53
Thursday Night Game:
Browns (3-5) over Broncos (4-4)
Thus begins the Brady Quinn era in Cleveland (now the kid might be able to get endorsement deals with a few companies that aren't operated out of some guy's basement).
Postgame: Fucking Kellen Winslow. You owe me one pick, you bum. Without any single of the 3 stupid mistakes you made tonight, the Browns would have won this game.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (5-3) over Saints (4-4)
With an Atlanta win this week and a Carolina loss this week there would be a 3-way tie for first in the NFC South (Tampa's on a bye this week). That's crazy. It's too bad for Atlanta that the Panthers are playing the Raiders this week, or things could get real interesting in this division.
Titans (8-0) over Bears (5-3)
My worst nightmare is that Sexy Rexy is going to step in and pull a "good Rex" miracle out of his ass and smack the undefeated Titans square in the mouth. Then Angelo (feeling vindicated) immediately signs him to a $50-million / 10 year contract extension, and then I'll have to go out and buy a Packers jersey. --shudder-- I'm hoping for a 6 turnover embarrassment from Grossie, a chance to see Haine take the reigns as the Bears back-up QB, and for Rex buy a one-way ticket out of town.
Let the Rexecution begin!
Jaguars (3-5) over Lions (0-8)
It's amazing how hard the Jags are sucking this year. This was arguably the most dominant team in the league last season, now they're a freakin' disaster. I just hope that they have enough steam left to keep the desperate Lions defeated. I'm not sure that they do.
I'm tempted to hope for career-ending injuries for the Lions this week in retribution for the Orton hit-job last week, but there's no one left on the Detroit team that's good enough to wish injury upon. Any homeless C.H.U.D. that you could pull of the rat-infested streets of Detroit would probably be a vast improvement to that team. It's more of a punishment to keep that squad just as it is.
Dolphins (4-4) over Seahawks (2-6)
It is equally amazing at how well the Fins are doing this year. I'm just extremely glad that Parcells went down to Miami last year, instead of to Detroit next year.
Packers (4-4) over Vikings (4-4)
Look on the bright side, now matter how bad the Bears lose this week, we'll still be tied for first in the division with the winner of this game. Maybe not the best scenario, but it could be much worse (see 2 picks above).
Patriots (5-3) over Bills (5-3)
Last Friday I was out drinking at Delilah's. On my way out I picked up a flyer of upcoming events. Much to my surprise, I noticed that they are showing all the Bills & Sabers games live. I never would have pegged Delilah's as a Buffalo loyalist bar. Good for them, I might have to swing by and catch a game there one Sunday when the Bears are playing an off-day, or a night game. Anyway, hipster loyalty isn't gonna save them this week. I see the Patriots winning this one on their home-turf.
Jets (5-3) over Rams (2-6)
The Rams really impressed me with the win over the Skins, the Cowboys and the impressive showing against the Patriots in Foxboro. Although, after last week's pitiful display against the Cardinals, I think that I may have over-valued 'em. I'm reluctantly picking Brett's Jets in this one, but a St Louis upset wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Ravens (5-3) over Texans (3-5)
Here's the Hurricane Ike make-up game from week 2. I think that I picked the Texans to win that game back in September. I'm officially changing that pick right now.
Late Sunday Games:
Panthers (6-2) over Raiders (2-6)
All I can say about this game is: NEXT!
Steelers (6-2) over Colts (4-4)
I would be shocked if the Colts made it to the playoffs this year - The Titans have a 4 game cushion at the half-way point, and are almost guaranteed to win the division. The Colts would have to pull off an impressive winning streak to even be in the running for a playoff spot. That streak isn't going to start this game. Goodnight, Indy.
Chargers (3-5) over Chiefs (1-7)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your teams suck it.
I hope that neither of you clown-squads win another game this year. I'll pick Sham Diego here, and Kansas Shitty on December 14th just to spread the manure evenly for you losers.
