Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Liar's NFL Week 17 Picks

Here it is, the last week of regular season professional tackle football. I'm posting late because of all of the drinky fun this last week. Actually, I'm blowing off something right now to get this out of the way, so let's get this fucker done - The booze is a-callin'.

Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 156/84

Early Sunday Games:
Bills* (5-10) over Colts (14-1)
If the Clots are gonna roll over and play dead for the Jets, I see no reason for them to even suit up for this one. Why not just stay home and forfeit the game, you pussies?

Jaguars (7-8) over Browns* (4-11)
The Browns have been playing crazy-good football in the end-stretch, and I'm seriously tempted to pick them here, but Jacksonville is playing for a potential play-off spot here (with plenty of outside help). I say that the Jags get it done.

Bears (6-9) over Lions* (2-13)
I called it last week, but now I'm horrified that last week's inspired win over the Viqueens might just save a bunch of careers that don't deserve saving.

49ers (7-8) over Rams* (1-14)
One year ago I said that the Niners would win the NFC West this year. If they can get 3 wins on Sunday (and a Cardinals loss), they'll have it.

Dolphins* (7-8) over Steelers (8-7)
I'm not crazy about the Dolphins, but I have very little faith in the Steelers right now. That being said, if they win this one, watch out!

Vikings* (11-4) over Giants (8-7)
It's debatable which of these teams had the more embarrassing loss last week. The Giants are out, and the Vikes are gasping for air. Minnesota really needs a win here going into the post-season.

Falcons (8-7) over Buccaneers* (3-12)
Neither of these teams has anything to play for, but I think that the Falcons have more pride on the line here.

Saints (13-2) over Panthers* (7-8)
Everybody is picking the Panthers in this one, but I can't see the Saints going into the play-offs with a 3 game skid.

Patriots (10-5) over Texans* (8-7)
Same here, everybody seems to like the Texicans in this one. I don't see the Hoodie pulling an Indy and flying the white flag out in Houston.

Late Sunday Games:
Cowboys* (10-5) over Eagles (11-4)
NOOOOOO! The Chicago market has the stupid fucking Pack v. Cards game - Thank Christ for NFL Red Zone.

Broncos* (8-7) over Chiefs (3-12)
You Denver motherfuckers aren't making it easy to root for you. The Broncos still have 10 ways to make it into the playoffs. I say they'll sneak in, but with some serious help.

Ravens (8-7) over Raiders* (5-10)
Who the hell knows whats going on with either of these teams from week to week? I'm picking the Ravens because they need this win to stay alive, but I'm not really feeling it.

Cardinals* (10-5) over Packers (10-5)
Both of these teams are in, and I couldn't possibly be less interested in either of 'em.

Chargers* (12-3) over Redskins (4-11)
This game means less than nothing. The Chargers have the second seed in the AFC locked down, just as the Skins have a high first round 2010 draft pick locked down.

Titans (7-8) over Seahawks* (5-10)
It'll be a huge accomplishment if the Titans can end the season 8&8, not great enough to get them into the postseason, but pretty good nonetheless.

Sunday Night Game:
Bengals (10-5) over Jets* (8-7)
The Jets win this one and they're play-off bound. I say they choke.
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Wrong Picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Indicates Home Team

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