Cubs World Serieseseses

Since Ryan Dempster says the cubs are going to the World Series, we here at Killing for Sports ought to honor such a bold, not to say stupid, prediction. To celebrate the unjustified…er unprecedented optimism on the part of the cubs Canadian hurler here are

THE TOP THREE MOST IMPORTANT CUB WORLD SERIES APPEARANCES (as determined by me so I’m probably fucking wrong)

We’re counting down here from #3 to #1. Ready? I don’t give a crap. Here we go:

#3 – THE 1908 WORLD SERIES capping off one of the craziest pennant chases in Chicago baseball history and baseball history in general. The cubs were able to overtake the Giants thanks in part to the Merkle Boner and also they edged out that bitter fuck John McGraw in a one game playoff. For many reasons this might be the biggest World Series in Chicago baseball history in general. I am biased and would argue for the 2005 Series…especially because the city had waited so long for the World Series to come back. But the cubs are the #1 franchise in town currently, and usually in contention with the Bears for being Chicago’s main sports love affair whatever…and only a fool denies that. The cubs win in the 08 series marked the first time any team won back to back World Series and I feel safe in saying this will probably be the only time a Chicago team ever does that. By the way, fans were angry at the cubs during this fall classic and claimed that the team was scalping their own tickets. The cubs would never do that would they?

#2 – THE 1932 WORLD SERIES because the cubs were swept by the greatest franchise in all team sports, it is the only time in history that a Chicago team was seriously in contention with the great Yankees for anything (maybe the SOX battled the Yanks in the 50’s sort of but the WhiteSOX should not be in the same sentence as the Yankees of the 1950’s) and – BACK TO THE CUBS HERE it was the World Series when Babe Ruth called the shot. Babe Ruth has a greater role in World Series history than all Chicago baseball players (both sides) put together. For the cubs to be a part of what the Babe did puts this Series at #2 in my book.

#1 – THE 1918 WORLD SERIES saw the cubs face the second or third greatest franchise in baseball history. Incidentally here is a ranking within a ranking...edP’s Top Three Baseball Squadrons counting down from #3 to #1…. 3.) BoSOX – 2.) Cardinals – 1.) Yankees. Who is going to argue that there is a team with more history than these three franchises? An argument could be made to substitute the Giants or the Dodgers in there somewhere but I am an American League guy so my lists are always going to be slanted in that direction. Oh, the 1918 Series was historic because it was the last World Series winner for the BoSOX until 2004 and we know the rest there. The Babe won the first game - - a 1-0 shut out over Hippo Vaughn (I think he was the original drummer for the Kurl Band, or was it the Hurl Band?) It was the only World Series played entirely in Septemebr….something to do with World War I. You can wiki this shit. Anytime the WS is affected by a war, Babe Ruth is pitching and the Red Sox clinch the victory on September 11^th that’s some historic stuff and it deserves to be in the top #3 and it is my #1. And believe me since the advent of Big Mouth Schilling using the Red Sox as his preachifying pulpit, I am no Red Sox fan.

Well that’s it honeys. My Top Three cubs World Series appearances. Give it to my dumb ass.

Pitchers and Catchers Report

...in a related story, I'm going over to Bill Garver's house to "report."

Misc Sports Shit Running Thru My Head

Cubs are Chicago’s Team Again

Don’t get me wrong, the Chicago White Sox are still my favorite team in town, and if I could choose a franchise and a franchise model to embrace I would still take the SOX over the cubs any day

…and I will still mock the cubs for 100 years of fuckery if they are eliminated from playoff contention this year….

But after the great run my beloved SOX had in 2005 & 2006, the Cubs have recaptured the baseball stage in Chicago and should be considered the city’s #1 franchise once again. Yeah the Bears unite the city but their only accomplishment last year was beating the Pack twice. The Bears have no offensive line and that is tantamount to saying the team has no heart. Call me when they get one and I will say they are in better shape than the cub.

The Bulls are a joke and I am not going to waste another sentence on them.

My beloved WhiteSOX, the season will be considered a success if the SOX finish in 2nd place. I will say more about my hopes and dreams for the SOX season later.