Postgame: See, I told you that Herm Edwards was the worst coach in the NFL right now. His super-retard egotistical play-calling cost the Chiefs the win here.
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (7-1) over Eagles (5-3)
This should be a damn fine game. The Eagles play really well against the Giants, and there's no love loss between these two teams. I'm picking the Giants, but pulling for the Eagles to triumph and bring some equilibrium to the NFC East.
Monday Night Game:
Cardinals (5-3) over 49ers (2-6)
I'm so gonna watch this just to see if Samurai Mike can out-crazy Dennis Green on his old turf in the post game rant. I'm just waiting for: "The Cardinals are who we thought they were... Now look at my bare ass! LOOK AT IT!!!"
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I can't get excited about any televised game this week other than the NBC Sunday nighter.
Here's to week 11.
Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 77/53
Thursday Night Game:
Browns (3-5) over Broncos (4-4)
Thus begins the Brady Quinn era in Cleveland (now the kid might be able to get endorsement deals with a few companies that aren't operated out of some guy's basement).
Postgame: Fucking Kellen Winslow. You owe me one pick, you bum. Without any single of the 3 stupid mistakes you made tonight, the Browns would have won this game.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (5-3) over Saints (4-4)
With an Atlanta win this week and a Carolina loss this week there would be a 3-way tie for first in the NFC South (Tampa's on a bye this week). That's crazy. It's too bad for Atlanta that the Panthers are playing the Raiders this week, or things could get real interesting in this division.
Titans (8-0) over Bears (5-3)
My worst nightmare is that Sexy Rexy is going to step in and pull a "good Rex" miracle out of his ass and smack the undefeated Titans square in the mouth. Then Angelo (feeling vindicated) immediately signs him to a $50-million / 10 year contract extension, and then I'll have to go out and buy a Packers jersey. --shudder-- I'm hoping for a 6 turnover embarrassment from Grossie, a chance to see Haine take the reigns as the Bears back-up QB, and for Rex buy a one-way ticket out of town.
Let the Rexecution begin!
Jaguars (3-5) over Lions (0-8)
It's amazing how hard the Jags are sucking this year. This was arguably the most dominant team in the league last season, now they're a freakin' disaster. I just hope that they have enough steam left to keep the desperate Lions defeated. I'm not sure that they do.
I'm tempted to hope for career-ending injuries for the Lions this week in retribution for the Orton hit-job last week, but there's no one left on the Detroit team that's good enough to wish injury upon. Any homeless C.H.U.D. that you could pull of the rat-infested streets of Detroit would probably be a vast improvement to that team. It's more of a punishment to keep that squad just as it is.
Dolphins (4-4) over Seahawks (2-6)
It is equally amazing at how well the Fins are doing this year. I'm just extremely glad that Parcells went down to Miami last year, instead of to Detroit next year.
Packers (4-4) over Vikings (4-4)
Look on the bright side, now matter how bad the Bears lose this week, we'll still be tied for first in the division with the winner of this game. Maybe not the best scenario, but it could be much worse (see 2 picks above).
Patriots (5-3) over Bills (5-3)
Last Friday I was out drinking at Delilah's. On my way out I picked up a flyer of upcoming events. Much to my surprise, I noticed that they are showing all the Bills & Sabers games live. I never would have pegged Delilah's as a Buffalo loyalist bar. Good for them, I might have to swing by and catch a game there one Sunday when the Bears are playing an off-day, or a night game. Anyway, hipster loyalty isn't gonna save them this week. I see the Patriots winning this one on their home-turf.
Jets (5-3) over Rams (2-6)
The Rams really impressed me with the win over the Skins, the Cowboys and the impressive showing against the Patriots in Foxboro. Although, after last week's pitiful display against the Cardinals, I think that I may have over-valued 'em. I'm reluctantly picking Brett's Jets in this one, but a St Louis upset wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Ravens (5-3) over Texans (3-5)
Here's the Hurricane Ike make-up game from week 2. I think that I picked the Texans to win that game back in September. I'm officially changing that pick right now.
