Friday, October 30, 2009

The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks

I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears... I'm not going to disparage the Bears...
FUCK THE BEARS!!!
Dammit.

Last Week's Picks: 9/4
Season Record: 71/32

Early Sunday Games:
Dolphins (2-4) over Jets* (4-3)
I haven't gotten my first pick right since week two. This AFC East match isn't helping to break that streak. I like the Fish here for some ungodly reason.

Giants (5-2) over Eagles* (4-2)
Man, This'll be a good one. I'd like to pick the Beagles here, but can't see the Giants dropping three straight games.

Broncos (6-0) over Ravens* (3-3)
The last few years I've HATED the Broncos (since they dumped Plummer for Cutler), but this year with Orton at QB, they're definitely back up in my top 3 favorite teams. This is gonna be a barn-burner - The Ravens three losses have come against the Patriots, Bengals, and Vikings in very close games. Go Denver!

Texans (4-3) over Bills* (3-4)
Why, oh why, am I forced to pick Texans games? It just isn't fair. I'm rocking a craptacular 1&6 record in picking Texans games this year - I blame Grossman.

Bears* (3-3) over Browns (1-6)
You rotten cocksuckers best win this one.

Cowboys* (4-2) over Seahawks (2-4)
Just when I think that the Cowboys are awful, they're good - Just when I think that the Seahawks are good, they're awful. Watch everything go all 'Freaky Friday' up in this motherfucker.

Lions* (1-5) over Rams (0-7)
The real bet here is whether Matt Stafford is gonna be able to play for Detroit. I'm taking 'em at their word and picking the Lions.

Colts* (6-0) over 49ers (3-3)
My declaration of the Niners winning the NFC West isn't looking so great right now. They're the best team in that division, but the stupid Cardinals keep refusing to lose.

Late Sunday Games:
Jaguars (3-3) over Titans* (0-6)
Tennessee has reanimated Frankentard in a last-ditch effort to get a win. The villagers grab pitchforks and light torches in eager anticipation.

Chargers* (3-3) over Raiders (2-5)
While the cops were investigating Cable's coaching beat-down, I'm amazed that they didn't collar JaMarcus Russell for murder. That turd has killed any chance the Raiders had at a winning season. With a QB swap between these two teams I'd bet on Oakland in 19 out of 20 matches.

Cardinals* (4-2) over Panthers (2-4)
I'm getting screwed in betting against the Cardinals. I'm working on the theory that if I start picking them, then they'll lose consistently - Everyone wins.

Vikings (6-1) over Packers* (4-2)
Wow! Everyone seems to think that Green Bay is going to win this one. I just don't see it. As far as I can tell, the Pack is outmatched entirely. The best thing that the Packers have going for 'em in this game are these T-Shirts.

-- No Sunday night game due to World Series --

Monday Night Game:
Saints* (6-0) over Falcons (4-2)
I understand that the Saints are probably going to lose sometime this season, but all y'all that are picking them to take a dump at home to a divisional opponent this week is ignant.
---

Wrong Picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Indicates Home Team

1 comment:

Chris B. said...

It's funny to me that the special teams and defense scored more than the offense, and yet all of the players get pissy when asked about the ugly game. Yeah, it was a win... but was it really?