The Liar's NFL Week 13 Picks

Yup, I'm moving my picks over to KfS (along with all of the earlier picks from this year). The way I'm gonna work this is that I'll do a post for the Thursday game, then re-post this on Saturday with the rest of my picks. That makes sense to my booze-addled brain, then again, so does Ron Paul.

13 is my lucky number, so I'm hoping that I'll get some good mojo kicking in this week with my picks to help erase the mediocrity of the past few weeks. Here we go.

Last week's picks: 9/7
Season record: 113/63

Thursday Night Game:
Cowboys (10-1) over Packers (10-1)
I'm really looking forward to this one. It's fortuitous that I'm one of the few that has NFL Network in my cable line-up. Now I just have to manage to find a way to drone out Bryant Gumble.
Onto the tackle-football contest: This game could swing either way, and I'm kinda hoping that the Pack pulls this one out - It'd make for great television, but I think that they're simply outmatched. I'm going with the Boys
Postgame: Wow, this was a pretty damned good game. Favre got knocked out early and the GB back-up (Rogers) was freakin' awesome. A couple of bullshit calls handed the game to the Boys on a silver platter. Boys win by 10.
Favorite 'Bryant Gumble is retarded' moment: The Cowboys are running out of the tunnel at the begining of the telecast - Bryant: "...and out Come the Green Bay Pa... Cowboys". Idiot.
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Shit! All but (the last) 2 games this week are matched really evenly. It should make for some great TV viewin', but for difficult prognostication. This shit is supposed to get easier as the season progresses, but here we are.

Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-5) over Texans (5-6)
The ex-Oilers are getting Haynesworth back this week, now maybe they can win a game.

Colts (9-2) over Jaguars (8-3)
I really want to pick the Jags, but I just don't see it happening. The Clots are getting healthy, and have something to prove.

Chargers (6-5) over Chiefs (4-7)
The Bolts are downright bipolar this season. Who knows which SD team will take the field this week? All I know is if they want a shot at the playoffs, they'd better get their shit together. We'll see.

Rams (2-9) over Falcons (3-8)
The Rams last-minute fumble cost me a huge upset pick last week against the Seahawks. Dirty bastards. They shouldn't have to wait 'til the last minute to beat the Birds, so I'm safe. Right?

Jets (2-9) over Dolphins (0-11)
An open letter to Coach Manicotti:
Please win this damned game. Miami MUST remain beaten. Seriously.
Love,
Liar
Postgame: Thank you coach Mangione. I knew you could do it.

Vikings (5-6) over Lions (6-5)
I'm hoping like hell that the Vikes and Bears both win, thus bringing the NFC North to a 3-way tie for last. If the Bears can finish ahead of the Lions this year, I'll be happy.
How fucking sad is that last statement?

Eagles (5-6) over Seahawks (7-4)
I'm picking the Eagles because it looks like Donovan won't start this week. He's a great QB, but it was criminal to start him this season before he could fully recoup from his injuries. Blame Coach Reid when he leaves Philly at the end of the season.

Redskins (5-6) over Bills (5-6)
After this week's events, I have a feeling that the Skins are going to play possessed in this one. Either that, or completely come apart on the field. We'll see on Sunday.
Postgame: They completely fell apart. The Skins screwed themselves with a stupid penalty while Buffalo was going for a long field goal with 8 seconds left on the clock - the Williams by 1 thin point.

49ers (3-8) over Panthers (4-7)
There are imploded stars that suck less than Carolina does right now. Don't get me wrong, San Fran is pretty damned bad, but they're just good enough to pull off this road win.
Postgame: I was wrong, the 49ers are bad enough to lose any game. I'm just glad that they're not playing the Dolphins this year.

Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (5-6) over Raiders (3-8)
Roll the dice. I'm just picking Denver because it seems that Oakland always finds a way to lose.

Browns (7-4) over Cardinals (5-6)
As long as the Browns don't eat at that horrible taco place on 7th in downtown Phoenix, they should be fine. If they do, Cards by at least 50 points.
Postgame: I don't know what pisses me off more; the fact that I'm on a 5 game skid due to a crooked call that gave the Cards the win, or that my losing streak ends here.

Giants (7-4) over Bears (5-6)
Granted, Eli looks like he's been channeling his inner Rex lately. Fortuitously, we have the real thing.
Watch out for the Giants' d-line, their specialty is getting penetration (insert cheap joke here). With our rock-solid o-line and the exceptional play making abilities of Rex Grossman under pressure, this shouldn't be a problem.
Postgame: Welcome to the lonely cellar of the NFC North, kids.

Buccaneers (7-4) over Saints (5-6)
The Saints really need to win this one at home, but they've failed miserably in every "must win" game that they've faced this year. I think that Tampa is too good of a team to let the Saints off of the hook.

Sunday Night Game:
Steelers (8-3) over Bengals (4-7)
I'm no grassologist, but I highly doubt that 6 days is enough time to fix the death bog that we all saw last Monday. If the field still looks like the results of a mass bovine disembowelment, then the Bengals might have a (lucky) shot.

Monday Night Game:
Patriots (11-0) over Ravens (4-7)
It looks like Philly found the key to defending the Pats. Unfortunately for the Ravens, Belichick has undoubtedly changed the locks 3 times since last Sunday. This game should be good for a laugh.
Postgame: Hole. Lee. Shit. That was close.
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Correct picks in (a slightly darker) GREEN
Wrong picks in RED