Late Sunday Games:
Panthers (6-2) over Raiders (2-6)
All I can say about this game is: NEXT!
Steelers (6-2) over Colts (4-4)
I would be shocked if the Colts made it to the playoffs this year - The Titans have a 4 game cushion at the half-way point, and are almost guaranteed to win the division. The Colts would have to pull off an impressive winning streak to even be in the running for a playoff spot. That streak isn't going to start this game. Goodnight, Indy.
Chargers (3-5) over Chiefs (1-7)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your teams suck it.
I hope that neither of you clown-squads win another game this year. I'll pick Sham Diego here, and Kansas Shitty on December 14th just to spread the manure evenly for you losers.
Postgame: See, I told you that Herm Edwards was the worst coach in the NFL right now. His super-retard egotistical play-calling cost the Chiefs the win here.
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (7-1) over Eagles (5-3)
This should be a damn fine game. The Eagles play really well against the Giants, and there's no love loss between these two teams. I'm picking the Giants, but pulling for the Eagles to triumph and bring some equilibrium to the NFC East.
Monday Night Game:
Cardinals (5-3) over 49ers (2-6)
I'm so gonna watch this just to see if Samurai Mike can out-crazy Dennis Green on his old turf in the post game rant. I'm just waiting for: "The Cardinals are who we thought they were... Now look at my bare ass! LOOK AT IT!!!"
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks
I wasted this entire weekend reliving my childhood by endlessly playing Mega Man II on the PS2. I was at the final boss before the huge ending and realized that I didn't have enough rockets to finish the level (and no way to get 'em). Now I have to replay the entire game from the beginning, or just give up.
Seriously?!?
Is it just me, or were game designers a bunch of huge fucking pricks back then? With an entire weekend pissed away, I'm done with all that noise (unless someone releases Bionic Commando* or Kid Icarus anthologies for Xbox 360).
Anyway, I gave up on the retro video games and decided to spend my time on an equally worthless pursuit; blogging about professional sports. I'm just hoping that I don't get stuck at the end of this post and have to re-do it from word one.
That would suck it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 69/47
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (5-2) over Jets (4-3)
The Bills are coming off of a bruising loss to Miami last week and the Jets are coming off of an unimpressive 17-seconds-from disaster win over the Chiefs last week. Favre hasn't been himself lately, and there's a bunch of speculation that his shoulder may be hinkey. I just don't think that he has what it takes right now to get the first win of his career in the city of Buffalo.
Bears (4-3) over Lions (0-7)
Remember back in week 6 when I warned the Redskins of a trap game against the winless Rams (which they subsequently lost)? Well, this is nothing like that. The Lions are so beat down that it would take Grossman behind center to hand them a win here.
Postgame: Wow, I almost jinxed that one. Sorry about the season, folks.
Jaguars (3-4) over Bengals (0-8)
The Jags are backed into a corner and trying like hell to salvage any hopes of a playoff berth. A trip to Cincinnati should heal what ails 'em (at least for this week).
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, Jacksonville.
Browns (3-4) over Ravens (4-3)
This one really depends on which Browns team takes the field this Sunday. Will it be the team that decimated the Super Bowl Champion Giants in week 6, or the team that sucked out loud in their last match-up with Baltimore in week 3?
Titans (7-0) over Packers (4-3)
This game should be a lot closer than anyone is expecting, and Green Bay has a good shot at an upset here. I'm hoping that the Titans win, but that the Pack lays down the hurt on Tennessee - The more stocked the Titan's DL is next week, the better shot the Bears have of ousting the last undefeated team in the NFL.
Buccaneers (5-3) over Chiefs (1-6)
The Bucs are a total mystery. They go from looking like a Super Bowl caliber team to a bumbling train wreck from week to week. It's downright perplexing. On the other hand, the Chiefs always look like crap. Thank you, Kansas City for making this an easy pick.
