It's the last week of the NFL Regular Season, and much like a good number of the teams below, I'm taking a break this week.
I'm picking the teams that I want to win, rather than the teams that I think will win. I'm suspending the hell out of disbelief for one week and just going for the gusto. Hell, I was even tempted to pick a tie for the Bears this week, just because I thought that it would be that much more awesome if the Viking lose and the Bears tie to get into the playoffs. I had it down and then changed it because I realized what a stupid fucking pick that was. But the point is that I am actually tempted to pick a fucking tie.
It's totally that kind of a week.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 151/88/1
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (10-5) over Rams (10-15)
With an Atlanta win here and a Carolina loss, the Falcons could secure the NFC South championship. I say that just that happens. Why? because for the last 5 seasons every team that has finished last in that division has come back the next year to win the title. Falcons were the last-place finisher last year - I say they keep the streak going.
Patriots (10-5) over Bills (7-8)
The Patriots at 11 & 5 probably aren't gonna make the playoffs. Really. They need either a Baltimore loss or a Miami loss to make it in. I don't think that either of those things will happen (even though I'm picking the Jets to win later on in this post). Regardless, even if there's the slimmest hope of postseason play, Belichick is gonna go after the Williams full-throttle.
Bengals (3-11-1) over Chiefs (2-13)
With a loss here the Chiefs can nail down the second pick in the 2009 NFL Draft. You can do it, Kansas City! Lose one for the fans.
Packers (5-9) over Lions (0-15)
This is history folks! The Lions are on the precipice of becoming the worst team in NFL history. One more loss and "2008 Lions" will be synonymous with failure, thus supplanting the '76 (0-14) Bucs. They'll hold that honor until some future suck team goes 0 &18 once the League decides to bump up the regular season by a couple of games.
Also, I'd be reminisced if I didn't add that the Pack really needs a win here to keep the normally placid fan base from burning Lambeau Field to the ground. I'm kinda hoping for a Pack loss just to watch the fireworks in the off-season, but would rather see Detroit make history.
Colts (11-4) over Titans (13-2)
Neither of these teams has anything to play for this week. They're both locked-into their playoff positions, but I think that the Colts are looking at this one as a statement game. If Indy can get a win here, their post-season stock will sky-rocket.
Giants (12-3) over Vikings (9-6)
The Giants have nothing to play for, but I'm saying it again: "the Vikes aren't that great of a team". I think that the Giants 3rd stringers could handle 'em. Plus, Tom Coughlin isn't the kind of guy to roll over and take a loss going into the playoffs (remember the week 17 Giants/Pats game last year?). I say the Giants have some home-field fun and beat down Minnesota for the NY fans.
Saints (8-7) over Panthers (11-4)
If I pick North Carolina here, I negate my NFC South prediction made in the Falcons/Rams pick. The Saints are a damn fine team at home (shaky on the road), so I'm not going too far out on a limb with this one.
Steelers (11-4) over Browns (4-11)
This is Romeo Crenell's last game as coach of the Browns. Trust me, he'll be out before the clock strikes '12' on New Year's Eve.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Raiders (4-11)
Okay even my suspension of disbelief goes only so far. I can see the Bears winning, I can see the Cowboys losing at Philly, but I just cant see the Bucs losing at home to the Raiders. The Bears aren't getting into the playoffs with this wild card slot. Then again, I didn't think that the Raiders had a prayer against the Texans last week, so...
Bears (8-6) over Texans (7-8)
Is there anything that I'm missing here? I'm racking my brain to find any single reason for the Texans to play full-out this week. They napped last week against the Raiders and got beat, and they have even less to play for this week. The only other time these 2 teams played was back in 2004 and the Texans won, so there's no grudge. I think that Chicago has the tenacity to get a win when it really matters. Maybe I'm missing something, but, if so, I can't see it.
Postgame: Football is gay.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (6-9) over Redskins (8-7)
The one week I pick against the Skins they go out and kill Philly's playoff hopes. That was so sweet. I enjoyed that so much last week that I'm picking against them again this week just for the hell of it.
Oh, and I'm saying it now: At this time next year, the 49ers will be in the playoffs - Mark my words.
Ravens (10-5) over Jaguars (5-10)
This game has "TRAP" written all over it. If Baltimore looks past this game, they could be watching the playoffs from Porters.
Jets (9-6) over Dolphins (10-5)
I really wanted to see the Jets make the playoffs this year just to piss-off every Packer fan. They need a win here and a New England loss to get in - Ain't gonna happen, but I'm holding out the slightest hope and picking 'em here just in case. Plus, I really can't stomach any feel-good bullshit stories about the Fish (which are coming in spades if Miami makes the postseason). Do not want.
Eagles (8-6-1) over Cowboys (9-6)
Can Tony Romo pull a "Romo" in a must-win game to make the playoffs rather in the first playoff game? That question has haunted all prognosticators for the last week or so. In his first season he dropped the ball during the winning field-goal attempt. In his second season he threw an interception into his endzone with less than a minute left on the clock. So I'm wondering that if (for his third season) he can lose a game (at the last minute) that's like a playoff game, but not actually a playoff game. I say he can.
Postgame: Hey Chicago, this could have been your playoff spot if you weren't too busy dropping passes.
Cardinals (8-7) over Seahawks (4-11)
Whichever team gets Arizona Cardinals in the first round of the playoffs are one bunch of lucky-ass motherfuckers. I say we all concur that the Niners are the better NFC West team and just send them to the playoffs this year.
Sunday Night Game:
Chargers (7-8) over Broncos (8-7)
I used to like the Broncos when Jake Plummer was the QB. That organization killed any goodwill I might have felt when they axed Plummer for uber-douche Jay Cutler back in 2006. They lost 2 of the last 3 games in '06 to finish 9 & 7 to just miss the playoffs. Cutler has maintained that losing record ever since (17-19). If they lose this game that QB-switch decision will go down as one of the all-time worst in NFL history.
If Ed Hochuli hadn't handed the game to Denver back in week 2, this game would be significantly less interesting. Now the winner goes on, the loser goes home empty-handed.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Quick Note
The Bears offense, with rookie phenom Forte and poised QB Orton, rank 26th in the league out of 32 teams. The Bears defense, with it's new break-but-sometimes-bend philosophy, is ranked 14th overall. Doesn't that seem backwards given the way both units have looked this year?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks
I'm screwed. There's no way I'm gonna hit my goal of .667% accuracy this season unless I only have 2 bad picks in the next 2 weeks - Ain't gonna happen. So now I'm just having some fun and going crazy with the picks this week - A lot of heart, very little brain.
I'm only picking 2 home teams to win this week (and 14 teams to win on the road). I may be screwed, but at least I'm having a blast.
Let's see how this works.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 140/83/1
Thursday Night Game:
Colts (10-4) over Jaguars (5-9)
Indy can clinch a playoff spot with a win here, and nothing would make the sullen Jags happier than throwing a wrench in their divisional rivals' postseason plans. That being said, I think that Indy has the strength to win on the road and keep their playoff aspirations from being decided in next week's match-up with the 12 & 2 Titans.
Saturday Night Game:
Ravens (9-5) over Cowboys (9-5)
Hoo-fucking-Ha! This is gonna be interesting. This looks to be the final game at Texas Stadium, but it's gonna be a sour send-off for the home crowd. The 'Boys are careening straight into a brick wall heading up against the second-ranked defense in the NFL.
Remember the Alamo? They lost.
Postgame: As far as I can tell, I'm the only motherfucker who sincerely believed the Ravens could win this one - Bite me world.
Early Sunday Games:
Bengals (2-11-1) over Browns (4-10)
The Browns are decimated three deep at this point in the season, and Cincy has been getting an 'A' for effort lately. I don't like this pick one bit, and have very little faith in it, but I have to call for a Bengals win on the road.
Saints (7-7) over Lions (0-14)
A lot of prognosticators are picking the Lions to get their first win here, and I don't blame 'em one bit. The Saints are done, and the Lions have been gnashing and clawing hard to avoid going down as the worst team in NFL history. I just don't see New Orleans letting them off the hook merely as a good will gesture - They might be Saints, but they're not Jesus.
Steelers (11-3) over Titans (12-2)
Here's the AFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are on a huge up-swing and the Titans are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the Tennessee DL. I think that the Titans would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Dolphins (9-5) over Chiefs (2-12)
Here's my fire-forged-iron-clad-double-tough-steel-trap® lock of the week. Watch it be wrong, and me have an NFL induced embolism.
49ers (5-9) over Rams (2-12)
In Greek mythology Chronos served as the personification of time. He was imagined as an incorporeal god, serpentine in form, with three heads—that of a man, a bull, and a lion. He and his consort, serpentine Ananke (Inevitability), circled the primal world-egg in their coils and split it apart to form the ordered universe of earth, sea and sky.
Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but is infinitely more interesting than any insight I might have into this crap-match.
Patriots (9-5) over Cardinals (8-6)
This is the first home-team that I've picked to win this week. I'm so fucking doomed.
Chargers (6-8) over Buccaneers (9-5)
Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the Chargers still believe that they can win out and clinch the AFC West with 2 more Denver losses. I'm picking the Chargers to win and the Broncos to lose this week in hopes of a winner-takes-all throw-down between those two next week in San Diego. Plus, Tampa is beat-to-hell right now - Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Late Sunday Picks:
Jets (9-5) over Seahawks (3-11)
The Jets can't lose every single west-coast game this year. Can they? I just wanna see Brett make it deep into the playoffs this year and then watch the Packers organization explode in the offseason.
Texans (7-7) over Raiders (3-11)
Remember when the Raiders were the bad-asses of the NFL? Every team got the fear when those unruly bastards came up on their schedules - It was like opening up the front door and coming eye-to-eye with an axe-murderer. I say that the Raiders go retro this week and hack-up the Texans for next week's match-up in Chicago.
Bills (6-8) over Broncos (8-6)
Am I the only one who still thinks that the Broncos are a huge sham? The Williams haven't inspired confidence as of late, but still seem light-years ahead of any of the west-coast teams.
Eagles (8-5-1) over Redskins (7-7)
I still want to pick the Skins in this one, but I've learned my lesson after they've dumped 5 of their last 6 games. The Eagles still have the faintest hopes of grasping at a playoff spot - The Skins are hopeless. I just wish that the Washington would put in Colt Brennan so we can see how he functions in a real NFL game.
Falcons (9-5) over Vikings (9-5)
The Falcons have to win this one just so Chicago can lose the NFC North crown on their own against the Texans next week. We don't need any damned charity, we can fuck everything up on our own just fine, thank you very much.
Sunday Night Game:
Panthers (11-3) over Giants (11-3)
I'm just gonna crib from the previous Steelers/Titans match and swap out the pertinent info:
Here's the NFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Panthers are on a huge up-swing and the Giants are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the New York DL. I think that the Giants would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Monday Night Game:
Bears (8-6) over Packers (5-9)
No team would rather end Chicago's season early than the Pack, but Lovie knows that this one is a MUST WIN (bold all-caps).
If the Bears get bitched by the Packers twice in one season, and have the north-woodsers kill the season. Lovie Smith is going to transmogrify into Dusty Baker in the collective conscience of Chicago fandom skippy-quick. One loss here, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be basted in tar, dipped in feathers, and ridden out on a rail to Cincinnati. Metaphorically, of course (since everyone knows that Cincinnati only exists in the minds of Ohioans).
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I'm only picking 2 home teams to win this week (and 14 teams to win on the road). I may be screwed, but at least I'm having a blast.
Let's see how this works.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 140/83/1
Thursday Night Game:
Colts (10-4) over Jaguars (5-9)
Indy can clinch a playoff spot with a win here, and nothing would make the sullen Jags happier than throwing a wrench in their divisional rivals' postseason plans. That being said, I think that Indy has the strength to win on the road and keep their playoff aspirations from being decided in next week's match-up with the 12 & 2 Titans.
Saturday Night Game:
Ravens (9-5) over Cowboys (9-5)
Hoo-fucking-Ha! This is gonna be interesting. This looks to be the final game at Texas Stadium, but it's gonna be a sour send-off for the home crowd. The 'Boys are careening straight into a brick wall heading up against the second-ranked defense in the NFL.
Remember the Alamo? They lost.
Postgame: As far as I can tell, I'm the only motherfucker who sincerely believed the Ravens could win this one - Bite me world.
Early Sunday Games:
Bengals (2-11-1) over Browns (4-10)
The Browns are decimated three deep at this point in the season, and Cincy has been getting an 'A' for effort lately. I don't like this pick one bit, and have very little faith in it, but I have to call for a Bengals win on the road.
Saints (7-7) over Lions (0-14)
A lot of prognosticators are picking the Lions to get their first win here, and I don't blame 'em one bit. The Saints are done, and the Lions have been gnashing and clawing hard to avoid going down as the worst team in NFL history. I just don't see New Orleans letting them off the hook merely as a good will gesture - They might be Saints, but they're not Jesus.
Steelers (11-3) over Titans (12-2)
Here's the AFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Steelers are on a huge up-swing and the Titans are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the Tennessee DL. I think that the Titans would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Dolphins (9-5) over Chiefs (2-12)
Here's my fire-forged-iron-clad-double-tough-steel-trap® lock of the week. Watch it be wrong, and me have an NFL induced embolism.
49ers (5-9) over Rams (2-12)
In Greek mythology Chronos served as the personification of time. He was imagined as an incorporeal god, serpentine in form, with three heads—that of a man, a bull, and a lion. He and his consort, serpentine Ananke (Inevitability), circled the primal world-egg in their coils and split it apart to form the ordered universe of earth, sea and sky.
Yeah, this has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but is infinitely more interesting than any insight I might have into this crap-match.
Patriots (9-5) over Cardinals (8-6)
This is the first home-team that I've picked to win this week. I'm so fucking doomed.
Chargers (6-8) over Buccaneers (9-5)
Yeah, I'm really going out on a limb with this one, but the Chargers still believe that they can win out and clinch the AFC West with 2 more Denver losses. I'm picking the Chargers to win and the Broncos to lose this week in hopes of a winner-takes-all throw-down between those two next week in San Diego. Plus, Tampa is beat-to-hell right now - Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Late Sunday Picks:
Jets (9-5) over Seahawks (3-11)
The Jets can't lose every single west-coast game this year. Can they? I just wanna see Brett make it deep into the playoffs this year and then watch the Packers organization explode in the offseason.
Texans (7-7) over Raiders (3-11)
Remember when the Raiders were the bad-asses of the NFL? Every team got the fear when those unruly bastards came up on their schedules - It was like opening up the front door and coming eye-to-eye with an axe-murderer. I say that the Raiders go retro this week and hack-up the Texans for next week's match-up in Chicago.
Bills (6-8) over Broncos (8-6)
Am I the only one who still thinks that the Broncos are a huge sham? The Williams haven't inspired confidence as of late, but still seem light-years ahead of any of the west-coast teams.
Eagles (8-5-1) over Redskins (7-7)
I still want to pick the Skins in this one, but I've learned my lesson after they've dumped 5 of their last 6 games. The Eagles still have the faintest hopes of grasping at a playoff spot - The Skins are hopeless. I just wish that the Washington would put in Colt Brennan so we can see how he functions in a real NFL game.
Falcons (9-5) over Vikings (9-5)
The Falcons have to win this one just so Chicago can lose the NFC North crown on their own against the Texans next week. We don't need any damned charity, we can fuck everything up on our own just fine, thank you very much.
Sunday Night Game:
Panthers (11-3) over Giants (11-3)
I'm just gonna crib from the previous Steelers/Titans match and swap out the pertinent info:
Here's the NFC "all the marbles" game of the week. The winner here has home-field throughout the playoffs. Right now the Panthers are on a huge up-swing and the Giants are on a definite down-swing. Trying to force a shift in momentum could trigger a drastic increases on the New York DL. I think that the Giants would be better served to play this one easy and keep the team healthy for the post-season.
