The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks

Okay, it's official - I don't know a fucking thing about football. Each week I seem to be doing worse than the last. Nate seems like a certifiable genius right now for stopping his picks a few weeks back before the entire league went ass-over-tits. Well, at least I still have a solid winning record so far this season - The Bears (unfortunately) can't say the same.

Last Week's Picks: 6/9
Season Record: 92/52

Thursday Night Game:
Dolphins (4-5) over Panthers* (4-5)
This could easily be the shortest game of the season. Neither of these teams has a passing game, both rely heavily on the run, and both have stout defenses. This bitch could go 14 minutes into overtime, and still be over in less time than the Falcons @ Giants (later this week).

Early Sunday Games:
Cowboys* (6-3) over Redskins (3-6)
I still can't believe that the Redskins beat the Broncos last week, or that the Cowboys lost to the Packers. Everything goes back to normal with this one.

Lions* (1-8) over Browns (1-8)
Who wants to bet that this turd-fest ends in a tie?

49ers (4-5) over Packers* (5-4)
I'm still hoping against hope that the Packers truly suck. The Niners got a real ugly win last week, let's see if they can slap some lipstick on that pig up in Lambeau.

Steelers (6-3) over Chiefs* (2-7)
STEELERS MAD! STEELERS SMASH!

Vikings* (8-1) over Seahawks (3-6)
I love the Vikings this year. No, not like that. I still haven't gotten a Vikes pick wrong yet this season. I still hope that they all choke to death on dicks, but they're keeping me in the game here.

Giants* (5-4) over Falcons (5-4)
Both of these teams were great last season - Both are middling so far this year. It's hard to get a good read on either of these teams this season (let alone in this game).

Saints (9-0) over Buccaneers* (1-8)
Last week I warned that "every single season there is one game where a great team looses a 'gimme' game to a terrible team". The Saints struggled early against the Rams last week. They already learned that lesson - this week should be a cake-walk.

Jaguars* (5-4) over Bills (3-6)
The Williams shit-canned Jauron on Tuesday... I wonder if he'd like his old job back with Chicago?
Yeesh, even terrible ideas are starting to sound good right about now.

Colts (9-0) over Ravens* (5-4)
I'm tempted to pick Baltimore in the upset here. The Clots are coming off their biggest game of the season, and could easily get blindsided by a mediocre team in their victory haze.

Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (6-3) over Rams* (1-8)
I have a feeling about this one. I have a feeling that (despite the odds) this is going to be a close game that goes down to the end with the Cards pulling off a win at the last minute.

Chargers (6-3) over Broncos* (6-3)
I originally had the Broncos winning this one. Then I realized that was stupid. I'm picking San Diego and pulling for Denver.

Bengals (7-2) over Raiders* (2-7)
The Bengals have never won a game in Oakland. Things change.

Patriots* (6-3) over Jets (4-5)
After last week's crushing collapse, I say the Hoodie refuses to punt on a single 4th down out of pure spite. Belichick isn't gonna let off the gas for one moment of this one - He just has to be careful to avoid plowing headlong into a wall.

Sunday Night Game:
Eagles (5-4) over Bears* (4-5)
You BASTARDS! Why the fuck did you have keep this as the flex game? Is this some kind of sick joke? Y'all know that Chargers and Broncos have game this week for sole possession of the AFC West, right? You're still gonna televise the Bears running around in circles around with their pants around their ankles for the world to see, huh? Well, FUCK YOU!

Monday Night Game:
Texans* (5-4) over Titans (3-6)
Thank Christ that the Texans are back! Usually I just get the Texans pick wrong (with a couple of others). Last week (with Houston on the bye) I kept picking losers - This week my balance is back.