Rams (2-5) over Cardinals (4-3)
Since the Rams dumped (ex-head coach) Linehan, they've won two and had a shot at a win on the road against the mighty Patriots last week. WTF? That's crazy.
Vikings (3-4) over Texans (3-4)
Here's the coin-toss game of the week. This one could easily go either way. I'm doing what I always do in this situation: 1) pick the home team and/or 2) pick the team I want to lose, so that regardless of the result, I'm happy.
Late Sunday Games:
Dolphins (3-4) over Broncos (4-3)
I have no fucking idea why I'm picking Miami to pull off the upset at Mile-High Stadium. Call it a stupid, stupid hunch.
Falcons (4-3) over Raiders (2-5)
The only wins Oakland has gotten this year were over the Chiefs and the hobbled Jets. The Falcons haven't been giving up "gimme" games this year. All signs point toward an Atlanta win.
Giants (6-1) over Cowboys (5-3)
If Romo was in this one, It'd be a great fucking game. He's not. If you enjoy watching the Cowboys get loads of comeuppance, watch this one. If you're a gentle soul, turn away.
Eagles (4-3) over Seahawks (2-5)
It's the Battle of the Birds round II. Last week the winged raptors of Philly made a meal out of the fighting Falcons of Atlanta. This week they get the broken budgies of scenic Puget Sound. Okay, This really isn't a battle, more of a mercy killing.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (5-2) over Colts (3-4)
When they were making up the schedule in the offseason, this must have looked like a powerhouse match-up of two (potentially undefeated) teams. That would have been great to watch. Now? Meh. I wouldn't be surprised if neither of these teams made the playoffs this year.
Monday Night Game:
Redskins (6-2) over Steelers (5-2)
WATCH THIS GAME! This is the marquee match-up of the week. Both of these teams are at the top of their games, and this should be a spectacle to behold. It's gonna be a good one.
Go Skins!
Postgame: I really hope you didn't watch that game. Ugh!
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Fuck me; they're releasing a NEW Bionic Commando with Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle) voicing the protagonist. I may be excited about a video game for the first time in 20 years.
Seriously?!?
Is it just me, or were game designers a bunch of huge fucking pricks back then? With an entire weekend pissed away, I'm done with all that noise (unless someone releases Bionic Commando* or Kid Icarus anthologies for Xbox 360).
Anyway, I gave up on the retro video games and decided to spend my time on an equally worthless pursuit; blogging about professional sports. I'm just hoping that I don't get stuck at the end of this post and have to re-do it from word one.
That would suck it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 69/47
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (5-2) over Jets (4-3)
The Bills are coming off of a bruising loss to Miami last week and the Jets are coming off of an unimpressive 17-seconds-from disaster win over the Chiefs last week. Favre hasn't been himself lately, and there's a bunch of speculation that his shoulder may be hinkey. I just don't think that he has what it takes right now to get the first win of his career in the city of Buffalo.
Bears (4-3) over Lions (0-7)
Remember back in week 6 when I warned the Redskins of a trap game against the winless Rams (which they subsequently lost)? Well, this is nothing like that. The Lions are so beat down that it would take Grossman behind center to hand them a win here.
Postgame: Wow, I almost jinxed that one. Sorry about the season, folks.
Jaguars (3-4) over Bengals (0-8)
The Jags are backed into a corner and trying like hell to salvage any hopes of a playoff berth. A trip to Cincinnati should heal what ails 'em (at least for this week).
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, Jacksonville.
Browns (3-4) over Ravens (4-3)
This one really depends on which Browns team takes the field this Sunday. Will it be the team that decimated the Super Bowl Champion Giants in week 6, or the team that sucked out loud in their last match-up with Baltimore in week 3?
Titans (7-0) over Packers (4-3)
This game should be a lot closer than anyone is expecting, and Green Bay has a good shot at an upset here. I'm hoping that the Titans win, but that the Pack lays down the hurt on Tennessee - The more stocked the Titan's DL is next week, the better shot the Bears have of ousting the last undefeated team in the NFL.