Monday Night Game:
Bears (8-6) over Packers (5-9)
No team would rather end Chicago's season early than the Pack, but Lovie knows that this one is a MUST WIN (bold all-caps).
If the Bears get bitched by the Packers twice in one season, and have the north-woodsers kill the season. Lovie Smith is going to transmogrify into Dusty Baker in the collective conscience of Chicago fandom skippy-quick. One loss here, and the next thing you know, he's gonna be basted in tar, dipped in feathers, and ridden out on a rail to Cincinnati. Metaphorically, of course (since everyone knows that Cincinnati only exists in the minds of Ohioans).
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Pet Peavy
The Peavy deal is dead and I for one say…meh.
I like Jake Peavy and think he is as accomplished as any of the current Cubs starters. But is he worth losing the six players the Cubs might’ve lost in the two or three team deal? On paper, based on the numbers we know, many argued that the Cubs would have the most dominant rotation in the BL with Peavy as their number 1.
But they don’t play the games on paper. Games are played on a field and that is sort of my point.
Don’t be confused, I am not about to argue that Wrigley is too much of a hitter friendly park for Peavy and fly balls will be leaving the yard left and right on this guy. But after considering Jake Peavy’s Home and Away splits in 2008, he has an impressive 1.74 ERA @ sea level in SanDiego. But get Peavy on the road and his ERA jumps up to 4.28. Opponents hit 58 points higher against him when he dons the road uniform. This translated into only one fewer win on the road last year, but the Padres hit pretty well for Peavy on the road last year.
The Padres hitters were probably thrilled to be away from their home turf where the curveball bites more and the balls don’t travel quite as far…
At Wrigley and throughout the NL CENTRAL parks Peavy would not enjoy the advantages he had for more than half of his starts last year.
I like Peavy. I think the Cub rotation could be improved with his acquisition. But, I am not sure that he was worth all Towers wanted for him. I am fairly sure that as a Cub he would not have the same production as he did in SD. This is not because of any curse…just part of the telling numbers of baseball.
Peavy or no, the Cubs should be the favorite to win the NL Central again. Maybe they should pick up (or is it cowboy up) Derrick Lowe just so they don’t have to face his ass in October.
Just a thought…
I like Jake Peavy and think he is as accomplished as any of the current Cubs starters. But is he worth losing the six players the Cubs might’ve lost in the two or three team deal? On paper, based on the numbers we know, many argued that the Cubs would have the most dominant rotation in the BL with Peavy as their number 1.
But they don’t play the games on paper. Games are played on a field and that is sort of my point.
Don’t be confused, I am not about to argue that Wrigley is too much of a hitter friendly park for Peavy and fly balls will be leaving the yard left and right on this guy. But after considering Jake Peavy’s Home and Away splits in 2008, he has an impressive 1.74 ERA @ sea level in SanDiego. But get Peavy on the road and his ERA jumps up to 4.28. Opponents hit 58 points higher against him when he dons the road uniform. This translated into only one fewer win on the road last year, but the Padres hit pretty well for Peavy on the road last year.
The Padres hitters were probably thrilled to be away from their home turf where the curveball bites more and the balls don’t travel quite as far…
At Wrigley and throughout the NL CENTRAL parks Peavy would not enjoy the advantages he had for more than half of his starts last year.
I like Peavy. I think the Cub rotation could be improved with his acquisition. But, I am not sure that he was worth all Towers wanted for him. I am fairly sure that as a Cub he would not have the same production as he did in SD. This is not because of any curse…just part of the telling numbers of baseball.
Peavy or no, the Cubs should be the favorite to win the NL Central again. Maybe they should pick up (or is it cowboy up) Derrick Lowe just so they don’t have to face his ass in October.
Just a thought…
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 15 Picks
Fucking gotta love those Bears. They're gonna fucking kill me, but holy shit, what a game. After Thursday, the rest of this week is gravy.
Let's ladle it on.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 130/77/1
Thursday Night Game:
Bears (7-6) over Saints (7-6)
The one thing that struck me recently is that I suddenly realized that I haven't enjoyed watching Bears games since week 3 of this season when they lost the lead within the 2 minute-warning to lose their second game in a row. Every game since then has had an ominous cloud hanging over the field.
I remember a few years ago (in the first Orton era) when if the Bears were behind by 14 going into the 4th quarter, I was hopeful. Now if they have a lead of 14 going into the 4th, I feel apprehensive. Hell, last fucking week I was convinced that were were going to give up a 17 point lead in the final quarter. It never happened, but I don't think that I'm the only PTSD Bears fan out there.
Chicago really needs to win out to give the franchise its swagger back - It either starts here, or ends here. Period. End.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (8-5) over Buccaneers (9-4)
Tampa got hit hard last week at Carolina. It wasn't a knock-out, but it will take them a couple of weeks to get back on their feet. I like Atlanta's chances against the punch-drunk pirates.
Redskins (7-6) over Bengals (1-11-1)
My Skins really need a win here, and will get it if they can stop the explosive running power of Cedric Benson (who, with a good game here, might actually finish this season with positive running yardage). Also, look for Ocho Cinco to try and sneak over to the Skins bench during the game. He's hoping that nobody will notice if he suits up in burgundy and gold for the second half.
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, you bums.
Seahawks (2-11) over Rams (2-11)
Nofuckingbody wants to watch this turd-fest. Even the St. Louis FOX affiliate switched over to the Falcons -vs- Bucs game. Really - Here's the distribution MAP.
Dolphins (8-5) over 49ers (5-8)
After last week's HUGE upset of the Jets, it looks like Samurai Mike is gonna hold on to his coaching job in the offseason. If he can finagle another win here, that position will be guaranteed.
Jets (8-5) over Bills (6-7)
Those damned Bills. It looked like they were gonna be a contender this year, and then the wheels fell right the fuck off of the organization. The Jets really need a win here to end their 2 game slide and rack up another divisional win. New York can't afford to lose this one, I see 'em pulling a win on the home-front.
Colts (9-4) over Lions (0-14)
How excited is everybody at the prospect of the Lions going 0 & 16? I'm fucking jazzed. Here's their last 3: at Indy, vs. New Orleans, & at Green Bay. It's gonna happen, people!
Chargers (5-8) over Chiefs (2-11)
Back in week 10, I promised that I would pick Kansas Shitty in this game - I totally lied.
Packers (5-8) over Jaguars (4-9)
I'm tempted to pick the Jags at home in this march of the damned, but they looked so terrible against the Bears that I'm giving Green Bay the benefit of the doubt.
Titans (12-1) over Texans (6-7)
The Texicans are en fuego right now. I'd love to pick 'em to upset, but the Titans have to maintain a strong front going into the playoffs.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (8-5) over Vikings (8-5)
I never thought I'd be excited about sitting down to watch a Vikes/Cards game, but here we are. I'm gonna be glued-down for this one. Go Arizona!
Panthers (10-3) over Broncos (8-5)
When is the AFC West going to go away and stop wasting our time? Dealing with these sucks week in and week out is like being stuck next to a bum at the bus stop. He keeps talking to you, begging for money, and not making one lick of sense, but there's really nothing you can do but wait and weather the storm until the bus comes or he gives up and wanders off to defecate behind the 7-11 dumpster.
Ravens (9-4) over Steelers (10-3)
Man, this is gonna be one hell of a game. I'm hoping that the Cards throw down a blow-out on the Vikes so that I can switch to this game at half-time. This one is gonna be brutal. I like the Purple Birds at home, but just barely.
Patriots (8-5) over Raiders (3-10)
Here's another fucking AFC West team wasting our time (and New England's).
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (11-2) over Cowboys (8-5)
Terrell Owens gets a bad rap for being a "me first" player, and he's gotten slammed in the press for his new feud with Saint Romo. Say what you want, but I think that in the video clip (below) he makes an articulate, well thought out arguement for getting more passes in the upcoming weeks.
Here it is, Terrell Owens in his own words:
Monday Night Game:
Eagles (7-5-1) over Browns (4-9)
Lets face it, Philly isn't getting into the playoffs this year (that tie really did hurt 'em), but they're playing with a ferocity. I feel bad for anyone coming up against them for the rest of this season.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Let's ladle it on.
Last Week's Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 130/77/1
Thursday Night Game:
Bears (7-6) over Saints (7-6)
The one thing that struck me recently is that I suddenly realized that I haven't enjoyed watching Bears games since week 3 of this season when they lost the lead within the 2 minute-warning to lose their second game in a row. Every game since then has had an ominous cloud hanging over the field.
I remember a few years ago (in the first Orton era) when if the Bears were behind by 14 going into the 4th quarter, I was hopeful. Now if they have a lead of 14 going into the 4th, I feel apprehensive. Hell, last fucking week I was convinced that were were going to give up a 17 point lead in the final quarter. It never happened, but I don't think that I'm the only PTSD Bears fan out there.
Chicago really needs to win out to give the franchise its swagger back - It either starts here, or ends here. Period. End.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (8-5) over Buccaneers (9-4)
Tampa got hit hard last week at Carolina. It wasn't a knock-out, but it will take them a couple of weeks to get back on their feet. I like Atlanta's chances against the punch-drunk pirates.
Redskins (7-6) over Bengals (1-11-1)
My Skins really need a win here, and will get it if they can stop the explosive running power of Cedric Benson (who, with a good game here, might actually finish this season with positive running yardage). Also, look for Ocho Cinco to try and sneak over to the Skins bench during the game. He's hoping that nobody will notice if he suits up in burgundy and gold for the second half.
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, you bums.
Seahawks (2-11) over Rams (2-11)
Nofuckingbody wants to watch this turd-fest. Even the St. Louis FOX affiliate switched over to the Falcons -vs- Bucs game. Really - Here's the distribution MAP.
Dolphins (8-5) over 49ers (5-8)
After last week's HUGE upset of the Jets, it looks like Samurai Mike is gonna hold on to his coaching job in the offseason. If he can finagle another win here, that position will be guaranteed.
Jets (8-5) over Bills (6-7)
Those damned Bills. It looked like they were gonna be a contender this year, and then the wheels fell right the fuck off of the organization. The Jets really need a win here to end their 2 game slide and rack up another divisional win. New York can't afford to lose this one, I see 'em pulling a win on the home-front.
Colts (9-4) over Lions (0-14)
How excited is everybody at the prospect of the Lions going 0 & 16? I'm fucking jazzed. Here's their last 3: at Indy, vs. New Orleans, & at Green Bay. It's gonna happen, people!
Chargers (5-8) over Chiefs (2-11)
Back in week 10, I promised that I would pick Kansas Shitty in this game - I totally lied.
Packers (5-8) over Jaguars (4-9)
I'm tempted to pick the Jags at home in this march of the damned, but they looked so terrible against the Bears that I'm giving Green Bay the benefit of the doubt.
Titans (12-1) over Texans (6-7)
The Texicans are en fuego right now. I'd love to pick 'em to upset, but the Titans have to maintain a strong front going into the playoffs.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (8-5) over Vikings (8-5)
I never thought I'd be excited about sitting down to watch a Vikes/Cards game, but here we are. I'm gonna be glued-down for this one. Go Arizona!
Panthers (10-3) over Broncos (8-5)
When is the AFC West going to go away and stop wasting our time? Dealing with these sucks week in and week out is like being stuck next to a bum at the bus stop. He keeps talking to you, begging for money, and not making one lick of sense, but there's really nothing you can do but wait and weather the storm until the bus comes or he gives up and wanders off to defecate behind the 7-11 dumpster.
Ravens (9-4) over Steelers (10-3)
Man, this is gonna be one hell of a game. I'm hoping that the Cards throw down a blow-out on the Vikes so that I can switch to this game at half-time. This one is gonna be brutal. I like the Purple Birds at home, but just barely.
Patriots (8-5) over Raiders (3-10)
Here's another fucking AFC West team wasting our time (and New England's).
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (11-2) over Cowboys (8-5)
Terrell Owens gets a bad rap for being a "me first" player, and he's gotten slammed in the press for his new feud with Saint Romo. Say what you want, but I think that in the video clip (below) he makes an articulate, well thought out arguement for getting more passes in the upcoming weeks.
Here it is, Terrell Owens in his own words:
Monday Night Game:
Eagles (7-5-1) over Browns (4-9)
Lets face it, Philly isn't getting into the playoffs this year (that tie really did hurt 'em), but they're playing with a ferocity. I feel bad for anyone coming up against them for the rest of this season.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Kid K Sera Sera
Pending the results of a physical it looks as if Kerry Wood will be a Cleveland Indian as early as tomorrow.
Maybe he and Joe Borowski can swap Larry Rothschild-hands-on-hips-while-crop-dusting-during-pregame-warm-up stories?
Who knows, if he works hard over the winter, Middle Aged K could strike out 20 batters in a single season.
Whatever will be will be, but I hope what will be will be Carlos Quentin taking the "good" half of Broke Arm Mountain deep into the Cleveland night for a few late-inning WhiteSOX winners next summer.
Maybe he and Joe Borowski can swap Larry Rothschild-hands-on-hips-while-crop-dusting-during-pregame-warm-up stories?
Who knows, if he works hard over the winter, Middle Aged K could strike out 20 batters in a single season.
Whatever will be will be, but I hope what will be will be Carlos Quentin taking the "good" half of Broke Arm Mountain deep into the Cleveland night for a few late-inning WhiteSOX winners next summer.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Look at What they Did to My Field
Can it be that the turf on the New & Improved Soldier Field is being maligned as much as the old bumpy, greentop from the Vet?
If you are one of those folks that believe Tom Waddle (who actually played on that field) or Dan Dickdorf from the sorry-ass CBS team...there is only one solution to this problem.
Da Bears need to reach out to Da Sodfather.
If you are one of those folks that believe Tom Waddle (who actually played on that field) or Dan Dickdorf from the sorry-ass CBS team...there is only one solution to this problem.
Da Bears need to reach out to Da Sodfather.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks
Hey week 13, fucking eat it. You single-handedly killed my love of football.
I'm gonna keep doing these picks, but I'm not gonna like it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 119/72/1
Thursday Night Game:
Chargers (4-8) over Raiders (3-9)
Both of these teams have proven that there's no game that they can't manage to lose. I'm just gonna pick the home-team and hope that I'm wrong.
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (6-6) over Jaguars (4-8)
The Bears have still got a really good shot at winning the NFC North. The final 4 games are against teams without winning records, whereas the Vikings have a much tougher schedule and are about to lose the Williams sisters going into the home-stretch. I'm picking the Bears to win the division, and then get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.
Vikings (7-5) over Lions (0-12)
Have fun in this one, Minneapolis. This is your last win of the season.
Packers (5-7) over Texans (5-7)
The Pack has a really good shot of winning out this season (if they can win against the Bears at Soldier Field on the 22nd). As far as I'm concerned, the NFC North is still wide-open. All bets are off of the table.
Postgame: Look on the bright side, Green Bay; you'll have plenty of opportunities to watch Brett Favre in playoff games this year.
Titans (11-1) over Browns (4-8)
It's too early for Tennessee to take a nap here. They've got a good hold on homefield-throughout, but could lose it to the Steelers if they go into hibernation for the last 4 weeks.
Colts (8-4) over Bengals (1-10-1)
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson is gonna look damn fine in a Redskins jersey next season.
Falcons (8-4) over Saints (6-6)
I really want to pick the Saints to win at home here, but I keep getting burned whenever I put my faith in New Orleans.
Postgame: ...and burned when I pick against 'em. Stupid voodoo.
Giants (11-1) over Eagles (6-5-1)
The problem with Philly is that they're so god-damned erratic that you have no idea which team is gonna show up from week to week. That doesn't really matter this week - The Giants are in full domination mode.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (7-5) over Chiefs (2-10)
The Broncos are taking their dear sweet time in limping into the playoffs. It's pretty damned sad that the Chargers still have a (small) shot at winning this division. The Broncos need to win this gimme game if they want to sleep soundly any time before January.
