The Liar's NFL Week 3 Picks

Oh Shit, it's week three. This is the week where I always know just enough to get suckered into a bunch of losing picks. Weeks three and four are especially brutal because they are rife for upset with desperate teams matching up against teams that have a false sense of security (it started early last week with the Pats, Packers, and Steelers tanking out). This time makes for some great football, but some horrible picks.
Here we go. *crosses fingers*

Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 22/10

Early Sunday Games:
Redskins (1-1) over Lions (0-2)*
Everyfuckingbody is picking the Lions to pull an upset here - It has turned into the upset d'jour for this week. Personally, I'd like to see it - I love the Skins, but Jason Campbell just isn't working at QB & Coach Zorn got savaged live on Redskins Radio (which is owned by the team). Not a good sign.

Packers (1-1) over Rams (0-2)*
The Rams almost beat the Skins last week and the Pack shit the bed against the Bungles... Dare we dream? Nope.

Vikings* (2-0) over 49ers (2-0)
I really want to pick the Niners here, but I know that's my heart talking, not my head.

Patriots* (1-1) over Falcons (2-0)
The Pats are one Buffalo kneel-down away from going 0&2, and they know that. The Falcons are good, but another New England loss will bring down a world of shit that the hoodie wants to avoid like the plague. I see the Patriots pulling this one out on sheer determination.

Jets* (2-0) over Titans (0-2)
The Titans had the best record in the NFL last season, now they're 0&2. They're hungry for a win right now and should win this one hands-down in a statement game. One problem: The Jets don't know that they're not supposed to win this

Eagles* (1-1) over Chiefs (0-2)
McNabb is still out with his busted McRibs, Garcia is off pricing real-estate in the greater Philly region, Kolb got corn-holed last week, and the ASPCA's least favorite ex-con is ready to take a few snaps for the first time in years. Lucky for the Beagles, they're playing Kansas Shitty. Philly could win this one with Vick's prison-husband behind center (with said center hiking the ball standing straight up --and who could blame him--).

Giants (2-0) over Buccaneers* (0-2)
If anyone is in a knock-out pool, this week is the week to use your Giants pick.

Ravens* (2-0) over Browns (0-2)
Nothing would make Cleveland happier here than a New Browns trouncing of the Old Browns, well, that and maybe not living in Cleveland... It's a close one. Either way, they're stuck.

Texans* (1-1) over Jaguars (0-2)
I've already given up trying to figure out the Texans this season. I'm just picking them because they're at home, and hoping for the best

Late Sunday Games:
Bears (1-1) over Seahawks* (1-1)

Did you Know?: 'Bear Down Chicago Bears' was written in 1941, the year after the Bears crushed the Redskins in the NFL Championship Game by the score of 73-0 (which remains the largest shutout margin in any game in the history of the NFL).

Saints (2-0) over Bills* (1-1)
I really want to pick my Williams in this one, but the Flood-City Saints have been putting up crazy-retarded numbers in the first couple of games.

Steelers (1-1) over Bengals* (1-1)
After last week's depantsing in Chicago, the Steelers are ready to beat the shit out of the next thing that walks past. Hello, Cincinnati!

Broncos (2-0) over Raiders* (1-1)
If the Raiders had ANYONE other than JaMarcus Russell in at QB, I'd pick 'em here. They don't.

Chargers* (1-1) over Dolphins (0-2)
Everything is telling me that Miami is going to win this, but then I go back to last week's game against the Colts. The Fish dominated that game with 2/3 time of possession, but then every time Manning got the ball he slung it down the field for a TD. Guess who else can do that? Yup, Phillip Rivers.

Sunday Night Game:
Colts (2-0) over Cardinals* (1-1)
Both of these teams have me perplexed this year - I can't get a good read on either of them, so I'll do what I always do in a situation like this: Bet against the Cardinals.

Monday Night Game:
Cowboys* (1-1) over Panthers (0-2)
Jerry Jones is foaming for a win in his own private Thunderdome. The 'Boys best get a win here before the owner goes all rabid-badger up on 'em.
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Wrong Picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Indicates Home Team