Sure the cubs have some roadblocks and weaknesses, but in the wake of the Bedard trade (I am not spellchecking the name of an Oriole, like the O’s ownership I can’t afford the time or expense)…if the cubs get Roberts I will cheer if for no other reason than to say “Hah hah you fucking fuck Soriano. Move down in the lineup and try to do something there”

Some would argue that the cubs do not have a pitching staff that can take them to the World Series. That may be true, but they have enough pitching and a diverse enough lineup (different types of hitters who can do different things, esp now with Fukudome) that they should make the regular season interesting and play competitive baseball. In a shocking turn, I will agree with Devin here that the cubs as constituted would play compelling ball in any division not just in the NL Central. Has it gotten weaker with the collapse of the Cards and Dusty managing the Reds? Maybe. But you play who you play and there are many guys on the cubs team who could adapt and flourish playing against any competition (even the mentally weak Z and Wood, Z acquitted himself well against a good D-backs team who were playing as good of a brand of baseball as the Yankees, Indians and almost any of the superior franchises in the AL)

I guess my thought here is we should all enjoy whatever the cubs can accomplish this year. The spotlight should be squarely on them for doing, mostly, the right things compared to the other clubs in town.

Relative to my team (the SOX) I am not down on Kenny for failing to get Hunter and Rowand and I've explained before why I was cool with Swisher rather than the dumptrucks of money for these other guys...but for all the good Kenny did the team his behavior with the press and even certain fan groups has been erratic at best and downright rude at other times. Come on Kenny. You did the impossible. You brought a World Series to Chicago. Don't be such a dick about it. The cubs are dealing with a far different sort of pressure than payroll and perception and Hendry doesn't look like he is about to crack. He already had one physical breakdown two years ago (?) in FL and I think he learned something from it. You, Kenny Williams, could learn something from the demeanor of the guy who generally manages the cub.

Other random Sunday baseball thoughts…

U-ribe not My-ribe

I love Juan Uribe. He completed the greatest sports season in my lifetime when he made the last two outs in the WhiteSOX World Series. I hope he plays well at 2nd this year. But I will not cry if the SOX make a deal for him in the middle of he season. I can see it play out…a contender loses a shortstop and needs someone and has young pitching to trade. Deal - and SOX fans will say goodbye to Uribe who was sometimes selfish at the plate but will always have a special place in the history of Chicago baseball.

Don’t get me wrong, my dream for this season is that everything clicks for the SOX and Uribe/Cabrera become a great middle infield tandem, Danny Richard (sp, Jeanz? Ozzie? Someone?)…D.R. becomes a super-sub but I live in the real world most of the time.

Mostly I am so fucking happy that pitchers and catchers are reporting and the sooner the miserable fucking thing known as February is over, the better as far as I am concerned.

Hawk

Wow-This douchebag got an extension through 2011. Sorry Sox fans.

Here is what the guys at firejoemorgan have to say: http://www.firejoemorgan.com/search/label/hawk%20harrelson

Hiller: Cowboys Super-Fan

Technically, not sports...

But, it seems like these could be part of some post-apocalyptic television game show...

Bradshaw dropping F Bombs

I thought I was hearing things.

Droppin Bombs

Carl Called It (Sorta)

Um, Almost Perfect

or pretty perfect...

or kinda sorta like perfect.

The real winners were the fans for a change. That was a helluva game. I am on record (wherever that record is) as more of a baseball guy than a football guy but these playoffs have been great and the Superbowl was exciting.

It is not for me to say if it was well-played or not but I was on the couch with a headache that made me feel like I was going to vomit out my brain...

and I was still entertained by the game.

The other big winner?

Big Soda wins the first Killing for Sports Prognostication Award (also know as the KFSPA).

He called it somewhere here first and for that he gets a big wet kiss from me sometime before Superbowl XLIII (pronounced ex-el-eeee)...and maybe a free drink.

I am not a fan of either team (and I picked the Pats by more than two TDs so I'm not even a fan of my own pick at this point)...but I am happy for the youngest Manning.

I am most happy for Carl. I can't wait to hear how he pulled out this victory.

But I am equally horrified at the prospect of watching the stupid Dolphins toasting losses for another 36 years.