Buccaneers (5-3) over Chiefs (1-6)
The Bucs are a total mystery. They go from looking like a Super Bowl caliber team to a bumbling train wreck from week to week. It's downright perplexing. On the other hand, the Chiefs always look like crap. Thank you, Kansas City for making this an easy pick.
Rams (2-5) over Cardinals (4-3)
Since the Rams dumped (ex-head coach) Linehan, they've won two and had a shot at a win on the road against the mighty Patriots last week. WTF? That's crazy.
Vikings (3-4) over Texans (3-4)
Here's the coin-toss game of the week. This one could easily go either way. I'm doing what I always do in this situation: 1) pick the home team and/or 2) pick the team I want to lose, so that regardless of the result, I'm happy.
Late Sunday Games:
Dolphins (3-4) over Broncos (4-3)
I have no fucking idea why I'm picking Miami to pull off the upset at Mile-High Stadium. Call it a stupid, stupid hunch.
Falcons (4-3) over Raiders (2-5)
The only wins Oakland has gotten this year were over the Chiefs and the hobbled Jets. The Falcons haven't been giving up "gimme" games this year. All signs point toward an Atlanta win.
Giants (6-1) over Cowboys (5-3)
If Romo was in this one, It'd be a great fucking game. He's not. If you enjoy watching the Cowboys get loads of comeuppance, watch this one. If you're a gentle soul, turn away.
Eagles (4-3) over Seahawks (2-5)
It's the Battle of the Birds round II. Last week the winged raptors of Philly made a meal out of the fighting Falcons of Atlanta. This week they get the broken budgies of scenic Puget Sound. Okay, This really isn't a battle, more of a mercy killing.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (5-2) over Colts (3-4)
When they were making up the schedule in the offseason, this must have looked like a powerhouse match-up of two (potentially undefeated) teams. That would have been great to watch. Now? Meh. I wouldn't be surprised if neither of these teams made the playoffs this year.
Monday Night Game:
Redskins (6-2) over Steelers (5-2)
WATCH THIS GAME! This is the marquee match-up of the week. Both of these teams are at the top of their games, and this should be a spectacle to behold. It's gonna be a good one.
Go Skins!
Postgame: I really hope you didn't watch that game. Ugh!
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Fuck me; they're releasing a NEW Bionic Commando with Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle) voicing the protagonist. I may be excited about a video game for the first time in 20 years.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks
I spent way too long doing my picks this week, now I'm running late for a party tonight. Let's stop wasting time and get right to it.
Last Week's Picks: 10/4
Season Record: 60/42
Early Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (5-2) over Cowboys (4-3)
I'm gonna tune into this one just to watch Wade Phillips on the Dallas sideline. Jerry Jones says his job is safe, but the big guy hates losing and has a hair-line trigger. The Cowboys are in a bad spot right now, and unless they can pull off a huge upset with their second-stringers, I see a new hard-ass head coach moving in before Tony Romo's busted pinkie has a chance to heal.
Redskins (5-2) over Lions (0-6)
The last "gimme" game the Skins had against a winless joke of a team was two weeks ago against the Rams. They lost at the last second with a St. Louis field-goal. I'm hoping like hell that they learned their lesson then, and will go after the throat of the Motor City Kitties and decimate them with every weapon in the Washington arsenal - I won't be happy unless the Bears are playing against all Detroit 3rd-stringers next Sunday.
Bills (5-1) over Dolphins (2-4)
The Bills are for real, baby. The Phins need this win, but it's gonna be too much of a struggle to up-end the AFC East leaders.
Patriots (4-2) over Rams (2-4)
The Rams are playing with a chip on their shoulder, fire in their bellys, and hate in their hearts; Goodbye Linehan, indeed. The Pats are starting to gel under Cassel, but are losing players left and right. This should be an entertaining game, but St. Louis is way out-classed in this one.
