Hey, I'm tied for first with Schlereth from the NFL Experts for most correct picks (Jaws is whomping both of us in percentage since he doesn't pick Monday night games).
Not freakin' bad. Hooray me!
Every time I start bragging about my prognosticating abilities, I totally flame-out the next week. I really have to stop doing that.
Last Weeks Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 148/76
Thursday Night Game:
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5) over Rams (3-11)
The Steelers have something to prove this week after getting spanked by a Florida team in a hometown snowstorm (I totally called that). Now they have to sharpen their teeth on the Horned Sheep in order to preserve their lead over Cleveland in the AFC North.
Saturday Night Game:
Cowboys (12-2) over Panthers (6-8)
Unless Jessica starts making out with the Carolina bench, Romo should have his head (and thumb) back in the game this week.
The Panthers are looking better as this season wraps up, but Dallas is light-years beyond them.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (7-7) over Giants (9-5)
The Williams have had a killer season this year, and are much better than their record suggests. The Giants are in the midst of a tail-spin and are much worse than their record suggests. Unless Eli catches fire (and Plexico starts catching passes), the Gnats are doomed.
Postgame: You're killing me, Buffalo. That 4th quarter was freakin' atrocious. Now the Skins have this route to the playoffs shut down.
Bears (5-9) over Packers (12-2)
Lovie has to get back to his first year pledge in order to "salvage" this season. Two wins against the Pack would ease the pain a bit (and save a few jobs). I'm not sure that the Bears have what it takes to get this done, but I'm hoping like hell.
Postgame: THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. BEARS!!!
Browns (9-5) over Bengals (5-9)
I love me some Cleveland Browns this year. Everybody enjoy this story now before Disney ruins it by optioning the rights for some schmaltzy feel-good flick.
In related news, Vivid is interested in optioning the story of the Bengals under the title of "Ex-Con Suck-A-Thon".
Lions (6-8) over Chiefs (4-10)
I'm throwing Detroit a bone here. They've gone back to losing (thank gawd), and now I feel like I owe 'em something after wishing for their downfall all season. They might be bad, but they're not "Kansas City bad".
Colts (12-2) over Texans (7-7)
Indy has a 1st round bye nailed down, and might not be playing all-out this week. The Texans are back on track, and a win here would make a huge statement. This should be a fairly close game, but the Colts should be able to pull off a 'W' in a squeaker.
Saints (7-7) over Eagles (6-8)
I'm really hoping that the Beagles can pull off the upset in this one. A Philly win would really help out the Skins in their playoff hunt. That being said, the Eagles are downright bi-polar this season. I have no fucking idea which Eagles team is gonna show up this week. New Orleans has much more to play for in this game, so I'm going with the Saints at home.
Postgame: Thank you Philly. Now, please have a talk with the Buffalo Bills.
Jaguars (10-4) over Raiders (4-10)
This one's gonna be ugly - Look away, Tom.
Sunday Late Games:
Cardinals (6-8) over Falcons (3-11)
Look at the crap they're trying to pass off as late games this week. I'm sorta thankful that Chicago has the Pats/Fins late game. That's how crappy the rest of 'em are.
Buccaneers (9-5) over 49ers (4-10)
I give up: What can I say about this game? Nothing; that's what.
Bucs are good - Niners suck. Well, Instead of trying to pull some random meaningless stats off of the web, here's a Wikipedia excerpt on the mating of hedgehogs:
The hedgehog's dilemma is based upon the apparent danger of a male hedgehog being poked while mating with a female hedgehog. It states that the closer two people are to each other, the more they may hurt one another. However, this is not an issue for hedgehogs as the male's penis is very near the center of its abdomen (often mistaken for a belly button) and the female has the ability to curl her tail upward to the point that her vulva protrudes behind the rest of her body. As such, the male doesn't have to get completely on top of the female when mating.
Titans (8-6) over Jets (3-11)
A few weeks ago I had a random epiphany and started to wonder why the PC crowd didn't ever try to change the name of the NY Jets after 9/11.
I'm thinking of starting a petition just to see what ridiculous names the free-tards come up with.
Patriots (14-0) over Dolphins (1-13)
Fucking Ravens. I was gonna get cute and pick the Fins this week to get their first win and give New England their first loss. Baltimore shit the bed last Sunday and robbed me of that awesomely bold pick.
All bets are off of the table now, and I'm going with the Pats. As for the Ravens...
Seahawks (9-5) over Ravens (4-10)
...Contract 'em. After last week, I'm starting a campaign to dismantle the Ravens orginization. It's time that Art Modell's Blackbirds go the fuck away. Just give the 1996-1998 stats and records to Cleveland along with the Super Bowl XXXV title, and forget that this shit ever happened.
If Baltimore wants another football franchise, they should sack Indianapolis under cover of darkness and take back the Colts by force. Then, if Indy wants another NFL franchise, they can just go fuck themselves. Everybody wins.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (7-7) over Vikings (8-6)
Here's the game of the week. This is gonna be HUGE.
If the cocksucking Bears coulda held on to their lead last Monday, these two teams would be tied going into this one. instead the Bears failed (yet again), and now my Skins have to battle extra-hard for a playoff spot. I have faith - Hail to the Redskins.
Postgame: Hoo-Ha! The Skins are poised for a playoff appearance with a win against the resting Cowboys next week (Bears came through this week and settled the NFC home-field contest), or by losses from the Saints and Vikes. It's looking pretty damn good for DC.
Monday Night Game:
Chargers (9-5) over Broncos (6-8)
San Diego already has a playoff berth - this should be a good scrimmage match for 'em.
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Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
2 comments:
I never want the Packers to beat the Bears, but the win today was so hollow. We're going nowhere, we didn't help ourselves for the draft, and now we have to think about Orton. I'm fine with leaving Grossie (your boyfriend) and Greasy behind and moving on. I'm fine with Briggs finding greener pastures and I hope Berrian gets his big pay day with some other team, too. We need a new Mike Brown and a new offensive line.
Look on the bright side - 2 of the 3 Pack losses were against the Bears.
This is exactly the ammo you needed for your holidays up North.
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