Did y'all catch the backhanded compliments coming from those dumbass '72 Dolphins? "I know how hard it is to complete an undefeated season, so let me be the first to say...
" SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
As much as I can't stand Tom Brady (and his stupid chiseled good looks) and the video-tape-cheatin'-muthafucka Patriots, I much more hate the sorry-ass glory-days-extending Dolphins from the early 70's.
All the Pats need to do is win 1 more, and you no longer know how hard it is to win that many games in a season. Choke on your fucking Champagne, douchebags.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 17 Picks
This is it. It's the last week of regular-season professional tackle football. After Sunday, we have 4 more weeks of playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?), then it's a long seven months of trying to care about Hockey and Cubbies heartbreak before the 2008 preseason takes off.
I've finally reached my goal of ending up at .666% or better (see below). I'm Friggin' amazed. Unless I get handled this week with my picks, the outlook looks good for holdin' on to it.
Last Weeks Picks: 12/4
Season Record: 160/80
Saturday Night Game:
Patriots (15-0) over Giants (10-5)
Everybody, look under your seats... It's a free football game for you; and you; and you; and you... Free football game for everyone!!!
The NFL Network caved and allowed this game to be simulcast on NBC and CBS. Now everyone can see first-hand how friggin' terrible Bryant Gumbel is in the booth.
Postgame: Hey '72 Dolphins; now you can shut the fuck up, you twats. Up your ass, Csonka.
Sunday Early Games:
Seahawks (10-5) over Falcons (3-12)
The Falcons story would be tragic if they didn't totally deserve it, so this season plays more like a comedy.
Seattle doesn't have anything to play for in this one, and should rest-up for the wildcard round next week. If they were playing anyone other than Atlanta I'd call this one a loss, but the Falcons stink on ice right now.
Bears (6-9) over Saints (7-8)
A loss probably does Chicago more good in this situation, but the Bears feel a slight sting - That's pride fucking with 'em. It would feel too good to knock out the Saints 2 years in a row and keep from landing alone at the bottom of the NFC North (with a Lions loss).
Browns (9-6) over 49ers (5-10)
Neither of these teams is playing for anything. Cleveland is gonna be watching the Colts/Titans game later with much more interest. If the Titans lose, the Browns are in - If the Titans win, the Browns are off until August.
Packers (12-3) over Lions (7-8)
If the Pack had won last week, I'd have picked the Lions to walk away with a garbage win to bump 'em up to .500, but after the spanking Green Bay took at Soldier Field last week, they're gonna need a win to boost morale before their bye week.
Bengals (6-9) over Dolphins (1-14)
Thhhppptttt!!!
I'm tempted to pick the Fish in this showdown of the gayest team uniforms. The Tuna is on the prowl and all the little fishies are swimming for their lives. Cincinnati has just enough talent to win this (that's not a lot of talent, mind you, just enough).
Bills (7-8) over Eagles (7-8)
Toss a coin for this one. I'm just picking the Bills 'cause I like 'em. Probably not the best methodology for determining the superior team, but I'm goin' with it.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Panthers (6-9)
Does anybody care about this game? It's another meaningless playoff team -vs- a not a playoff team game. The Bucs are gonna be resting, but should have enough gas in the reserve tank to pull out a win... I think.
Jaguars (11-4) over Texans (7-8)
This one's gonna be close. The Jags are in sleep mode, but I can't see Del Rio giving a division rival a win before heading off to the postseason.
Sunday Late Games:
Broncos (6-9) over Vikings (8-7)
I really should be picking Minnesota, but after last week's embarrassing loss to the Skins at home I don't see 'em getting their shit together for the trip to Denver (outside in the snow).
Chargers (10-5) over Raiders (4-11)
I just feel sorry for TomO.
Jets (3-12) over Chiefs (4-11)
I f'ing hate Herm Edwards. This game would have been infinitely more sweet if it were last year at this time when the Big Apple Planes were playoff bound, and the Chiefs were a punchline. Now they're both jokes.
Cardinals (7-8) over Rams (3-12)
And the award for least watchable game of the week goes to... This one. Arizona is running the risk of this one stinkin' up their stadium so bad that the Super Bowl may have to be relocated this year due to ecological concerns.
Steelers (10-5) over Ravens (4-11)
The Ravens?!?! You guys are still here? I though that you guys went away after week 15.
The Baltimore thugs are pissed at Pittsburgh for "disrespectin" 'em back in week 9. It's like watching a retarded street dog picking a fight with a dumpster. It would be sad, but you kinda want to see how long it takes for the pathetic creature to figure out that it's a losing effort. Plus, you want to see blood and failure.
Redskins (8-7) over Cowboys (13-2)
Please, please, please, please?!?
The Skins have crazy momentum going into this one, they're playing on a load of emotion, and (most importantly) Dallas is resting a load of their starters now that they have a lock on the #1 seed.
I see the Redskins heading out to Seattle next weekend.
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (13-2) over Titans (9-6)
The Titans are fighting for a playoff spot here, whereas the Colts are locked in at the #2 seed. I just don't think that the Colts want to go into the Playoffs with a loss - They learned that lesson a couple of years back. They have a bye, so I'm thinking that they'll play for the win and use the extra week to mend.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
I've finally reached my goal of ending up at .666% or better (see below). I'm Friggin' amazed. Unless I get handled this week with my picks, the outlook looks good for holdin' on to it.
Last Weeks Picks: 12/4
Season Record: 160/80
Saturday Night Game:
Patriots (15-0) over Giants (10-5)
Everybody, look under your seats... It's a free football game for you; and you; and you; and you... Free football game for everyone!!!
The NFL Network caved and allowed this game to be simulcast on NBC and CBS. Now everyone can see first-hand how friggin' terrible Bryant Gumbel is in the booth.
Postgame: Hey '72 Dolphins; now you can shut the fuck up, you twats. Up your ass, Csonka.
Sunday Early Games:
Seahawks (10-5) over Falcons (3-12)
The Falcons story would be tragic if they didn't totally deserve it, so this season plays more like a comedy.
Seattle doesn't have anything to play for in this one, and should rest-up for the wildcard round next week. If they were playing anyone other than Atlanta I'd call this one a loss, but the Falcons stink on ice right now.
Bears (6-9) over Saints (7-8)
A loss probably does Chicago more good in this situation, but the Bears feel a slight sting - That's pride fucking with 'em. It would feel too good to knock out the Saints 2 years in a row and keep from landing alone at the bottom of the NFC North (with a Lions loss).
Browns (9-6) over 49ers (5-10)
Neither of these teams is playing for anything. Cleveland is gonna be watching the Colts/Titans game later with much more interest. If the Titans lose, the Browns are in - If the Titans win, the Browns are off until August.
Packers (12-3) over Lions (7-8)
If the Pack had won last week, I'd have picked the Lions to walk away with a garbage win to bump 'em up to .500, but after the spanking Green Bay took at Soldier Field last week, they're gonna need a win to boost morale before their bye week.
Bengals (6-9) over Dolphins (1-14)
Thhhppptttt!!!
I'm tempted to pick the Fish in this showdown of the gayest team uniforms. The Tuna is on the prowl and all the little fishies are swimming for their lives. Cincinnati has just enough talent to win this (that's not a lot of talent, mind you, just enough).
Bills (7-8) over Eagles (7-8)
Toss a coin for this one. I'm just picking the Bills 'cause I like 'em. Probably not the best methodology for determining the superior team, but I'm goin' with it.
Buccaneers (9-6) over Panthers (6-9)
Does anybody care about this game? It's another meaningless playoff team -vs- a not a playoff team game. The Bucs are gonna be resting, but should have enough gas in the reserve tank to pull out a win... I think.
Jaguars (11-4) over Texans (7-8)
This one's gonna be close. The Jags are in sleep mode, but I can't see Del Rio giving a division rival a win before heading off to the postseason.
Sunday Late Games:
Broncos (6-9) over Vikings (8-7)
I really should be picking Minnesota, but after last week's embarrassing loss to the Skins at home I don't see 'em getting their shit together for the trip to Denver (outside in the snow).
Chargers (10-5) over Raiders (4-11)
I just feel sorry for TomO.
Jets (3-12) over Chiefs (4-11)
I f'ing hate Herm Edwards. This game would have been infinitely more sweet if it were last year at this time when the Big Apple Planes were playoff bound, and the Chiefs were a punchline. Now they're both jokes.
Cardinals (7-8) over Rams (3-12)
And the award for least watchable game of the week goes to... This one. Arizona is running the risk of this one stinkin' up their stadium so bad that the Super Bowl may have to be relocated this year due to ecological concerns.
Steelers (10-5) over Ravens (4-11)
The Ravens?!?! You guys are still here? I though that you guys went away after week 15.
The Baltimore thugs are pissed at Pittsburgh for "disrespectin" 'em back in week 9. It's like watching a retarded street dog picking a fight with a dumpster. It would be sad, but you kinda want to see how long it takes for the pathetic creature to figure out that it's a losing effort. Plus, you want to see blood and failure.
Redskins (8-7) over Cowboys (13-2)
Please, please, please, please?!?
The Skins have crazy momentum going into this one, they're playing on a load of emotion, and (most importantly) Dallas is resting a load of their starters now that they have a lock on the #1 seed.
I see the Redskins heading out to Seattle next weekend.
Sunday Night Game:
Colts (13-2) over Titans (9-6)
The Titans are fighting for a playoff spot here, whereas the Colts are locked in at the #2 seed. I just don't think that the Colts want to go into the Playoffs with a loss - They learned that lesson a couple of years back. They have a bye, so I'm thinking that they'll play for the win and use the extra week to mend.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
A Christmas Tradition
Hearing that Bulls’ head coach Scott Skiles was fired on Christmas Eve took me back to Christmases of yore…
There’s an image by the way…Krause “scouting” the talent in
That level of suck-assedness was all in the past, or so I thought.
…for the good of the team.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks
Hey, I'm tied for first with Schlereth from the NFL Experts for most correct picks (Jaws is whomping both of us in percentage since he doesn't pick Monday night games).
Not freakin' bad. Hooray me!
Every time I start bragging about my prognosticating abilities, I totally flame-out the next week. I really have to stop doing that.
Last Weeks Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 148/76
Thursday Night Game:
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5) over Rams (3-11)
The Steelers have something to prove this week after getting spanked by a Florida team in a hometown snowstorm (I totally called that). Now they have to sharpen their teeth on the Horned Sheep in order to preserve their lead over Cleveland in the AFC North.
Saturday Night Game:
Cowboys (12-2) over Panthers (6-8)
Unless Jessica starts making out with the Carolina bench, Romo should have his head (and thumb) back in the game this week.
The Panthers are looking better as this season wraps up, but Dallas is light-years beyond them.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (7-7) over Giants (9-5)
The Williams have had a killer season this year, and are much better than their record suggests. The Giants are in the midst of a tail-spin and are much worse than their record suggests. Unless Eli catches fire (and Plexico starts catching passes), the Gnats are doomed.
Postgame: You're killing me, Buffalo. That 4th quarter was freakin' atrocious. Now the Skins have this route to the playoffs shut down.
Bears (5-9) over Packers (12-2)
Lovie has to get back to his first year pledge in order to "salvage" this season. Two wins against the Pack would ease the pain a bit (and save a few jobs). I'm not sure that the Bears have what it takes to get this done, but I'm hoping like hell.
Postgame: THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. BEARS!!!
Browns (9-5) over Bengals (5-9)
I love me some Cleveland Browns this year. Everybody enjoy this story now before Disney ruins it by optioning the rights for some schmaltzy feel-good flick.
In related news, Vivid is interested in optioning the story of the Bengals under the title of "Ex-Con Suck-A-Thon".
Lions (6-8) over Chiefs (4-10)
I'm throwing Detroit a bone here. They've gone back to losing (thank gawd), and now I feel like I owe 'em something after wishing for their downfall all season. They might be bad, but they're not "Kansas City bad".
Colts (12-2) over Texans (7-7)
Indy has a 1st round bye nailed down, and might not be playing all-out this week. The Texans are back on track, and a win here would make a huge statement. This should be a fairly close game, but the Colts should be able to pull off a 'W' in a squeaker.
