The Liar's NFL Week 3 Picks

Man, I've been sick-as-hell all week. The upside? I've been stuck to the couch and have been watching a lot of last week's games (in their entirety) on on-demand. Okay, maybe that really isn't an upside, per se, but hopefully I figured out some teams in my fevered delirium. I even took notes; lemme see... It says right here that the Browns are going all the way this year.... Oh, shit. Nevermind.

Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 18/14

Early Sunday Games:

Chiefs* (2-0) over 49ers (0-2)

Fuck this, I'm not picking the win-less Niners in a road game against an undefeated team no matter how badly I want to.

Vikings* (0-2) over Lions (0-2)

I sorta feel bad for the Lions, they lost two really close games at the last minute. Make it three after this week.

Patriots* (1-1) over Bills (0-2)

The Bills have a secret weapon that they're unveiling against the Pats this week. That secret weapon is... Ryan Fitzpatrick?!?! What a bunch of Chan Gaywads.

Saints* (2-0) over Falcons (1-1)

The Saints are looking really shaky right now and they're missing the former Mr. Heisman at RB, I'm still not betting against 'em.

Titans (1-1) over Giants* (1-1)

It's a toss-up on which of these teams is more dysfunctional at the moment. I say it's NY.

Steelers (2-0) over Buccaneers* (2-0)

I'm done picking against the Steelers after getting burned two weeks in a row. I'm not quite done picking against the Bucs after getting burned two weeks in a row.

Bengals (1-1) over Panthers* (0-2)

**in olde-tyme announcer voice**
Here comes the young Jimmy Pickles to propel the poor pathetic Panthers to platitudes of plaudits... possibly. I possess a premonition that his putrescence play will pause purely for punting. I'm positively picking against the Panthers in this roughshod pussy-fight.

Ravens* (1-1) over Browns (0-2)

My brain hurts after that last one - Luckily, this one is an easy pick. Despite my aforementioned fevered scribblings, the Browns are (in fact) not good.

Texans* (2-0) over Cowboys (0-2)

Week 1: I picked the Cowboys to beat my Redskins - They lost. Week 2: I picked the Cowboys to beat my Bears - They lost. I fucking LOVE this team. As a reward, I'm going to pick against 'em this week so they can go ahead and get a win.

Late Sunday Games:

Redskins (1-1) over Rams* (0-2)

Aaaaargh! The Skins are one sneaky overtime time-out away from being undefeated. Man, that's still killing me. This week they get a conciliatory trip to the 'Gateway to the West' to play with the Sheep.

Jaguars* (1-1) over Eagles (1-1)

Ooooh, Mike Vick (barely) beat the Lions last week - He's so good. Kevin Kolb is lucky he got benched. The Beagles' O-Line is one of the worst in the league, and whoever Philly has behind center is going to be running for their lives all afternoon.

Colts (1-1) over Broncos* (1-1)

I really want to like the Broncos... they just make it so damned hard.

Cardinals* (1-1) over Raiders (1-1)

I was ecstatic when the Redskins got McNabb and traded starting QB, Jason Campbell, to Oakland. He made it two whole games. Gradkowski starts for the Raiders in this one.

Chargers (1-1) over Seahawks* (1-1)

I can't figure out why I'm picking the Chargers here. San Diego always starts off slow, their team is on the verge of revolt, and Seattle dominated in their home opener. I think I'm just playing it "safe" and going with the favorite because my next two picks are really out on a limb.

Sunday Night Game:

Jets (1-1) over Dolphins* (2-0)

I should pick the Fish in their (humid) home opener, but I'm still damned impressed with the Jets win over the Pats last week. NY has the swagger going into this one, and I'm a sucker for swagger.

Monday Night Game:

Bears* (2-0) over Packers (2-0)

Okay, fuckers... I'm picking you here, don't bitch me on this one. I figured that the Bears would split with the Pack this year and if they can get a win here they will be in a very good position for their upcoming East-Coast 2 game road-trip. They lose here, and the Bears are who we thought they were, and we prematurely crowned their ass.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 2 Picks

Yeah, I knew it from the get-go. In the first week if i had just picked home teams, I would have gone 12&4 = Good. Instead, I got fancy and went 8&8 = Not so good.
This week I'm getting back to basics and should begin to dig myself out of the hole.

Last Week's Picks: 8/8
Season Record: 8/8

Early Sunday Games:

Falcons* (0-1) over Cardinals (1-0)

The Cardinals barely pulled off a victory against the Rams last week. I say the Falcons win in Atlanta

Ravens (1-0) over Bengals* (0-1)

The Ravens are playing mad right out of the gate.  Cincy is probably the more talented team, but I'm not picking against the Ravens after last week.

