The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks

It's 3PM on a Wednesday and I've got a decent buzz a-goin' from my lunch at Revolution Brewing - Time for some picks. I'm heading out of town this weekend, so I'd better get these up while I have the chance. In fact, it looks like I'm going to miss out on all of the Sunday games this week. Ah, well - Let's see what I'm missing.

Last Week's Picks: 13/3
Season Record: 94/66

Early Thursday Game:
Patriots (8-2) over Lions* (2-8)
Bwaaa, haaah haah haa ha. Holy Shit, that's some funny shit right there.

Late Thursday Game:
Saints (7-3) over Cowboys* (3-7)
The Cowboys are getting some of their swagger back, but a false sense of bravado and Kitna behind center ain't gonna win it against the reigning Super Bowl champs.

Thursday Night Game:
Jets* (8-2) over Bengals (2-8)
The Jets have been won their last 3 games at the very last minute (or in overtime) against some fairly crappy teams. Her's another turd-squad to take it down to the wire with.

Early Sunday Games:
Falcons* (8-2) over Packers (7-3)
Matty Ice is 18-1 at home in the Georgia Dome since his debut with the Dirty Birds. They haven't lost at home in over 2 years. I'm not saying that the streak isn't gonna end, I'm just saying that it isn't gonna end this week.

Steelers (7-3) over Bills* (2-8)

The Bills have won 2 in a row. They ain't gonna make it to 3.

Browns* (3-7) over Panthers (1-9)

Look at the two rookie QBs from these teams and tell me that Jimmy Clausen should have gone before Colt McCoy in the draft. Regardless, they're both out with injuries for this one. Jake Delhomme takes on his old team (who he took to the Super Bowl) with Brian St. Pierre (who???) starting for the Panthers.

Giants* (6-4) over Jaguars (6-4)

Boring, Boring, Boring, Boring, Boring, Boring.
*click*

Redskins* (5-5) over Vikings (3-7)

I'm getting some faith back in my Redskins. Let's hope that it takes a couple of weeks for the Vikes to rediscover theirs.

Texans* (4-6) over Titans (5-5)

If there was a bigger collapse story than the Texans this year, it would go to the Titans. Kerry Collins is out, Vince Young may never play for the Titans again, and this week Rusty "Tromboner" Smith makes his NFL debut. If the Texans can't win here, they can't win anywhere.

Late Sunday Games:
Raiders* (5-5) over Dolphins (5-5)
Should be interesting. The Raiders don't lose at home and the Dolphins don't lose on the road.

Chiefs (6-4) over Seahawks* (5-5)

If Kansas City wants to hold on in their division, they had better keep winning these close matches. The Seahawks can lose this game and still have the lead in the NFC West (fucking NFC West).

Eagles (7-3) over Bears* (7-3)

I have a bad, bad, bad feeling about this one. Prove me wrong, Bears.

Broncos* (3-7) over Rams (4-6)

When in doubt, bet against the NFC West team.

Ravens* (7-3) over Buccaneers (7-3)

The Buccaneers have a great record, but every win has come against a sub-.5oo team. Here's their test - I say they fail-out.

Sunday Night Game:
Colts* (6-4) over Chargers (5-5)
The Colts are struggling right now, and the Bolts always seem to have their number, but Indy HAS to win here. A Colts loss at home at this time in the season would be devastating.

Monday Night Game:
49ers (3-7) over Cardinals* (3-7)
Fuck me. Lemme get this straight: I'm going to miss Falcons/Packers, Skins/Vikes, and Bears/Eagles, but I get to watch Pats/Lions, Jets/Bengals and this abortion. It just isn't fair.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks

It's week 11 and the Bears are at 6&3. No, really. They have a killer stretch coming up, but at this point a playoff spot is theirs to lose. If they can go 3&4 for the remainder, they have a damned good shot. Huh.
At this rate, look for extended contracts for Lovie and Angelo. Fuck me.

Last Week's Picks: 6/8
Season Record: 81/63

Thursday Night Game:
Bears (6-3) over Dolphins (5-4)
There is an axiom which states; "It's better to be lucky than to be good". That has never been more apt than to describe the Bears going into this game. Last week the Fish lost both their starting AND back-up quarterbacks. The Bears get to saunter into the Sunshine State knowing that they'll be going up against third-stringer Tyler Thigpen who has only had a few days to acclimate to the role of starter. Lucky motherfuckers.

Early Sunday Games:
Bengals* (2-7) over Bills (1-8)
If the Williams hadn't won last week, I'd pick 'em here in a heartbeat. Right now the Bengals need a win even more. I'll give it to 'em on their home turf.

Cowboys* (2-7) over Lions (2-7)

Detroit is just as good as Dallas is bad - This one could go either way. The Boys seem to have new life with the coaching switch - If they want to keep it up, they best get a win in the Jerry-Dome.

