The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks

It's Friday night, I just spent the last couple of hours getting the remaining picks up, and I can't think of one interesting thing to write about week 14 of this NFL season, so I'm going to make this brief:
It's week 14, the time when teams are made, seasons are lost, and appendices go missing.
Okay, it's not much, but it gives me an excuse to use the (lesser used) plural of appendix, and that's good enough for me.

Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 116/76

Thursday Night Game:
Colts (6-6) over Titans (5-7)
Man, the Colts stink on ice this season. Things could be worse - they could be the Titans, who are the sporting equivalent of the smoldering remains of a burnt-out short bus with partially immolated handicapped children hanging dead from every half-opened window.

Early Sunday Games:
Browns (5-7) over Bills* (2-10)
These are my two favorite losers right now (Denver, you're cut). I'd watch this game in it's entirety if the Chicago market had it.

Steelers* (9-3) over Bengals (2-10)

The highlight of the season very well may have been Roethlisberger getting tampons shoved into his bloody nostrils last week. He's one tough motherfucker (sisterfucker, auntfucker, secondcousinfucker, drunkgirlfucker, et aliae).

Jaguars* (7-5) over Raiders (6-6)

I have no idea why I'm picking Jacksonville. Apparently, they've hypno-toaded me with their supernatural boringness.

Redskins* (5-7) over Buccaneers (7-5)

I'm still holding out the slightest of hope that my Skins don't totally suck. The Bucs don't win against teams with winning records, let's see how they do with a team that's within sight of .500.

Packers (8-4) over Lions* (2-10)

It wouldn't surprise me one bit of the Lions won this one at home. They've ALMOST pulled several upsets this year, and seem due to get at least one.

Falcons (10-2) over Panthers* (1-11)

Oh, dear god. Someone put this game out of its misery.

Late Sunday Games:
Patriots (10-2) over Bears* (9-3)
It's not 1985 - Settle down. I'm amazed at how many people are picking the Bears in this one after the Pats dismantling of the Jets last week. I say the Bears have a puncher's chance, but I'm going with my head on the pick. That being said, if the Bears win here (or even make it close) by Monday everyone will have the Bears as their NFC Super Bowl pick.

Saints* (9-3) over Rams (6-6)

I'd like to see the Rams win the NFC West (hey, someone has to), but I think that the Seahawks are going to edge them in the end.

Seahawks (6-6) over 49ers* (4-8)

Speaking of which... Fucking NFC West.

Broncos (3-9) over Cardinals* (3-9)

Why am I picking the 3&9 Broncos the week after they lost their head coach? Because (you guessed it) they're playing an NFC West turd-squad.

Jets* (9-3) over Dolphins (6-6)

The Jets got clowned last week in New England. That shit sticks with you. They need a solid win at home to right the ship.

Chargers* (6-6) over Chiefs (8-4)

FUCK! Matt Cassel's appendix had to go and ruin the AFC West for everyone. I really want the Chiefs to win the division, but I say that if the Chargers win here, then they take it.

Sunday Night Game:
Eagles (8-4) over Cowboys* (4-8)
The Dallas Cowboys are the NFL equivalent of Jason from the Friday the 13th film series: They're long-dead and have a nasty habit of hiding in the background and whacking whoever walks by in the face with a machete. I really want to pick 'em here, but I think the Iggles have the ability to run past this one without tripping.

Monday Night Games:
Ravens (8-4) over Texans* (5-7)
The Ravens have to be crazy-mad after that loss last week. Watch for 'em to go all Hulk up on Reliant Stadium. RAVENS SMASH!!!

Giants (8-4) over Vikings* (5-7)

This game is intriguing. Both teams are on a 2-game winning streak. The Giants are playing for the post-season and the Vikes are playing to get some respect back. A Vikes win here would be huge - I just don't see it.

---

Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team