Un dunnah whaa wen ong weth te hueehhun. Hi yus ghunt iggue haut uht heen uroungh....
Hold on, lemme take the gun outta my mouth here for a second.
That's better.
...um.
Probably should say something here... something positive...
...uh.
I'm positive that the Bears fucking suck it.
Okay, that's over. Now where was I?
Oh, right...
Ank ooo, ohw hai ahb ohher ingth oo hoo.
Last Week's Picks: 7/6
Season Record: 86/43
Thursday Night Game:
Bears (4-4) over 49ers* (3-5)
I'm not holding out any hope of the Bears being a good team with this pick, but rather jumping off of the San Francisco bandwagon (I hopped on that thing and that motherfucker shot straight off to the Castro). I'm still sore.
Postgame: That's it. I've never said this before, but Lovie's gotta go. Angelo is still the cancer in this organization, but Smith inherited the team that made it to the Super Bowl and has let it slip (hard) since then. He's a nice guy, but a total failure as a head coach. Chicago should try and get Bill Cowher before he's off of the boards. We need a coach, not some mealy-mouthed apologist.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans* (2-6) over Bills (3-5)
Despite the odds, das Wondertard is carrying the Titans on his shoulders. I bet they keep promising him trips to the zoo if he wins. That's motivation!
Saints* (8-0) over Rams (1-7)
Every single season there is one game where a great team looses a "gimme" game to a terrible team. This isn't that game.
Dolphins* (3-5) over Buccaneers (1-7)
O Florida!
Our home and phallic land!
True drunken love in all thy loins command.
With glowing meth pipes we shall rise,
The deep South smells like pee!
Gang wars and tides, O Florida,
We sail on rafts for thee.
God keep this land dirt-poor as it should be!
O Florida - We sail on rafts for thee.
O Florida - We sail on rafts for thee.
Vikings* (7-1) over Lions (1-7)
If Favre gets knocked out, the Vikings' back-up QB is really, really bad. I'm just saying is all...
Jets* (4-4) over Jaguars (4-4)
So how's that Giants -vs- Jets Super Bowl thing coming along there, NYC?
Steelers* (6-2) over Bengals (6-2)
This should be a damn fine game. The Chicago market has this one on CBS - It might be nice to watch a real game on Sunday for a change.
Broncos (6-2) over Redskins* (2-6)
I gave up up on the Redskins after week 3, I'm about to call the Bears' season dead, so all I have left at this point is (my new adoptive team) the Broncos... Who have just dumped two games straight. *sigh*
Postgame: Are you fucking kidding me?
Falcons (5-3) over Panthers* (3-5)
This match-up reeks of a trap game. Watch out for the upset in this one.
Postgame: Told you so - I should have listened to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Raiders* (2-6) over Chiefs (1-7)
I'd rather watch two bag-ladies fight over a discarded sack of tater-tots. Then again, who wouldn't?
Eagles (5-3) over Chargers* (5-3)
I think that my hatred of the Chargers is coloring my outlook in this one. The Eagles tend to lose in pairs, have a terrible record on the West coast, and are playing on a short week. I just can't bring myself to pick San Diego.
Cardinals* (5-3) over Seahawks (3-5)
Hey, it's the bi-polar Cardinals! Are they gonna be awesome this week or a terrible joke? Nobody knows.
Cowboys (6-2) over Packers* (4-4)
Okay, I understand why everyone in the national news media is trashing the Bears, what I can't figure is why no one is taking about the Packers loss to Tampa last week except in the terms of "The Buccaneers Finally Win One" type stories. Green Bay is fucking DONE - Season over. Yet still, a load of prognosticators are picking the Pack to win here. I just don't get it.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (6-2) over Colts* (8-0)
My (incredibly shortsighted) reason for picking the Pats here is because I figure that Indy is going to lose sometime this season, and this looks like the most likely team to beat them. That being said, the Colts tend to win the marquee games and lose in a match where they're heavily favored. Then again, the same can be said for New England.
Monday Night Game:
Ravens (4-4) over Browns* (1-7)
Right about now, 1996 to 1999 is starting to look like the halcyon era of the Browns franchise.
---
Wrong Picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Indicates Home Team
2 comments:
We are finally aligned. Incidentally, the "I miss Grossman" text message was one of the saddest sports-related thing I've ever seen.
The Blackhawks got back to glory by solid recruiting and embracing their past.
The Bears might have made some decent picks, but who would know? They made the best return man in the history of the game a lousy receiver, moved Urlacher out of his natural position, and brought in a conditioning guy to make the whole team lighter and faster (and apparently, more injury prone).
Lovie might make a decent defensive coordinator again at some point, but I'm not even sure about that anymore.
I like Bill Cowher as head coach, but I'd be happy with Mike Shanahan, too. A bigger concern is finding a President and GM that work together, understand the game of football, and support the new coach. I think you build around Cutler and Briggs. Everyone else is suspect.
Oh, and my other point was that we should embrace the former Bears that are now coaches instead of firing them.
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