Saints (7-7) over Eagles (6-8)
I'm really hoping that the Beagles can pull off the upset in this one. A Philly win would really help out the Skins in their playoff hunt. That being said, the Eagles are downright bi-polar this season. I have no fucking idea which Eagles team is gonna show up this week. New Orleans has much more to play for in this game, so I'm going with the Saints at home.
Postgame: Thank you Philly. Now, please have a talk with the Buffalo Bills.
Jaguars (10-4) over Raiders (4-10)
This one's gonna be ugly - Look away, Tom.
Sunday Late Games:
Cardinals (6-8) over Falcons (3-11)
Look at the crap they're trying to pass off as late games this week. I'm sorta thankful that Chicago has the Pats/Fins late game. That's how crappy the rest of 'em are.
Buccaneers (9-5) over 49ers (4-10)
I give up: What can I say about this game? Nothing; that's what.
Bucs are good - Niners suck. Well, Instead of trying to pull some random meaningless stats off of the web, here's a Wikipedia excerpt on the mating of hedgehogs:
The hedgehog's dilemma is based upon the apparent danger of a male hedgehog being poked while mating with a female hedgehog. It states that the closer two people are to each other, the more they may hurt one another. However, this is not an issue for hedgehogs as the male's penis is very near the center of its abdomen (often mistaken for a belly button) and the female has the ability to curl her tail upward to the point that her vulva protrudes behind the rest of her body. As such, the male doesn't have to get completely on top of the female when mating.
Titans (8-6) over Jets (3-11)
A few weeks ago I had a random epiphany and started to wonder why the PC crowd didn't ever try to change the name of the NY Jets after 9/11.
I'm thinking of starting a petition just to see what ridiculous names the free-tards come up with.
Patriots (14-0) over Dolphins (1-13)
Fucking Ravens. I was gonna get cute and pick the Fins this week to get their first win and give New England their first loss. Baltimore shit the bed last Sunday and robbed me of that awesomely bold pick.
All bets are off of the table now, and I'm going with the Pats. As for the Ravens...
Seahawks (9-5) over Ravens (4-10)
...Contract 'em. After last week, I'm starting a campaign to dismantle the Ravens orginization. It's time that Art Modell's Blackbirds go the fuck away. Just give the 1996-1998 stats and records to Cleveland along with the Super Bowl XXXV title, and forget that this shit ever happened.
If Baltimore wants another football franchise, they should sack Indianapolis under cover of darkness and take back the Colts by force. Then, if Indy wants another NFL franchise, they can just go fuck themselves. Everybody wins.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (7-7) over Vikings (8-6)
Here's the game of the week. This is gonna be HUGE.
If the cocksucking Bears coulda held on to their lead last Monday, these two teams would be tied going into this one. instead the Bears failed (yet again), and now my Skins have to battle extra-hard for a playoff spot. I have faith - Hail to the Redskins.
Postgame: Hoo-Ha! The Skins are poised for a playoff appearance with a win against the resting Cowboys next week (Bears came through this week and settled the NFC home-field contest), or by losses from the Saints and Vikes. It's looking pretty damn good for DC.
Monday Night Game:
Chargers (9-5) over Broncos (6-8)
San Diego already has a playoff berth - this should be a good scrimmage match for 'em.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Not freakin' bad. Hooray me!
Every time I start bragging about my prognosticating abilities, I totally flame-out the next week. I really have to stop doing that.
Last Weeks Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 148/76
Thursday Night Game:
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5) over Rams (3-11)
The Steelers have something to prove this week after getting spanked by a Florida team in a hometown snowstorm (I totally called that). Now they have to sharpen their teeth on the Horned Sheep in order to preserve their lead over Cleveland in the AFC North.
Saturday Night Game:
Cowboys (12-2) over Panthers (6-8)
Unless Jessica starts making out with the Carolina bench, Romo should have his head (and thumb) back in the game this week.
The Panthers are looking better as this season wraps up, but Dallas is light-years beyond them.
Early Sunday Games:
Bills (7-7) over Giants (9-5)
The Williams have had a killer season this year, and are much better than their record suggests. The Giants are in the midst of a tail-spin and are much worse than their record suggests. Unless Eli catches fire (and Plexico starts catching passes), the Gnats are doomed.
Postgame: You're killing me, Buffalo. That 4th quarter was freakin' atrocious. Now the Skins have this route to the playoffs shut down.
Bears (5-9) over Packers (12-2)
Lovie has to get back to his first year pledge in order to "salvage" this season. Two wins against the Pack would ease the pain a bit (and save a few jobs). I'm not sure that the Bears have what it takes to get this done, but I'm hoping like hell.
Postgame: THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. BEARS!!!
Browns (9-5) over Bengals (5-9)
I love me some Cleveland Browns this year. Everybody enjoy this story now before Disney ruins it by optioning the rights for some schmaltzy feel-good flick.
In related news, Vivid is interested in optioning the story of the Bengals under the title of "Ex-Con Suck-A-Thon".
Lions (6-8) over Chiefs (4-10)
I'm throwing Detroit a bone here. They've gone back to losing (thank gawd), and now I feel like I owe 'em something after wishing for their downfall all season. They might be bad, but they're not "Kansas City bad".
Colts (12-2) over Texans (7-7)
Indy has a 1st round bye nailed down, and might not be playing all-out this week. The Texans are back on track, and a win here would make a huge statement. This should be a fairly close game, but the Colts should be able to pull off a 'W' in a squeaker.
Saints (7-7) over Eagles (6-8)
I'm really hoping that the Beagles can pull off the upset in this one. A Philly win would really help out the Skins in their playoff hunt. That being said, the Eagles are downright bi-polar this season. I have no fucking idea which Eagles team is gonna show up this week. New Orleans has much more to play for in this game, so I'm going with the Saints at home.
Postgame: Thank you Philly. Now, please have a talk with the Buffalo Bills.
Jaguars (10-4) over Raiders (4-10)
This one's gonna be ugly - Look away, Tom.
Sunday Late Games:
Cardinals (6-8) over Falcons (3-11)
Look at the crap they're trying to pass off as late games this week. I'm sorta thankful that Chicago has the Pats/Fins late game. That's how crappy the rest of 'em are.
Buccaneers (9-5) over 49ers (4-10)
I give up: What can I say about this game? Nothing; that's what.
Bucs are good - Niners suck. Well, Instead of trying to pull some random meaningless stats off of the web, here's a Wikipedia excerpt on the mating of hedgehogs:
The hedgehog's dilemma is based upon the apparent danger of a male hedgehog being poked while mating with a female hedgehog. It states that the closer two people are to each other, the more they may hurt one another. However, this is not an issue for hedgehogs as the male's penis is very near the center of its abdomen (often mistaken for a belly button) and the female has the ability to curl her tail upward to the point that her vulva protrudes behind the rest of her body. As such, the male doesn't have to get completely on top of the female when mating.
Titans (8-6) over Jets (3-11)
A few weeks ago I had a random epiphany and started to wonder why the PC crowd didn't ever try to change the name of the NY Jets after 9/11.
I'm thinking of starting a petition just to see what ridiculous names the free-tards come up with.
Patriots (14-0) over Dolphins (1-13)
Fucking Ravens. I was gonna get cute and pick the Fins this week to get their first win and give New England their first loss. Baltimore shit the bed last Sunday and robbed me of that awesomely bold pick.
All bets are off of the table now, and I'm going with the Pats. As for the Ravens...
Seahawks (9-5) over Ravens (4-10)
...Contract 'em. After last week, I'm starting a campaign to dismantle the Ravens orginization. It's time that Art Modell's Blackbirds go the fuck away. Just give the 1996-1998 stats and records to Cleveland along with the Super Bowl XXXV title, and forget that this shit ever happened.
If Baltimore wants another football franchise, they should sack Indianapolis under cover of darkness and take back the Colts by force. Then, if Indy wants another NFL franchise, they can just go fuck themselves. Everybody wins.
Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (7-7) over Vikings (8-6)
Here's the game of the week. This is gonna be HUGE.
If the cocksucking Bears coulda held on to their lead last Monday, these two teams would be tied going into this one. instead the Bears failed (yet again), and now my Skins have to battle extra-hard for a playoff spot. I have faith - Hail to the Redskins.
Postgame: Hoo-Ha! The Skins are poised for a playoff appearance with a win against the resting Cowboys next week (Bears came through this week and settled the NFC home-field contest), or by losses from the Saints and Vikes. It's looking pretty damn good for DC.
Monday Night Game:
Chargers (9-5) over Broncos (6-8)
San Diego already has a playoff berth - this should be a good scrimmage match for 'em.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Trend
The trend continues for Superbowl losers becoming loser-losers the following season. The Bears were officially eliminated last night and I for one, say YUCK!
Urlacher played a great game and my son & I enjoyed watching the one playmaker on the Bears...arthritic back notwithstanding...make some big plays.
That was the bright spot last night.
I take that back. My favorite part of last night was when Fred "the Usher" Miller finally realized he could no longer play his position and just starts punching guys.
Well done Fred.
Urlacher played a great game and my son & I enjoyed watching the one playmaker on the Bears...arthritic back notwithstanding...make some big plays.
That was the bright spot last night.
I take that back. My favorite part of last night was when Fred "the Usher" Miller finally realized he could no longer play his position and just starts punching guys.
Well done Fred.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Hubris?
Anthony Irwin Kornheiser can blow it out his kornheiserhole. He blamed the Bears' woes on hubris...
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 15 Picks
Hey, we get an extra night of professional tackle-football starting this week.
Actually, both the Thursday and Saturday games are on NFL Network, and 2/3rds of all American households don't even have that station on their cable package. So, I guess that a more accurate way of phrasing it would be: "I'm getting an extra night of football this week". I just wish it was better football than these two stinkers. It's kinda hard to lord over anyone when the teams involved are all below .500.
Fuck it, I'm out...
Okay, It's gonna take the bizarro DC Liar, Baltimore Truthteller, to make these two turd-packed games interesting. Here he goes:
Last Weeks Picks: 13/3
Season Record: 137/71
Thursday Night Game:
Broncos (6-7) over Texans (6-7)
Baltimore Truthteller: I am greatly looking forward to this compelling matchup. Both squadrons am 7+6. Both am very, very good. This am game of the week.
Postgame: Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler? Fucking brilliant!
Enjoy your offseason Shanahan, you fucking retard - It starts right now.
Saturday Night Game:
Bengals (5-8) over 49ers (3-10)
Baltimore Truthteller: 49ers am the best-ever 2007 team [except for Dolphins]. They are dominate the very good Cincinnati team. It be so good game, it silly.
---
Fuck that guy, I'm back. If Bizarro me picks two losers, does that mean that I get to count those as wins? No? Dammit.
Busy moving. Not time to chat.
Here are my Sunday Picks:
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (8-5) over Bills (7-6)
I'm digging both of these teams this year. Sadly, it looks like only one is gonna make the postseason - I'm betting on the Browns.
Titans (7-6) over Chiefs (4-9)
Don't get me wrong, The Titans could easily choke (yet again), but they don't seem to lose whenever Haynesworth is active - Go figure.
Packers (11-2) over Rams (3-10)
I've got this game on the DC affiliate (if I'm not driving through Ohio), but that doesn't matter. If I'm not on the road, I'm watching:
Ravens (4-9) over Dolphins (0-13)
I'm really psyched that we have this game this week. Cleo Lemon is back at the helm for the Fish, and this week they have the best shot at winning a game this season.
Don't let me down Miami, buckle down and lose this one. You have to remain beaten. That would make this shitty NFL season worthwhile. Please?
Postgame: Hey Baltimore: FUCK YOU!!! I hope you all choke to death on dicks.
Patriots (13-0) over Jets (3-10)
GRUDGE MATCH!!!
This is gonna be nasty. The last time these teams met, Coach Mangina busted out Coach Sweatshirt for totally tapin' his sideline doodz.
All your signals are belong to us!
Some ESPN analyst (I forget who) suggested that Belichick list his punter as inactive for this game.
We're not punting, bitches - Try and stop us.
That would be wicked-awesome.
Saints (6-7) over Cardinals (6-7)
The Lions have gone back to sucking, but the Cards keep threatening to be half-way decent this season. That worries me deeply. I'm hoping like hell that the Saints can pull out a win here and ease my soul.