C'mon Bears, perfect season next year!

Right?

Ugh, I'm gonna be sick again.

The Liar's Super Bowl XXLII Pick

Last Weeks Picks: 1/1
Season Record: 176/90

Patriots (18-0) over Giants (13-6)
This time back in 2002, I was down in New Orleans for Super Bowl XXXVI. The Rams were 14 point favorites to knock off the scrappy Patriots with their rookie QB, Tom Brady. No one thought that the Pats had a chance against the "Greatest Show on Turf", but I was pulling for New England to turn the upset. It was a great fucking game, and the Patriots there and then became one of the greatest stories in the history of the NFL.
This game reminds me a lot of that one. No one is giving New York a chance (except for Carl), and everyone expects a New England blow-out. Six years later, and the tables have turned 180 degrees.
If I was more of a sentimentalist I'd pick the G-Men for an upset, but I'm not gonna fall for it.
I like the Pats.

Eww England

Is it me or does Tom Brady look a hell of a lot like tv’s Dexter?

Be that here or there (or everywhere) Brady will carve up the depleted and already sort of crappy Giants secondary. Yeah the Pats have played close games near the end of the season and throughout the playoffs. They don’t seem to be setting more passing records in (wait for it) COLD FUCKING WEATHER WITH LOTS OF FUCKING WIND!!!!

I hate talking about weather except when it comes to football. Snow helps the offense and hinders the defense. Why? Because the offense knows where it is going but the defense has to react. The snow makes it difficult for players to get their footing and cut & chase the offense. But wind, wind and cold help the defense. Why? Because it takes away the deep threat the odds are good that receptions will be interfered with either by the wind or just the fact that balls and hands don’t work as well together when it is a certain kind of cold..

Sorry about the image and the writing above.

Despite what the mIke ‘n Mike guy says about AZ, that is not the kind of cold that is going to interfere with Brady and Moss and Welker. Does anybody believe that RW McQuarters plays in a defensive secondary that is going to stop the Patriots offense? (Marc Silverman thought of that, not me but he's f'in right)

Don’t listen to the experts who say that the game is going to be close or the Giants will win it.

Listen to me.

The Pats will win by more than two scores. I haven’t even mentioned the defensive game plan.
I like Eli Mannig…but the Patriots will break him, torture him, make him think that popcorn venders are inserting themselves in the secondary and picking him off…

I am not a Rick Tellander fan, but he had a great line this morning with Chet Chit Chat.

“Arlen Spector and Congress getting involved with Spaygate? Come on, this isn’t the Stockmarket, this isn’t water-boarding, this isn’t the collapsing housing market, these are videotapes of a bunch of guys doing the hand jive.”

Take the Pats and lay the points…

Or better yet say fuck the superbowl parties watch the game and lay with your wife, girlfriend or significant other…cuz this game will be over at halftime.

Let’s be honest, sex is way the fuck better than football

Hell, it’s even a little better than baseball.

Our Manifesto?

Professional Sports Is Very Interesting

Have you ever noticed how interesting professional sports is? If there's one topic that I enjoy spending hours thinking about and ruminating upon,...

Meet the Mets

Thank you NY Mets for getting YoHo Santana the fuck out of the American League Central. That could translate into five more wins for our beloved White SOX.

In that division ya take wins wherever you can get them.

Not you as in you or me (whoever you are)...we aren't going to win anything.

I don't know what the acquisition of Santana does for the Mets' chances to win it all. I'd say if the cubs got him they'd be guaranteed to win their division (although things already look good on that front for the north side club)...

Devin will say that I know nothing about baseball, but now that Santana's traded the Twinkies are going to trade Joe Nathan next. If I were generally managing the cubs I'd think about packaging Carlos Marmol (sp? Jeanz, Z? Lou? anybody) and somebody else in a deal for the Twins lights out closer.

True, the cubs do not win their division in 07 without Carlos M out of the bullpen, but is he ready or can he ever be a closer?

Kerry Wood closing? Can cubs fans really depend on his rattley shoulder to go out and throw every day? Bob Howry? He's a great set up man, but when was the last time he closed games on a regular basis?

cubs fans think I suck and that's fine, but I know a world class closer when I see one and Joe Nathan (with one exception in the last two years) has been lights out in the 9th inning.