Chargers (3-4) over Saints (3-4)
Note: Due to this game being played in Wembly Stadium in London, I've decided to write this pick in Cockney rhyming-slang. Deal with it.
Oi! saucepan lids, it's anovver London game, but this nickle and dime in hell 'ov a reason. The bloomin' Saints 'eaven and 'ell need a win 'ere ter stay competitive in air incision, but I loike the Chargers in ben wahn.
Jets (3-3) over Chiefs (1-5)
Back in the '06 off-season the Chiefs played dirty and grabbed Herm Edwards from the Jets with 2 years left on his coaching contract. It ended up costing the Chief a 4th round draft pick for tampering.
What did Kansas City get with Edwards? A pathetic 14 & 24 record, a depleted roster, and possibly one of the worst coaches in NFL history. Congratulations, douchebags.
This is Herm's triumphant return to the Meadowlands. Cheer up, New York, being rid of that scum-fuck loser is better than a hundred Brett Favres wrapped up under your Christmas tree.
Eagles (3-3) over Falcons (4-2)
It's the battle of the birds! This is going to be a great game. the Eagles are struggling to keep their heads above water in the NFC East, and the Falcons are booming out of the gate with their rebuilt team. I'm just picking the home team here, due to a lack of any real discernible advantage either way.
Panthers (5-2) over Cardinals (4-2)
The Cardinals better start losing some games quick, or they might actually finish a season with a winning record, and we just can't have that.
Ravens (3-3) over Raiders (2-4)
The Raiders are coming off an impressive win over the Jets. They're flying at Mach II right now - Right into the brick-wall defense of Baltimore. Eject! Eject!
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (2-4) over Bengals (0-7)
The Bengals so bad, they think the Quarterback is a government refund.
The Bengals so bad, they think the Super Bowl is what goes with the Super Spoon.
The Bengals so bad, they ran to Canada to avoid the NFL Draft.
The Bengals so bad, the only scoring they do is on the drug test.
etc, etc.
Jaguars (3-3) over Browns (2-4)
I'd like to see the Brownies grab a win here and right their season before it capsizes below the waves of mediocrity, but If I were Cleveland I'd have the life rafts at the ready.
Giants (5-1) over Steelers (5-1)
This is probably the best game of the week right here. For some reason, I just don't give a shit. I'd much rather watch the battle for the bottom out in the land of Rice-A-Roni (see below).
49ers (2-5) over Seahawks (1-5)
Samurai Mike make his debut as the Niners head coach in this one. I'm really interested in seeing how he does. There has been a lot of buzz around him since his days with the Ravens, but the word is that he just isn't good with the "X's" & "O's" 0f the game. I'm shocked that San Fran didn't just bump-up Mike Martz, who has a proven track-record of winning. Singletary better put together some magic quick, or his career as a NFL head coach could be a short-lived one.
No Sunday Night Game (due to World Series)
Monday Night Game:
Titans (6-0) over Colts (3-3)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. With a win here, the Titans could nearly knock the Colts out of contention and secure a stranglehold on the AFC South division. The only thing that can derail 'em now is if somehow Vince Young weaseled his way back onto the field this season. If I were Tennessee, I would set up razor wire and armed turrets along the sideline to prevent that tragedy from happening.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last Week's Picks: 10/4
Season Record: 60/42
Early Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (5-2) over Cowboys (4-3)
I'm gonna tune into this one just to watch Wade Phillips on the Dallas sideline. Jerry Jones says his job is safe, but the big guy hates losing and has a hair-line trigger. The Cowboys are in a bad spot right now, and unless they can pull off a huge upset with their second-stringers, I see a new hard-ass head coach moving in before Tony Romo's busted pinkie has a chance to heal.
