The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks

Okay, I'm cranking out these picks on three solid hours of sleep - Let's see how that works.
Milo and I are holding down the fort while the Girl is back on the East coast. We plan on watching a bunch of football and getting some serious drinkin' done. Now that's a holiday weekend, people!

Last Week's Picks: 12/4
Season Record: 104/56

Early Thursday Game:
Packers (6-4) over Lions* (2-8)
That Lions win last week was insane. Good Stuff. Finally after 53 seasons we get an exciting Lions game, which brings me to my point: Why the fuck are we still torturing the holiday crowd with Lions games every Thanksgiving? It's like a big annual heaping helping of Tofurkey. Pass.

Late Thursday Game:
Cowboys* (7-3) over Raiders (3-7)
Speaking of which, what the fuck do cowboys have to do with Thanksgiving, anyhow? If any NFC East team should be playing here it should be the Redskins. I say every year they have the Patriots reenact the genocide of a nation up on the 'Skins. Now that's edutainment!

Thursday Night Game:
Giants (6-4) over Broncos* (6-4)
The Giants ended their losing skid last week, here's hoping that the Broncos can do the same here. I've learned that in close-matched games it's easier to pick against the team I like, so when they (inevitably) lose I still have something. Sad, huh?

Early Sunday Games:
Falcons* (5-5) over Buccaneers (1-9)
Atlanta has only won one game (against the Skins) since beating the Bears back in week 6 - Choke on that, you bastards.

Dolphins (5-5) over Bills* (3-7)
The quote of the week came from Jason Smith on Jim Rome is Burning: "The Buffalo Bills remind me of the freshman high-school nerd who thinks that just because the homecoming queen isn't dating anyone she'd go to the prom with him if he asked. Ralph Wilson, please put away your pocket protector, your bug collection, and your most powerful World of Warcraft character. Bill Cowher and Mike Shanahan are not coming to Buffalo."
Brilliant.

Bengals* (7-3) over Browns (1-9)
Last week the Bengals couldn't get it done against the Raiders. Then again, last week the Browns couldn't get it done against the Lions.

Seahawks (3-7) over Rams* (1-9)
I sorta want to pick the Rams here. There's no good reason to though, so I'm refraining.

Jets* (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
I'm struggling to find anything to say about this game, so let's see what happens when I type "panther jet" in a Google search: The Grumman F9F Panther was the most widely used U.S. Navy jet fighter of the Korean War. Now you know.

Eagles* (6-4) over Redskins (3-7)
Washington is looking sharp lately - They upended the Broncos in week 10 and almost shut-out the Cowboys last week. This shit has got to stop.

Colts (10-0) over Texans* (5-5)
Once again, a bunch of people are picking the Texans here. It's probably because the Texans have a better record, Payton Manning, and have won the division 5 of the last 6 seasons. Um, wait... That's the Colts, sorry. The Texans are the ones with Rex Grossman.

Late Sunday Games:
Chargers* (7-3) over Chiefs (3-7)
The Chiefs win over Pittsburgh last week surely put San Diego on notice. They're gonna play 'em tough.

49ers* (4-6) over Jaguars (6-4)
Why, oh Lord, do I keep picking the Niners? I can't help myself.

Titans* (4-6) over Cardinals (7-3)
Speed of lightning! Roar of thunder!
Flaming all who blitz or blunder!
Wondertard! (hoo-rah-ah-ah-ah)
Wondertard! Wondertard!!

Vikings* (9-1) over Bears (4-6)
This is exactly the kind of game the Bears tend to win just to get everyone's hopes up so then they can dash them back into the ground the following week. Have some decency, and lose with just an iota of dignity here, Chicago.

Sunday Night Game:
Ravens* (5-5) over Steelers (6-4)
Man, the Steelers got creamed last week against the Chiefs (I never ever thought I'd write that sentence). They're hurting going into this one. Charm City is poised to kick 'em while they're down.

Monday Night Game:
Saints* (10-0) over Patriots (7-3)
I'm really tempted to pick the Patriots here, but am giving the benefit of the doubt to the undefeated at home. Don't fuck me on this one, New Orleans.