Chiefs (1-0) over Browns* (0-1)

Okay, The Browns LOST to the crappy Bucs last week and the Chiefs WON over the playoff Chargers last week.  So why is everybody picking Cleveland to win this one?

Cowboys* (0-1) over Bears (1-0)

The Bears got the most embarrassing win  in NFL history last week.  The Cowboys had an embarrassing loss, but I say that the Chicago win was even more demoralizing.

Eagles (0-1) over Lions* (0-1)

Kevin Kolb is already out at QB in Philly, and the Michael Vick  Experience comes to the Motor City.  The only reason I'm picking the Eagles is that they're playing the Stafford-less Lions.

Packers* (1-0) over Bills (0-1)

I love me some Buffalo Williams, but they look BAD this year (and not in a Michael Jackson way, unless we're talking in a "dead-as-Michael-Jackson" way).

Titans* (1-0) over Steelers (1-0)

The Steelers pulled off a win last week.  Good for them, didn't see that coming.  The Titans exploded last week (in a good way).  I don't see Pittsburgh getting lucky two weeks in a row.

Vikings* (0-1) over Dolphins (1-0)

This is the toss-up game of the week.  I want to pick Miami, but am going with the Vikes at home.

Panthers* (0-1) over Buccaneers (1-0)

After week 1, I'm tempted to pick the Bucs here, but the Panthers own 'em on home turf.

Late Sunday Games:

Broncos* (0-1) over Seahawks (1-0)

Why do I keep picking the fucking Broncos?  Somebody help me.

Raiders* (0-1) over Rams (0-1)

If the Raiders don't get a win at home this week against the Rams I doubt that Tom Cable will be coaching this team by the end of the season.

Patriots (1-0) over Jets* (0-1)

The Jets should do well this season despite being 0&2 at the end of this week.

Chargers* (0-1) over Jaguars (1-0)

The Bolts got clowned last week in Kansas City.  I know that they always start off slow and finish strong, but they really need a win at home this week to keep the roof from blowing off.

Texans (1-0) over Redskins* (1-0)

I really want to pick my Skins here, but the Texans beat down the Colts last week, so I'm picking with my head over my heart on this one.  Regardless, this is my game of the week - Hands down.

Sunday Night Game:

Colts* (0-1) over Giants (1-0)

Somehow, I really don't give a half-a-shit about this one.  Does Dexter start this week or next?  Anyone?

Monday Night Game:

Saints (1-0) over 49ers* (0-1)

It's not even week 2 yet, and the Niners are already making me look like a double-plus retard for stating that they'd win the NFC West this year.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's NFL Week 1 Picks (2010 Edition)

Here we go into my 4th season of picking games. Damn, I've lasted longer than the #1 pick in the draft that year (JaMarcus Russell) - Go me!
Anyway, it's week one and no-fucking-body knows what's gonna happen. There are maybe 3 "gimme" picks this week. I'm stabbing blindly on this one and picking heavily against the home teams, which means that I'll probably spend the rest of the season trying to catch back up. Welcome to the season, asshole.

2009/2010 Season Record: 171/98
2010/2011 Season Record: 0/0

Thursday Night Game:

Saints* (0-0) over Vikings (0-0)

Here's one hell of a game to kick off the season. I'm betting that the Vikes aren't 'together' enough at this point to top the Super Bowl champs.

Early Sunday Games:

Browns (0-0) over Buccaneers* (0-0)

The Browns aren't looking so great this year, but they still look good enough to beat what I'm guessing is going to be the worst team this season.

Dolphins (0-0) over Bills* (0-0)

Chan Gailey... I'll get right on that as soon as I figure out how to 'chan'.

Patriots* (0-0) over Bengals (0-0)

The Bengals are looking sharp right now and the Pats are shaking apart at the seams. I'm still going with the home team in the opener.

Colts (0-0) over Texans* (0-0)

The Colts own the Texans every single season. Super Bowl hangover or not, bet the Colts.

Broncos (0-0) over Jaguars* (0-0)

I'm picking the Broncos here? Really?!? Fuck me.

Falcons (0-0) over Steelers* (0-0)

Rapistberger is barred from any contact with the Steelers (and any unattended minors) for the first 4 games this season, Byron Chipwich and his busted trotter are going to be watching this one from the DL, so Dennis Dixon is getting his second start for the Steelers. I'm going with Atlanta.