Redskins (5-2) over Lions (0-6)
The last "gimme" game the Skins had against a winless joke of a team was two weeks ago against the Rams. They lost at the last second with a St. Louis field-goal. I'm hoping like hell that they learned their lesson then, and will go after the throat of the Motor City Kitties and decimate them with every weapon in the Washington arsenal - I won't be happy unless the Bears are playing against all Detroit 3rd-stringers next Sunday.
Bills (5-1) over Dolphins (2-4)
The Bills are for real, baby. The Phins need this win, but it's gonna be too much of a struggle to up-end the AFC East leaders.
Patriots (4-2) over Rams (2-4)
The Rams are playing with a chip on their shoulder, fire in their bellys, and hate in their hearts; Goodbye Linehan, indeed. The Pats are starting to gel under Cassel, but are losing players left and right. This should be an entertaining game, but St. Louis is way out-classed in this one.
Chargers (3-4) over Saints (3-4)
Note: Due to this game being played in Wembly Stadium in London, I've decided to write this pick in Cockney rhyming-slang. Deal with it.
Oi! saucepan lids, it's anovver London game, but this nickle and dime in hell 'ov a reason. The bloomin' Saints 'eaven and 'ell need a win 'ere ter stay competitive in air incision, but I loike the Chargers in ben wahn.
Jets (3-3) over Chiefs (1-5)
Back in the '06 off-season the Chiefs played dirty and grabbed Herm Edwards from the Jets with 2 years left on his coaching contract. It ended up costing the Chief a 4th round draft pick for tampering.
What did Kansas City get with Edwards? A pathetic 14 & 24 record, a depleted roster, and possibly one of the worst coaches in NFL history. Congratulations, douchebags.
This is Herm's triumphant return to the Meadowlands. Cheer up, New York, being rid of that scum-fuck loser is better than a hundred Brett Favres wrapped up under your Christmas tree.
Eagles (3-3) over Falcons (4-2)
It's the battle of the birds! This is going to be a great game. the Eagles are struggling to keep their heads above water in the NFC East, and the Falcons are booming out of the gate with their rebuilt team. I'm just picking the home team here, due to a lack of any real discernible advantage either way.
Panthers (5-2) over Cardinals (4-2)
The Cardinals better start losing some games quick, or they might actually finish a season with a winning record, and we just can't have that.
Ravens (3-3) over Raiders (2-4)
The Raiders are coming off an impressive win over the Jets. They're flying at Mach II right now - Right into the brick-wall defense of Baltimore. Eject! Eject!
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (2-4) over Bengals (0-7)
The Bengals so bad, they think the Quarterback is a government refund.
The Bengals so bad, they think the Super Bowl is what goes with the Super Spoon.
The Bengals so bad, they ran to Canada to avoid the NFL Draft.
The Bengals so bad, the only scoring they do is on the drug test.
etc, etc.
Jaguars (3-3) over Browns (2-4)
I'd like to see the Brownies grab a win here and right their season before it capsizes below the waves of mediocrity, but If I were Cleveland I'd have the life rafts at the ready.
Giants (5-1) over Steelers (5-1)
This is probably the best game of the week right here. For some reason, I just don't give a shit. I'd much rather watch the battle for the bottom out in the land of Rice-A-Roni (see below).
49ers (2-5) over Seahawks (1-5)
Samurai Mike make his debut as the Niners head coach in this one. I'm really interested in seeing how he does. There has been a lot of buzz around him since his days with the Ravens, but the word is that he just isn't good with the "X's" & "O's" 0f the game. I'm shocked that San Fran didn't just bump-up Mike Martz, who has a proven track-record of winning. Singletary better put together some magic quick, or his career as a NFL head coach could be a short-lived one.
No Sunday Night Game (due to World Series)
Monday Night Game:
Titans (6-0) over Colts (3-3)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. With a win here, the Titans could nearly knock the Colts out of contention and secure a stranglehold on the AFC South division. The only thing that can derail 'em now is if somehow Vince Young weaseled his way back onto the field this season. If I were Tennessee, I would set up razor wire and armed turrets along the sideline to prevent that tragedy from happening.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
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