The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks

It's Halloween season leading into a mid-term election and the scariest thing I've heard all week? The following quote by Lovie Smith:
''They don't give out championships in October, all right? You start getting yourself in position to make a run in November, in December. We have ourselves in position to make a run."
Are you fucking kidding me? Here's the rest of the schedule: @ Bills, Vikings, @ Dolphins, Eagles, @ Lions, Patriots, @ Vikings, Jets, @ Packers. We'll be lucky to get through at .500, and that's if the O-Line doesn't get Cutler killed.
I'm just glad the Bears have the week off so they won't ruin my holiday weekend.

Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 61/43


Early Sunday Games:

Dolphins (3-3) over Bengals* (2-4)

The Fish don't lose on the road (and don't win at home). Make a note of it.

Jaguars (3-4) over Cowboys* (1-5)

Fucking Cowboys... Still haven't picked ONE single 'Boys game right this season. The problem seems to be that I keep picking 'em to win.

Redskins (4-3) over Lions* (1-5)

Matt Stafford makes his return for Detroit this week. Somewhereearly in the 3rd he'll go out for another 7 weeks.
Postgame: FUCKING GROSSMAN!  That twat went from fumbling away games for my Bears to fumbling away games for my Redskins.

Chiefs* (4-2) over Bills (0-6)

The Bills are eventually going to get a win somewhere this year. It isn't going to be in Kansas City, and I hope like hell it isn't going to be up in Toronto next week.
Postgame: This very well might have been the game of the season.  The Bears can't sleep on the Bills next week.

Rams* (3-4) over Panthers (1-5)

The Panthers Beat the mighty Niners last week, let's see what they do up against a team with triple the wins this week.

Jets* (5-1) over Packers (4-3)

The only true hope that Chicago has this season lies with the ineptitude of the Pack and the imploding Vikes. Victory through attrition.

Broncos (2-5) over 49ers (1-6)

This game is being played in London on Halloween, so I give you this:
They called us walking corpses - Unholy living dead
They had to lock us up - Put us in their British Hell
I don't wanna be here in your London Dungeon
I don't wanna be here in your British Hell
Yeah, that sounds about right.

Late Sunday Games:
Titans (5-2) over Chargers* (2-5)
Every-fucking-body is picking the Chargers to win here. WHY?!?!
Postgame:  That's why.

Seahawks (4-2) over Raiders* (3-4)

I'm really tempted to pick the Raiders at home, but I think that Carrol's Shawks have a slight edge in this one.

Patriots* (5-1) over Vikings (2-4)

The only real question here is whether Favre will get his 192nd consecutive start in this one. If not, it's the end for him in the NFL.

Cardinals* (3-3) over Buccaneers (4-2)

The Buccaneers are doing real well this season, but the teams they've beaten up to this point are a cumulative 8&18. I'm not buying into 'em quite yet.

Sunday Night Game:
Steelers (5-1) over Saints* (4-3)
Rooting Saints - Picking Steelers.

Monday Night Game:
Colts* (4-2) over Texans (4-2)
The Texans got their second win ever over the Colts in the opener this year. Another win here would be HUGE, but I'm not betting on lightning striking twice in the same season.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 7 Picks

In lieu of an opening paragraph this week, here's a humorous photograph:

Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 52/38

Early Sunday Games:
Redskins (3-3) over Bears* (4-2)
Last week the Skins were two fingertips away from beating the mighty Colts. Last week the sucktacular Seahawks had both fists planted up the Bears' (collective) ass. This doesn't look good for Chicago.

Falcons* (4-2) over Bengals (2-3)

The Falcons don't lose at home, and the Bengals don't win ever.

Titans* (4-2) over Eagles (4-2)

I'll admit it, the Iggles are a lot better than I thought they would be. That said, the Titans are a damned tough team to beat.

Chiefs* (3-2) over Jaguars (3-3)

The Chiefs are dominant at home this season. Never thought I'd be writing that preceding sentence.

Steelers (4-1) over Dolphins* (3-2)

I'm tempted to pick the Fish here, but I'm not going to pick against the Steelers until they give me a reason to do so.

Saints* (4-2) over Browns (1-5)

I have nothing to say here. Should be a blow-out.

Rams (3-3) over Buccaneers* (3-2)

If it weren't for the Chiefs, the Rams would be the biggest shock of the season. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if they were a playoff team in the next couple of seasons.

49ers (1-5) over Panthers* (0-5)

The reason that the Rams might be a playoff team is that (as it turns out) the Niners suck it raw. The Panthers are even worse.