Jaguars (9-4) over Steelers (9-4)
I have absolutely no idea who's gonna win this one. Both teams are 9 & 4. Pittsburgh got humiliated last week, and has something to prove. Jacksonville is the best team in the NFL that nobody ever remembers, and winning this one would be a huge statement going into the postseason.
{flipping a coin}
Jags.
Buccaneers (8-5) over Falcons (3-10)
I'd feel bad for the Falcons if I didn't hate their fucking guts. I think it has something to do with the whole 'Dirty Bird' thing from '98.
Fuck those guys - I hope every last one of 'em ends up in jail (or, even worse, Arkansas).
Seahawks (9-4) over Panthers (5-8)
Every year I seem to forget that the Seahawks are good. I'm an idiot.
On another unrelated note; I caught Matt Hasselbeck on P.T.I. the other day - He's a really witty guy. Who knew?
Postgame: This is the kind of shit that keeps making me forget.
Late Sunday Games:
Colts (11-2) over Raiders (4-9)
The Colts are trying like hell to hold onto the #2 seed in the AFC. This game should help 'em.
Cowboys (12-1) over Eagles (5-8)
I've got this game. I'm gonna spend this time dreaming of EIU's Romo in a Bears jersey, and trying to decide if I want Chicago native, McNabb, in one next season.
Chargers (8-5) over Lions (6-7)
Say goodnight Detroit.
Sunday Night Game:
Washington Redskins (6-7) over Giants (9-4)
Crap! These last two I really want to pick with my heart over my brain. I'm gonna split the difference.
The Giants have a wild-card spot nailed down (more or less) right now - The Skins are fighting for their lives right now. I see DC pulling the upset.
Maybe.
Monday Night Game:
Vikings (7-6) over Bears (5-8)
The one thing that I want for Christmas is for Orton to come into this one and lead the Bears on a 3-game winning streak to end out this season. Oh, and a job - Two things.
I'm gonna be routing like hell for Chicago, but am going with the odds on the pick.
Postgame: Fuck.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Actually, both the Thursday and Saturday games are on NFL Network, and 2/3rds of all American households don't even have that station on their cable package. So, I guess that a more accurate way of phrasing it would be: "I'm getting an extra night of football this week". I just wish it was better football than these two stinkers. It's kinda hard to lord over anyone when the teams involved are all below .500.
Fuck it, I'm out...
Okay, It's gonna take the bizarro DC Liar, Baltimore Truthteller, to make these two turd-packed games interesting. Here he goes:
Last Weeks Picks: 13/3
Season Record: 137/71
Thursday Night Game:
Broncos (6-7) over Texans (6-7)
Baltimore Truthteller: I am greatly looking forward to this compelling matchup. Both squadrons am 7+6. Both am very, very good. This am game of the week.
Postgame: Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler? Fucking brilliant!
Enjoy your offseason Shanahan, you fucking retard - It starts right now.
Saturday Night Game:
Bengals (5-8) over 49ers (3-10)
Baltimore Truthteller: 49ers am the best-ever 2007 team [except for Dolphins]. They are dominate the very good Cincinnati team. It be so good game, it silly.
---
Fuck that guy, I'm back. If Bizarro me picks two losers, does that mean that I get to count those as wins? No? Dammit.
Busy moving. Not time to chat.
Here are my Sunday Picks:
Early Sunday Games:
Browns (8-5) over Bills (7-6)
I'm digging both of these teams this year. Sadly, it looks like only one is gonna make the postseason - I'm betting on the Browns.
Titans (7-6) over Chiefs (4-9)
Don't get me wrong, The Titans could easily choke (yet again), but they don't seem to lose whenever Haynesworth is active - Go figure.
Packers (11-2) over Rams (3-10)
I've got this game on the DC affiliate (if I'm not driving through Ohio), but that doesn't matter. If I'm not on the road, I'm watching:
Ravens (4-9) over Dolphins (0-13)
I'm really psyched that we have this game this week. Cleo Lemon is back at the helm for the Fish, and this week they have the best shot at winning a game this season.
Don't let me down Miami, buckle down and lose this one. You have to remain beaten. That would make this shitty NFL season worthwhile. Please?
Postgame: Hey Baltimore: FUCK YOU!!! I hope you all choke to death on dicks.
Patriots (13-0) over Jets (3-10)
GRUDGE MATCH!!!
This is gonna be nasty. The last time these teams met, Coach Mangina busted out Coach Sweatshirt for totally tapin' his sideline doodz.
All your signals are belong to us!
Some ESPN analyst (I forget who) suggested that Belichick list his punter as inactive for this game.
We're not punting, bitches - Try and stop us.
That would be wicked-awesome.
Saints (6-7) over Cardinals (6-7)
The Lions have gone back to sucking, but the Cards keep threatening to be half-way decent this season. That worries me deeply. I'm hoping like hell that the Saints can pull out a win here and ease my soul.
Jaguars (9-4) over Steelers (9-4)
I have absolutely no idea who's gonna win this one. Both teams are 9 & 4. Pittsburgh got humiliated last week, and has something to prove. Jacksonville is the best team in the NFL that nobody ever remembers, and winning this one would be a huge statement going into the postseason.
{flipping a coin}
Jags.
Buccaneers (8-5) over Falcons (3-10)
I'd feel bad for the Falcons if I didn't hate their fucking guts. I think it has something to do with the whole 'Dirty Bird' thing from '98.
Fuck those guys - I hope every last one of 'em ends up in jail (or, even worse, Arkansas).
Seahawks (9-4) over Panthers (5-8)
Every year I seem to forget that the Seahawks are good. I'm an idiot.
On another unrelated note; I caught Matt Hasselbeck on P.T.I. the other day - He's a really witty guy. Who knew?
Postgame: This is the kind of shit that keeps making me forget.
Late Sunday Games:
Colts (11-2) over Raiders (4-9)
The Colts are trying like hell to hold onto the #2 seed in the AFC. This game should help 'em.
Cowboys (12-1) over Eagles (5-8)
I've got this game. I'm gonna spend this time dreaming of EIU's Romo in a Bears jersey, and trying to decide if I want Chicago native, McNabb, in one next season.
Chargers (8-5) over Lions (6-7)
Say goodnight Detroit.
Sunday Night Game:
Washington Redskins (6-7) over Giants (9-4)
Crap! These last two I really want to pick with my heart over my brain. I'm gonna split the difference.
The Giants have a wild-card spot nailed down (more or less) right now - The Skins are fighting for their lives right now. I see DC pulling the upset.
Maybe.
Monday Night Game:
Vikings (7-6) over Bears (5-8)
The one thing that I want for Christmas is for Orton to come into this one and lead the Bears on a 3-game winning streak to end out this season. Oh, and a job - Two things.
I'm gonna be routing like hell for Chicago, but am going with the odds on the pick.
Postgame: Fuck.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Thursday, December 13, 2007
List of MLB Players Implicated
...by Killing for Sports
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Good Ol' Suk-n-Fuk
If the Saux can have a Dice-K, I say that it's time that my Cubbies get a Fuk-U.That's right, The Cubs just signed Kohsuke Fukudome to a 4 year $50 mil deal - God love 'em.
Special Price
THIS says it all.
Name:Rex Grossman
Team:Chicago Bears
Dimensions:4'2"W x 6'6"H
Price:$99.95 $39.95
I'm considering buying a six-pack for target practice.
Name:Rex Grossman
Team:Chicago Bears
Dimensions:4'2"W x 6'6"H
Price:$99.95 $39.95
I'm considering buying a six-pack for target practice.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
You Play to Win the War
Late Sunday night I popped in a copy of Madden ’06 for the old X-Box. I found an activeJets season saved to memory. There was one game left, the Superbowl. I thought well, it’s late Sunday I’m not really doing anything – I’ll play the Jets vs. the Packers in the Superbowl.
Just as in real life I won easily. That’s not news.
When this game came out Herman Edwards was still the coach of the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets! This was pre-Mangenius who, by the way, needs a new nickname considering the Jets record.
My vote is for Mandumbfuckingnarkass.
But Herm Edwards was the coach back then and thus coach in this version of the game.
So I win the Superbowl and the game goes into its end of the championship/end of the season fanfare. There is the ceremonial Gatorade dump and Herm is carried off by his players.
But in this series of graphics, Herm Edwards looked a lot like fucking Hitler!
The ‘stache was more compact than the legendary Wanstache, even Herm’s skin had a weird sort of Aryan thing happening…
Apparently the Jets needed living space and had to roll the Pack 78-6 to get it.
Just for the record, I didn’t program the damned thing so I am completely innocent of Madden-related war crimes.
Monday, December 10, 2007
The Orton Era
So it's official. Orton will start against Minnesota. Maybe it'll be a one-two punch of Orton/Wolfe. You can be sure the Viqueens haven't planned for that. So, what happens if Orton goes out with an injury? What a mess. Worse yet, what happens if he wins out the season?
What should happen at QB next season? Running Back? Safety? Offensive line? Which is the most pressing need?
What should happen at QB next season? Running Back? Safety? Offensive line? Which is the most pressing need?
Saturday, December 8, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks
I'm back in chaos mode. I'm tying up all of the lose ends here in DC, packing up the rest of my shit, and still finding time to head out to Fed Ex Field this week for the Skins -vs- Bears game. Woo-Hoo!
... I mean BOO!
That fucking game damn near turned me off of football (and grilled oysters).
Here's the rest of my picks.
Last week's picks: 11/5
Season record: 124/68
Thursday Night Game
Bears (5-7) over Redskins (5-7)
Who fucking knows how this game will go? If you're thinking of wagering on this one; you're insane - You'd be better off going down to the turtle races at Andy's Tap in D-Town and wagering the title to your car on turtle #13.
The Skins have had a really rough short week and are playing with a two-day practice week due to Taylor's funeral. They could be inspired, but after last week, I'm not seeing it. Then again, the Bears are finding a way to lose at every given opportunity. Who fucking knows?
I'm gonna be front & center at this train wreck. I'm picking Bears and routing for a Grossman career ending injury.
Postgame: Bluuuuuurrrrgggghhhhh!
This game was so blowful, that It needs its own post.
Early Sunday Games
Bills (6-6) over Dolphins (0-12)
Miami is starting to get desperate and making some crazy-ass plays so that they don't run the board in reverse. Miami QB, John Beck, might even get his first touchdown of the season in this one - Don't count on it. The Williams will triumph.
Rams (3-9) over Bengals (4-8)
The Bengals are reaching critical mass as a team. This is the game that will blow them apart.
Cowboys (11-1) over Lions (6-6)
Good news: It looks like the Lions aren't gonna make the postseason. Bad news: It looks like the Vikings will. Fucking NFC North.
Packers (10-2) over Raiders (4-8)
Brett is still hurt from last week, but should play. The Raiders are still hurt from January 26th, 2003, and really haven't played since.
Chargers (7-5) over Titans (7-5)
I'm not loving this pick. I think that the Titans at home have a damned good shot of up-ending the Bolts winning streak, and pulling off a win at home. The Titans really need this win, whereas San Diego has a 2 game division lead going into the playoffs. All signs point to a Titans win, but I think that the Chargers will drive the nail into Tennessee's playoff hopes.
Giants (8-4) over Eagles (5-7)
Donovan got real healthy real quick after Jay Touchy-Feely started throwing picks. It's still not gonna work. The G-Men own this one.
Jaguars (8-4) over Panthers (5-7)
I've been waiting all season for this match-up to tee-off.
Both of these teams came in as expansion teams in 1995 and I always get 'em mixed up after my second beer. Who can blame me? These both are teams from lame-ass southern cities that are named after THE SAME FUCKING ANIMAL. The Jaguar is a panther native to Central America.
I'm just amazed that they didn't grant extension teams to the Birmingham Pumas and the Texarkana Cougars the same fucking year. Yeeesh.
Buccaneers (8-4) over Texans (5-7)
With a win here, Tampa can secure a playoff spot. Houston is out, so they're just playing for pride. If you've ever been to Houston, you'll know how little pride they're playing for.
Late Sunday Games
Vikings (6-6) over 49ers (3-9)
The Vikes are gonna make the playoffs. The Niners are gonna make excuses and an early draft pick.