Dolphins (7-5) over Bills (6-6)
Hello, Canada! Who's bright idea was it to do a late-season dome game up in Toronto against the Dolphins? Way to negate your biggest advantage in a "home" game. If this was in Ralph Wilson Stadium, I'd pick the Bills, but Since it's in the Rogers Centre Dome, I'm going with the Fish.
Jets (8-4) over 49ers (4-8)
This has the potential of being the Jets' biggest embarrassment of the season. The Niners are clicking at home and are setting their sights on grounding the high-flying Jets. New York has to keep focus, or risk being written-off going into the playoffs.
Postgame: Told 'ya.
Patriots (7-5) over Seahawks (2-10)
Another good AFC East team visiting another blowful NFC West team (see above). Same rules apply.
Cardinals (7-5) over Rams (2-10)
It looks like the Cards have the NFC West division locked-down. They'll make great fodder for one of the NFC wild-card teams this year.
Steelers (9-3) over Cowboys (8-4)
I'm gonna be front & center for this one Sunday afternoon. This should be a great game and could easily go either way. I'm giving Pitttsburgh the advantage on homefield, where the weather should be a huge advantage.
Sunday Night Game:
Ravens (8-4) over Redskins (7-5)
If the Skins can get a win here, I think that they'll be a lock for a playoff spot. If they lose here, they're in real trouble. I'm pulling hard for my Skins in this one, but calling it like I see it.
Monday Night Game:
Buccaneers (9-3) over Panthers (9-3)
I have no idea why I'm picking the Bucs in this coin-toss. Usually, I just go with the home team in situations like this, but (for some reason) I think that Tampa has the edge here.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I'm gonna keep doing these picks, but I'm not gonna like it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/7
Season Record: 119/72/1
Thursday Night Game:
Chargers (4-8) over Raiders (3-9)
Both of these teams have proven that there's no game that they can't manage to lose. I'm just gonna pick the home-team and hope that I'm wrong.
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (6-6) over Jaguars (4-8)
The Bears have still got a really good shot at winning the NFC North. The final 4 games are against teams without winning records, whereas the Vikings have a much tougher schedule and are about to lose the Williams sisters going into the home-stretch. I'm picking the Bears to win the division, and then get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs.
Vikings (7-5) over Lions (0-12)
Have fun in this one, Minneapolis. This is your last win of the season.
Packers (5-7) over Texans (5-7)
The Pack has a really good shot of winning out this season (if they can win against the Bears at Soldier Field on the 22nd). As far as I'm concerned, the NFC North is still wide-open. All bets are off of the table.
Postgame: Look on the bright side, Green Bay; you'll have plenty of opportunities to watch Brett Favre in playoff games this year.
Titans (11-1) over Browns (4-8)
It's too early for Tennessee to take a nap here. They've got a good hold on homefield-throughout, but could lose it to the Steelers if they go into hibernation for the last 4 weeks.
Colts (8-4) over Bengals (1-10-1)
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson is gonna look damn fine in a Redskins jersey next season.
Falcons (8-4) over Saints (6-6)
I really want to pick the Saints to win at home here, but I keep getting burned whenever I put my faith in New Orleans.
Postgame: ...and burned when I pick against 'em. Stupid voodoo.
Giants (11-1) over Eagles (6-5-1)
The problem with Philly is that they're so god-damned erratic that you have no idea which team is gonna show up from week to week. That doesn't really matter this week - The Giants are in full domination mode.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (7-5) over Chiefs (2-10)
The Broncos are taking their dear sweet time in limping into the playoffs. It's pretty damned sad that the Chargers still have a (small) shot at winning this division. The Broncos need to win this gimme game if they want to sleep soundly any time before January.
Dolphins (7-5) over Bills (6-6)
Hello, Canada! Who's bright idea was it to do a late-season dome game up in Toronto against the Dolphins? Way to negate your biggest advantage in a "home" game. If this was in Ralph Wilson Stadium, I'd pick the Bills, but Since it's in the Rogers Centre Dome, I'm going with the Fish.
Jets (8-4) over 49ers (4-8)
This has the potential of being the Jets' biggest embarrassment of the season. The Niners are clicking at home and are setting their sights on grounding the high-flying Jets. New York has to keep focus, or risk being written-off going into the playoffs.
Postgame: Told 'ya.
Patriots (7-5) over Seahawks (2-10)
Another good AFC East team visiting another blowful NFC West team (see above). Same rules apply.
Cardinals (7-5) over Rams (2-10)
It looks like the Cards have the NFC West division locked-down. They'll make great fodder for one of the NFC wild-card teams this year.
Steelers (9-3) over Cowboys (8-4)
I'm gonna be front & center for this one Sunday afternoon. This should be a great game and could easily go either way. I'm giving Pitttsburgh the advantage on homefield, where the weather should be a huge advantage.
Sunday Night Game:
Ravens (8-4) over Redskins (7-5)
If the Skins can get a win here, I think that they'll be a lock for a playoff spot. If they lose here, they're in real trouble. I'm pulling hard for my Skins in this one, but calling it like I see it.
Monday Night Game:
Buccaneers (9-3) over Panthers (9-3)
I have no idea why I'm picking the Bucs in this coin-toss. Usually, I just go with the home team in situations like this, but (for some reason) I think that Tampa has the edge here.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Monday, December 1, 2008
Who Else Can I Root For?
If it was at least a close game last night I wouldn't be thinking this stuff, but what's the point of hoping for a playoff berth? This is NOT a superbowl team. I am convinced now more than ever that the coaches suck. I am also convinced that we should have dealt Devin Hester after last season, although I understand why we didn't.
I remember back in the 2005 season that I wasn't totally convinced by the Bears. This was the "bend but don't break" defense that worked properly and a functional running game with Thomas Jones. More importantly, however, was the feeling by everyone in the organization that they were better than mediocre. Getting to the superbowl proved that, but that's where they stalled out.
Since then, they have sucked. So, here's my quick assessment of a number of individuals:
1. Lovie Smith - people say he's more animated away from the media. I don't buy it. Also, on the field of play, he appears to make bad decisions. I'm not sold on him as the long-term coach of the Bears - especially with the current roster.
2. Bob Babich - haven't seen one good thing since he's been at the helm, and his superstars are healthy again. Time to make a switch.
3. Ron Turner - have never been a fan, the four-down stall on the goal line last night (at MN) just proved that he doesn't understand the strengths and weaknesses of his own offense, and it's not like he just got here. Time to make a switch.
4. Brian Urlacher - needs to be heard or something. Not sure why he appears to have been a baby for the past few years, but he only has flashes of greatness in that time. He's here, so get a coordinator that will feature him.
5. Lance Briggs - a guy I bagged when he held out as not being worth it while we still have Urlacher. I was 100% wrong. Of all the guys that got paid, he's still hitting dudes like he has something to prove.
6. Mike Brown - great player when he's healthy, although he seems older this year.
7. Nate Vasher - where did "the Interceptor" disappear to? This guy kind of sucks.
8. Charles Tillman - still a great corner, but I think he's the barometer for the entire defense. And his play and facial expressions are exaspirated.
9. Matt Forte - I feel sorry for him because he's one of the few players on the field that doesn't seem to care about extracurriculars. He just wants to play the game. The fact that he didn't hold out for more money kind of proves it. Reminds me of a young Brian Urlacher.
10. Kyle Orton - take that, Rex bashers! He's not that good, either. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the QB at all. Maybe the coordinator, offensive line, and receivers also play into the equation. He's definitely made strides this year, but it all went out the window last night.
11. Devin Hester - it's too late now, he's part of the team and he's getting paid. Abysmal numbers this year.
12. Adrian Peterson - why did we get Kevin Jones? He wasn't that good in Detroit, and our AP fights harder for yards.
13. Greg Olsen - I had such high hopes here, but is he just another Jeremy Shockey? (The Giants won the superbowl with Shockey on the sidelines.)
I think that's it. So, where do we go from here?
New coaches - I say we put the full-court press on a Bill Cowher or Marty Schottenheimer. The premier name would hopefully garner some control and create a more solid, long-term success. Let them bring in coordinators of their choosing. Lovie seems to have lost this team, and I do not want to sit through more attrition, just waiting for contracts to end.
New receivers - in the short term, I have given up on our current group. Lloyd looked like he could break out early in the year, but he has a glass jaw, apparently. Forte is the only sure thing receiver (maybe Des Clark) and that is just sad.
New QB - I don't care if we keep Orton, but maybe the McNabb era can get started. I don't think he's done winning, and there's a shortage in the league. Let McNabb and Orton battle it out in the pre-season.
Defense - I would hope that good recruiting would injury-proof some of these positions and a new coordinator would light a fire under the current starters. Make Urlacher work a little.
That's a lot to do in a year.
I remember back in the 2005 season that I wasn't totally convinced by the Bears. This was the "bend but don't break" defense that worked properly and a functional running game with Thomas Jones. More importantly, however, was the feeling by everyone in the organization that they were better than mediocre. Getting to the superbowl proved that, but that's where they stalled out.
Since then, they have sucked. So, here's my quick assessment of a number of individuals:
1. Lovie Smith - people say he's more animated away from the media. I don't buy it. Also, on the field of play, he appears to make bad decisions. I'm not sold on him as the long-term coach of the Bears - especially with the current roster.
2. Bob Babich - haven't seen one good thing since he's been at the helm, and his superstars are healthy again. Time to make a switch.
3. Ron Turner - have never been a fan, the four-down stall on the goal line last night (at MN) just proved that he doesn't understand the strengths and weaknesses of his own offense, and it's not like he just got here. Time to make a switch.
4. Brian Urlacher - needs to be heard or something. Not sure why he appears to have been a baby for the past few years, but he only has flashes of greatness in that time. He's here, so get a coordinator that will feature him.
5. Lance Briggs - a guy I bagged when he held out as not being worth it while we still have Urlacher. I was 100% wrong. Of all the guys that got paid, he's still hitting dudes like he has something to prove.
6. Mike Brown - great player when he's healthy, although he seems older this year.
7. Nate Vasher - where did "the Interceptor" disappear to? This guy kind of sucks.
8. Charles Tillman - still a great corner, but I think he's the barometer for the entire defense. And his play and facial expressions are exaspirated.
9. Matt Forte - I feel sorry for him because he's one of the few players on the field that doesn't seem to care about extracurriculars. He just wants to play the game. The fact that he didn't hold out for more money kind of proves it. Reminds me of a young Brian Urlacher.
10. Kyle Orton - take that, Rex bashers! He's not that good, either. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the QB at all. Maybe the coordinator, offensive line, and receivers also play into the equation. He's definitely made strides this year, but it all went out the window last night.
11. Devin Hester - it's too late now, he's part of the team and he's getting paid. Abysmal numbers this year.
12. Adrian Peterson - why did we get Kevin Jones? He wasn't that good in Detroit, and our AP fights harder for yards.
13. Greg Olsen - I had such high hopes here, but is he just another Jeremy Shockey? (The Giants won the superbowl with Shockey on the sidelines.)
I think that's it. So, where do we go from here?
New coaches - I say we put the full-court press on a Bill Cowher or Marty Schottenheimer. The premier name would hopefully garner some control and create a more solid, long-term success. Let them bring in coordinators of their choosing. Lovie seems to have lost this team, and I do not want to sit through more attrition, just waiting for contracts to end.
New receivers - in the short term, I have given up on our current group. Lloyd looked like he could break out early in the year, but he has a glass jaw, apparently. Forte is the only sure thing receiver (maybe Des Clark) and that is just sad.
New QB - I don't care if we keep Orton, but maybe the McNabb era can get started. I don't think he's done winning, and there's a shortage in the league. Let McNabb and Orton battle it out in the pre-season.
Defense - I would hope that good recruiting would injury-proof some of these positions and a new coordinator would light a fire under the current starters. Make Urlacher work a little.
That's a lot to do in a year.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 13 Picks
It's a good thing that Chicago is playing a night game tomorrow, because Gundy and I are watching the first two games at Quenchers Saloon and participating in their 28th annual European Beer Tour.
Y'all are welcome to join us. If you dare.
I just hope that I can get enough espresso down my throat to be lucid for the Bears kickoff. On second thought, I may be better off staying drunk for that one.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 110/65/1
Thanksgiving Early Game:
Titans(10-1) over Lions (0-11)
If the Titans hadn't lost last week, I'd pick the Lions to win this miracle game. It's always the crappiest teams that break huge winning streaks, and they don't get any crappier than Detroit. Anyway, the Jets upended the Titans last week and deprived me of my "upset of the century lock of the week". Way to ruin everything, Brett.
Half-Time Report: Holy Shit, the only thing more pathetically embarrassing than the Lions' play was that turd of a half-time show. If Marinelli has one ounce of dignity in his body, he'll come straight out of the locker room and forfeit this abortion.
Thanksgiving Late Game:
Cowboys (7-4) over Seahawks (2-9)
I'm hoping that the Shawks can get their heads out of their asses and deal a crippling loss to the mighty Cowboys. That being said, there's a better chance that Stephen Hawking will win next season's 'Dancing With the Stars" competition. I can dream.
Thanksgiving Night Game:
Cardinals (7-4) over Eagles (5-5)
This has the potential to be a HUGE game. The Eagles need a decisive win here to quell the native uprising (and save their jobs for another week), whereas the Cards are sitting pretty and almost have a playoff berth locked down. I really want to pick the Eagles in this one, but have a feeling that they'll find a way to lose.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (6-5) over 49ers (3-8)
I'm hoping that Samurai Mike is enjoying his stint as an NFL head coach. By my count, he only has 5 games left in that capacity.
Ravens (7-4) over Bengals (1-9)
The Ravens are the better overall team, but the Bengals have the explosive running power of CEDRIC BENSON. The Bengals will be lucky to get out of this one with any positive running yardage.
Colts (7-4) over Browns (4-7)
Romeo Crennel is on his dying breath over in Steamer-Town. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy - Shit coach, but nice guy.
Panthers (8-3) over Packers (5-6)
I'm deluding myself in thinking that the Panthers are good enough to get a win up in Green Bay, but I'm sticking with hope over logic.
Dolphins (6-5) over Rams (2-9)
The Rams are a great team on paper, but last week's suck-fest against the Bears just shows how little stats matter in real games. I'm just hoping that Mr. Kraftwerk himself (Rock Berlin) continues on as the Rams QB, or at the very least gets to do a cabaret act at half-time.
Saints (6-5) over Buccaneers (8-3)
Here's another stupid pick. I'm still amazed at how unbelievably great the Saints looked last week against the Pack. I'm buying into the sucker's bet that they can keep that up for 2 weeks in a row.
Giants (10-1) over Redskins (7-4)
I'm making way too many "heart" picks this week to go with my Skins in this one. I'm picking NY and rooting Washington.
Late Sunday Games:
Chargers (4-7) over Falcons (7-4)
Because San Diego can't lose every game to a last-minute field-goal.
Steelers (8-3) over Patriots (7-4)
Aaaaaaaargh! The Chicago TV market is getting the stupid Jets-Broncos game instead of this one. It's bad enough that we get Green Bay-Carolina instead of New York Washington, but this horse-shit is just rubbing salt into the wound.
Jets (8-3) over Broncos (6-5)
The Jets are gonna win. There, I just freed up 3 hours of your Sunday afternoon to follow more interesting pursuits (like cleaning the leaves out of your gutters).
Raiders (3-8) over Chiefs (1-10)
I still say that the Chiefs are an overall worse team than the Detroit Lions. How Tony Dungy is scamming an NFL franchise out of real folding money as a head coach is way beyond my comprehension. After his coaching career ends (in 4 weeks or so) he should cash in on his unparalleled ability to suck and take out a lease on a dumpster behind the local porno theatre.