Ravens* (4-2) over Bills (0-5)

Yeesh. The Williams just can't catch a break - They also can't catch a ball.

Late Sunday Games:
Seahawks* (3-2) over Cardinals (3-2)
Fuck the NFC West. Whoever wins this game takes the lead in the division. At this point, the Rams and (to a lesser extent) the Niners are still in the hunt. Pathetic.

Broncos* (2-4) over Raiders (2-4)

The AFC West is almost as bad. I still like the Broncos, although I'm not quite sure why.

Patriots (4-1) over Chargers* (2-4)

If the Chargers can get a win here, they'll be right back in the mix in the aforementioned AFC West. Ain't gonna happen - The Chargers boat has sailed.

Sunday Night Game:
Packers* (3-3) over Vikings (2-3)
No matter what happens here, the Bears will still have the lead in the NFC North at week's end (due to the week 3 victory over the Pack). Let's enjoy that while it lasts.

Monday Night Game:
Cowboys* (1-4) over Giants (2-4)
Dallas needs a win here. Yeah, I say it every week, but that doesn't mean it isn't true every week. A win here could act as a catalyst for a winning season in Dallas.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 6 Picks

Every Riot Fest weekend my picks go to shit. Hell, I should consider myself lucky that this year I just went .500 - It's been worse. Now that my week-long bender is over, I can focus on football and chasing away this hangover.

Last Week's Picks: 7/7
Season Record: 44/32

Early Sunday Games:
Bears* (4-1) over Seahawks (2-2)
We get Cutler back this week. I can't wait until we get back an O-Line of some sort.

Dolphins (2-2) over Packers* (3-2)

I still haven't incorrectly picked a Packers game this season. Here's to keeping that streak going!

Chargers (2-3) over Rams* (2-3)

I keep getting screwed picking the stupid fucking Chargers. ...and here I go again.

Ravens (4-1) over Patriots* (3-1)

I say that the Ravens are the best team in the league right now. Here's that test.

Giants* (3-2) over Lions (1-4)

The Giants really looked bad up to that Bears game. Now they have new life - Not happy about that.

Falcons (4-1) over Eagles* (3-2)

The Eagles are good enough to beat the Lions, Jaguars, and 49ers. The Falcons have just as many wins as those 3 teams combined (and 10 less losses).

Steelers* (3-1) over Browns (1-4)

I have a seeking suspicion that the Steelers aren't going to be as good with Roethlisberger for the first few games he's back. Q: What's worse than a rusty rapist? A: Fresh meat - Colt McCoy is making his NFL debut for the Browns in this one.

Saints (3-2) over Buccaneers* (3-1)

The Saints really need a divisional road-win here to right their sinking ship. If not, I think that's it's gonna get ugly in flood-town.

Texans* (3-2) over Chiefs (3-1)

I really want to pick the Chiefs here, but the only team they've beaten on the road so far has been the Browns. I'd pick 'em in a heartbeat at home, but am going with the home team in this toss-up.

Late Sunday Games:
Jets (4-1) over Broncos* (2-3)
This one could be a lot closer than you'd think. This should be an entertaining game.

Raiders (2-3) over 49ers* (0-5)

Originally had the Niners winning here, but switched it at the last minute when I realized that I keep getting burned picking Samurai Mike's clown-squad.

Cowboys (1-3) over Vikings* (1-3)

I'm seriously wondering which one of these teams will be the first to claim 'Disappointed' by The Mushuganas as this year's team theme song. That would so rule.

Sunday Night Game:
Colts (3-2) over Redskins* (3-2)
I really want to pick the Redskins at home here against the wobbly Colts. I'm just worried that the Colts will blow up on my Skins here, and I'll feel like a double-plus idiot.

Monday Night Game:
Titans (3-2) over Jaguars* (3-2)
The Jags are 3&2?!?! Really?! I'll be damned.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 5 Picks

It's that time of the year again. The time when I forget all about the NFL and get my music geek up and runnin' for Riot Fest. I've sobered up just enough from last night's Naked Raygun show to whip out some picks before tonight's Bhopal Stiffs show.

Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 37/25

Early Sunday Games:
Bears (3-1) over Panthers* (0-4)
Man, last Monday's Bears game was the ugliest football game I've ever seen. They need redemption, and are going to have to get it with Todd Collins at QB. Here's hoping.