Seahawks (8-4) over Cardinals (6-6)
Once again, the Cards really need this road win to advance in the playoff race, and Seattle has a 2 game lead with 4 games left. Arizona really needs this win, I don't think that they're gonna get it.
Broncos (5-7) over Chiefs (4-8)
Hey kids, it's the crushed expectations bowl. Flush quick.
Patriots (12-0) over Steelers (9-3)
Here's the game of the week. Here's why: This (statistically) is the best shot at upending the Pats' perfect season; Both of these teams have a history of breaking each other's undefeated streaks; New England has struggled in the past couple of weeks against two awful teams; and if the Steelers could knock out a win here, they'd be in position for some home playoff games.
All that being said, the Patriots always seem to find a way to win. Plus, I want to see those '72 Fish bastards shut the fuck up.
Browns (7-5) over Jets (3-9)
Bad news for the Brown Bombers: Last week the Jets scored 40 points with Kellen Clemens at the helm. Good News for the Browns: Last week they played the hapless Dolphins.
Cleveland rocks this one.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (10-2) over Ravens (4-8)
Last week the Ravens almost upended the Patriots in the Monday night game. That was fucking weird. This week they should be back to full glacier mode - Slow and melting away into nothingness.
Monday Night Game
Saints (5-7) over Falcons (3-9)
Poor ESPN - I'll be watching just to see how long it takes for Kornheiser to lose it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
... I mean BOO!
That fucking game damn near turned me off of football (and grilled oysters).
Here's the rest of my picks.
Last week's picks: 11/5
Season record: 124/68
Thursday Night Game
Bears (5-7) over Redskins (5-7)
Who fucking knows how this game will go? If you're thinking of wagering on this one; you're insane - You'd be better off going down to the turtle races at Andy's Tap in D-Town and wagering the title to your car on turtle #13.
The Skins have had a really rough short week and are playing with a two-day practice week due to Taylor's funeral. They could be inspired, but after last week, I'm not seeing it. Then again, the Bears are finding a way to lose at every given opportunity. Who fucking knows?
I'm gonna be front & center at this train wreck. I'm picking Bears and routing for a Grossman career ending injury.
Postgame: Bluuuuuurrrrgggghhhhh!
This game was so blowful, that It needs its own post.
Early Sunday Games
Bills (6-6) over Dolphins (0-12)
Miami is starting to get desperate and making some crazy-ass plays so that they don't run the board in reverse. Miami QB, John Beck, might even get his first touchdown of the season in this one - Don't count on it. The Williams will triumph.
Rams (3-9) over Bengals (4-8)
The Bengals are reaching critical mass as a team. This is the game that will blow them apart.
Cowboys (11-1) over Lions (6-6)
Good news: It looks like the Lions aren't gonna make the postseason. Bad news: It looks like the Vikings will. Fucking NFC North.
Packers (10-2) over Raiders (4-8)
Brett is still hurt from last week, but should play. The Raiders are still hurt from January 26th, 2003, and really haven't played since.
Chargers (7-5) over Titans (7-5)
I'm not loving this pick. I think that the Titans at home have a damned good shot of up-ending the Bolts winning streak, and pulling off a win at home. The Titans really need this win, whereas San Diego has a 2 game division lead going into the playoffs. All signs point to a Titans win, but I think that the Chargers will drive the nail into Tennessee's playoff hopes.
Giants (8-4) over Eagles (5-7)
Donovan got real healthy real quick after Jay Touchy-Feely started throwing picks. It's still not gonna work. The G-Men own this one.
Jaguars (8-4) over Panthers (5-7)
I've been waiting all season for this match-up to tee-off.
Both of these teams came in as expansion teams in 1995 and I always get 'em mixed up after my second beer. Who can blame me? These both are teams from lame-ass southern cities that are named after THE SAME FUCKING ANIMAL. The Jaguar is a panther native to Central America.
I'm just amazed that they didn't grant extension teams to the Birmingham Pumas and the Texarkana Cougars the same fucking year. Yeeesh.
Buccaneers (8-4) over Texans (5-7)
With a win here, Tampa can secure a playoff spot. Houston is out, so they're just playing for pride. If you've ever been to Houston, you'll know how little pride they're playing for.
Late Sunday Games
Vikings (6-6) over 49ers (3-9)
The Vikes are gonna make the playoffs. The Niners are gonna make excuses and an early draft pick.
Seahawks (8-4) over Cardinals (6-6)
Once again, the Cards really need this road win to advance in the playoff race, and Seattle has a 2 game lead with 4 games left. Arizona really needs this win, I don't think that they're gonna get it.
Broncos (5-7) over Chiefs (4-8)
Hey kids, it's the crushed expectations bowl. Flush quick.
Patriots (12-0) over Steelers (9-3)
Here's the game of the week. Here's why: This (statistically) is the best shot at upending the Pats' perfect season; Both of these teams have a history of breaking each other's undefeated streaks; New England has struggled in the past couple of weeks against two awful teams; and if the Steelers could knock out a win here, they'd be in position for some home playoff games.
All that being said, the Patriots always seem to find a way to win. Plus, I want to see those '72 Fish bastards shut the fuck up.
Browns (7-5) over Jets (3-9)
Bad news for the Brown Bombers: Last week the Jets scored 40 points with Kellen Clemens at the helm. Good News for the Browns: Last week they played the hapless Dolphins.
Cleveland rocks this one.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (10-2) over Ravens (4-8)
Last week the Ravens almost upended the Patriots in the Monday night game. That was fucking weird. This week they should be back to full glacier mode - Slow and melting away into nothingness.
Monday Night Game
Saints (5-7) over Falcons (3-9)
Poor ESPN - I'll be watching just to see how long it takes for Kornheiser to lose it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Friday, December 7, 2007
Take me Out to the Ballgame (and Out of the Playoffs)
I had the great pleasure of attending last night's Bears -vs- Skins game (Thanx Dan).Sweet Jesus, did that fucking suck.
I really shouldn't be bitching about having the privilege of being handed free tickets for an NFL game between my two favorite teams, but here I go anyway:
I had an extra ticket for the game, so I called up my buddy Steve, who usually is good enough to let me share in his season tickets, and see if he had a friend that could use my spare - He did.
By the way, check out the ticket (to the right). These tickets were printed up in the offseason - With Sean Taylor. There was a 1 in 10 shot of any featured player being on the ticket for this game, but on the week after his funeral? Weird.
We met up in the parking lot about 3 hours before kick-off to get some bratwurst and a good buzz going. The first thing I noticed was how freaking cold it was. The cold-front had just moved over a day earlier, going from 80 degrees the week before, to 50 degrees this week, to 30 degrees for the game.
I was bundled up like the kid from 'A Christmas Story', and still freezing my ass off - It didn't help that I packed up all of my boots and hauled 'em back to Illinois. I was ankle-deep in snow wearing low-top Chucks - It was either that or dress shoes.
It was a pretty damed fine tailgate; bratwurst, crab cakes, fried soft-shell crabs, beer, and booze. I should have had the sense to steer clear of the grilled oysters - Whole oysters grilled in their shells. Everyone else had gloves on - I didn't. I was handed a fresh-off-of-the-grill oyster and lost the skin on my thumb, index finger, and middle finger tips. I still managed to eat it, but was in pain for the rest of the night (and still am).
The game was a freaking war of attrition for all but 30 seconds right before the half. I was digging it, and even felt a little bad (between ecstatic cheers) when Rex went out.
Rex got his revenge. With him out, I was free to cheer for the Bears, but I had worn out my Sean Taylor jersey out of a sense of obligation. He dies, I own his jersey, I've got tickets for the next game - Shelve the Butkus jersey. So, here I am routing for Chicago and decked out in Skins gear - I just crossed my arms and tried to be as stoic as possible, lest I look like a total fuck-wit.
At half-time we met up with Steve and a few other people at the end-zone bar (Meathead was a no-show). I had a few smokes, drank a few shots, and headed back to my seats... Only to realize that I had lost my ticket.
FUCK!!!
It must have slipped out while I was reaching for smokes or pulling my gloves outta their pocket. The guy I had been sitting next to had joined Steve down at his seats for the second half ( I declined because I had fancy-ass club seats right on the 50), so my alibi was gone for the security check. I tried calling Steve - Direct to voicemail. I tried calling Meathead - Nada.
I'm fucked.
I couldn't tell you anything that happened in the 3rd quarter, because I was on the phone trying to find a way back into the game. I finally started wandering upward to the nose-bleed seats, and found a couple of unattended gates at the top in the end-zone. Perfect.
I went from the fancy-ass hoity-toity seats to the nosebleeds with a guy vomiting into the empty seat directly in front of me (really). Charming.
You all saw the 4th quarter, so I don't have to tell you all about the travesty against all that is good that unfurled on the field. I stayed till the game went final.
Then I sat for 75 minutes in line trying to get out of the parking lot with a jacked-up monster truck pickup directly in front of me, and got to watch every braying jackass shoot the thumbs-up at the driver and take pictures next to it. Fucking douches.
I got so sick of that nonsense that I shifted into 4 wheel drive, jumped the curb, shot off into the free-lane, and outta the park. I'm hoping that the monster truck guy saw that and felt like a complete ass for being a timid twat with a big-assed truck - Fucking pussy.
After I got out of the parking lot, it was a swift 20 minute drive home.
I was planning on watching the game again on Tivo, but just said "fuck it", took a shower, poured myself a bourbon, and headed to bed.
I needed it.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
From Superbowl Runners-Up to Super-Size Pieces of Shit...
Wow... I don't even know where to begin. There are so many things wrong with the Decatur Staleys, it's hard to say which one they need to address first in the off-season. The most frustrating thing is that the team's talent seems to be less than the sum of the talent of its constituent parts. You can point to injury or off-season moves that may be at the root of the rapid decline, but the truth is that the most glaring issues tonight were lack of discipline - and shitty strategy on both sides of the ball. I place 97% of the blame on the coaching staff.
On the plus side, I thought the little guy from NIU acquitted himself quite well tonight. He had a couple of nice skill plays, but what impressed me was the way he was picking up blocks in the backfield. Now, if the O-Line could pick up blocks as well...
On the plus side, I thought the little guy from NIU acquitted himself quite well tonight. He had a couple of nice skill plays, but what impressed me was the way he was picking up blocks in the backfield. Now, if the O-Line could pick up blocks as well...
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Babich sounds like bitch to me.
Any one who's name sounds like bitch shouldn't couch D for the fucking Bears. I had to rant some where cuz this guys is starting to really fucking piss me off. I hope I can get close enough Thursday to throw something large at him. Maybe a Redskin fan that pisses me off.
Have you heard these quotes buy Eli.... THE WORST QB in the league.
"kept running the same play" because the Bears never adjusted and "had some formations and looks they had trouble with."
So that should piss you off and make you want to fucking rip someone's lips off. Here is what Bitch has to say....
"We need to be more disciplined and address anything that we need to address, scheme-wise," Babich said.
Huh?
No comment my head just exploded.
"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.
Huh?
So you don't face good backs every year? Where the hell did we get this retard?
Babich must be a fucking retards retard, does he really expect us to believe this shit. He is delusional and fucking kiddding himself and needs to go away. The last two weeks, Derrick Ward of the Giants and Andre Hall of the Broncos set career highs for single-game rushing yards against the Bears. Four of the last five running backs to face the Bears' defense have established season highs for rushing yards in a game.
"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.
Great running backs like DERRICK WARD, ADRE HALL, and WYNN!
We start web sites to get rid of Rex but this douche bag can spout this trite and we got to swallow it. Am I the only one pissed off?
The bright spot this year is Ogunleye is steppin up big time. With his play and leadership. It sounds like he has an up hill battle with the coaches. Here is his quote
"Guys missing tackles, guys having busted plays, me included, all of us have to make plays," Ogunleye said. "The thing it gets back to is if I make a mistake, Tommie [Harris] has to have my back, and I have his back. Guys have been breaking down and guys haven't been having each other's backs."
Fucking A right Bubba! Get er done and...
Some one please kick da Bitches ass.
Have you heard these quotes buy Eli.... THE WORST QB in the league.
"kept running the same play" because the Bears never adjusted and "had some formations and looks they had trouble with."