Sunday Night Game:
Bears (6-5) over Vikings (6-5)
I might be deluded by fandom, but I can't see how the Vikings are a better team than the Bears. We beat 'em back in week 7, but nobody seems to be giving Chicago a shot in this one.
True, the Vikings really need the win here to have a shot at the NFC North title, but the Bears need a win here almost as bad. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if the Bears crapped out here, but I'm definitely not expecting it. This one's for a good share of the marbles, boys - Don't shit the bed.
Postgame: They shit the bed. Shit the bed HUGE.
Monday Night Game:
Texans (4-7) over Jaguars (4-7)
The Jags are done for the year - Things could be worse, the Texans have been done since they were awarded the franchise. I see the joke-squad getting a mercy-win on the home-turf.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Y'all are welcome to join us. If you dare.
I just hope that I can get enough espresso down my throat to be lucid for the Bears kickoff. On second thought, I may be better off staying drunk for that one.
Last Week's Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 110/65/1
Thanksgiving Early Game:
Titans(10-1) over Lions (0-11)
If the Titans hadn't lost last week, I'd pick the Lions to win this miracle game. It's always the crappiest teams that break huge winning streaks, and they don't get any crappier than Detroit. Anyway, the Jets upended the Titans last week and deprived me of my "upset of the century lock of the week". Way to ruin everything, Brett.
Half-Time Report: Holy Shit, the only thing more pathetically embarrassing than the Lions' play was that turd of a half-time show. If Marinelli has one ounce of dignity in his body, he'll come straight out of the locker room and forfeit this abortion.
Thanksgiving Late Game:
Cowboys (7-4) over Seahawks (2-9)
I'm hoping that the Shawks can get their heads out of their asses and deal a crippling loss to the mighty Cowboys. That being said, there's a better chance that Stephen Hawking will win next season's 'Dancing With the Stars" competition. I can dream.
Thanksgiving Night Game:
Cardinals (7-4) over Eagles (5-5)
This has the potential to be a HUGE game. The Eagles need a decisive win here to quell the native uprising (and save their jobs for another week), whereas the Cards are sitting pretty and almost have a playoff berth locked down. I really want to pick the Eagles in this one, but have a feeling that they'll find a way to lose.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (6-5) over 49ers (3-8)
I'm hoping that Samurai Mike is enjoying his stint as an NFL head coach. By my count, he only has 5 games left in that capacity.
Ravens (7-4) over Bengals (1-9)
The Ravens are the better overall team, but the Bengals have the explosive running power of CEDRIC BENSON. The Bengals will be lucky to get out of this one with any positive running yardage.
Colts (7-4) over Browns (4-7)
Romeo Crennel is on his dying breath over in Steamer-Town. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy - Shit coach, but nice guy.
Panthers (8-3) over Packers (5-6)
I'm deluding myself in thinking that the Panthers are good enough to get a win up in Green Bay, but I'm sticking with hope over logic.
Dolphins (6-5) over Rams (2-9)
The Rams are a great team on paper, but last week's suck-fest against the Bears just shows how little stats matter in real games. I'm just hoping that Mr. Kraftwerk himself (Rock Berlin) continues on as the Rams QB, or at the very least gets to do a cabaret act at half-time.
Saints (6-5) over Buccaneers (8-3)
Here's another stupid pick. I'm still amazed at how unbelievably great the Saints looked last week against the Pack. I'm buying into the sucker's bet that they can keep that up for 2 weeks in a row.
Giants (10-1) over Redskins (7-4)
I'm making way too many "heart" picks this week to go with my Skins in this one. I'm picking NY and rooting Washington.
Late Sunday Games:
Chargers (4-7) over Falcons (7-4)
Because San Diego can't lose every game to a last-minute field-goal.
Steelers (8-3) over Patriots (7-4)
Aaaaaaaargh! The Chicago TV market is getting the stupid Jets-Broncos game instead of this one. It's bad enough that we get Green Bay-Carolina instead of New York Washington, but this horse-shit is just rubbing salt into the wound.
Jets (8-3) over Broncos (6-5)
The Jets are gonna win. There, I just freed up 3 hours of your Sunday afternoon to follow more interesting pursuits (like cleaning the leaves out of your gutters).
Raiders (3-8) over Chiefs (1-10)
I still say that the Chiefs are an overall worse team than the Detroit Lions. How Tony Dungy is scamming an NFL franchise out of real folding money as a head coach is way beyond my comprehension. After his coaching career ends (in 4 weeks or so) he should cash in on his unparalleled ability to suck and take out a lease on a dumpster behind the local porno theatre.
Sunday Night Game:
Bears (6-5) over Vikings (6-5)
I might be deluded by fandom, but I can't see how the Vikings are a better team than the Bears. We beat 'em back in week 7, but nobody seems to be giving Chicago a shot in this one.
True, the Vikings really need the win here to have a shot at the NFC North title, but the Bears need a win here almost as bad. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if the Bears crapped out here, but I'm definitely not expecting it. This one's for a good share of the marbles, boys - Don't shit the bed.
Postgame: They shit the bed. Shit the bed HUGE.
Monday Night Game:
Texans (4-7) over Jaguars (4-7)
The Jags are done for the year - Things could be worse, the Texans have been done since they were awarded the franchise. I see the joke-squad getting a mercy-win on the home-turf.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks
Oh Saturday, you cruel vixen. You got me again.
Instead of sitting down and doing my picks early (like a good boy), I went out drinking in the afternoon at Kathy's, got loaded, and (at The Girl's request) headed over to Popeye's for some greasy chicken (bad idea). I had passed out on my couch by 9PM, and woke up at 2AM when the chicken and beer ganged up on me for revenge.
Now I'm up for the day, sore as hell, half-awake, and cranking out these picks hung-over at 4 o'clock in the AM while sipping on some Sunday morning bourbon.
That should explain more than a couple of things.
Last Week's Picks: 12/3/1
Season Record: 100/59/1
Thursday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Bengals (1-8-1)
Ocho Stinko just got deactivated for this game. He's the lucky one. Hell, If I owned the Bengals, I'd deactivate the whole fucking team, coaching staff, fans, and mascot for the remainder of the season - I'd be a hell of a lot less embarrassing for everyone.
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (4-6) over Texans (3-7)
The Texans just can't catch a break. They looked great coming out of the gate and then just nose-dived into oblivion. Now a game comes along that they thought that they might be able to win a few weeks ago, but the Browns are on a huge up-swing with Brady Quinn behind center. There goes the Alamo.
Cowboys (6-4) over 49ers (3-7)
Factiod of the week: When Tony Romo isn't rescuing stranded motorists, hugging bums, or making friends with the mentally retarded, he is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Did you know?
Buccaneers (7-3) over Lions (0-10)
Watching Detroit play football is akin to watching a clown get kicked in the nuts for 3 hours straight.
Jets (7-3) over Titans (10-0)
This is the first time this season that the Titans have been in a match-up with a winning team that's firing on all cylinders. I'm really interested to see how this goes down. I'm going with the Jets on a hunch that Tennessee is primed for a fall just about now.
Bills (5-5) over Chiefs (1-9)
I'm about ready to put the Bills in the corner to think long and hard about what they've done to me over these last few weeks, but not just yet. This is their very small shot at redemption.
Bears (5-5) over Rams (2-8)
Here's what needs to happen in this game: Rest Orton - He came off the DL way too early. That was obvious. Haine and the other guy should be able to handle this one. If not, bring out Orton judiciously. The last thing we need is for the desperate St. Louis D to bring the hurt down and knock him out for the season.
The Bears defense needs to get ugly - Not ugly like they've been playing lately, we're talking Chicago-ugly. Babbich needs to dial up a high-pressure blitzkrieg on the weak St. Louis offense. Knock some teeth out, hammer 'em down, go for the highlight reel plays. If the Bears D keeps up it's anemic ways against the 2&8 Rams, there's no way that Lovie's loyalty can save Babbich from the fans and the front office.
Dolphins (6-4) over Patriots (6-4)
For my money, here's the game of the week. Belichick got bitched by the gimmicky wildcat plays in the Pats embarrassing week 3 loss to the Fish. If he loses another one to Miami, his head is gonna explode live on television. If Miami can secure 2 wins over the mighty Patriots, then they would be in great position for a playoff spot going into the homestretch, and Miami will get a life-sized emerald-encrusted statue of Parcells erected in front of Dolphins stadium.
Jaguars (4-6) over Vikings (5-5)
Here I go again. The Vikes might be for real, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. If they can grab a win over the middling Jags, then they might have a legitimate shot at their very first NFC North title ever (and no one wants that).
Ravens (6-4) over Eagles (5-4-1)
The normally sedate and even-tempered Philly fans are really in an uproar over last week's tie with the Bengals (and McNabb's ignorance regarding the basic rules of the game). The Eagles need to pull off some miracle shit over the next five weeks, or else they're going to be looking for a new head-coach and QB in the offseason.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (6-4) over Raiders (2-8)
It just dawned on me that the only AFC West team that I don't fucking hate right now is the Oakland Raiders, and they couldn't piss their way out of a paper bag. Since this division is so unbelievably weak right now, a Denver win this week could all but clinch it.
Panthers (8-2) over Falcons (6-4)
The Falcons really need the win here to keep the Panthers from running away with the division. I don't see it happening. The Panthers are crazy-good this season. If they weren't from Hicksville, or boring as a biscuit, someone might actually acknowledge their accomplishments this season.
Giants (9-1) over Cardinals (7-3)
Ho-Lee-Shit! The Cards have the NFC West all tied up - That division is even more pathetic than the AFC West. The #2 team behind the Cards right now is the 49ers with 3 wins. Seriously. Arizona is being hoisted by midgets right into the playoffs. I just hope that they could somehow manage an improbable win against a real team this week to help level-out the NFC East.
Redskins (6-4) over Seahawks (2-8)
The Skins really need a win here to end their 2 game skid. It's probable that (as things stand right now) they could reach 10 wins and still miss the playoffs. They have the Giants next week, so if they fold this one, they're toast. Go Skins; You can do it!
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (6-4) over Chargers (4-6)
The Chargers are teetering on the brink of oblivion. Good for them. I'm hoping that Indy can give them that push on over.
Monday Night Game:
Packers (5-5) over Saints (5-5)
This is probably the Saints' last game before a good chunk of their team gets yanked for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. I just hope that they can go out guns blazing and knock Green Bay down one slot in the NFC North standings. I'm not picking it, just hoping it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Instead of sitting down and doing my picks early (like a good boy), I went out drinking in the afternoon at Kathy's, got loaded, and (at The Girl's request) headed over to Popeye's for some greasy chicken (bad idea). I had passed out on my couch by 9PM, and woke up at 2AM when the chicken and beer ganged up on me for revenge.
Now I'm up for the day, sore as hell, half-awake, and cranking out these picks hung-over at 4 o'clock in the AM while sipping on some Sunday morning bourbon.
That should explain more than a couple of things.
Last Week's Picks: 12/3/1
Season Record: 100/59/1
Thursday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Bengals (1-8-1)
Ocho Stinko just got deactivated for this game. He's the lucky one. Hell, If I owned the Bengals, I'd deactivate the whole fucking team, coaching staff, fans, and mascot for the remainder of the season - I'd be a hell of a lot less embarrassing for everyone.
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (4-6) over Texans (3-7)
The Texans just can't catch a break. They looked great coming out of the gate and then just nose-dived into oblivion. Now a game comes along that they thought that they might be able to win a few weeks ago, but the Browns are on a huge up-swing with Brady Quinn behind center. There goes the Alamo.
Cowboys (6-4) over 49ers (3-7)
Factiod of the week: When Tony Romo isn't rescuing stranded motorists, hugging bums, or making friends with the mentally retarded, he is the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Did you know?
Buccaneers (7-3) over Lions (0-10)
Watching Detroit play football is akin to watching a clown get kicked in the nuts for 3 hours straight.
Jets (7-3) over Titans (10-0)
This is the first time this season that the Titans have been in a match-up with a winning team that's firing on all cylinders. I'm really interested to see how this goes down. I'm going with the Jets on a hunch that Tennessee is primed for a fall just about now.
Bills (5-5) over Chiefs (1-9)
I'm about ready to put the Bills in the corner to think long and hard about what they've done to me over these last few weeks, but not just yet. This is their very small shot at redemption.
Bears (5-5) over Rams (2-8)
Here's what needs to happen in this game: Rest Orton - He came off the DL way too early. That was obvious. Haine and the other guy should be able to handle this one. If not, bring out Orton judiciously. The last thing we need is for the desperate St. Louis D to bring the hurt down and knock him out for the season.
The Bears defense needs to get ugly - Not ugly like they've been playing lately, we're talking Chicago-ugly. Babbich needs to dial up a high-pressure blitzkrieg on the weak St. Louis offense. Knock some teeth out, hammer 'em down, go for the highlight reel plays. If the Bears D keeps up it's anemic ways against the 2&8 Rams, there's no way that Lovie's loyalty can save Babbich from the fans and the front office.
Dolphins (6-4) over Patriots (6-4)
For my money, here's the game of the week. Belichick got bitched by the gimmicky wildcat plays in the Pats embarrassing week 3 loss to the Fish. If he loses another one to Miami, his head is gonna explode live on television. If Miami can secure 2 wins over the mighty Patriots, then they would be in great position for a playoff spot going into the homestretch, and Miami will get a life-sized emerald-encrusted statue of Parcells erected in front of Dolphins stadium.
Jaguars (4-6) over Vikings (5-5)
Here I go again. The Vikes might be for real, but I just can't bring myself to believe it. If they can grab a win over the middling Jags, then they might have a legitimate shot at their very first NFC North title ever (and no one wants that).
Ravens (6-4) over Eagles (5-4-1)
The normally sedate and even-tempered Philly fans are really in an uproar over last week's tie with the Bengals (and McNabb's ignorance regarding the basic rules of the game). The Eagles need to pull off some miracle shit over the next five weeks, or else they're going to be looking for a new head-coach and QB in the offseason.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (6-4) over Raiders (2-8)
It just dawned on me that the only AFC West team that I don't fucking hate right now is the Oakland Raiders, and they couldn't piss their way out of a paper bag. Since this division is so unbelievably weak right now, a Denver win this week could all but clinch it.
Panthers (8-2) over Falcons (6-4)
The Falcons really need the win here to keep the Panthers from running away with the division. I don't see it happening. The Panthers are crazy-good this season. If they weren't from Hicksville, or boring as a biscuit, someone might actually acknowledge their accomplishments this season.
Giants (9-1) over Cardinals (7-3)
Ho-Lee-Shit! The Cards have the NFC West all tied up - That division is even more pathetic than the AFC West. The #2 team behind the Cards right now is the 49ers with 3 wins. Seriously. Arizona is being hoisted by midgets right into the playoffs. I just hope that they could somehow manage an improbable win against a real team this week to help level-out the NFC East.
Redskins (6-4) over Seahawks (2-8)
The Skins really need a win here to end their 2 game skid. It's probable that (as things stand right now) they could reach 10 wins and still miss the playoffs. They have the Giants next week, so if they fold this one, they're toast. Go Skins; You can do it!
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (6-4) over Chargers (4-6)
The Chargers are teetering on the brink of oblivion. Good for them. I'm hoping that Indy can give them that push on over.
Monday Night Game:
Packers (5-5) over Saints (5-5)
This is probably the Saints' last game before a good chunk of their team gets yanked for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. I just hope that they can go out guns blazing and knock Green Bay down one slot in the NFC North standings. I'm not picking it, just hoping it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Huskie Update
It was a good night for Huskie athletics! A win away from home at Kent State and a win at home against Indiana State.
Attending the Mens's Basketball home opener, this Huskie fan enjoyed a gaime that saw good defense that kept a taller team back on the outside and an offensive effort that stayed strong and composed to keep the lead for the entire game. It was pressure, pressure and more pressure from a well coached group of ugly bags of mostly freshmen.
