Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks

It's Christmas weekend and I've graciously taken some time away from my wassailing to crap out some festive picks for you. Let's get right to this so I can get back to my holiday spirits.
Have a safe weekend and beware the Krampus.

Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 135/89

Thursday Night Game:
Steelers* (10-4) over Panthers (2-12)

The Steelers are coming off of a hard loss to the Jets last week. The Panthers are coming off a hard loss to everybody they've played this season (excepting the Cardinals & 49ers, which don't really count as NFL teams since they play in the NFC West).

Saturday Night Game:
Cowboys (5-9) over Cardinals* (4-10)

Ho, Ho, Fuck you. What grinch scheduled this lump of coal as the X-Mas game? Granted, last year these were both playoff teams that won their respective divisions, but how quickly the mighty have fallen. I'm not watching this crap, if you need me I'll be getting my holiday spirits on at Liar's Club.

Early Sunday Games:
Jets (10-4) over Bears* (10-4)

Don't get me wrong, The Bears should win this one. I just think that the Jets are going to be playing desperate. The Bears are playing for a bye, the Jets are playing for their lives.

Dolphins* (7-7) over Lions (4-10)
Why am I not picking the Lions here? They have become the NFL inquisition late in the season beating down all of the fraud-teams with over-inflated records (Redskins, Packers, Buccaneers). They should win here too.

Rams* (6-8) over 49ers (5-9)
I'm saving my final NFC West rant for next week, so I'm kinda wishing that the Rams lose here and the Shawks lose later so I can get properly riled about a sub-.500 team making the playoffs.

Patriots (12-2) over Bills* (4-10)
Just when the Patriots seem unstoppable, they always seem to give up a conference game to the Bills or Dolphins. I say that it's too late in the season for that to happen here, but I'm keeping one eye on this one.

Ravens (10-4) over Browns* (5-9)
It doesn't look like the Ravens can win the division (unless they win-out and the Steelers lose against these Browns next week), still one more win and they lock down a playoff spot. They should get it done on the road.

Jaguars* (8-6) over Redskins (5-9)
Fuck you, Redskins. Rex "Fumbles" Grossman... are you fucking kidding me?!?! I hate you so much right now. --spits--

Chiefs* (9-5) over Titans (6-8)
I need the Chiefs to win the AFC West. I'm so fucking sick of the Chargers, all I want is one year off. Six decades would be preferable, but I'll take one year.

Late Sunday Games:
Broncos* (3-11) over Texans (5-9)

And I'm picking Denver because? Oh, that's right; I don't care.

Colts (8-6) over Raiders* (7-7)
I'm not sure how I feel about the AFC South picture. I'm sick of the Colts, and would LOVE to see them fail after dumping the chance at the perfect season last year. Then again, if the Colts miss the playoffs, we get Jacksonville which is about as exciting as a can of generic corn. Whatever.

Chargers (8-6) over Bengals* (3-11)
Hey Cincinnati, you were founded in 1788, don't you think it's about time that you do one thing right? Knock out the Chargers here and we'll all overlook the two hundred and twenty two years of mediocrity.

Giants (9-5) over Packers* (8-6)
I'm really tempted to pick the Pack at home. They win here, and they have a shot at the playoffs. They lose here, and they're all but out. I'm just more convinced in their ability to fail than in their ability to win.

Buccaneers* (8-6) over Seahawks (6-8)
Okay, I'm getting bored with typing out picks. Make up something interesting about this game on your own.

Sunday Night Game:
Eagles* (10-4) over Vikings (5-9)

I am thrilled beyond words that Brett Favre was nice enough to come back the game immediately after his starting streak was broken just to let the Bears end his career. What a guy.

Monday Night Game:
Falcons* (12-2) over Saints (10-4)

Even though they probably won't win the division, a Saints win here would be HUGE. That being said, the Falcons never lose at home.
---

Wrong Picks in pantone #cc0000
Correct Picks in pantone #38761d
*Indicates Home Team

1 comment:

Chris B. said...

HURRY UP AND MAKE YOUR PICKS!