Who wouldn't want that?

For Ed

Carl Quietly Reflects on the Giants Winning the NFC Championship

Wrigley Field Cubhubub

Are people really up in arms about the naming rights of Wrigley Field?

WRIGLEY FIELD!!!!

It’s fucking gum douchebags! What? It would be a crime to name the field after gum AND something else?

In the wake of the housing market slowdown, one of the sub-prime lenders should consider partnering with the cubs…

…hell, the cubs have been giving their downtrodden fans sub-prime baseball for almost 100 years.

The Liar's NFL Championship Game Picks

No time for love, Dr. Jones.
I'm getting ready to head out to the Chili Solstice tonight, and decided to get my picks up here before it was too late.
Here you go:

Last Weeks Picks: 2/2
Season Record: 175/89

Afternoon Game:
Patriots (17-0) over Chargers (13-5)
The Bolts got chewed up by the Colts last week. This game should be a cake-walk for the Patriots. I reiterate; should be.

Evening Game:
Packers (14-3) over Giants (12-6)
According to weather.com, tomorrow's forecast for Green Bay calls for flurries with a high temperature of 3 degrees.
Friggin' awesome!
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Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED

Carl's Not As Pissed As Usual (and in a wig)

Live Free or Cry

WHO DO YOU BELIEVE AMERICA?!?

Tony Romo's got Jessica, maybe these two would make a good couple.



At least there's no crying in baseball.





Later, the French surrendered to the nearly disintegrated corpse of the bird killed by the Big Mullet...er, Unit.

My predictions suck...

From July 19th, 2007:

some early predictions:

1. 49ers make the playoffs.

- God, what a disaster. They do have Patrick Willis who won Defensive Rookie of the Year. He's a badass.

2. turner takes the gift of the chargers and loses in the first round of the playoffs.

- How the Hell do you let Billy Volek beat you? Not that, Ed!

3. I'll go to a Raiders game (Bears are here Nov. 11th) and get really drunk.

- Well, I went to the KC game and was so hungover I couldn't even have one drink at the game. NOT ONE. Pathetic and unacceptable.

TV Reception

Either my TV is totally fucked or some random Colts fan is playing a didgeridoo whenever the Chargers have the ball.

Maybe my ears are fucked.

It's probably my head. Who has didgeridoo delusions?

It has finally happened. I have become didgeridoolusional.

By the way, the NFL should adopt this song as its unofficial, official theme for the playoffs.

The Liar's NFL Divisional Playoffs Picks

Wow-wee - There are four great games happening this weekend. There isn't one stinker in the whole bunch, and they all should be well-matched games. Which is why what I'm about to do kinda freaks me out.
Last week I picked three road teams outta four, now this week I'm picking all four home teams to win. That doesn't make any sense. Hell, I'm picking against all three of my winners last week, and every year a wild-card team seems to make it to the Superbowl.
I don't care about all that noise - I see 4 home wins.

Bite me; that's why.

Last Weeks Picks: 3/1
Season Record: 173/87

Saturday Afternoon Game:
Packers (13-3) over Seahawks (11-6)
I'm hoping like hell that the Pack goes all the freakin' way this year - I'm talking Super Bowl Champs.
Why?
So that Favre fucking retires. All-y'all know that if they pick up a Super Bowl title that Brett's gonna do the classy thing and exit stage left.
If they don't win it all this year, getting this close will just whip Favre into a frenzy for another 5 or 6 seasons. I'm gonna like the NFC North a lot more with Brett's #4 hanging up in Lambeau.
Go Pack!
Postgame: I effing love those blizzard games. Granted, the game was over before the half, but I could have watched another 6 quarters of Seattle getting buried in snow.

Saturday Night Game:
Patriots (16-0) over Jaguars (12-5)
I'm really hoping that my Pack runs all over New England in Super Bowl XLII - It ain't gonna happen. Whoever comes up against the Pats on February 3rd is gonna be wholly outmatched, and the real fireworks are going down in the AFC playoffs over the next couple of weeks. Strap yourselves in.