More importantly, I began with popcorn and coffee in the hospitality room, followed bya hot dog with mustard and relish. I followed-up at half-time with another piping hot cup of coffee, but missed out on the cookies.
I'm looking forward to next week's pigskin skirmish against Navy at Huskie Stadium. You can bet that I'll enjoy a couple of cups of hot coffee that night! Don't be surprised if I have a couple of dogs and a bag of peanuts - gotta eat the shells!
Go Huskies!
Football
NIU 42
Kent 14
M. Basketball
NIU 86
IS 79
Attending the Mens's Basketball home opener, this Huskie fan enjoyed a gaime that saw good defense that kept a taller team back on the outside and an offensive effort that stayed strong and composed to keep the lead for the entire game. It was pressure, pressure and more pressure from a well coached group of ugly bags of mostly freshmen.
More importantly, I began with popcorn and coffee in the hospitality room, followed bya hot dog with mustard and relish. I followed-up at half-time with another piping hot cup of coffee, but missed out on the cookies.
I'm looking forward to next week's pigskin skirmish against Navy at Huskie Stadium. You can bet that I'll enjoy a couple of cups of hot coffee that night! Don't be surprised if I have a couple of dogs and a bag of peanuts - gotta eat the shells!
Go Huskies!
Football
NIU 42
Kent 14
M. Basketball
NIU 86
IS 79
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks
Oh, crap!
I neglected to do the rest of my picks on Thursday and chose to watch the Jets/Pats game instead. Then on Friday I decided to jeopardize my relationship with Jenny by attending a game night at Gundy's (The Girl is a way-sore loser). And today I headed out to the 2PM Ben Weasel show (fucking great!) and then hit Chinatown afterward. Now I'm trying to get the rest of these stupid picks out before everybody comes over for Saturday movie night.
Hurry-up time. Go!
These are gonna be sparse, my bad.
Last Week's Picks: 11/3
Season Record: 88/56
Thursday Night Game:
Jets (6-3) over Patriots (6-3)
What the fuck am I doing? Why in the hell do I think that the fatherfucking Jets can just waltz into Foxboro and walk away with 1st place in the AFC East? I should have my head examined.
Regardless, I'm gonna be glued front & center in front of the parlor wall for this game tonight.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (6-3) over Broncos (5-4)
Hey Atlanta, do me a solid and finish off Denver's playoff dreams this week. Thanx.
Eagles (5-4) over Bengals (1-8)
Wah-wah-wah. You lose, Cincy. Thanks for playing.
Postgame: A tie?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? How do I even score this? People? Help!
Packers (4-5) over Bears (5-4)
I have a bad feeling that Rex is gonna get the majority of snaps this Sunday and something like this is gonna happen:
Colts (5-4) over Texans (3-6)
I rescind my earlier statements - The Clots are lookin' like a playoff bound team again. Go Texans!
Saints (4-5) over Chiefs (1-8)
The 'Aints have gone back to being the bumbling losers of the NFC South. The sure fire cure to your "our team is a' losin' blues" is a visit to ole Kansas City.
Dolphins (5-4) over Raiders (2-7)
Flush!
Giants (8-1) over Ravens (6-3)
Here's the game of the week for the unwashed masses (since nobody without NFL Net saw the Thursday game). I'm picking New York and pulling for Baltimore.
Buccaneers (6-3) over Vikings (5-4)
With a loss here by Minnesota, the Bears will still share 1st place in the NFC North (in a 3-way tie) regardless of what else happens this week.
Panthers (7-2) over Lions (0-9)
It's too bad for Detroit that they don't get to play any games against the Lions. If so, they might just win a game this year.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (2-7) over Rams (2-7)
Hey kids, It's a noobie coach smackdown! In this situation, you've got to root for Samurai Mike.
Cardinals (6-3) over Seahawks (2-7)
Sometime before this season is over, Holmgren is gonna dress-up a walrus with a clipboard and a Seahawks visor and sneak out (unnoticed) to the parking lot to beat traffic.
Titans (9-0) over Jaguars (4-5)
Hey Tennessee; TRAP GAME!!! Watch your ass. This is exactly the sorta game that all the undefeateds seem to lose. I'd totally pick the Jags to win this one if I weren't such a spineless pussy.
Steelers (6-3) over Chargers (4-5)
Drive those nails deep in their coffin, Pittsburgh.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (6-3) over Cowboys (5-4)
Romo's nowhere near 100%, the Dallas team is a pubic-hair away from self-destructing, and the Skins have something to prove coming off of their bye - Happy trails, Cowboys.
Monday Night Game:
Bills (5-4) over Browns (3-6)
This should be a real interesting game - Lots of angles. Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, is trying to get his first win in the NFL (and looking good), while the Williams are trying like hell to hang tough in the tumultuous AFC East. The Bills have homefield and a lot more to fight for, so I'm going with them in this toss-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Ties in BLUE
I neglected to do the rest of my picks on Thursday and chose to watch the Jets/Pats game instead. Then on Friday I decided to jeopardize my relationship with Jenny by attending a game night at Gundy's (The Girl is a way-sore loser). And today I headed out to the 2PM Ben Weasel show (fucking great!) and then hit Chinatown afterward. Now I'm trying to get the rest of these stupid picks out before everybody comes over for Saturday movie night.
Hurry-up time. Go!
These are gonna be sparse, my bad.
Last Week's Picks: 11/3
Season Record: 88/56
Thursday Night Game:
Jets (6-3) over Patriots (6-3)
What the fuck am I doing? Why in the hell do I think that the fatherfucking Jets can just waltz into Foxboro and walk away with 1st place in the AFC East? I should have my head examined.
Regardless, I'm gonna be glued front & center in front of the parlor wall for this game tonight.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (6-3) over Broncos (5-4)
Hey Atlanta, do me a solid and finish off Denver's playoff dreams this week. Thanx.
Eagles (5-4) over Bengals (1-8)
Wah-wah-wah. You lose, Cincy. Thanks for playing.
Postgame: A tie?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? How do I even score this? People? Help!
Packers (4-5) over Bears (5-4)
I have a bad feeling that Rex is gonna get the majority of snaps this Sunday and something like this is gonna happen:
Colts (5-4) over Texans (3-6)
I rescind my earlier statements - The Clots are lookin' like a playoff bound team again. Go Texans!
Saints (4-5) over Chiefs (1-8)
The 'Aints have gone back to being the bumbling losers of the NFC South. The sure fire cure to your "our team is a' losin' blues" is a visit to ole Kansas City.
Dolphins (5-4) over Raiders (2-7)
Flush!
Giants (8-1) over Ravens (6-3)
Here's the game of the week for the unwashed masses (since nobody without NFL Net saw the Thursday game). I'm picking New York and pulling for Baltimore.
Buccaneers (6-3) over Vikings (5-4)
With a loss here by Minnesota, the Bears will still share 1st place in the NFC North (in a 3-way tie) regardless of what else happens this week.
Panthers (7-2) over Lions (0-9)
It's too bad for Detroit that they don't get to play any games against the Lions. If so, they might just win a game this year.
Late Sunday Games:
49ers (2-7) over Rams (2-7)
Hey kids, It's a noobie coach smackdown! In this situation, you've got to root for Samurai Mike.
Cardinals (6-3) over Seahawks (2-7)
Sometime before this season is over, Holmgren is gonna dress-up a walrus with a clipboard and a Seahawks visor and sneak out (unnoticed) to the parking lot to beat traffic.
Titans (9-0) over Jaguars (4-5)
Hey Tennessee; TRAP GAME!!! Watch your ass. This is exactly the sorta game that all the undefeateds seem to lose. I'd totally pick the Jags to win this one if I weren't such a spineless pussy.
Steelers (6-3) over Chargers (4-5)
Drive those nails deep in their coffin, Pittsburgh.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (6-3) over Cowboys (5-4)
Romo's nowhere near 100%, the Dallas team is a pubic-hair away from self-destructing, and the Skins have something to prove coming off of their bye - Happy trails, Cowboys.
Monday Night Game:
Bills (5-4) over Browns (3-6)
This should be a real interesting game - Lots of angles. Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, is trying to get his first win in the NFL (and looking good), while the Williams are trying like hell to hang tough in the tumultuous AFC East. The Bills have homefield and a lot more to fight for, so I'm going with them in this toss-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Ties in BLUE
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks
With the Skins in a (merciful) bye, and Grossman behind center for the Bears, I'm looking forward to this Sunday of football like a Ugandan colonoscopy. It doesn't help that the late games we get in the Chicago market are Indy at Pittsburgh (meh) and Carolina at Oakland (?!?!?).
I can't get excited about any televised game this week other than the NBC Sunday nighter.
Here's to week 11.
Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 77/53
Thursday Night Game:
Browns (3-5) over Broncos (4-4)
Thus begins the Brady Quinn era in Cleveland (now the kid might be able to get endorsement deals with a few companies that aren't operated out of some guy's basement).
Postgame: Fucking Kellen Winslow. You owe me one pick, you bum. Without any single of the 3 stupid mistakes you made tonight, the Browns would have won this game.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (5-3) over Saints (4-4)
With an Atlanta win this week and a Carolina loss this week there would be a 3-way tie for first in the NFC South (Tampa's on a bye this week). That's crazy. It's too bad for Atlanta that the Panthers are playing the Raiders this week, or things could get real interesting in this division.
Titans (8-0) over Bears (5-3)
My worst nightmare is that Sexy Rexy is going to step in and pull a "good Rex" miracle out of his ass and smack the undefeated Titans square in the mouth. Then Angelo (feeling vindicated) immediately signs him to a $50-million / 10 year contract extension, and then I'll have to go out and buy a Packers jersey. --shudder-- I'm hoping for a 6 turnover embarrassment from Grossie, a chance to see Haine take the reigns as the Bears back-up QB, and for Rex buy a one-way ticket out of town.
Let the Rexecution begin!
Jaguars (3-5) over Lions (0-8)
It's amazing how hard the Jags are sucking this year. This was arguably the most dominant team in the league last season, now they're a freakin' disaster. I just hope that they have enough steam left to keep the desperate Lions defeated. I'm not sure that they do.
I'm tempted to hope for career-ending injuries for the Lions this week in retribution for the Orton hit-job last week, but there's no one left on the Detroit team that's good enough to wish injury upon. Any homeless C.H.U.D. that you could pull of the rat-infested streets of Detroit would probably be a vast improvement to that team. It's more of a punishment to keep that squad just as it is.
Dolphins (4-4) over Seahawks (2-6)
It is equally amazing at how well the Fins are doing this year. I'm just extremely glad that Parcells went down to Miami last year, instead of to Detroit next year.
Packers (4-4) over Vikings (4-4)
Look on the bright side, now matter how bad the Bears lose this week, we'll still be tied for first in the division with the winner of this game. Maybe not the best scenario, but it could be much worse (see 2 picks above).
Patriots (5-3) over Bills (5-3)
Last Friday I was out drinking at Delilah's. On my way out I picked up a flyer of upcoming events. Much to my surprise, I noticed that they are showing all the Bills & Sabers games live. I never would have pegged Delilah's as a Buffalo loyalist bar. Good for them, I might have to swing by and catch a game there one Sunday when the Bears are playing an off-day, or a night game. Anyway, hipster loyalty isn't gonna save them this week. I see the Patriots winning this one on their home-turf.
Jets (5-3) over Rams (2-6)
The Rams really impressed me with the win over the Skins, the Cowboys and the impressive showing against the Patriots in Foxboro. Although, after last week's pitiful display against the Cardinals, I think that I may have over-valued 'em. I'm reluctantly picking Brett's Jets in this one, but a St Louis upset wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Ravens (5-3) over Texans (3-5)
Here's the Hurricane Ike make-up game from week 2. I think that I picked the Texans to win that game back in September. I'm officially changing that pick right now.
Late Sunday Games:
Panthers (6-2) over Raiders (2-6)
All I can say about this game is: NEXT!
Steelers (6-2) over Colts (4-4)
I would be shocked if the Colts made it to the playoffs this year - The Titans have a 4 game cushion at the half-way point, and are almost guaranteed to win the division. The Colts would have to pull off an impressive winning streak to even be in the running for a playoff spot. That streak isn't going to start this game. Goodnight, Indy.
Chargers (3-5) over Chiefs (1-7)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your teams suck it.
I hope that neither of you clown-squads win another game this year. I'll pick Sham Diego here, and Kansas Shitty on December 14th just to spread the manure evenly for you losers.
Postgame: See, I told you that Herm Edwards was the worst coach in the NFL right now. His super-retard egotistical play-calling cost the Chiefs the win here.
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (7-1) over Eagles (5-3)
This should be a damn fine game. The Eagles play really well against the Giants, and there's no love loss between these two teams. I'm picking the Giants, but pulling for the Eagles to triumph and bring some equilibrium to the NFC East.
Monday Night Game:
Cardinals (5-3) over 49ers (2-6)
I'm so gonna watch this just to see if Samurai Mike can out-crazy Dennis Green on his old turf in the post game rant. I'm just waiting for: "The Cardinals are who we thought they were... Now look at my bare ass! LOOK AT IT!!!"
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
I can't get excited about any televised game this week other than the NBC Sunday nighter.
Here's to week 11.
Last Week's Picks: 8/6
Season Record: 77/53
Thursday Night Game:
Browns (3-5) over Broncos (4-4)
Thus begins the Brady Quinn era in Cleveland (now the kid might be able to get endorsement deals with a few companies that aren't operated out of some guy's basement).
Postgame: Fucking Kellen Winslow. You owe me one pick, you bum. Without any single of the 3 stupid mistakes you made tonight, the Browns would have won this game.
Early Sunday Games:
Falcons (5-3) over Saints (4-4)
With an Atlanta win this week and a Carolina loss this week there would be a 3-way tie for first in the NFC South (Tampa's on a bye this week). That's crazy. It's too bad for Atlanta that the Panthers are playing the Raiders this week, or things could get real interesting in this division.
Titans (8-0) over Bears (5-3)
My worst nightmare is that Sexy Rexy is going to step in and pull a "good Rex" miracle out of his ass and smack the undefeated Titans square in the mouth. Then Angelo (feeling vindicated) immediately signs him to a $50-million / 10 year contract extension, and then I'll have to go out and buy a Packers jersey. --shudder-- I'm hoping for a 6 turnover embarrassment from Grossie, a chance to see Haine take the reigns as the Bears back-up QB, and for Rex buy a one-way ticket out of town.
Let the Rexecution begin!
Jaguars (3-5) over Lions (0-8)
It's amazing how hard the Jags are sucking this year. This was arguably the most dominant team in the league last season, now they're a freakin' disaster. I just hope that they have enough steam left to keep the desperate Lions defeated. I'm not sure that they do.
I'm tempted to hope for career-ending injuries for the Lions this week in retribution for the Orton hit-job last week, but there's no one left on the Detroit team that's good enough to wish injury upon. Any homeless C.H.U.D. that you could pull of the rat-infested streets of Detroit would probably be a vast improvement to that team. It's more of a punishment to keep that squad just as it is.
Dolphins (4-4) over Seahawks (2-6)
It is equally amazing at how well the Fins are doing this year. I'm just extremely glad that Parcells went down to Miami last year, instead of to Detroit next year.
Packers (4-4) over Vikings (4-4)
Look on the bright side, now matter how bad the Bears lose this week, we'll still be tied for first in the division with the winner of this game. Maybe not the best scenario, but it could be much worse (see 2 picks above).
Patriots (5-3) over Bills (5-3)
Last Friday I was out drinking at Delilah's. On my way out I picked up a flyer of upcoming events. Much to my surprise, I noticed that they are showing all the Bills & Sabers games live. I never would have pegged Delilah's as a Buffalo loyalist bar. Good for them, I might have to swing by and catch a game there one Sunday when the Bears are playing an off-day, or a night game. Anyway, hipster loyalty isn't gonna save them this week. I see the Patriots winning this one on their home-turf.