So that should piss you off and make you want to fucking rip someone's lips off. Here is what Bitch has to say....
"We need to be more disciplined and address anything that we need to address, scheme-wise," Babich said.
Huh?
No comment my head just exploded.
"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.
Huh?
So you don't face good backs every year? Where the hell did we get this retard?
Babich must be a fucking retards retard, does he really expect us to believe this shit. He is delusional and fucking kiddding himself and needs to go away. The last two weeks, Derrick Ward of the Giants and Andre Hall of the Broncos set career highs for single-game rushing yards against the Bears. Four of the last five running backs to face the Bears' defense have established season highs for rushing yards in a game.
"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.
Great running backs like DERRICK WARD, ADRE HALL, and WYNN!
We start web sites to get rid of Rex but this douche bag can spout this trite and we got to swallow it. Am I the only one pissed off?
The bright spot this year is Ogunleye is steppin up big time. With his play and leadership. It sounds like he has an up hill battle with the coaches. Here is his quote
"Guys missing tackles, guys having busted plays, me included, all of us have to make plays," Ogunleye said. "The thing it gets back to is if I make a mistake, Tommie [Harris] has to have my back, and I have his back. Guys have been breaking down and guys haven't been having each other's backs."
Fucking A right Bubba! Get er done and...
Some one please kick da Bitches ass.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Why Vegas has the Money
Maybe this is one of those delusional fucked up playing with myself in my head sort of things...
Ewwwww, sorry
I know that the Vegas lines are designed to get even money played (which always benefits the house) and probably signify nothing more than that.
But the Ravens are 17pt dogs at home to the Pats and I've seen the over/under as high as 49 or 48 as recently today. I've also looked at the weather (after being reminded to do so by Dangerous Dan McNeil of Chicago's ESPN 1000).
The weather is supposed to be pretty windy and the Pats are a passing, not a running team. The Ravens are injured in the secondary sure, but they should be able to get as much pressure on Tom Brady from the front four as the Eagles did last year.
I'm not suggesting that anyone bet against the Pats, but you get 17pts and the Ravens backup is starting instead of Steve "the Statue" McNair.
Maybe all I can say is if you can find a window in time, take a chance on the Ravens and for the love of Benji - BET THE FRIGGIN' UNDER!
That's free money.
Ewwwww, sorry
I know that the Vegas lines are designed to get even money played (which always benefits the house) and probably signify nothing more than that.
But the Ravens are 17pt dogs at home to the Pats and I've seen the over/under as high as 49 or 48 as recently today. I've also looked at the weather (after being reminded to do so by Dangerous Dan McNeil of Chicago's ESPN 1000).
The weather is supposed to be pretty windy and the Pats are a passing, not a running team. The Ravens are injured in the secondary sure, but they should be able to get as much pressure on Tom Brady from the front four as the Eagles did last year.
I'm not suggesting that anyone bet against the Pats, but you get 17pts and the Ravens backup is starting instead of Steve "the Statue" McNair.
Maybe all I can say is if you can find a window in time, take a chance on the Ravens and for the love of Benji - BET THE FRIGGIN' UNDER!
That's free money.
Six Sacks - Zero Turnovers
Granted, he didn't set the world on fire, but Rexy did not make any big mistakes (unless you count backpedaling). I'm telling you, I can't stop the Rex hate, but I think focusing on him will get us yet another average QB and NOT the parts we really need (RB, o-line, safeties).
This was a heart-breaking game, because the Bears seemed to have it under control until the fourth quarter. Then they went limp. The defense used to win games for us but now they can't stop anything. The offense can't consistently create yards/points.
They started off with the hurry-up offense and drove straight down the field - no pressure. I can see where you don't want to do that for the full game, but waiting until it's too late into the 4th quarter makes it imperative to be perfect on every single play (not good for the Bears).
Also, am I the only one that thinks that Adrian Peterson is MORE talented than Cedric Benson? I mean, who cares about college stats at this point? How many 1st downs did Peterson fight for yesterday? He might not be the best back in the league, but I've always thought he was under-utilized.
One more thing - Hester is fast and has great vision and evasive skills. That doesn't make him a receiver. Maybe try him as a running back. I think he's awesome as a returner, but that might be it.
This was a heart-breaking game, because the Bears seemed to have it under control until the fourth quarter. Then they went limp. The defense used to win games for us but now they can't stop anything. The offense can't consistently create yards/points.
They started off with the hurry-up offense and drove straight down the field - no pressure. I can see where you don't want to do that for the full game, but waiting until it's too late into the 4th quarter makes it imperative to be perfect on every single play (not good for the Bears).
Also, am I the only one that thinks that Adrian Peterson is MORE talented than Cedric Benson? I mean, who cares about college stats at this point? How many 1st downs did Peterson fight for yesterday? He might not be the best back in the league, but I've always thought he was under-utilized.
One more thing - Hester is fast and has great vision and evasive skills. That doesn't make him a receiver. Maybe try him as a running back. I think he's awesome as a returner, but that might be it.
Loser/Dumbass Gets Lucky
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Week 13 Bears Predictions
I've been fretting over what my inaugural post should be, so I thought I'd break the seal with something easy.
I just want to go on the record before the game today saying that Benson's injury was maybe the best thing to happen to the Bears near-term future. Look for, at least, high-double digit rushing yards from the other Adrian Peterson and a breakaway play or two from the munchkin Huskie. More importantly, look for the front office to spend some serious dollars and hours looking to repair the long-term running game (O-Line and RB).
Also, look for the D to behave more like we expect them to, unless Shockey shows up Archuleta all day.
I promise a better post soon...
I just want to go on the record before the game today saying that Benson's injury was maybe the best thing to happen to the Bears near-term future. Look for, at least, high-double digit rushing yards from the other Adrian Peterson and a breakaway play or two from the munchkin Huskie. More importantly, look for the front office to spend some serious dollars and hours looking to repair the long-term running game (O-Line and RB).
Also, look for the D to behave more like we expect them to, unless Shockey shows up Archuleta all day.
I promise a better post soon...
Saturday, December 1, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 13 Picks
Yup, I'm moving my picks over to KfS (along with all of the earlier picks from this year). The way I'm gonna work this is that I'll do a post for the Thursday game, then re-post this on Saturday with the rest of my picks. That makes sense to my booze-addled brain, then again, so does Ron Paul.
13 is my lucky number, so I'm hoping that I'll get some good mojo kicking in this week with my picks to help erase the mediocrity of the past few weeks. Here we go.
Last week's picks: 9/7
Season record: 113/63
Thursday Night Game:
Cowboys (10-1) over Packers (10-1)
I'm really looking forward to this one. It's fortuitous that I'm one of the few that has NFL Network in my cable line-up. Now I just have to manage to find a way to drone out Bryant Gumble.
Onto the tackle-football contest: This game could swing either way, and I'm kinda hoping that the Pack pulls this one out - It'd make for great television, but I think that they're simply outmatched. I'm going with the Boys
Postgame: Wow, this was a pretty damned good game. Favre got knocked out early and the GB back-up (Rogers) was freakin' awesome. A couple of bullshit calls handed the game to the Boys on a silver platter. Boys win by 10.
Favorite 'Bryant Gumble is retarded' moment: The Cowboys are running out of the tunnel at the begining of the telecast - Bryant: "...and out Come the Green Bay Pa... Cowboys". Idiot.
---
Shit! All but (the last) 2 games this week are matched really evenly. It should make for some great TV viewin', but for difficult prognostication. This shit is supposed to get easier as the season progresses, but here we are.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-5) over Texans (5-6)
The ex-Oilers are getting Haynesworth back this week, now maybe they can win a game.
Colts (9-2) over Jaguars (8-3)
I really want to pick the Jags, but I just don't see it happening. The Clots are getting healthy, and have something to prove.
Chargers (6-5) over Chiefs (4-7)
The Bolts are downright bipolar this season. Who knows which SD team will take the field this week? All I know is if they want a shot at the playoffs, they'd better get their shit together. We'll see.
Rams (2-9) over Falcons (3-8)
The Rams last-minute fumble cost me a huge upset pick last week against the Seahawks. Dirty bastards. They shouldn't have to wait 'til the last minute to beat the Birds, so I'm safe. Right?
Jets (2-9) over Dolphins (0-11)
An open letter to Coach Manicotti:
Please win this damned game. Miami MUST remain beaten. Seriously.
Love,
Liar
Postgame: Thank you coach Mangione. I knew you could do it.
Vikings (5-6) over Lions (6-5)
I'm hoping like hell that the Vikes and Bears both win, thus bringing the NFC North to a 3-way tie for last. If the Bears can finish ahead of the Lions this year, I'll be happy.
How fucking sad is that last statement?
Eagles (5-6) over Seahawks (7-4)
I'm picking the Eagles because it looks like Donovan won't start this week. He's a great QB, but it was criminal to start him this season before he could fully recoup from his injuries. Blame Coach Reid when he leaves Philly at the end of the season.
Redskins (5-6) over Bills (5-6)
After this week's events, I have a feeling that the Skins are going to play possessed in this one. Either that, or completely come apart on the field. We'll see on Sunday.
Postgame: They completely fell apart. The Skins screwed themselves with a stupid penalty while Buffalo was going for a long field goal with 8 seconds left on the clock - the Williams by 1 thin point.
49ers (3-8) over Panthers (4-7)
There are imploded stars that suck less than Carolina does right now. Don't get me wrong, San Fran is pretty damned bad, but they're just good enough to pull off this road win.
Postgame: I was wrong, the 49ers are bad enough to lose any game. I'm just glad that they're not playing the Dolphins this year.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (5-6) over Raiders (3-8)
Roll the dice. I'm just picking Denver because it seems that Oakland always finds a way to lose.
Browns (7-4) over Cardinals (5-6)
As long as the Browns don't eat at that horrible taco place on 7th in downtown Phoenix, they should be fine. If they do, Cards by at least 50 points.
Postgame: I don't know what pisses me off more; the fact that I'm on a 5 game skid due to a crooked call that gave the Cards the win, or that my losing streak ends here.
Giants (7-4) over Bears (5-6)
Granted, Eli looks like he's been channeling his inner Rex lately. Fortuitously, we have the real thing.
Watch out for the Giants' d-line, their specialty is getting penetration (insert cheap joke here). With our rock-solid o-line and the exceptional play making abilities of Rex Grossman under pressure, this shouldn't be a problem.
Postgame: Welcome to the lonely cellar of the NFC North, kids.
Buccaneers (7-4) over Saints (5-6)
The Saints really need to win this one at home, but they've failed miserably in every "must win" game that they've faced this year. I think that Tampa is too good of a team to let the Saints off of the hook.
Sunday Night Game:
Steelers (8-3) over Bengals (4-7)
I'm no grassologist, but I highly doubt that 6 days is enough time to fix the death bog that we all saw last Monday. If the field still looks like the results of a mass bovine disembowelment, then the Bengals might have a (lucky) shot.
Monday Night Game:
Patriots (11-0) over Ravens (4-7)
It looks like Philly found the key to defending the Pats. Unfortunately for the Ravens, Belichick has undoubtedly changed the locks 3 times since last Sunday. This game should be good for a laugh.
Postgame: Hole. Lee. Shit. That was close.
---
Correct picks in (a slightly darker) GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
13 is my lucky number, so I'm hoping that I'll get some good mojo kicking in this week with my picks to help erase the mediocrity of the past few weeks. Here we go.
Last week's picks: 9/7
Season record: 113/63
Thursday Night Game:
Cowboys (10-1) over Packers (10-1)
I'm really looking forward to this one. It's fortuitous that I'm one of the few that has NFL Network in my cable line-up. Now I just have to manage to find a way to drone out Bryant Gumble.
Onto the tackle-football contest: This game could swing either way, and I'm kinda hoping that the Pack pulls this one out - It'd make for great television, but I think that they're simply outmatched. I'm going with the Boys
Postgame: Wow, this was a pretty damned good game. Favre got knocked out early and the GB back-up (Rogers) was freakin' awesome. A couple of bullshit calls handed the game to the Boys on a silver platter. Boys win by 10.
Favorite 'Bryant Gumble is retarded' moment: The Cowboys are running out of the tunnel at the begining of the telecast - Bryant: "...and out Come the Green Bay Pa... Cowboys". Idiot.
