Oh Saturday, you cruel vixen. You got me again.
Instead of sitting down and doing my picks early (like a good boy), I went out drinking in the afternoon at Kathy's, got loaded, and (at The Girl's request) headed over to Popeye's for some greasy chicken (bad idea). I had passed out on my couch by 9PM, and woke up at 2AM when the chicken and beer ganged up on me for revenge.
Now I'm up for the day, sore as hell, half-awake, and cranking out these picks hung-over at 4 o'clock in the AM while sipping on some Sunday morning bourbon.
That should explain more than a couple of things.
Last Week's Picks: 12/3/1
Season Record: 100/59/1
Thursday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Bengals (1-8-1)
Ocho Stinko just got deactivated for this game. He's the lucky one. Hell, If I owned the Bengals, I'd deactivate the whole fucking team, coaching staff, fans, and mascot for the remainder of the season - I'd be a hell of a lot less embarrassing for everyone.
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (4-6) over Texans (3-7)
The Texans just can't catch a break. They looked great coming out of the gate and then just nose-dived into oblivion. Now a game comes along that they thought that they might be able to win a few weeks ago, but the Browns are on a huge up-swing with Brady Quinn behind center. There goes the Alamo.
Cowboys (6-4) over 49ers (3-7)
Factiod of the week: When Tony Romo isn't rescuing stranded motorists, hugging bums, or making friends with the mentally retarded, he is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Did you know?
Buccaneers (7-3) over Lions (0-10)
Watching Detroit play football is akin to watching a clown get kicked in the nuts for 3 hours straight.
Jets (7-3) over Titans (10-0)
This is the first time this season that the Titans have been in a match-up with a winning team that's firing on all cylinders. I'm really interested to see how this goes down. I'm going with the Jets on a hunch that Tennessee is primed for a fall just about now.
Bills (5-5) over Chiefs (1-9)
I'm about ready to put the Bills in the corner to think long and hard about what they've done to me over these last few weeks, but not just yet. This is their very small shot at redemption.
Bears (5-5) over Rams (2-8)
Here's what needs to happen in this game: Rest Orton - He came off the DL way too early. That was obvious. Haine and the other guy should be able to handle this one. If not, bring out Orton judiciously. The last thing we need is for the desperate St. Louis D to bring the hurt down and knock him out for the season.
The Bears defense needs to get ugly - Not ugly like they've been playing lately, we're talking Chicago-ugly. Babbich needs to dial up a high-pressure blitzkrieg on the weak St. Louis offense. Knock some teeth out, hammer 'em down, go for the highlight reel plays. If the Bears D keeps up it's anemic ways against the 2&8 Rams, there's no way that Lovie's loyalty can save Babbich from the fans and the front office.
Dolphins (6-4) over Patriots (6-4)
For my money, here's the game of the week. Belichick got bitched by the gimmicky wildcat plays in the Pats embarrassing week 3 loss to the Fish. If he loses another one to Miami, his head is gonna explode live on television. If Miami can secure 2 wins over the mighty Patriots, then they would be in great position for a playoff spot going into the homestretch, and Miami will get a life-sized emerald-encrusted statue of Parcells erected in front of Dolphins stadium.
Jaguars (4-6) over Vikings (5-5)
Here I go again. The Vikes might be for real, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. If they can grab a win over the middling Jags, then they might have a legitimate shot at their very first NFC North title ever (and no one wants that).
Ravens (6-4) over Eagles (5-4-1)
The normally sedate and even-tempered Philly fans are really in an uproar over last week's tie with the Bengals (and McNabb's ignorance regarding the basic rules of the game). The Eagles need to pull off some miracle shit over the next five weeks, or else they're going to be looking for a new head-coach and QB in the offseason.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (6-4) over Raiders (2-8)
It just dawned on me that the only AFC West team that I don't fucking hate right now is the Oakland Raiders, and they couldn't piss their way out of a paper bag. Since this division is so unbelievably weak right now, a Denver win this week could all but clinch it.
Panthers (8-2) over Falcons (6-4)
The Falcons really need the win here to keep the Panthers from running away with the division. I don't see it happening. The Panthers are crazy-good this season. If they weren't from Hicksville, or boring as a biscuit, someone might actually acknowledge their accomplishments this season.
Giants (9-1) over Cardinals (7-3)
Ho-Lee-Shit! The Cards have the NFC West all tied up - That division is even more pathetic than the AFC West. The #2 team behind the Cards right now is the 49ers with 3 wins. Seriously. Arizona is being hoisted by midgets right into the playoffs. I just hope that they could somehow manage an improbable win against a real team this week to help level-out the NFC East.
Redskins (6-4) over Seahawks (2-8)
The Skins really need a win here to end their 2 game skid. It's probable that (as things stand right now) they could reach 10 wins and still miss the playoffs. They have the Giants next week, so if they fold this one, they're toast. Go Skins; You can do it!
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (6-4) over Chargers (4-6)
The Chargers are teetering on the brink of oblivion. Good for them. I'm hoping that Indy can give them that push on over.
Monday Night Game:
Packers (5-5) over Saints (5-5)
This is probably the Saints' last game before a good chunk of their team gets yanked for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. I just hope that they can go out guns blazing and knock Green Bay down one slot in the NFC North standings. I'm not picking it, just hoping it.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
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