Jets (5-3) over Rams (2-6)
The Rams really impressed me with the win over the Skins, the Cowboys and the impressive showing against the Patriots in Foxboro. Although, after last week's pitiful display against the Cardinals, I think that I may have over-valued 'em. I'm reluctantly picking Brett's Jets in this one, but a St Louis upset wouldn't surprise me one bit.
Ravens (5-3) over Texans (3-5)
Here's the Hurricane Ike make-up game from week 2. I think that I picked the Texans to win that game back in September. I'm officially changing that pick right now.
Late Sunday Games:
Panthers (6-2) over Raiders (2-6)
All I can say about this game is: NEXT!
Steelers (6-2) over Colts (4-4)
I would be shocked if the Colts made it to the playoffs this year - The Titans have a 4 game cushion at the half-way point, and are almost guaranteed to win the division. The Colts would have to pull off an impressive winning streak to even be in the running for a playoff spot. That streak isn't going to start this game. Goodnight, Indy.
Chargers (3-5) over Chiefs (1-7)
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your teams suck it.
I hope that neither of you clown-squads win another game this year. I'll pick Sham Diego here, and Kansas Shitty on December 14th just to spread the manure evenly for you losers.
Postgame: See, I told you that Herm Edwards was the worst coach in the NFL right now. His super-retard egotistical play-calling cost the Chiefs the win here.
Sunday Night Game:
Giants (7-1) over Eagles (5-3)
This should be a damn fine game. The Eagles play really well against the Giants, and there's no love loss between these two teams. I'm picking the Giants, but pulling for the Eagles to triumph and bring some equilibrium to the NFC East.
Monday Night Game:
Cardinals (5-3) over 49ers (2-6)
I'm so gonna watch this just to see if Samurai Mike can out-crazy Dennis Green on his old turf in the post game rant. I'm just waiting for: "The Cardinals are who we thought they were... Now look at my bare ass! LOOK AT IT!!!"
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks
I wasted this entire weekend reliving my childhood by endlessly playing Mega Man II on the PS2. I was at the final boss before the huge ending and realized that I didn't have enough rockets to finish the level (and no way to get 'em). Now I have to replay the entire game from the beginning, or just give up.
Seriously?!?
Is it just me, or were game designers a bunch of huge fucking pricks back then? With an entire weekend pissed away, I'm done with all that noise (unless someone releases Bionic Commando* or Kid Icarus anthologies for Xbox 360).
Anyway, I gave up on the retro video games and decided to spend my time on an equally worthless pursuit; blogging about professional sports. I'm just hoping that I don't get stuck at the end of this post and have to re-do it from word one.
That would suck it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 69/47
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (5-2) over Jets (4-3)
The Bills are coming off of a bruising loss to Miami last week and the Jets are coming off of an unimpressive 17-seconds-from disaster win over the Chiefs last week. Favre hasn't been himself lately, and there's a bunch of speculation that his shoulder may be hinkey. I just don't think that he has what it takes right now to get the first win of his career in the city of Buffalo.
Bears (4-3) over Lions (0-7)
Remember back in week 6 when I warned the Redskins of a trap game against the winless Rams (which they subsequently lost)? Well, this is nothing like that. The Lions are so beat down that it would take Grossman behind center to hand them a win here.
Postgame: Wow, I almost jinxed that one. Sorry about the season, folks.
Jaguars (3-4) over Bengals (0-8)
The Jags are backed into a corner and trying like hell to salvage any hopes of a playoff berth. A trip to Cincinnati should heal what ails 'em (at least for this week).
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, Jacksonville.
Browns (3-4) over Ravens (4-3)
This one really depends on which Browns team takes the field this Sunday. Will it be the team that decimated the Super Bowl Champion Giants in week 6, or the team that sucked out loud in their last match-up with Baltimore in week 3?
Titans (7-0) over Packers (4-3)
This game should be a lot closer than anyone is expecting, and Green Bay has a good shot at an upset here. I'm hoping that the Titans win, but that the Pack lays down the hurt on Tennessee - The more stocked the Titan's DL is next week, the better shot the Bears have of ousting the last undefeated team in the NFL.
Buccaneers (5-3) over Chiefs (1-6)
The Bucs are a total mystery. They go from looking like a Super Bowl caliber team to a bumbling train wreck from week to week. It's downright perplexing. On the other hand, the Chiefs always look like crap. Thank you, Kansas City for making this an easy pick.
Rams (2-5) over Cardinals (4-3)
Since the Rams dumped (ex-head coach) Linehan, they've won two and had a shot at a win on the road against the mighty Patriots last week. WTF? That's crazy.
Vikings (3-4) over Texans (3-4)
Here's the coin-toss game of the week. This one could easily go either way. I'm doing what I always do in this situation: 1) pick the home team and/or 2) pick the team I want to lose, so that regardless of the result, I'm happy.
Late Sunday Games:
Dolphins (3-4) over Broncos (4-3)
I have no fucking idea why I'm picking Miami to pull off the upset at Mile-High Stadium. Call it a stupid, stupid hunch.
Falcons (4-3) over Raiders (2-5)
The only wins Oakland has gotten this year were over the Chiefs and the hobbled Jets. The Falcons haven't been giving up "gimme" games this year. All signs point toward an Atlanta win.
Giants (6-1) over Cowboys (5-3)
If Romo was in this one, It'd be a great fucking game. He's not. If you enjoy watching the Cowboys get loads of comeuppance, watch this one. If you're a gentle soul, turn away.
Eagles (4-3) over Seahawks (2-5)
It's the Battle of the Birds round II. Last week the winged raptors of Philly made a meal out of the fighting Falcons of Atlanta. This week they get the broken budgies of scenic Puget Sound. Okay, This really isn't a battle, more of a mercy killing.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (5-2) over Colts (3-4)
When they were making up the schedule in the offseason, this must have looked like a powerhouse match-up of two (potentially undefeated) teams. That would have been great to watch. Now? Meh. I wouldn't be surprised if neither of these teams made the playoffs this year.
Monday Night Game:
Redskins (6-2) over Steelers (5-2)
WATCH THIS GAME! This is the marquee match-up of the week. Both of these teams are at the top of their games, and this should be a spectacle to behold. It's gonna be a good one.
Go Skins!
Postgame: I really hope you didn't watch that game. Ugh!
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Fuck me; they're releasing a NEW Bionic Commando with Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle) voicing the protagonist. I may be excited about a video game for the first time in 20 years.
Seriously?!?
Is it just me, or were game designers a bunch of huge fucking pricks back then? With an entire weekend pissed away, I'm done with all that noise (unless someone releases Bionic Commando* or Kid Icarus anthologies for Xbox 360).
Anyway, I gave up on the retro video games and decided to spend my time on an equally worthless pursuit; blogging about professional sports. I'm just hoping that I don't get stuck at the end of this post and have to re-do it from word one.
That would suck it.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 69/47
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (5-2) over Jets (4-3)
The Bills are coming off of a bruising loss to Miami last week and the Jets are coming off of an unimpressive 17-seconds-from disaster win over the Chiefs last week. Favre hasn't been himself lately, and there's a bunch of speculation that his shoulder may be hinkey. I just don't think that he has what it takes right now to get the first win of his career in the city of Buffalo.
Bears (4-3) over Lions (0-7)
Remember back in week 6 when I warned the Redskins of a trap game against the winless Rams (which they subsequently lost)? Well, this is nothing like that. The Lions are so beat down that it would take Grossman behind center to hand them a win here.
Postgame: Wow, I almost jinxed that one. Sorry about the season, folks.
Jaguars (3-4) over Bengals (0-8)
The Jags are backed into a corner and trying like hell to salvage any hopes of a playoff berth. A trip to Cincinnati should heal what ails 'em (at least for this week).
Postgame: Welcome to the offseason, Jacksonville.
Browns (3-4) over Ravens (4-3)
This one really depends on which Browns team takes the field this Sunday. Will it be the team that decimated the Super Bowl Champion Giants in week 6, or the team that sucked out loud in their last match-up with Baltimore in week 3?
Titans (7-0) over Packers (4-3)
This game should be a lot closer than anyone is expecting, and Green Bay has a good shot at an upset here. I'm hoping that the Titans win, but that the Pack lays down the hurt on Tennessee - The more stocked the Titan's DL is next week, the better shot the Bears have of ousting the last undefeated team in the NFL.
Buccaneers (5-3) over Chiefs (1-6)
The Bucs are a total mystery. They go from looking like a Super Bowl caliber team to a bumbling train wreck from week to week. It's downright perplexing. On the other hand, the Chiefs always look like crap. Thank you, Kansas City for making this an easy pick.
Rams (2-5) over Cardinals (4-3)
Since the Rams dumped (ex-head coach) Linehan, they've won two and had a shot at a win on the road against the mighty Patriots last week. WTF? That's crazy.
Vikings (3-4) over Texans (3-4)
Here's the coin-toss game of the week. This one could easily go either way. I'm doing what I always do in this situation: 1) pick the home team and/or 2) pick the team I want to lose, so that regardless of the result, I'm happy.
Late Sunday Games:
Dolphins (3-4) over Broncos (4-3)
I have no fucking idea why I'm picking Miami to pull off the upset at Mile-High Stadium. Call it a stupid, stupid hunch.
Falcons (4-3) over Raiders (2-5)
The only wins Oakland has gotten this year were over the Chiefs and the hobbled Jets. The Falcons haven't been giving up "gimme" games this year. All signs point toward an Atlanta win.
Giants (6-1) over Cowboys (5-3)
If Romo was in this one, It'd be a great fucking game. He's not. If you enjoy watching the Cowboys get loads of comeuppance, watch this one. If you're a gentle soul, turn away.
Eagles (4-3) over Seahawks (2-5)
It's the Battle of the Birds round II. Last week the winged raptors of Philly made a meal out of the fighting Falcons of Atlanta. This week they get the broken budgies of scenic Puget Sound. Okay, This really isn't a battle, more of a mercy killing.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (5-2) over Colts (3-4)
When they were making up the schedule in the offseason, this must have looked like a powerhouse match-up of two (potentially undefeated) teams. That would have been great to watch. Now? Meh. I wouldn't be surprised if neither of these teams made the playoffs this year.
Monday Night Game:
Redskins (6-2) over Steelers (5-2)
WATCH THIS GAME! This is the marquee match-up of the week. Both of these teams are at the top of their games, and this should be a spectacle to behold. It's gonna be a good one.
Go Skins!
Postgame: I really hope you didn't watch that game. Ugh!
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
*Fuck me; they're releasing a NEW Bionic Commando with Mike Patton (Faith No More/Mr. Bungle) voicing the protagonist. I may be excited about a video game for the first time in 20 years.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks
I spent way too long doing my picks this week, now I'm running late for a party tonight. Let's stop wasting time and get right to it.
Last Week's Picks: 10/4
Season Record: 60/42
Early Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (5-2) over Cowboys (4-3)
I'm gonna tune into this one just to watch Wade Phillips on the Dallas sideline. Jerry Jones says his job is safe, but the big guy hates losing and has a hair-line trigger. The Cowboys are in a bad spot right now, and unless they can pull off a huge upset with their second-stringers, I see a new hard-ass head coach moving in before Tony Romo's busted pinkie has a chance to heal.
Redskins (5-2) over Lions (0-6)
The last "gimme" game the Skins had against a winless joke of a team was two weeks ago against the Rams. They lost at the last second with a St. Louis field-goal. I'm hoping like hell that they learned their lesson then, and will go after the throat of the Motor City Kitties and decimate them with every weapon in the Washington arsenal - I won't be happy unless the Bears are playing against all Detroit 3rd-stringers next Sunday.
Bills (5-1) over Dolphins (2-4)
The Bills are for real, baby. The Phins need this win, but it's gonna be too much of a struggle to up-end the AFC East leaders.
Patriots (4-2) over Rams (2-4)
The Rams are playing with a chip on their shoulder, fire in their bellys, and hate in their hearts; Goodbye Linehan, indeed. The Pats are starting to gel under Cassel, but are losing players left and right. This should be an entertaining game, but St. Louis is way out-classed in this one.
Chargers (3-4) over Saints (3-4)
Note: Due to this game being played in Wembly Stadium in London, I've decided to write this pick in Cockney rhyming-slang. Deal with it.
Oi! saucepan lids, it's anovver London game, but this nickle and dime in hell 'ov a reason. The bloomin' Saints 'eaven and 'ell need a win 'ere ter stay competitive in air incision, but I loike the Chargers in ben wahn.
Jets (3-3) over Chiefs (1-5)
Back in the '06 off-season the Chiefs played dirty and grabbed Herm Edwards from the Jets with 2 years left on his coaching contract. It ended up costing the Chief a 4th round draft pick for tampering.
What did Kansas City get with Edwards? A pathetic 14 & 24 record, a depleted roster, and possibly one of the worst coaches in NFL history. Congratulations, douchebags.
This is Herm's triumphant return to the Meadowlands. Cheer up, New York, being rid of that scum-fuck loser is better than a hundred Brett Favres wrapped up under your Christmas tree.
Eagles (3-3) over Falcons (4-2)
It's the battle of the birds! This is going to be a great game. the Eagles are struggling to keep their heads above water in the NFC East, and the Falcons are booming out of the gate with their rebuilt team. I'm just picking the home team here, due to a lack of any real discernible advantage either way.
Panthers (5-2) over Cardinals (4-2)
The Cardinals better start losing some games quick, or they might actually finish a season with a winning record, and we just can't have that.
Ravens (3-3) over Raiders (2-4)
The Raiders are coming off an impressive win over the Jets. They're flying at Mach II right now - Right into the brick-wall defense of Baltimore. Eject! Eject!
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (2-4) over Bengals (0-7)
The Bengals so bad, they think the Quarterback is a government refund.
The Bengals so bad, they think the Super Bowl is what goes with the Super Spoon.
The Bengals so bad, they ran to Canada to avoid the NFL Draft.
The Bengals so bad, the only scoring they do is on the drug test.
etc, etc.
Jaguars (3-3) over Browns (2-4)
I'd like to see the Brownies grab a win here and right their season before it capsizes below the waves of mediocrity, but If I were Cleveland I'd have the life rafts at the ready.
Giants (5-1) over Steelers (5-1)
This is probably the best game of the week right here. For some reason, I just don't give a shit. I'd much rather watch the battle for the bottom out in the land of Rice-A-Roni (see below).
49ers (2-5) over Seahawks (1-5)
Samurai Mike make his debut as the Niners head coach in this one. I'm really interested in seeing how he does. There has been a lot of buzz around him since his days with the Ravens, but the word is that he just isn't good with the "X's" & "O's" 0f the game. I'm shocked that San Fran didn't just bump-up Mike Martz, who has a proven track-record of winning. Singletary better put together some magic quick, or his career as a NFL head coach could be a short-lived one.
No Sunday Night Game (due to World Series)
Monday Night Game:
Titans (6-0) over Colts (3-3)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. With a win here, the Titans could nearly knock the Colts out of contention and secure a stranglehold on the AFC South division. The only thing that can derail 'em now is if somehow Vince Young weaseled his way back onto the field this season. If I were Tennessee, I would set up razor wire and armed turrets along the sideline to prevent that tragedy from happening.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last Week's Picks: 10/4
Season Record: 60/42
Early Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (5-2) over Cowboys (4-3)
I'm gonna tune into this one just to watch Wade Phillips on the Dallas sideline. Jerry Jones says his job is safe, but the big guy hates losing and has a hair-line trigger. The Cowboys are in a bad spot right now, and unless they can pull off a huge upset with their second-stringers, I see a new hard-ass head coach moving in before Tony Romo's busted pinkie has a chance to heal.