---
Shit! All but (the last) 2 games this week are matched really evenly. It should make for some great TV viewin', but for difficult prognostication. This shit is supposed to get easier as the season progresses, but here we are.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-5) over Texans (5-6)
The ex-Oilers are getting Haynesworth back this week, now maybe they can win a game.
Colts (9-2) over Jaguars (8-3)
I really want to pick the Jags, but I just don't see it happening. The Clots are getting healthy, and have something to prove.
Chargers (6-5) over Chiefs (4-7)
The Bolts are downright bipolar this season. Who knows which SD team will take the field this week? All I know is if they want a shot at the playoffs, they'd better get their shit together. We'll see.
Rams (2-9) over Falcons (3-8)
The Rams last-minute fumble cost me a huge upset pick last week against the Seahawks. Dirty bastards. They shouldn't have to wait 'til the last minute to beat the Birds, so I'm safe. Right?
Jets (2-9) over Dolphins (0-11)
An open letter to Coach Manicotti:
Please win this damned game. Miami MUST remain beaten. Seriously.
Love,
Liar
Postgame: Thank you coach Mangione. I knew you could do it.
Vikings (5-6) over Lions (6-5)
I'm hoping like hell that the Vikes and Bears both win, thus bringing the NFC North to a 3-way tie for last. If the Bears can finish ahead of the Lions this year, I'll be happy.
How fucking sad is that last statement?
Eagles (5-6) over Seahawks (7-4)
I'm picking the Eagles because it looks like Donovan won't start this week. He's a great QB, but it was criminal to start him this season before he could fully recoup from his injuries. Blame Coach Reid when he leaves Philly at the end of the season.
Redskins (5-6) over Bills (5-6)
After this week's events, I have a feeling that the Skins are going to play possessed in this one. Either that, or completely come apart on the field. We'll see on Sunday.
Postgame: They completely fell apart. The Skins screwed themselves with a stupid penalty while Buffalo was going for a long field goal with 8 seconds left on the clock - the Williams by 1 thin point.
49ers (3-8) over Panthers (4-7)
There are imploded stars that suck less than Carolina does right now. Don't get me wrong, San Fran is pretty damned bad, but they're just good enough to pull off this road win.
Postgame: I was wrong, the 49ers are bad enough to lose any game. I'm just glad that they're not playing the Dolphins this year.
Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (5-6) over Raiders (3-8)
Roll the dice. I'm just picking Denver because it seems that Oakland always finds a way to lose.
Browns (7-4) over Cardinals (5-6)
As long as the Browns don't eat at that horrible taco place on 7th in downtown Phoenix, they should be fine. If they do, Cards by at least 50 points.
Postgame: I don't know what pisses me off more; the fact that I'm on a 5 game skid due to a crooked call that gave the Cards the win, or that my losing streak ends here.
Giants (7-4) over Bears (5-6)
Granted, Eli looks like he's been channeling his inner Rex lately. Fortuitously, we have the real thing.
Watch out for the Giants' d-line, their specialty is getting penetration (insert cheap joke here). With our rock-solid o-line and the exceptional play making abilities of Rex Grossman under pressure, this shouldn't be a problem.
Postgame: Welcome to the lonely cellar of the NFC North, kids.
Buccaneers (7-4) over Saints (5-6)
The Saints really need to win this one at home, but they've failed miserably in every "must win" game that they've faced this year. I think that Tampa is too good of a team to let the Saints off of the hook.
Sunday Night Game:
Steelers (8-3) over Bengals (4-7)
I'm no grassologist, but I highly doubt that 6 days is enough time to fix the death bog that we all saw last Monday. If the field still looks like the results of a mass bovine disembowelment, then the Bengals might have a (lucky) shot.
Monday Night Game:
Patriots (11-0) over Ravens (4-7)
It looks like Philly found the key to defending the Pats. Unfortunately for the Ravens, Belichick has undoubtedly changed the locks 3 times since last Sunday. This game should be good for a laugh.
Postgame: Hole. Lee. Shit. That was close.
---
Correct picks in (a slightly darker) GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thanx Mike!
Mr. Mike K. unearthed this truly spectacular ATHF gem on the current state of sports. Enjoy:
Wild Turkey from a Cane
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Bulls-hit
OK, I know it's early and we're knee deep in the NFL but this Bulls start is worse than the Floyd years. At least we had that toad Krause to blame. I know it's a running theme in the Skiles years to start slow but this is a joke.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
This Commercial
The Liar's Fathead commercial (that is not code) posted below got me to thinking...
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Since things can't get any worse on the Bears' O-line they should just replace Fred "The Usher" Miller with an actual bear.
If unsportsmanlike conduct is 15 yards, how bad could "mauling the defense" be? The Bears' real bear probably wouldn't even make it to the line of scrimmage. He'd just maul Grossman in the huddle or something like that.
Sweet.
Now if the Lions would only draft real lions and pit them against the Colorado Rockies
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Why I Hate Rex Fucking Grossman
Soldier Field, Chicago - December 18th, 2005:
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
Gundy and I are about to succumb to hypothermia. We're up at the very top of the bowl facing the lake, the only thing behind us is Lake Shore Drive. It's -7 degrees and there's 27 minutes and 55 seconds left on the clock. Out comes Grossman to replace the floundering Orton.
Gundy: "Hey, they're bringing out Grossman."
Me: "I totally can't feel my fingers."
Nine plays later: Grossman throws an interception at the 1 yard line on 3rd down. The Falcon who got the pick fumbles it, and Gage recovers it on the one. The next play, Jones runs it in for a TD.
Me: "That was the ugliest TD series I've ever seen. I think I miss Orton already"
Gundy: "Cold... so cold."
The Bears go on to win 16 to 3. Bears score 6 points in the first half (enough to win it), and 10 in the second half.
About 2 hours later Gundy and I regain feeling in our extremities after 4 shots of whiskey at the bar.
Flashback: Here's the LINK for an old L&E post I moblieblogged from the game. Bonus: PDawg Getting all gay on Grossie in the comment field.
The next game Grossie throws one TD and one interception, but it's enough to beat the Packers.
The final game of the season, they start Orton, but he can't do anything. The hibernating-til-the-playoffs Bears fall to the Vikes.
In the first game of the playoffs Rex shits the bed. In the fourth quarter, Thomas Jones runs the field (almost single-handedly) for a scoring drive on the first possession. On the next possession Rex throws 3 straight incompletions for a three-and-out. The following possession he throws a pick at the Carolina 21. The final possession he drives 25 measly yards and turns the ball over on downs with yet another incompletion.
Bears lose 21 to 29 - I blame Grossman.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna spit in his eye."
The Girl "..."
-End of Season-
In 2006 I was cautiously guarded. I was still holding a grudge, but Grossie looked like he was coming around. He wasn't.
Then we all got to watch him flush away the Super Bowl dreams of Chicago (RECAP). Dead to me.
Me: "I fucking hate that guy. If I ever see him, I'm gonna disembowel him with a lemon-zester."
The Girl: "..."
-End of Season-
This year, I'd rather have Micheal Vick signed as our QB than Rex. I thought we were rid of him for good, and then he popped back up like a bad 80's movie monster. If the fucking Bears re-sign him in the offseason, I'm gonna go out and invest in a Packers jersey for the tenure of his stay in Chicago.
...and that's why I hate Rex Grossman.
The End
I Only Joined to Rub Rexy All Over The Gay Clubhouse.
:)
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Seriously, I know he's prone to wet the bed (shit down his leg, cry, whatever), he's also prone to air the ball out on occasion. If we could figure out how to get two (or three) speed guys stretching the defensive backs more than once per half, no team would put eight in the box. So, if Grossie had an extra second or two to check down, I contend that he'd be back to the 90+ rated QB we saw half of last year.
This year, I'm more concerned about a third-string running back that we cut last year running for lots of yards against us. Nobody could run on us last year. Maybe Tank was better than I thought. Maybe Darwin Walker (like A. Archuleta) was more of a bust than a boom. Maybe Urlacher's back still hurts. 34 points and seemingly at will 3rd down conversions against us by a half-ass team is what worries me about the future.
Back to the original point - if we dump Grossman, who would you try to pick up that would solidify the QB position?
Fuck!
It's six o'clock in the AM, and I'm still awake. It's just coming over the wires that Sean Taylor has just died from his wounds.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
I'm crestfallen.
I fucking loved that guy. Cross Urlacher's skill with Tank Johnson's propensity for trouble, and you have Sean Taylor. What's not to love?
I have tickets for the Bears -vs- Skins game for the Thursday after next. I might have to shelve the Butkus jersey for my Taylor jersey - I'm sentimental like that.
Note to self: Make up " Why couldn't it have been Grossman" sign to hold in eulogy.
Score!
I'm freaking amazed. I just googled "Killing for Sports" and came up with six (6) big results - All of 'em grammatical errors or anomalies (except for a link to my L&E post).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
When I (drunkenly) came up with the name, I was sure that there were probably 6 or 7 other sources with the same name. I finally got up the courage to do a search and found... Zilch!
Either I'm exceptionally clever, or the name is totally retarded (and why can't it be both).
Monday, November 26, 2007
I'm In
So I’m in. Thanks and much love to my friend the Liar for starting this and inviting us all to join such a blog on such an auspicious day.
Re: Sean Taylor, as horrible of a story as it is, here's my favorite part:
"Sharpstein said
Fucking Perfect
The day after I set up a sports-blog named "Killing for Sports", my favorite Skins player is critically wounded in a home-invasion.
Killing For Sports
I've just took a long look at L&E , and realized that it's over-run with my lunatic sports ravings (as opposed to my standard lunatic ravings). That's not good. I've heard the same from several other blog-dorks, so I decided to start up this site as a clearing house for ALL OF OUR sports rants.
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Drop me an e-mail and (if I know you) I'll send you an invite to post on this site.
It'll be our own gay little fan-boy clubhouse.
-Liar-
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 12 Picks
-Part One-
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Fucking Turkey Day. I just get back, have to head down to southern Virginia, and now have to throw out 3 fresh NFL picks. I didn't get a chance to watch one game last week (thank Christ - It was a fucking mess for both of my teams) and haven't been keeping up on any NFL gossip. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 Thanksgiving games are 'gimme' picks and I'm pretty damned sure about the third. Lucky me.
Last week's picks: 10/6
Season record: 104/56
(12:30 EST)
Packers (9-1) over Lions (6-4)
Yeah, the Kitties could win this one - I just don't see it happening. The Pack are already going to the postseason, I'm betting that the Lions won't.
(16:15 EST)
Cowboys (9-1) over Jets (2-8)
Not a bad food-coma game. You really don't want anything too exciting after your gastronomic endeavors for worry of barfing out you cranberry sauce onto mom's new carpet. This is the televised equivalent of tryptophan. Sweet dreans.
(20:15 EST)
Colts (8-2) over Falcons (3-7)
Chances are, you're not gonna see this game. This is an NFL Network exclusive game, and therefore unavailable to 70% of homes in America. I have NFL Net at home, out here, and out at my parents' place, so I'm not too worried about missing the Green Bay at Dallas, Bears at Skins, or Pats at Giants games later this year - You should be.
Postgame: You're probably all lucky to be missing the rest of the NFL Network games. Bryant Gumble's play-by-play is just fucking painful. Collinsworth does a good job, but Gumble's ineptitude makes watching any game on NFL Net a freakin' ordeal.
-Part Two-
Okay, I'm off to a 3 & 0 start to this week - Now the picks get a bit more tricky.
Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-4) over Bengals (3-7)
The Titans have been sucking it raw lately. Cincy's sucking so hard that they swallowed their season whole.
Browns (6-4) over Texans (5-5)
I'm drinking the Cleveland Kool-Aid - That would explain the explosive diarrhea.
Chiefs (4-6) over Raiders (2-8)
What can I say about this game? I know: NEXT!
Rams (2-8) over Seahawks (6-4)
For some stupid fucking reason, I really want to pick the Rams. They've won their last two games against the Saints and 49ers, and seem to have gotten their collective shit together. Then again, Seattle has won the last 5 straight in this match-up and Hassleback looked pretty sharp against the Bears last week.
Fuck it. I'm going with the Rams in a drunken fit of hubris.