Titans* (0-0) over Raiders (0-0)

I'm digging on the Raiders this year, and originally had them winning this one... Then I thought about it for a bit, and flipped like a prepubescent Chinese gymnast.

Giants* (0-0) over Panthers (0-0)

The G-Men get a gift for the first game in their shiny new stadium.

Bears* (0-0) over Lions (0-0)

ACHTUNG! Hey Bears, watch out for Ndamukong Suh! This guy has been clowning QBs in the preseason. If our shitty O-Line doesn't hold up their end, we may be trudging through this season with Cutler on the DL.

Late Sunday Games:

Cardinals (0-0) over Rams* (0-0)

The new and not-so-improved Cards hit the turf against the bottom-dwelling Rams. This won't be good, but it should be interesting.

Packers (0-0) over Eagles* (0-0)

I still say that the Pack is WAY over-rated, but I think that Philly is in for a shock without McNabb behind center.

49ers (0-0) over Seahawks* (0-0)

I like the Niners to take the NFC West this year (yeah, I know that I say that every year, but this time I'm so damn sure).

Sunday Night Game:

Cowboys (0-0) over Redskins* (0-0)

The Cowboys were struggling in preseason and my Skins are looking sharp this year, but preseason is preseason, and the Skins still have to gel before I pick them against a playoff team. Picking Boys, rooting Skins.

Monday Night Games:

Jets* (0-0) over Ravens (0-0)

I bet Rex is wishing that he got a gift-team in his new stadium opener (like the Giants did). Not so much. This is going to be one hell of a battle.

Chargers (0-0) over Chiefs*(0-0)
This is why I decided to pick games for another season - To make turds like this game half-way interesting. Here's hoping.
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Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

The Liar's Mail-Sack

Here's a new feature wherein I take private e-mail correspondence and slap it up on teh interwebs for everyone to see.

Mr. Papa B from Sugar Glove, IL writes:
"Where do you have them? I was thinking 10-6 before the preseason, but now
I'm thinking more like 8-8, if that. Depressing. On the other hand, now you
can see that it wasn't all Grossman's fault. He was a serviceable QB
surrounded by dullards. Cutler is having the same experience here. Mostly,
though - I miss Ron Rivera. I felt like the defense and the special teams
unit were coached well enough through the super bowl season to be dominant.
Didn't matter how good the offense was. Bleh."
---

Where to start... How's about the schedule:
9/12 DETROIT
9/19 at Dallas
9/27 GREEN BAY
10/3 at NY Giants
10/10 at Carolina
10/17 SEATTLE
10/24 WASHINGTON
10/31 BYE WEEK
11/7 at Buffalo
11/14 MINNESOTA
11/18 at Miami
11/28 PHILADELPHIA
12/5 at Detroit
12/12 NEW ENGLAND
12/20 at Minnesota
12/26 NY JETS
1/2 at Green Bay

The only two good things about that schedule are that the bye is at week 8, and we get to play the Lions twice. That's about it. We have the entire NFC East and AFC East on our plates this season, we'd be BLESSED to end the season at 8&8. I say it's more likely between 4&12 and 7&9 - It really depends if we can get a couple of games off of the Vikings/Packers (as we seem to do every year).

Sexy Rexy Grossman is a Redskin this year and I've been watching him in preseason. He looks better, but he still makes a ton of stupid throws even when he's safe behind a stable O-Line. I see McNabb going out for a stretch this year, so this year should be Grossie's opportunity to shut everyone up (myself included). I still say that Orton was a better QB for the Bears than Rexy, what I didn't know is that Cutler would be a down-grade at the position. I guess I was right about JC back when I was slamming him back in his Broncos days. --LINK (see: Sunday Night Game)--

As for Rivera, his play-it-safe Superbowl game-plan cost him a head coaching spot at the end of his Bears tenure. He would have been gone regardless, but the ineptitude of his successors makes him look golden in hindsight.

I love me some Bears, but am (not so) secretly wishing for this year to be an unmitigated disaster. For the past few seasons rumors have abounded that Bill Cowher is laying in wait for the Bears to jettison Lovie. I like Lovie, but "nice" coaches drive me fucking nutty, and they don't get any nicer that Reverend Smith. I really want to see the Bears go back to being a MEAN team, and that starts with the coaching staff. Oh, and if we flame-out this year Angelo goes bye-bye too, guaranteed.

So, essentially, what I'm saying is that I hope the Bears fail miserably this year, for their own good. Watch them get to the playoffs just to spite me.