Redskins (5-2) over Lions (0-6)
The last "gimme" game the Skins had against a winless joke of a team was two weeks ago against the Rams. They lost at the last second with a St. Louis field-goal. I'm hoping like hell that they learned their lesson then, and will go after the throat of the Motor City Kitties and decimate them with every weapon in the Washington arsenal - I won't be happy unless the Bears are playing against all Detroit 3rd-stringers next Sunday.
Bills (5-1) over Dolphins (2-4)
The Bills are for real, baby. The Phins need this win, but it's gonna be too much of a struggle to up-end the AFC East leaders.
Patriots (4-2) over Rams (2-4)
The Rams are playing with a chip on their shoulder, fire in their bellys, and hate in their hearts; Goodbye Linehan, indeed. The Pats are starting to gel under Cassel, but are losing players left and right. This should be an entertaining game, but St. Louis is way out-classed in this one.
Chargers (3-4) over Saints (3-4)
Note: Due to this game being played in Wembly Stadium in London, I've decided to write this pick in Cockney rhyming-slang. Deal with it.
Oi! saucepan lids, it's anovver London game, but this nickle and dime in hell 'ov a reason. The bloomin' Saints 'eaven and 'ell need a win 'ere ter stay competitive in air incision, but I loike the Chargers in ben wahn.
Jets (3-3) over Chiefs (1-5)
Back in the '06 off-season the Chiefs played dirty and grabbed Herm Edwards from the Jets with 2 years left on his coaching contract. It ended up costing the Chief a 4th round draft pick for tampering.
What did Kansas City get with Edwards? A pathetic 14 & 24 record, a depleted roster, and possibly one of the worst coaches in NFL history. Congratulations, douchebags.
This is Herm's triumphant return to the Meadowlands. Cheer up, New York, being rid of that scum-fuck loser is better than a hundred Brett Favres wrapped up under your Christmas tree.
Eagles (3-3) over Falcons (4-2)
It's the battle of the birds! This is going to be a great game. the Eagles are struggling to keep their heads above water in the NFC East, and the Falcons are booming out of the gate with their rebuilt team. I'm just picking the home team here, due to a lack of any real discernible advantage either way.
Panthers (5-2) over Cardinals (4-2)
The Cardinals better start losing some games quick, or they might actually finish a season with a winning record, and we just can't have that.
Ravens (3-3) over Raiders (2-4)
The Raiders are coming off an impressive win over the Jets. They're flying at Mach II right now - Right into the brick-wall defense of Baltimore. Eject! Eject!
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (2-4) over Bengals (0-7)
The Bengals so bad, they think the Quarterback is a government refund.
The Bengals so bad, they think the Super Bowl is what goes with the Super Spoon.
The Bengals so bad, they ran to Canada to avoid the NFL Draft.
The Bengals so bad, the only scoring they do is on the drug test.
etc, etc.
Jaguars (3-3) over Browns (2-4)
I'd like to see the Brownies grab a win here and right their season before it capsizes below the waves of mediocrity, but If I were Cleveland I'd have the life rafts at the ready.
Giants (5-1) over Steelers (5-1)
This is probably the best game of the week right here. For some reason, I just don't give a shit. I'd much rather watch the battle for the bottom out in the land of Rice-A-Roni (see below).
49ers (2-5) over Seahawks (1-5)
Samurai Mike make his debut as the Niners head coach in this one. I'm really interested in seeing how he does. There has been a lot of buzz around him since his days with the Ravens, but the word is that he just isn't good with the "X's" & "O's" 0f the game. I'm shocked that San Fran didn't just bump-up Mike Martz, who has a proven track-record of winning. Singletary better put together some magic quick, or his career as a NFL head coach could be a short-lived one.
No Sunday Night Game (due to World Series)
Monday Night Game:
Titans (6-0) over Colts (3-3)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. With a win here, the Titans could nearly knock the Colts out of contention and secure a stranglehold on the AFC South division. The only thing that can derail 'em now is if somehow Vince Young weaseled his way back onto the field this season. If I were Tennessee, I would set up razor wire and armed turrets along the sideline to prevent that tragedy from happening.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Friday, October 24, 2008
Under the Radar
This is not a Grossman vs. Orton post. It's not even a "Turner sucks" post. It's actually complementary. I have noticed that most snaps this year have resulted in 3+ seconds of time for Orton to operate. The big draft pick hasn't even gotten into the game yet, and the o-line has improved a LOT in the past year.
I would still contend that Grossman could be effective in this improved system, but I'm over it. The offensive line provided protection, Forte provides a competent running game, and the receivers (aside from some back-breaking drops) are doing a better job than I expected. I've always argued that the QB position only needs to be mechanically sound. If the rest of the offense is sound, we don't need a superhero.
We do need a defense. The same issues that plagued the offense last year (weak front line, lack of aggression) is now passed to the defense. All these guys got paid in the off-season, and I expected more. 41 points is unacceptable. If the defense pulls itself together somehow and Orton continues to improve, I think we can take the North at least.
I would still contend that Grossman could be effective in this improved system, but I'm over it. The offensive line provided protection, Forte provides a competent running game, and the receivers (aside from some back-breaking drops) are doing a better job than I expected. I've always argued that the QB position only needs to be mechanically sound. If the rest of the offense is sound, we don't need a superhero.
We do need a defense. The same issues that plagued the offense last year (weak front line, lack of aggression) is now passed to the defense. All these guys got paid in the off-season, and I expected more. 41 points is unacceptable. If the defense pulls itself together somehow and Orton continues to improve, I think we can take the North at least.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 7 Picks
Last week should serve as an example to anyone inclined on placing a wager on any NFL sporting contest that YOU SHOULD NEVER BET ON FOOTBALL.
Seriously.
Crap teams were upending "Top 10" teams galore. Last week was, essentially, one huge upset. I had the foresight to indicate a bunch of trap games, but still got schooled on my picks. It was ugly.
To top it all off, I've been dead-sick all week and am just starting to feel better. I'm hoping that in my fevered delirium I'll make a bunch of prescient picks. I'm like the oracle of De-picks.
Sorry.
Last Week's Picks: 6/8
Season Record: 50/38
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (4-1) over Chargers (3-3)
The Williams suffered their first loss two weeks ago, and have had last week off to get over it. The Chargers are a decent team, but I'm not jumping off of the Bills bandwagon just yet.
Bears (3-3) over Vikings (3-3)
Wow, I'm still pissed at the Bears last-second (literally) loss last week. It was a fucking heart-breaker. Here's their shot at redemption (or descent into oblivion).
Postgame: Hey Babitch; WAKE THE FUCK UP! The Bears are getting killed late in games with the cover-two defense. You're not securing leads, you're blowing them. Cut it the fuck out! Yeesh.
Steelers (4-1) over Bengals (0-6)
This could be the hold-over upset game from last week. The win-less Bengals are going to do everything they can to steal a victory against this disorganized Steelers team.
Titans (5-0) over Chiefs (1-4)
Can anyone else believe that the Titans are the only team left this season without a loss? No, really.
Cowboys (4-2) over Rams (1-4)
The Hapless Rams slapped down a humiliating loss against my 'Skins last week and are now facing a Dallas team with either a crippled Romo or (ex-Skin) Brad Johnson behind center. It would be so sweet to have the Rams turn around and knock the depleted Cowboys in the teeth. Unfortunately, last week was a fluke, and the 'Boys would have to lose 8 more starters to make this an even match-up.
Postgame: Tony Romo should totally hang with Tom Brady and together watch their teams disintegrate without them at QB.
Dolphins (2-3) over Ravens (2-3)
Believe it or not, the Fish ain't bad this season. Here's a win for the home-team.
Giants (4-1) over 49ers (2-4)
The G-Men are coming off a huge embarrassment against the Browns last week. How to get the home-crowd back behind you? Beat the snot out of some chump team on your home turf. This one was made to order.
P.S. - Go Niners! A win here would rip the still-beating heart right from the chest of the reigning Super Bowl champs.
Panthers (4-2) over Saints (3-3)
This is going to be a good game - Close as hell. In situations like this one, I just pick the home-team and move on.
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (1-4) over Lions (0-5)
Welcome to the cellar of the NFL, kids. What's amazing is that the Lions are still in the playoff hunt without a win. The rest of the NFC North is tied for "first" at 3 and 3. If Detroit is smart, they'll just kick back and wait for the first pick of the '09 draft.
Jets (3-2) over Raiders (1-4)
The Jets are set to shine in this Favre showcase game. The Oakland pass defense is non-existent - Look for big numbers in this one and for (Raiders owner) Al Davis to leave the stadium on a gurney sometime in the 3rd quarter.
Postgame: Um... Nevermind.
Colts (3-2) over Packers (3-3)
With a Bears victory and a Packers loss, Chicago will be alone atop the NFC North. Question is: Does that really prove anything? It's kinda like being the most beautiful girl in Iqualuit.
Redskins (4-2) over Browns (2-3)
As I said last week; Once the Skins fuck-up a "gimme" game, they usually head into a tail-spin. The Browns are coming off a huge upending of the NY Football Giants last week. I just don't see a crap team winning two huge games back-to-back, and a good team dumping two "easy" matches. Watch me be wrong.
Sunday Night Game:
Buccaneers (4-2) over Seahawks (1-4)
This will be the first time in 476 weeks that John Madden will sit out a Sunday Night Football (previously Monday Night Football, prior to '06) game. Can you blame him? I'm not even gonna watch this dreck.
Monday Night Game:
Patriots (3-2) over Broncos (4-2)
C'mon New England. Here's your shot. Topple the over-rated Broncos and your back in the game - Lose this one, and you're just another page in the "Super Bowl Losers Big Book of Horrors".
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Seriously.
Crap teams were upending "Top 10" teams galore. Last week was, essentially, one huge upset. I had the foresight to indicate a bunch of trap games, but still got schooled on my picks. It was ugly.
To top it all off, I've been dead-sick all week and am just starting to feel better. I'm hoping that in my fevered delirium I'll make a bunch of prescient picks. I'm like the oracle of De-picks.
Sorry.
Last Week's Picks: 6/8
Season Record: 50/38
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (4-1) over Chargers (3-3)
The Williams suffered their first loss two weeks ago, and have had last week off to get over it. The Chargers are a decent team, but I'm not jumping off of the Bills bandwagon just yet.
Bears (3-3) over Vikings (3-3)
Wow, I'm still pissed at the Bears last-second (literally) loss last week. It was a fucking heart-breaker. Here's their shot at redemption (or descent into oblivion).
Postgame: Hey Babitch; WAKE THE FUCK UP! The Bears are getting killed late in games with the cover-two defense. You're not securing leads, you're blowing them. Cut it the fuck out! Yeesh.
Steelers (4-1) over Bengals (0-6)
This could be the hold-over upset game from last week. The win-less Bengals are going to do everything they can to steal a victory against this disorganized Steelers team.
Titans (5-0) over Chiefs (1-4)
Can anyone else believe that the Titans are the only team left this season without a loss? No, really.
Cowboys (4-2) over Rams (1-4)
The Hapless Rams slapped down a humiliating loss against my 'Skins last week and are now facing a Dallas team with either a crippled Romo or (ex-Skin) Brad Johnson behind center. It would be so sweet to have the Rams turn around and knock the depleted Cowboys in the teeth. Unfortunately, last week was a fluke, and the 'Boys would have to lose 8 more starters to make this an even match-up.
Postgame: Tony Romo should totally hang with Tom Brady and together watch their teams disintegrate without them at QB.
Dolphins (2-3) over Ravens (2-3)
Believe it or not, the Fish ain't bad this season. Here's a win for the home-team.
Giants (4-1) over 49ers (2-4)
The G-Men are coming off a huge embarrassment against the Browns last week. How to get the home-crowd back behind you? Beat the snot out of some chump team on your home turf. This one was made to order.
P.S. - Go Niners! A win here would rip the still-beating heart right from the chest of the reigning Super Bowl champs.
Panthers (4-2) over Saints (3-3)
This is going to be a good game - Close as hell. In situations like this one, I just pick the home-team and move on.
Late Sunday Games:
Texans (1-4) over Lions (0-5)
Welcome to the cellar of the NFL, kids. What's amazing is that the Lions are still in the playoff hunt without a win. The rest of the NFC North is tied for "first" at 3 and 3. If Detroit is smart, they'll just kick back and wait for the first pick of the '09 draft.
Jets (3-2) over Raiders (1-4)
The Jets are set to shine in this Favre showcase game. The Oakland pass defense is non-existent - Look for big numbers in this one and for (Raiders owner) Al Davis to leave the stadium on a gurney sometime in the 3rd quarter.
Postgame: Um... Nevermind.
Colts (3-2) over Packers (3-3)
With a Bears victory and a Packers loss, Chicago will be alone atop the NFC North. Question is: Does that really prove anything? It's kinda like being the most beautiful girl in Iqualuit.
Redskins (4-2) over Browns (2-3)
As I said last week; Once the Skins fuck-up a "gimme" game, they usually head into a tail-spin. The Browns are coming off a huge upending of the NY Football Giants last week. I just don't see a crap team winning two huge games back-to-back, and a good team dumping two "easy" matches. Watch me be wrong.
Sunday Night Game:
Buccaneers (4-2) over Seahawks (1-4)
This will be the first time in 476 weeks that John Madden will sit out a Sunday Night Football (previously Monday Night Football, prior to '06) game. Can you blame him? I'm not even gonna watch this dreck.
Monday Night Game:
Patriots (3-2) over Broncos (4-2)
C'mon New England. Here's your shot. Topple the over-rated Broncos and your back in the game - Lose this one, and you're just another page in the "Super Bowl Losers Big Book of Horrors".
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Huskies Win
The Huskies won their homecoming game today against Miami (Ohio).
What? Doesn't anyone care about the MAC?
What? Doesn't anyone care about the MAC?
The Liar's NFL Week 6 Picks
Last Sunday at 4PM, I was sitting pretty at 7 & 1. Then in the final six games it all fell apart - 2 & 4. I haven 't seen a second-half collapse like that since Grossman was behind center. Yeesh.
Anyway, This is a HUGE rock & roll weekend with Riot Fest, so I'm a bit preoccupied. Here's hoping that I get a few picks right this week before I'm benched and replaced by the neck-beard.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 44/30
Early Sunday Games:
Colts (2-2) over Ravens (2-2)
Man, the Clots are sucking it lately. To make matters worse, Bal'mer is gonna lay down another load of hurt down on an already shaky Indy offense. That being said, I think that Indy is a lot better than they're showing right now, and should be able to limp away with a win here.
Vikings (2-3) over Lions (0-4)
I've been tempted to pick every winless team this week. Week six is do-or die time, and all jobs are on the line. Rod Marinelli is hanging onto his coaching gig by his fingernails, and he's gonna come out swinging in this one. This one's rife for an upset, but I just don't think that the Motor City Kitties have what it takes to close the deal.
Saints (2-3) over Raiders (1-3)
Oi!, New Orleans. Fuck You.
You really screwed me on that STUPID loss to the Vikes last Monday. That was fucking terrible, you really should be ashamed. As long as I live I'm never gonna pick you to win another game, so help me God. And that's why I'm picking the Raide... Raiders?!? Um, nevermind.
Jets (2-2) over Bengals (0-5)
The Bengals have been playing their little hearts out lately, but still can't get a win. I don't see 'em getting their first victory this week, but it really is their best shot until week 8.
Bears (3-2) over Falcons (3-2)
This game makes me nervous. The Bears are playing great, but Atlanta is playing way better than they should be this year. Did you see the way they schooled the Packers last week (which I called, by the way)? It was brutal. This is exactly the kind of loss that seems to send the Bears into a tailspin every year. I broke the slump last week, and am keeping the faith this week.
Go Bears!
Postgame: Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!!!!
Panthers (4-1) over Buccaneers (3-2)
It's a showdown between the two fucking teams that eeked out wins over the Bears this season. Bastards. I hope you both lose.