Giants (7-3) over Vikings (4-6)
The Giants are a much better team in almost every aspect when held aside the Vikes. If the purple-penis-eaters can pull off a win here, I'll be shocked.
Postgame: Consider me shocked.
Redskins (5-5) over Buccaneers (6-4)
Why am I picking the team with the lesser record, on the road, and against the betting line? Because the Skins are the better team. I'm not just being a fan-boy with this pick - The Skins are for real.
Postgame: All of the Bucs points (except for a field-goal) came from DC's 6 turn-overs. Fuck.
Saints (4-6) over Panthers (4-6)
Lately I keep picking the Saints and keep getting burned. Luck for me they're playing the stone-dead Panthers. I'm not picking Carolina until the league allows Testeverde ride his Hoveround power-chair out onto the field for plays.
Jaguars (7-3) over Bills (5-5)
I'm lovin' the Bills this year, but they're over-matched in this contest.
Late Sunday Games:
Cardinals (5-5) over 49ers (2-8)
Ugh. Another clunker. Time to play a drinking game: Every time the announcers mention "expectations", take a drink - Every time they say the phrase "quarterback problems", take a drink - Every time they mention "rebuilding" slam your beer. Be sure to purge after each quarter to prevent alcohol poisoning.
Broncos (5-5) over Bears (4-6)
Chicago & Denver are both in full-turd-mode. Denver is totally unreliable lately, but I'm not picking the Bears with 'the quarterback who shall not be named' under center.
It looks like I won't even get to see this atrocity, I'm stuck watching the Ravens suck.
Fucking perfect.
Chargers (5-5) over Ravens (4-6)
The Chargers have to be out for blood after last week's loss in Jacksonville. I'm still not sure if Norv's Bolts are really good, but they're good enough to trump the beat-down Balti-Birds.
Sunday Night Game:
Patriots (10-0) over Eagles (5-5)
The Beagles didn't have a sideways prayer with Donovan healthy. With McNabb out and the game in New England, Philly is doomed.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (7-3) over Dolphins (0-10)
Miami keeps marching toward a winless season. Keep goin' boys, we have faith that you can do it.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 11 Picks
This week I'm busy as hell in Chicago looking for work and attending Riot Fest. This week's picks are gonna be sparse. I made a commitment (to myself) to pick the entire NFL season this year. That kinda sucks right now. I'm picking 'em all on Tuesday, and probably won't get much of a chance to update the blog until next Tuesday when I get back to DC, so here they are:
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last week's picks: 8/6
Season record: 94/50
Early Sunday Games
Saints (4-5) over Texans (4-5)
Einie-meiney-miney-Saints.
Colts (7-2) over Chiefs (4-5)
Colts have dropped 2 in a row. It won't go to 3.
Raiders (2-7) over Vikings (3-6)
Without Adrian Peterson, the Vikes are going to have to rely on their passing game. It would help if they had a passing game.
Giants (6-3) over Lions (6-3)
Even records don't mean equal teams.
Chargers (5-4) over Jaguars (6-3)
I want to pick the Jags, but after last week's performance, I'm not betting against San Diego.
Eagles (4-5) over Dolphins (0-9)
The Beagles better win this one.
Cardinals (4-5) over Bengals (3-6)
Cards are looking better. The Bengals are looking for a defense.
Browns (5-4) over Ravens (4-5)
Cleveland HATES the Ravens (aka: the old Browns). I'm looking for a Brown's beat-down in this one.
Packers (8-1) over Panthers (4-5)
If you have to bet all your lunch-money on one game, I'd recommend this one.
Buccaneers (5-4) over Falcons (3-6)
Tampa has been floundering, but are still good enough to beat Atlanta.
Late Sunday Games
Steelers (7-2) over Jets (1-8)
Pittsburgh is lookin' good . The Jets are looking at next year.
Bears (4-5) over Seattle (5-4)
Grossman, Berrian, and Benson all had a TD last week - Shoot me.
I'm picking 'em just so I can be extra-mad at them next week for losing this one.
Cowboys (8-1) over Redskins (5-4)
Skins are good - Boys are great.
Rams (1-8) over 49ers (2-7)
Because I said so.
Sunday Night Game
Patriots (9-0) over Bills (5-4)
I like the Bills, but I'm not getting cute with this pick (I already did that with the Bears).
Monday Night Game
Titans (6-3) over Broncos (4-5)
Titans have been playing like shit lately, then again, so have the Broncos
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Saturday, November 10, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 10 Picks
It's inter-divisional week in the NFL! All but 4 games this week are inter-divisional match-ups - I love the inter-divisional games. Those are the grudge-match games filled with hate and fire - You can't beat 'em.
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
I did pretty damned good last week. I beat all of the ESPN experts, and now am tied with Schlereth for the most correct picks so far. Hooray, me.
Yes, I do realize that L&E has become my own little NFL promotion machine, but it seems like people are responding (those people being EdP and myself - hey, we're people). I don't care - Bet some money on my picks if you want to make reading this shit more compelling. I double-dog-dare you.
Last week's picks: 11/3
Season record: 86/44
Early Sunday Games
Bills (4-4) over Dolphins (0-8)
My first pick is notorious for always being wrong. I'm happy that I'm leading off the picks with this one, because I'm pretty damned sure that the Williams (my new gay-football-crush) will handle the Fish in this one. If they don't, I'll be inconsolable.
Saints (4-4) over Rams (0-8)
Wow, two 0&8 teams -vs- two 4&4 teams leading off the picks this week - spooky. This game will go to the Saints, but watch out for the Rams in this one - They're fucking crazy with desperation and ready to either destroy their opponents or themselves in a huge explosion of angst. I don't think they'll win, but I wouldn't be surprised if they started going berserker in this one. A bunch of prognosticators picked 'em to go all the way to the Super Bowl during the offseason; Now they're winless going into week 10 - That would drive anyone to the edge of sanity.
Steelers (6-2) over Browns (5-3)
I'd really like to see the Browns win this one (after getting trounced in their opener to Pittsburgh 34 to 7). Bring the AFC North to a tie for first at 6&3 - Anarchy ensues. That would be so freakin' cool, but it ain't gonna happen. I watched the Steelers de-pants the Ravens last Monday, and now I'm thoroughly sold on Pittsburgh as a legitimate contender.
Routing Browns - Picking Steelers.
Redskins (5-3) over Eagles (3-5)
I was hoping that the Rockford FOX affiliate would have this game, so I could hole-up in a bar in DeKalb and watch both this game and the Pack-Vikes match. It ain't gonna happen. The week 10 NFL distribution map made that pretty clear
That was the best TV benefit of living in D-Town, having both the Rockford and Chicago stations. That meant that on any Sunday you could have up to six games to choose from (seven including the prime-time game). This week the only D-Town overlap is in the CBS early slot - Chicago has Cleveland @ Pittsburgh and Rockford has Denver @ Kansas City. Meh.
Falcons (2-6) over Panthers (4-4)
The Panthers' offensive is a train-wreck-on-fire. I'm hesitant to pick 'em for anything other than "team most likely to implode". Look for their 4th QB of the season to start this week.
You know it's really bad if I'm picking the woeful Falcons to win this.
Packers (7-1) over Vikings (3-5)
This game is going to be HUGE. I'm actually pretty psyched-up for this one. I'm picking the Pack, but routing for injuries.
Jaguars (5-3) over Titans (6-2)
The Titans' wonder-dummy has been having some performance problems as of late, and the Jags players keep getting into Cincinnati-style trouble. These are two good teams in danger of shaking apart at the seams. I don't know why I'm picking the Jaguars to win this one (all the cards are stacked against 'em in this contest), but I learned a lesson on following my intuition last week with the Saint's pick, where I went with the...
...Jags. And lost.
Crap!
Chiefs (4-4) over Broncos (3-5)
It's a good thing that Denver got rid of Plummer when they did. If they had done that, there would be zero chance that we would get to see Patrick Ramsey start for the Broncos. Ramsey is the Skins old QB. He was supposed to be the next Sonny Jurgensen, but turned out to be the first Rex Grossman. Have fun with that guy, Denver. You deserve him.
Late Sunday Games
Ravens (4-4) over Bengals (2-6)
I have no fucking idea who might win this game - No offense -vs- no defense. It's a draw. I'm going with the Ravens just because they're the home team. Mr. Murder (R. Lewis) looked pretty pissed in all of his post-game appearances. After this game, it's a good bet that Cincy won't have much of an offense either.
Cowboys (7-1) over Giants (6-2)
Look for a new player for the Boys this week, his name is Tank-something. He was cut by some hapless NFC North team and Dallas scooped him up for nothing. From what I heard, he's a real impact player, and should help shore-up the Dallas 'D'. Now maybe they'll be able to get some wins.
Lions (6-2) over Cardinals (3-5)
My most deeply held tenet in professional sports is that the Football Cardinals and The Detroit Lions will always suck. The Cards are holding up their end of the deal, but the Lions are seriously freaking me out. It's like waking up one morning under a blue sun - It just isn't right. Please make it stop.
Bears (3-5) over Raiders (2-6)
The Ursines better fucking win this one. If not, the word 'REBUILDING' has to enter the conversation, toots-sweet. Ron Turner is a fucking joke, Benson has all of the play-making ability of a blow-up fuck-doll, and Berrian's hands seem to excrete Astroglide. They're all less than useless, and if the retards in the front office could get their over-inflated egos out of their line-of-sight, they might just be able to see the same.
Nonetheless, Oakland is even worse. Much worse.
I love the Bears, but would much rather watch the Dallas/Giants game in this slot. I'm in Chicago this weekend, so I'm stuck with this one. Bah.
Sunday Night Game
Colts (7-1) over Chargers (4-4)
Don't let the San Diego record fool you. The Chargers are a much better team than their record indicates. They got punked against the Noresmen last week and are looking for retribution. Unfortunately (for them), they're facing one of the two best teams in the NFL right now. Nonetheless, I have a feeling that we're gonna see this same match-up again sometime in the AFC playoffs.
Monday Night Game
Seahawks (4-4) over 49ers (2-6)
You're fucking kidding me, right? This is just an awful match-up for a Monday night game.
I'll probably end up catching bits of this game from across a pint-glass, but my focus will be on the drinkin'.
---
Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED
Saturday, November 3, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 9 Picks
This week is officially the start of the second half of the regular-season. I think it's about time to compare how I'm doing compared to the big-boys... Well, I'm doing pretty damned good with my picks. Up against the ESPN experts I'm tied for third with Mortenson (Jaws has one game on me and Schlereth has three). Not bad.
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Now that I've jinxed myself with hubris, expect 14 wrong picks this week to send me crashing back to terra firma where I belong. It'll be just like the tale of Icarus or the current Bush administration (No, not the New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush Administration - That one seems to be back on track).
The best news of week 9: The Bears can't possibly lose this week. Trust me - Bet on it - Bet your mortgage if you must, it's a lock. It's their bye-week. If you can find some sucker to take that bet, bet the farm.
Last week's picks: 8/5
Season record: 75/41
Early Sunday Games:
49ers (2-5) over Falcons (1-6)
Should I pick the shitty team with the better record, or the shitty team with homefield advantage? I'm just reflexively picking the Niners so I don't have to linger on this abortion.
Bills (3-4) over Bengals (2-5)
I really like the Bills. There; I said it. I have no idea why, but I've been pulling for this team to win since their historic fall to the Cowboys. It must be my "Cubs reflex" kicking in.
Lions (5-2) over Broncos (3-4)
I can't believe that I'm actually picking the Detroit Football Lions to win. I'm just tired of getting burned picking against 'em.
I feel dirty.
Titans (5-2) over Panthers (4-3)
The Panthers are seriously fucked-up right now - Injuries galore. The Ex-Oilers are playing huge lately. On paper, this looks like a blow-out - It won't be.
Packers (6-1) over Chiefs (4-3)
The cheese-eaters are fucking huge this year. If they lose their second game to the Bears this year, I'd be fine with them winning the rest. It's better than the fucking Lions sneaking into the playoffs.
Chargers (4-3) over Vikings (2-5)
The Vikes are a one-trick-pony - The Chargers' pony knows two tricks.