Titans* (5-4) over Redskins (4-5)

I wonder who cares less about the game of football, Albert Haynesworth or Vince Young? I say scratch the game and let those two slugs settle this one with a Chocodile eating contest.

Chiefs* (5-4) over Cardinals (3-6)

Kansas City was in a pretty nice position before dumping two games in a row against division rivals. If they want to keep up their Cinderella season they better not turn into a pumpkin halfway through the season.

Packers (6-3) over Vikings* (3-6)

A Vikings win would be damn sweet here. Picking Pack, pulling for the Vikes.

Jets* (7-2) over Texans (4-5)

The Jets have spent the last two weeks in overtime with the Lions and the Browns - They won both. At this rate, look for a tie with the (slightly) better Texans.

Steelers* (6-3) over Raiders (5-4)

The Steelers got crushed last week by the Pats (as the Pats did the week before by the Browns). I see a similar bounce-back game for the Steelers. It isn't going to be easy though. The Raiders are coming off of a bye-week and had been playing extremely well before their break.

Ravens (6-3) over Panthers* (1-8)

This game should be the lock-of-the-week. Then again, these 'gimme' games always have a way of going sideways.

Browns (3-6) over Jaguars* (5-4)

I FUCKING HATE the Jags. Not for any good reason, but just because they're so damned boring. It's like the mediocrity of the city of Jacksonville has permeated through the entire franchise. Why can't we just ship 'em express to LA and end this experiment in commonness?

Late Sunday Games:
Falcons (7-2) over Rams* (4-5)
The Rams look pretty good right now. The Falcons look great.

Saints* (7-2) over Seahawks (5-4)

Am I the only one who thinks that Pete Carroll threw Reggie Bush under the bus with the whole USC Heisman debacle? Here's his chance to get (a very small bit of) payback.

Buccaneers (6-3) over 49ers* (3-6)

I'm still not sure what to make of the Bucs this year. They're winning against bad teams and losing against good teams. They have a great record, but it is the least impressive winning record in the NFL so far.

Patriots* (7-2) over Colts (6-3)

This has been the marquee match-up of the season over the past few years, but this time around it seems played-out. It should be a good game, but (to me) it isn't even the most interesting game of the day.

Sunday Night Game:
Eagles* (6-3) over Giants (6-3)
I have a feeling that the NFC East championship is going to go down to the wire between these two teams. The Giants have an easier remainder of the season, so the Eagles NEED this win at home.

Monday Night Game:
Chargers* (4-5) over Broncos (3-6)
More than any other game this week, I really wish that the Broncos can win this one. I'm fucking sick of the Chargers making late-season runs in the anemic AFC West.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks

This week kicks off Thursday night football, so look for look for my picks a day or two early from here on out, or (as was the case this week) my Thursday pick on Wednesday and the rest of my picks whenever I feel like gettin' around to 'em.
Make a note of it.

Last Week's Picks: 8/5
Season Record: 75/55

Thursday Night Game:
Ravens (6-2) over Falcons* (6-2)
Damn, this is a great game to kick off the Thursday night run. I'm sold on the Ravens, but the Falcons should put up a good fight on home turf.

Early Sunday Games:
Vikings (3-5) over Bears* (5-3)
The Vikes are a hot mess right now, and have been pulling out wins from thin air. I'd like to pick my Bears at home, but Minnesota really needs this win, and the Bears don't seem to have focus right now.

Bills* (0-8) over Lions (2-6)

The Lions are playing really tough right now and have been holding their own against some tough teams, but this is the Bills easiest chance at a win for the rest of the season. If the Bills don't get a win this week or next, they might not get one the rest of the year - They know this.

Jets (6-2) over Browns* (3-5)

Don't let the records fool you, this should be a good game. The Browns are hitting their stride (just ask New England), and the Jets barely held it together against the Lions last week. Plus, both teams know the others tricks due to the Ryan twins on opposing sidelines. I'm looking forward to this one.

Colts* (5-3) over Bengals (2-6)

The Colts rarely lose two games in a row, and the Bengals haven't won shit since week 3.

Titans (5-3) over Dolphins* (4-4)

How excited is everyone about the NFL return of Chad Pennington for Miami and the Titans debut of Randy Moss?
*crickets chirp*
Thought so.

Buccaneers* (5-3) over Panthers (1-7)

God, do the Panthers suck. They should just replace their offensive line with two orange cones and a length of caution tape.

Texans (4-4) over Jaguars* (4-4)

The Texicans came out red-hot out of the gate this year, but in recent weeks have gone ice-cold. The Jags are the portrait of mediocrity - The question is what side of that line do the Texans fall on.

Late Sunday Games:
Chiefs (5-3) over Broncos* (2-6)
I really want to like the Broncos, they just make it impossible. Kansas City should rack up season-record rushing stats over Denver in this one.