Redskins (4-1) over Rams (0-4)
Hey, DC; TRAP GAME!!!
The Skins have a nasty habit of looking past the easy games and getting embarrassed when they're riding high. This is a classic "Washington gets pantsed by a team they should beat like a incontinent dog" game. WATCH OUT!
Dolphins (2-2) over Texans (0-4)
Hey, It's the showdown of the gayest names/helmets in the NFL! The Texans' desperation is palpable at this point - They're better than an 0 & 4 team, but just can't seem to squeeze out a win. They really need to grab a victory on the homefield, but I think that the Fish have turned the corner and are ready to make a move up to mediocrity.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (4-1) over Jaguars (2-3)
Every week I pick the Broncos to lose and get screwed. Every week I pick the Jags to win and get screwed. I think I see a pattern emerging. Watch this pick be wrong, then watch my head explode.
Eagles (2-3) over 49ers (2-3)
Whenever Westbrook is out, Philly sucks. Luckily for the Beagles, San Fran is struggling also. Look for Martz to open this one up - Plenty 'o' long passes and plenty 'o' turnovers. I see the Niners pulling out all the shots, but coming up just short.
Packers (2-3) over Seahawks (1-3)
'Shawks really need a win here before going on an extended road-trip over the next four weeks. I picked the Pack first, but then changed my mind when I realized the implications of a Seattle loss, and then changed it back when I realized that EdP would paint me as a flip-flopper in a series of negative attack ads if I did so.
Cowboys (4-1) over Cardinals (3-2)
Interesting tidbit: Before landing with the Rams, Kurt Warner was bagging groceries and playing arena-league ball in DesMoines. He really wanted to try out for the Bears in 1997, but couldn't even get through the front door. Two years later he led the Rams to a Super Bowl victory. Since Chicago passed, they've had 15 different starting QBs, and zero Super Bowl victories. Oh, well.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (3-1) over Chargers (2-3)
You lose one fucking regular-season game in the last year and a half, and everyone breaks their necks trying to jump off of the bandwagon. If the Pats have issues right now, then the Chargers have volumes.
Monday Night Game:
Giants (4-0) over Browns (1-3)
I really miss the days when the Giants were a huge joke and the couple of months last year when the Browns weren't.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Anyway, This is a HUGE rock & roll weekend with Riot Fest, so I'm a bit preoccupied. Here's hoping that I get a few picks right this week before I'm benched and replaced by the neck-beard.
Last Week's Picks: 9/5
Season Record: 44/30
Early Sunday Games:
Colts (2-2) over Ravens (2-2)
Man, the Clots are sucking it lately. To make matters worse, Bal'mer is gonna lay down another load of hurt down on an already shaky Indy offense. That being said, I think that Indy is a lot better than they're showing right now, and should be able to limp away with a win here.
Vikings (2-3) over Lions (0-4)
I've been tempted to pick every winless team this week. Week six is do-or die time, and all jobs are on the line. Rod Marinelli is hanging onto his coaching gig by his fingernails, and he's gonna come out swinging in this one. This one's rife for an upset, but I just don't think that the Motor City Kitties have what it takes to close the deal.
Saints (2-3) over Raiders (1-3)
Oi!, New Orleans. Fuck You.
You really screwed me on that STUPID loss to the Vikes last Monday. That was fucking terrible, you really should be ashamed. As long as I live I'm never gonna pick you to win another game, so help me God. And that's why I'm picking the Raide... Raiders?!? Um, nevermind.
Jets (2-2) over Bengals (0-5)
The Bengals have been playing their little hearts out lately, but still can't get a win. I don't see 'em getting their first victory this week, but it really is their best shot until week 8.
Bears (3-2) over Falcons (3-2)
This game makes me nervous. The Bears are playing great, but Atlanta is playing way better than they should be this year. Did you see the way they schooled the Packers last week (which I called, by the way)? It was brutal. This is exactly the kind of loss that seems to send the Bears into a tailspin every year. I broke the slump last week, and am keeping the faith this week.
Go Bears!
Postgame: Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!!!!
Panthers (4-1) over Buccaneers (3-2)
It's a showdown between the two fucking teams that eeked out wins over the Bears this season. Bastards. I hope you both lose.
Redskins (4-1) over Rams (0-4)
Hey, DC; TRAP GAME!!!
The Skins have a nasty habit of looking past the easy games and getting embarrassed when they're riding high. This is a classic "Washington gets pantsed by a team they should beat like a incontinent dog" game. WATCH OUT!
Dolphins (2-2) over Texans (0-4)
Hey, It's the showdown of the gayest names/helmets in the NFL! The Texans' desperation is palpable at this point - They're better than an 0 & 4 team, but just can't seem to squeeze out a win. They really need to grab a victory on the homefield, but I think that the Fish have turned the corner and are ready to make a move up to mediocrity.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (4-1) over Jaguars (2-3)
Every week I pick the Broncos to lose and get screwed. Every week I pick the Jags to win and get screwed. I think I see a pattern emerging. Watch this pick be wrong, then watch my head explode.
Eagles (2-3) over 49ers (2-3)
Whenever Westbrook is out, Philly sucks. Luckily for the Beagles, San Fran is struggling also. Look for Martz to open this one up - Plenty 'o' long passes and plenty 'o' turnovers. I see the Niners pulling out all the shots, but coming up just short.
Packers (2-3) over Seahawks (1-3)
'Shawks really need a win here before going on an extended road-trip over the next four weeks. I picked the Pack first, but then changed my mind when I realized the implications of a Seattle loss, and then changed it back when I realized that EdP would paint me as a flip-flopper in a series of negative attack ads if I did so.
Cowboys (4-1) over Cardinals (3-2)
Interesting tidbit: Before landing with the Rams, Kurt Warner was bagging groceries and playing arena-league ball in DesMoines. He really wanted to try out for the Bears in 1997, but couldn't even get through the front door. Two years later he led the Rams to a Super Bowl victory. Since Chicago passed, they've had 15 different starting QBs, and zero Super Bowl victories. Oh, well.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (3-1) over Chargers (2-3)
You lose one fucking regular-season game in the last year and a half, and everyone breaks their necks trying to jump off of the bandwagon. If the Pats have issues right now, then the Chargers have volumes.
Monday Night Game:
Giants (4-0) over Browns (1-3)
I really miss the days when the Giants were a huge joke and the couple of months last year when the Browns weren't.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Friday, October 10, 2008
I Break My Silence
We all know that I am the least qualified to contribute to this blog. However, even a complete dumbass, when it comes to sports analysis, can recognize a dunderheaded, pants peeing fuck-up of a quarterback when he sees one. Chris, your last post proves that you have fallen in love with another man.
Good day, sir.
Good day, sir.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Not Over Grossman
Firts of all, Orton is doing a fine job. I like that he changes the play at the line on occasion, even if it gets him in trouble. I also like how he moves in the pocket when it does collapse. He is not stellar with passing, though. I've seen as many passes that required adjustment by the receiver than good passes. And there's no long ball threat yet.
I would argue, though, that with a line that offers some protection, and a quality running back, Grossman would be a more complete QB for us. He had some difficulties with protecting the ball, but that was when he got rushed every single down. I mean, Forte would be having an even better year once Grossman connected with Booker, Lloyd, or Hester down field. The last time Grossman had a running game and o-line protection, the Bears went to the Superbowl.
I'm not downplaying Orton, I'm just saying that I still believe that Grossman is the better QB. If it takes benching your better QB and revamping the entire scheme to win games, so be it.
I would argue, though, that with a line that offers some protection, and a quality running back, Grossman would be a more complete QB for us. He had some difficulties with protecting the ball, but that was when he got rushed every single down. I mean, Forte would be having an even better year once Grossman connected with Booker, Lloyd, or Hester down field. The last time Grossman had a running game and o-line protection, the Bears went to the Superbowl.
I'm not downplaying Orton, I'm just saying that I still believe that Grossman is the better QB. If it takes benching your better QB and revamping the entire scheme to win games, so be it.
Friday, October 3, 2008
The Liar's NFL Week 5 Picks
I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs. I'm not gonna talk about the Cubs.
Stupid fucking Cubs.
Now that my thoughts on the MLB playoffs are out of the way, I can focus exclusively on the great sport of tackle-football. I'm sure that the Bears would never break my heart like the Cubs so often do, or as the Bears have so many times since 1985... D'oh.
Last Week's Picks: 9/4
Season Record: 35/25
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (2-2) over Lions (0-3)
Here's the slump buster, baby.
So far, I haven't picked one Bears game correctly this season (I even took one for the team last week), but I can't logically pick the fucking Lions in this one - Just can't do it. If Chicago takes a cue from their local MLB compatriots and pisses this one away, I may be forced to pick against 'em for the remainder of the season. For the good of the team (of course).
Falcons (2-2) over Packers (2-2)
Look at the big balls on the Liar with this one! Picking the reigning NFC North champs to lose to the upstart Falcons at Lambeau.
Damn.
Chargers (2-2) over Dolphins (1-2)
I'd like to see the Fish to lay a whompin' down on the Bolts in this one. Then again, I'd like to see the Cubs with a two game lead going into LA this weekend. Ain't gonna happen.
Postgame: It happened! Does this mean that the Cubs are still in it too? No? Crap.
Giants (3-0) over Seahawks (1-2)
If the Cowboys weren't playing the Bengals this week, this would be the most lop-sided game this week. Thankfully for the Shawks, the Bengals suck slightly more.
Redskins (3-1) over Eagles (2-2)
Am I the only motherfucker picking the 'Skins in this one?!?!? What the hell? It's like no one else is even bothering to watch the fucking games.
Panthers (3-1) over Chiefs (1-3)
The Chiefs got their win for the season last week, now they can sit back, relax, and wait for the off-season.
Titans (4-0) over Ravens (2-1)
Baltimore is back at home and unholy pissed about losing the Monday nighter in Pittsburgh. The Titans' offense is in for a world of hurt, but they should be able to walk away with a win (as long as they don't let in Vince Young behind center).
Colts (1-2) over Texans (0-3)
The Texicans are itching for a win, and they've got a good shot at crowning one on the once-mighty Colts, but I've got to believe that last week's bye gave Indy the opportunity to shore-up their team. I'm reluctantly going with the Colts to grab a win in Houston this week.
Late Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (3-1) over Broncos (3-1)
I really can't get a read on how good either of these teams are right now. It's freaky. The Bucs are turning over the ball left and right and still finding a way to win. The Broncos are getting lucky and winning games at the very last minute. I would just pick the home team in this one, but I think that the Bucs are just good enough to win on the road in Denver.
Cowboys (3-1) over Bengals (0-4)
Bwaaaah! Ha... Um, this should --giggle-- be a real good --snicker-- game. And if the --giggle-- Bengals can focus --snicker--, then they might have a --giggle-- shot at an... Bwaahaaaa, haa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! --wiping away tears-- I can't do it anymore; let's move on.
Bills (4-0) over Cardinals (2-2)
I'm amazed at how many "experts" are picking Arizona in this one. Are these the same Cardinals that got 56 points scored on 'em last week, or are they letting the St. Louis MLB franchise play against the Bills with bats in hand?
Okay, I'd so watch that, but I'm pretty sure that they're playing the Arizona Cardinals with Kurt Warner at QB. I just don't get it.
Patriots (2-1) over 49ers (2-2)
Last time we saw the Pats they were slinking out of Gillette stadium a couple of weeks ago after getting WHOMPED by the Miami Dolphins. Here's another suck team and a small shot at redemption - They'd better win this one, or they're gonna be the laughingstocks of the NFL.
Sunday Night Game:
Jaguars (2-2) over Steelers (3-1)
The Steelers looked like hell in Monday's match-up against Baltimore and Jacksonville really needs a win right here. This one could go either way, but the Steelers have been skating and the Jags are hungry. I smell an upset a'brewin.
Monday Night Game:
Saints (2-2) over Vikings (1-3)
Are the Saints really that good? Nope.
Are the Vikings really that bad? Yup.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Stupid fucking Cubs.
Now that my thoughts on the MLB playoffs are out of the way, I can focus exclusively on the great sport of tackle-football. I'm sure that the Bears would never break my heart like the Cubs so often do, or as the Bears have so many times since 1985... D'oh.
Last Week's Picks: 9/4
Season Record: 35/25
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (2-2) over Lions (0-3)
Here's the slump buster, baby.
So far, I haven't picked one Bears game correctly this season (I even took one for the team last week), but I can't logically pick the fucking Lions in this one - Just can't do it. If Chicago takes a cue from their local MLB compatriots and pisses this one away, I may be forced to pick against 'em for the remainder of the season. For the good of the team (of course).
Falcons (2-2) over Packers (2-2)
Look at the big balls on the Liar with this one! Picking the reigning NFC North champs to lose to the upstart Falcons at Lambeau.
Damn.
Chargers (2-2) over Dolphins (1-2)
I'd like to see the Fish to lay a whompin' down on the Bolts in this one. Then again, I'd like to see the Cubs with a two game lead going into LA this weekend. Ain't gonna happen.
Postgame: It happened! Does this mean that the Cubs are still in it too? No? Crap.
Giants (3-0) over Seahawks (1-2)
If the Cowboys weren't playing the Bengals this week, this would be the most lop-sided game this week. Thankfully for the Shawks, the Bengals suck slightly more.
Redskins (3-1) over Eagles (2-2)
Am I the only motherfucker picking the 'Skins in this one?!?!? What the hell? It's like no one else is even bothering to watch the fucking games.
Panthers (3-1) over Chiefs (1-3)
The Chiefs got their win for the season last week, now they can sit back, relax, and wait for the off-season.
Titans (4-0) over Ravens (2-1)
Baltimore is back at home and unholy pissed about losing the Monday nighter in Pittsburgh. The Titans' offense is in for a world of hurt, but they should be able to walk away with a win (as long as they don't let in Vince Young behind center).
Colts (1-2) over Texans (0-3)
The Texicans are itching for a win, and they've got a good shot at crowning one on the once-mighty Colts, but I've got to believe that last week's bye gave Indy the opportunity to shore-up their team. I'm reluctantly going with the Colts to grab a win in Houston this week.
Late Sunday Games:
Buccaneers (3-1) over Broncos (3-1)
I really can't get a read on how good either of these teams are right now. It's freaky. The Bucs are turning over the ball left and right and still finding a way to win. The Broncos are getting lucky and winning games at the very last minute. I would just pick the home team in this one, but I think that the Bucs are just good enough to win on the road in Denver.
Cowboys (3-1) over Bengals (0-4)
Bwaaaah! Ha... Um, this should --giggle-- be a real good --snicker-- game. And if the --giggle-- Bengals can focus --snicker--, then they might have a --giggle-- shot at an... Bwaahaaaa, haa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! --wiping away tears-- I can't do it anymore; let's move on.
Bills (4-0) over Cardinals (2-2)
I'm amazed at how many "experts" are picking Arizona in this one. Are these the same Cardinals that got 56 points scored on 'em last week, or are they letting the St. Louis MLB franchise play against the Bills with bats in hand?
Okay, I'd so watch that, but I'm pretty sure that they're playing the Arizona Cardinals with Kurt Warner at QB. I just don't get it.
Patriots (2-1) over 49ers (2-2)
Last time we saw the Pats they were slinking out of Gillette stadium a couple of weeks ago after getting WHOMPED by the Miami Dolphins. Here's another suck team and a small shot at redemption - They'd better win this one, or they're gonna be the laughingstocks of the NFL.
Sunday Night Game:
Jaguars (2-2) over Steelers (3-1)
The Steelers looked like hell in Monday's match-up against Baltimore and Jacksonville really needs a win right here. This one could go either way, but the Steelers have been skating and the Jags are hungry. I smell an upset a'brewin.
Monday Night Game:
Saints (2-2) over Vikings (1-3)
Are the Saints really that good? Nope.
Are the Vikings really that bad? Yup.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
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