Postgame: When your one-trick-pony (Peterson) has 296 yards and 3TDs, you really don't need a second.
Jaguars (5-2) over Saints (3-4)
I had originally picked New Orleans to win this one, but as I was writing why I picked 'em, all I could come up with was reasons why my pick was wrong. Instead of making excuses for picking a loser, I decided to just go with the better team.
I'm gonna be so fucking pissed when the fucking Saints win this one.
Postgame: Dammit! That's the last time I listen to my brain.
Redskins (4-3) over Jets (1-7)
Forget everything you learned about the Skins last week (liquor helps). They're really not a bad team, the Pats are just ridiculous-good. Fortunately, the Jets aren't the Patriots. Skins will win this one.
Buccaneers (4-4) over Cardinals (3-4)
Every damned week, I pick the Bucs and lay the game on Garcia. Week after fucking week, I'm wrong. This is Tampa's last chance - If they lose this one, they're dead to me.
Late Sunday Games:
Browns (4-3) over Seahawks (4-3)
Wow, this is the only game this week featuring teams with exactly the same record. I think the Browns are the better team, and the key match-ups in this contest favor...
What am I doing? No one gives a toss about this game. The only thing anyone cares about this week is:
Patriots (8-0) over Colts (7-0)
I had already written a long and statistically detailed post on how the Colts were the superior team in this match-up. Then the Pats had to go and skull-fuck my Skins live on national television last Sunday. I deleted that earlier post. I'm going with the Patriots - They're just fucking scary.
I have a nagging premonition that one of these two star QBs is gonna be injured in this match-up and be knocked-out for a hand-full of games (my money's on Brady). It's probably nothing, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Texans (3-5) over Raiders (2-5)
The Oakland O-line is jumpier than the chubby kid from 'Two and a Half Men' stuck in a NAMBLA convention. It's not pretty. Now (due to a local game black-out) they get to watch the their much-maligned newly-excised cancer (Randy Moss) lead a good team to a win, instead of watching their black-holes getting beat black by the Texicans.
I just feel sorry for Houston who has to watch this horseshit instead of the Pats/Colts game. They're the only market in the nation that isn't getting the marquee game this week - A crappy game for a crappy city.
Sunday Night Game:
Cowboys (6-1) over Eagles (3-4)
The big story after this week won't be the outcome of the Colts/Pats game, but rather the media tsunami that explodes after Wade Wilson (the Dallas QB coach) gets busted scoring HGH from Andy Reid's degenerate dope-fiend children.
Monday Night Game:
Steelers (5-2) over Ravens (4-3)
This year's Ravens look like they were thrown together with the spare parts left over from Disneyland's 'Hall of Presidents' exhibit. Hey Baltimore, you wanna give us a real show? Send your animatronic team over to SRL. Until then, the Steelers will continue to dominate this match-up.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Liar's NFL Week 8 Picks
As you all probably know by now, I'm back in Illinois for a whirlwind surprise Halloween visit. That means that this post was written (for the most part) last Sunday and Monday because I knew that there was no way in hell that I'd have the time to sit down and do this while I was in the middle of a drinking marathon. Therefore, I'm sure that there's a bunch of injuries and/or last minute shifts that I'm gonna miss, but I don't care. I'm having way too much fun to worry about being right.
Last week's picks: 10/4
Season record: 67/36
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (3-4) over Lions (4-2)
I can't see Chicago dropping both regular-season games to the fucking Lions (or the abstinent Lions, for that matter).
The key to this game is somehow abducting Ron Turner before kickoff and keeping him locked in a utility closet until there's 30 seconds left in the 4th. Hell, If the closet is big enough, I'd strongly recommend doing the same with Benson and Berry-Ann.
Steelers (4-2) over Bengals (2-4)
Pittsburgh is gonna be grumpy after shitting the bed on national television against Denver last week. Cincinnati is gonna be over-confident after coming back to beat a 1&5 team last week.
Quick, Mr. Bunny, hop off of the train tracks!
This is gonna be the stuff that cautionary traffic-safety films are made of.
Titans (4-2) over Raiders (2-4)
It looks likely that the Titans are getting Big Dummy back for this one. That's all I needed to hear - I'm goin' with Tennessee.
Browns (3-3) over Rams (0-7)
If you had to call this game when the 2007 schedule was released, nobody would have picked the Browns. Now nobody would pick the Rams. You gotta love this game.
Giants (5-2) over Dolphins (0-7)
'Ello, London!
This one counts as a home game for Miami, which is totally unfair to the Dolphins - It can't possibly feel like a home-game for the Fish with people in the stands. Heres my theory: (NFL Commissioner) Tagliabue's plan is to get the Dolphins out of the country, have NFL personal confiscate their passports, and summarily eradicate all history of the franchise from the NFL record. It worked for Stalin.
Vikings (2-4) over Eagles (2-4)
I'm gonna be routing for Philly in this one, but I was really impressed with the Minnesota defense last week against the Cowboys. It looks like a classic hard-nosed Bears defense, for chrissake. Plus, those Nordic fuckers have a running game that Lovie can only dream of. How'd that happen - That's not good. The only thing that's holding Minnesota back is their clown at QB - That twat makes Grossie look good. I'm just hoping that this team gets dismantled by injuries before week 15.
Colts (6-0) over Panthers (4-2)
The Colts are playing HUGE lately. For my money, they're a much better team than the Patriots (more on that next week). The Panthers definitely have enough talent to pose a legitimate threat, but after seeing Indy manhandle the Jags last week, I have to go with the Colts to get the win against Carolina.
Late Sunday Games:
Bills (2-4) over Jets (1-6)
Why do I keep picking the motherfucking Jets to win? They haven't come through for me since week 3 (against the hapless Dolphins). My Mangina man-crush is over - I'm going with the Williams in this one.
Texans (3-4) over Chargers (3-3)
Note: This game will probably be played in Arizona or (possibly) postponed.
San Diego has been on fire lately... Sorry. The Chargers are hot, but all of the wrath-of-god issues that they've had to deal with this last week are gonna take their toll - It's hard to focus on professional tackle football when every thing you have has been reduced to a smoldering pile of embers. The Texicans are good enough to exploit this 'crisitunity' for a win.
Buccaneers (4-3) over Jaguars (4-2)
The Jags took a beating against Indy last week and it looks like Garrard will either be out this week or be playing hurt. I like Tampa, but just barely.
Postgame: Jags by 1 point. I was barely wrong.
Saints (2-4) over 49ers (2-4)
The Saints need to get another win against a cupcake team before hosting the Jaguars next week. They can do it.
Patriots (7-0) over Redskins (4-2)
Fun Fact: The Patriots haven't won in DC since 1972. Let's see how they do against a team with a winning record (so far the only winning team they've faced was Dallas). As much as I'd love to see my Skins pull off the upset in this one, it ain't gonna happen. Hell, Washington barely squeaked out a win against the crippled Cardinals last Sunday. If the Skins are going to pull off this upset they're gonna have to commit to smash-mouth football on both sides of the ball - Offense: Hard Run, Hard Run, Hard Run, etc. Defense: Keep the pressure on Brady and hope for mistakes. Blitz like fuck; that'll give up a bunch of completions, but will eventually wear down the O-line and leave Brady vulnerable.
-There isn't a Sunday Night Game due to the World Series-
Monday Night Game:
Broncos (3-3) over Packers (5-1)
This game is gonna be going on about 2 miles away from game 5 of the World Series (if needed). I'm hoping that it snows like hell - I'm routing for chaos. I think that the Pack has a real good shot at winning this one, but it looks like the Broncos may be on an upswing. I'm picking this one based on my NFC North hopes, and Denver's home-field advantage.
Postgame: Pack wins in overtime - Pencil 'em in for the NFC North title this year.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Last week's picks: 10/4
Season record: 67/36
Early Sunday Games:
Bears (3-4) over Lions (4-2)
I can't see Chicago dropping both regular-season games to the fucking Lions (or the abstinent Lions, for that matter).
The key to this game is somehow abducting Ron Turner before kickoff and keeping him locked in a utility closet until there's 30 seconds left in the 4th. Hell, If the closet is big enough, I'd strongly recommend doing the same with Benson and Berry-Ann.
Steelers (4-2) over Bengals (2-4)
Pittsburgh is gonna be grumpy after shitting the bed on national television against Denver last week. Cincinnati is gonna be over-confident after coming back to beat a 1&5 team last week.
Quick, Mr. Bunny, hop off of the train tracks!
This is gonna be the stuff that cautionary traffic-safety films are made of.
Titans (4-2) over Raiders (2-4)
It looks likely that the Titans are getting Big Dummy back for this one. That's all I needed to hear - I'm goin' with Tennessee.
Browns (3-3) over Rams (0-7)
If you had to call this game when the 2007 schedule was released, nobody would have picked the Browns. Now nobody would pick the Rams. You gotta love this game.
Giants (5-2) over Dolphins (0-7)
'Ello, London!
This one counts as a home game for Miami, which is totally unfair to the Dolphins - It can't possibly feel like a home-game for the Fish with people in the stands. Heres my theory: (NFL Commissioner) Tagliabue's plan is to get the Dolphins out of the country, have NFL personal confiscate their passports, and summarily eradicate all history of the franchise from the NFL record. It worked for Stalin.
Vikings (2-4) over Eagles (2-4)
I'm gonna be routing for Philly in this one, but I was really impressed with the Minnesota defense last week against the Cowboys. It looks like a classic hard-nosed Bears defense, for chrissake. Plus, those Nordic fuckers have a running game that Lovie can only dream of. How'd that happen - That's not good. The only thing that's holding Minnesota back is their clown at QB - That twat makes Grossie look good. I'm just hoping that this team gets dismantled by injuries before week 15.
Colts (6-0) over Panthers (4-2)
The Colts are playing HUGE lately. For my money, they're a much better team than the Patriots (more on that next week). The Panthers definitely have enough talent to pose a legitimate threat, but after seeing Indy manhandle the Jags last week, I have to go with the Colts to get the win against Carolina.
Late Sunday Games:
Bills (2-4) over Jets (1-6)
Why do I keep picking the motherfucking Jets to win? They haven't come through for me since week 3 (against the hapless Dolphins). My Mangina man-crush is over - I'm going with the Williams in this one.
Texans (3-4) over Chargers (3-3)
Note: This game will probably be played in Arizona or (possibly) postponed.
San Diego has been on fire lately... Sorry. The Chargers are hot, but all of the wrath-of-god issues that they've had to deal with this last week are gonna take their toll - It's hard to focus on professional tackle football when every thing you have has been reduced to a smoldering pile of embers. The Texicans are good enough to exploit this 'crisitunity' for a win.
Buccaneers (4-3) over Jaguars (4-2)
The Jags took a beating against Indy last week and it looks like Garrard will either be out this week or be playing hurt. I like Tampa, but just barely.
Postgame: Jags by 1 point. I was barely wrong.
Saints (2-4) over 49ers (2-4)
The Saints need to get another win against a cupcake team before hosting the Jaguars next week. They can do it.
Patriots (7-0) over Redskins (4-2)
Fun Fact: The Patriots haven't won in DC since 1972. Let's see how they do against a team with a winning record (so far the only winning team they've faced was Dallas). As much as I'd love to see my Skins pull off the upset in this one, it ain't gonna happen. Hell, Washington barely squeaked out a win against the crippled Cardinals last Sunday. If the Skins are going to pull off this upset they're gonna have to commit to smash-mouth football on both sides of the ball - Offense: Hard Run, Hard Run, Hard Run, etc. Defense: Keep the pressure on Brady and hope for mistakes. Blitz like fuck; that'll give up a bunch of completions, but will eventually wear down the O-line and leave Brady vulnerable.
-There isn't a Sunday Night Game due to the World Series-
Monday Night Game:
Broncos (3-3) over Packers (5-1)
This game is gonna be going on about 2 miles away from game 5 of the World Series (if needed). I'm hoping that it snows like hell - I'm routing for chaos. I think that the Pack has a real good shot at winning this one, but it looks like the Broncos may be on an upswing. I'm picking this one based on my NFC North hopes, and Denver's home-field advantage.
Postgame: Pack wins in overtime - Pencil 'em in for the NFC North title this year.
---
Wrong picks in RED
Correct Picks in GREEN
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)