It's the last week of the NFL Regular Season, and much like a good number of the teams below, I'm taking a break this week.
I'm picking the teams that I want to win, rather than the teams that I think will win. I'm suspending the hell out of disbelief for one week and just going for the gusto. Hell, I was even tempted to pick a tie for the Bears this week, just because I thought that it would be that much more awesome if the Viking lose and the Bears tie to get into the playoffs. I had it down and then changed it because I realized what a stupid fucking pick that was. But the point is that I am actually tempted to pick a fucking tie.
It's totally that kind of a week.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 151/88/1
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (10-5) over Rams (10-15)
With an Atlanta win here and a Carolina loss, the Falcons could secure the NFC South championship. I say that just that happens. Why? because for the last 5 seasons every team that has finished last in that division has come back the next year to win the title. Falcons were the last-place finisher last year - I say they keep the streak going.
Patriots (10-5) over Bills (7-8)
The Patriots at 11 & 5 probably aren't gonna make the playoffs. Really. They need either a Baltimore loss or a Miami loss to make it in. I don't think that either of those things will happen (even though I'm picking the Jets to win later on in this post). Regardless, even if there's the slimmest hope of postseason play, Belichick is gonna go after the Williams full-throttle.
Bengals (3-11-1) over Chiefs (2-13)
With a loss here the Chiefs can nail down the second pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. You can do it, Kansas City! Lose one for the fans.
Packers (5-9) over Lions (0-15)
This is history folks! The Lions are on the precipice of becoming the worst team in NFL history. One more loss and "2008 Lions" will be synonymous with failure, thus supplanting the '76 (0-14) Bucs. They'll hold that honor until some future suck team goes 0 &18 once the League decides to bump up the regular season by a couple of games.
Also, I'd be reminisced if I didn't add that the Pack really needs a win here to keep the normally placid fan base from burning Lambeau Field to the ground. I'm kinda hoping for a Pack loss just to watch the fireworks in the off-season, but would rather see Detroit make history.
Colts (11-4) over Titans (13-2)
Neither of these teams has anything to play for this week. They're both locked-into their playoff positions, but I think that the Colts are looking at this one as a statement game. If Indy can get a win here, their post-season stock will sky-rocket.
Giants (12-3) over Vikings (9-6)
The Giants have nothing to play for, but I'm saying it again: "the Vikes aren't that great of a team". I think that the Giants 3rd stringers could handle 'em. Plus, Tom Coughlin isn't the kind of guy to roll over and take a loss going into the playoffs (remember the week 17 Giants/Pats game last year?). I say the Giants have some home-field fun and beat down Minnesota for the NY fans.
Saints (8-7) over Panthers (11-4)
If I pick North Carolina here, I negate my NFC South prediction made in the Falcons/Rams pick. The Saints are a damn fine team at home (shaky on the road), so I'm not going too far out on a limb with this one.
Steelers (11-4) over Browns (4-11)
This is Romeo Crenell's last game as coach of the Browns. Trust me, he'll be out before the clock strikes '12' on New Year's Eve.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Raiders (4-11)
Okay even my suspension of disbelief goes only so far. I can see the Bears winning, I can see the Cowboys losing at Philly, but I just cant see the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. The Bears aren't getting into the playoffs with this wild card slot. Then again, I didn't think that the Raiders had a prayer against the Texans last week, so...
Bears (8-6) over Texans (7-8)
Is there anything that I'm missing here? I'm racking my brain to find any single reason for the Texans to play full-out this week. They napped last week against the Raiders and got beat, and they have even less to play for this week. The only other time these 2 teams played was back in 2004 and the Texans won, so there's no grudge. I think that Chicago has the tenacity to get a win when it really matters. Maybe I'm missing something, but, if so, I can't see it.
Postgame: Football is gay.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (6-9) over Redskins (8-7)
The one week I pick against the Skins they go out and kill Philly's playoff hopes. That was so sweet. I enjoyed that so much last week that I'm picking against them again this week just for the hell of it.
Oh, and I'm saying it now: At this time next year, the 49ers will be in the playoffs - Mark my words.
Ravens (10-5) over Jaguars (5-10)
This game has "TRAP" written all over it. If Baltimore looks past this game, they could be watching the playoffs from Porters.
Jets (9-6) over Dolphins (10-5)
I really wanted to see the Jets make the playoffs this year just to piss-off every Packer fan. They need a win here and a New England loss to get in - Ain't gonna happen, but I'm holding out the slightest hope and picking 'em here just in case. Plus, I really can't stomach any feel-good bullshit stories about the Fish (which are coming in spades if Miami makes the postseason). Do not want.
Eagles (8-6-1) over Cowboys (9-6)
Can Tony Romo pull a "Romo" in a must-win game to make the playoffs rather in the first playoff game? That question has haunted all prognosticators for the last week or so. In his first season he dropped the ball during the winning field-goal attempt. In his second season he threw an interception into his endzone with less than a minute left on the clock. So I'm wondering that if (for his third season) he can lose a game (at the last minute) that's like a playoff game, but not actually a playoff game. I say he can.
Postgame: Hey Chicago, this could have been your playoff spot if you weren't too busy dropping passes.
Cardinals (8-7) over Seahawks (4-11)
Whichever team gets Arizona Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs are one bunch of lucky-ass motherfuckers. I say we all concur that the Niners are the better NFC West team and just send them to the playoffs this year.
Sunday Night Game:
Chargers (7-8) over Broncos (8-7)
I used to like the Broncos when Jake Plummer was the QB. That organization killed any goodwill I might have felt when they axed Plummer for uber-douche Jay Cutler back in 2006. They lost 2 of the last 3 games in '06 to finish 9 & 7 to just miss the playoffs. Cutler has maintained that losing record ever since (17-19). If they lose this game that QB-switch decision will go down as one of the all-time worst in NFL history.
If Ed Hochuli hadn't handed the game to Denver back in week 2, this game would be significantly less interesting. Now the winner goes on, the loser goes home empty-handed.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
2 comments:
Holy hell. I'm actually glad it's over now. That was the most stressful game I can remember, and I really wonder if any member of the Bears had as much of a churning stomach as I did. Nobody played that way.
The only offensive play we have that seems to work consistently is the QB sneak. Other than that, a mediocre defense can crash in and disrupt the play, or simply wait for a receiver to drop the ball.
Predictions for the future - say hello to the Rod Marinelli era. Maybe he'll be a more effective defensive coordinator than the one we have. How sad is that?
Ron Turner? I bet he gets a raise and adds one new play to the mix for 2009. I expect to see Orton at the helm and some no-name rookie drafted just to be wasted when the season starts.
We've got a roster full of rich crybabies now. Unless Angelo pulls off some blockbuster deals in the off season, I'm already predicting a 8-8 season next year, too. Just enough to look like they could do something - not enough to actually do anything.
Are you criticizing the well-muscled Ed Hochuli? He's just poured into his zebra stripes
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