Redskins* (2-2) over Packers (3-1)

Yeah, I'm playing favorites here. I believe the 'Skins are better than people think, and the Pack are worse than people think. Then again, I'm biased.

Jaguars (2-2) over Bills* (0-4)

**stares blankly, moves on**

Bengals* (2-2) over Buccaneers (2-1)

The Bengals really need to start winning if they're going to live up to their preseason hype.

Falcons* (3-1) over Browns (1-3)

Heck of a job, Brownies on your win last week. Now you can go back to sleep.

Rams (2-2) over Lions* (0-4)

The Lions are the sexy upset pick this week. They're looking better, but the Rams might actually be good with Bradford at QB.

Colts* (2-2) over Chiefs (3-0)

I really want to pick the Chiefs here, but 'Chiefs over Colts' just doesn't look right.

Ravens* (3-1) over Broncos (2-2)

A Broncos win would be HUGE here, but I say the Ravens are the best team in the NFL right now,

Texans* (3-1) over Giants (2-2)

Last time I checked, the Texans had an offensive line (unlike other teams best left unmentioned after last week)- They should do fine against the Giants.

Late Sunday Games:
Saints (3-1) over Cardinals* (2-2)
The Saints have had their ups and downs this year. The Cards just have just had downs.

Cowboys* (1-2) over Titans (2-2)

Wow, here's a dumb pick. I just think that the Boys need to win this one off of their bye week.

Chargers* (2-2) over Raiders (1-3)

This match-up is about as exciting as a cup of flour. Next!

Sunday Night Game:
49ers* (0-4) over Eagles (2-2)
Okay, now we're talking! If Samurai Mike loses five in a row, watch for his head to explode all Scanners style over on the sideline. Now THAT'S entertainment.

Monday Night Game:
Jets* (3-1) over Vikings (1-2)
Randy Moss makes his (less than) triumphant return to the Vikings. Unfortunately for him, said return happens in the Meadowlands against the red-hot Jets.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 4 Picks

It's week four of the 2010 NFL season and the undefeated teams are the (Roethlisberger-less) Steelers, The Kansas City Chiefs, and the Bears... Really? Are you sure? That's some wacky shit right there.
Anyhow, I'm kinda in a rush and am pushing this out at the last minute, so enough with the chit-chat, let's half-ass our way through some picks.

Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 29/19

Early Sunday Games:
Falcons* (2-1) over 49ers (0-3)
The Niners just can't get a break, and things really don't bode well for teams who jettison their Offensive Coordinators early in the season. It looks to be a bleak season out in the Bay.

Jets* (2-1) over Bills (0-3)

I have very little to say here. The Jets look good, the Williams don't. Period.

Bengals (2-1) over Browns* (0-3)

The Browns really aren't as bad as their record suggests. This could be a trap-game for Cincy.

Packers* (2-1) over Lions (0-3)

Go Detroit!

Titans* (2-1) over Broncos (1-2)

Denver is running up crazy numbers on offense, and still losing games. This could go either way, but I'm sticking with the winning team.

Seahawks (2-1) over Rams* (1-2)

Saint Louis sprung their trap-game last week on the fucking Redskins. The Seahawks should be fine.

Saints* (2-1) over Panthers (0-3)

The Saints are one blown chip-shot field-goal away from being undefeated. Ouch.

Ravens (2-1) over Steelers* (3-0)

The Ravens are a damned good team, and I just can't believe that the Steelers are going to go 4&0 without Mr. Grabby-Feely.

Late Sunday Games:
Texans (2-1) over Raiders* (1-2)
The Raiders lost a heart-breaker last week on a bad kick. Unfortunately for them, it doesn't get any easier this week.

Colts (2-1) over Jaguars* (1-2)

The Jags stink on ice. The Colts may as well have a bye-week here.

Redskins (1-2) over Eagles* (2-1)

This is the day that McNabb has waited for since the day he was discarded by the Iggles. He wants nothing more than to march into the Link and clown his old team in their house. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, because if it goes the other way it's just gonna be sad.

Chargers* (1-2) over Cardinals (2-1)

September is over. Time for the Chargers to start winning games.

Sunday Night Game:
Bears (3-0) over Giants* (1-2)
The Giants are a wreck right now. Unless the Bears self-destruct, they should score a nice road win.
Postgame: BOOOOOM! They self-destructed real good.

Monday Night Game:
Dolphins* (2-1) over Patriots (2-1)
Flip a coin. The Fish always seem to find a way to beat the Pats once a year, so I'm going with them at home.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team