Giants* (6-2) over Cowboys (1-7)

Wade's out, Garrett's in... Wade, Garrett... Why's that sound familiar? Ah, Dude from Roadhouse.

Cardinals* (3-5) over Seahawks (4-4)

I've been over-estimating the Seahawks this season, plus they're racked with injuries. I'll take the Red Birds at home.

Rams (4-4) over 49ers* (2-6)

Look above at the records of the Cards/Shawks and the records of the Rams/Niners. The NFC West is wide-fucking-open.

Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (6-2) over Steelers* (6-2)
The easy pick would be to go with the Steelers at home here. The Pats got clowned last week against the lowly Browns - Whenever something like that happens, the next game the Hoodie comes out with guns blazing. Should be interesting.

Monday Night Game:
Eagles (5-3) over Redskins* (4-4)
Man, I really would like to pick my Skins here. They won in Philly earlier this year and are coming off of a bye-week, but I think that the Grossman stunt (that cost 'em their last game against the Lions) shot their season right between the eyes.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks

Well, last week was my first losing record of the season, and in the spirit of the election season, I've decided to blame my losing on Washington DC (the Redskins to be exact).
I'm still seething about Sexy Rexy and his 2 minute suck-harder-than-the-collective-force-of-a-million-black-holes drill last week (Much to Mr. ChrisB's delight).
Fucking Shanahan. If it weren't for him flushing Jake Plummer for Uber-Douche Cutler, he'd still be missing the playoffs out in Denver... OH, AND TO MENTION FUCKING CUTLER...
AAAARRRGGGGH!
*narrator shits pants, head explodes*

Last Week's Picks: 6/7
Season Record: 67/50

Early Sunday Games:
Bears (4-3) over Bills* (0-7)
I really think that the Bills are going to win this one in Toronto.
Why am I picking Bears? 1) I'm a Bears fan. 2) The Bears have no excuse to lose this one coming off of a bye-week. 3) If the Bears don't win here, they can kiss their post-season hopes goodbye. 4) The Bills still haven't won a damned game yet.
Yeah, The Bears are doomed.

Falcons* (5-2) over Buccaneers (5-2)

Whenever I'm faced with two evenly matched teams, and there's really no good intel to sway my decision, I just pick the home team.

Patriots (6-1) over Browns* (2-5)

Every year it seems that the Patriots overlook & lose a stupid game like this. Then again, the Browns have been losing games since 1946 - I'm going with the pros to lose this one.
Postgame: Told you so.

Jets (5-2) over Lions* (2-5)

If the Jets don't score more points than they did last week against the Pack, the Lions will win this one (or tie it at 0-0).

Vikings* (2-5) over Cardinals (3-4)

Okay, Anderson is starting for the Cardinals. Last week (to my horror) I switched over to the Cardinals-Bucs game and saw Max Hall (incidentally, a setting on my stereo receiver) starting for the Cards (who I stupidly picked)... Anyway, I still say that the imploding Vikes make a last grasp at the ring here.

Saints (5-3) over Panthers* (1-6)

I don't have anything to say about this game, so here's a record review: While typing out this I'm listening to the new Arrivals record (Volatile Molotov) and I'm really digging it. Their debut (Goodbye New World) was an incredible record, but their last few have come nowhere close to that one. Upon first listen, the new one might actually be good. That makes me very happy.
*edit* I just realized that new Arrivals lapsed into the new Articles of Faith EP (which was actually playing when I wrote this) - I didn't notice (yay, booze!), so I'm giving the AoF EP some props here too.

Ravens* (5-2) over Dolphins (4-3)

This should be a damned great game. The AFC wild-card slot could very well come down to this game (as a head-to-head tie-breaker).

Texans* (4-3) over Chargers (3-5)

I know that the Chargers always start off horrible and start running the table around this time of year. I really wish they'd stop doing that and just go away.

Late Sunday Games:
Seahawks* (4-3) over Giants (5-2)
I'm sure at this point in reading through this post, you're thinking that I just got liquored-up on Templeton Rye and drunkenly crapped out my picks this week. This pick right here cements that suspicion.

Chiefs* (5-2) over Raiders (4-4)

The Raiders have been red-hot the last few weeks. Yeah, so what, I'm keeping up my (Favre-like) streak of not picking Oakland. Suck on that, bitches.

Colts (5-2) over Eagles* (4-3)

Eagles are coming off of their bye here, and should be sharp. Still, I say the Colts win this one in a squeaker.

Sunday Night Game:
Packers* (5-3) over Cowboys (1-6)
Last week I had my first incorrect Packers pick of the season and my first correct Cowboys pick of the season. Then again, last week was high-fucked.

Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Bengals* (2-5)
I'm surprised that the Bengals let the Titans get Randy Moss, as they seem to be collecting ill-tempered loud-mouthed shit-worthless wide-receivers.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team