Sunday Early Game:
Colts (13-3) over Chargers (12-5)
I really want to pick the Bolts in an upset here, but I'm pretty damned sure that's because the Colts didn't bother to play their last regular-season game. That's a sucker's bet, and I'm not falling for it. Indianapolis is the better team.
Postgame: Oh yeah, that's why I wanted to pick the Chargers, because the Clots always eat turd when they rest everyone in the weeks leading up to the playoffs - I even fucking wrote that in my week 17 picks.
I gotta stop listening to my brain.

Sunday Late Game:
Cowboys (13-3) over Giants (11-6)
Okay, let's settle down, folks. I picked the Giants last week, but some normally-sane people are going friggin' nutty over 'em. They're just good enough to beat the rusty Bucs, but not a well-honed team like the Cowboys.
Sorry, Carl - The G-Men are done.
Postgame: OMG!!! Tony Romo totally pulled a "Romo". There will be many a NFL film dedicated to Tony's last-minute playoff melt-downs.
On a plus note; We get the possibility for another snow game in Green Bay next week.
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Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED

The Other Kind of Gray Goose

Goose Gossage made it to baseball's Valhalla after hearing from the writers nine times "No flagon of ambrosia for you!"

I'm probably mixing my afterlife metaphors here but I don't care. I for one, welcome our new two inning closer/overlord to Cooperstown. It never bothered me that he would get pissed for being passed over time and again or when he'd go on Dan Patrick and argue with a certain dickhead from the Detroit Free Press (or the Cleveland Post un-Intelligencer or some such rag) who swore up and down that he would never cast a Hall of Fame vote for a reliever...

Granted, I was in first grade when he left the SOX so I do not really remember him playing for the South Siders but every baseball fan my age remembers those great Yankee teams of the late 1970's. If you watched any of those legendary victories I bet you remember that it was Rich Gossage on the mound in the 9th inning. The amazing thing about the end of some of those games was the last out was rarely a strike out. I seem to remember him battling Yaz at the end of the Bucky Dent game, fooling the great Carmine and getting him to pop up harmlessly somewhere in the infield.

I think he had more strikeout victims when the Yankees eliminated some of those great Royals teams in the playoffs but I'm not going to break down the numbers and game action for Mr. Gossage. Santi, how many times did Gossage strike out Pete LaCock?

Sorry.

Here at Killing for Sports, if you have an animal nickname we all cheer when you are elected to a hall of fame.

Now if we can only get George the Animal Steele elected to the Wrestling Hall of Fame.

Rumors Not Involving Fleetwood Mac

If the rumors turn out to be true and the SOX trade Paulie to the Halos for Chone Figgins & Urban Santana I will be perfectly pleased with Kenny’s off-season moves (with the possible exception of Scott Limbrenk…I can’t even spell his stupid name)

Figgins is a legit leadoff hitter who can play a bunch of positions in the field. Cabrera works best as a #2 and the SOX could bat Swisher further down in the order. I love Paulie and will never forget how great he was in the playoffs including his home run against the Angels in the ALCS and his homer off Chad Qualls in the World Series…but the SOX have a few players like him (Thome from the left side and Dye from the right)…& those guys clog the fuck out of the bases.

With Figgins and Cabrera at the top of the order, someone is more likely to get on base & the defense will have fewer opportunities to go into the Thome shift. At first it sounds crazy that the Angels would trade two decent players to get Paulie at this stage of his career…but they need a big bat to give some support to Vlad the Ball Impaler…especially with Garrett Anderson on the decline. Plus the Angels have always coveted Konerko and I will always be grateful to him for taking less money to come back to the SOX in 2006.

I might be talking out of my ass on some of this…and even if the SOX make this trade they still might not be as good as the Indians or the Tigers.

The SOX can move Fields or Swisher to 1^st and have a viable and dare a say, diverse line-up for the 08 campaign.

I’m getting excited.

Swish

Nick Swisher or a $60mildo contract for Rowand? Nick Swisher or Tori Hunter at $90 mildo? Kudos to Kenny for making this deal. I think the Oakland Moneyball man is on the way up in his career. This is not the case for either Rowand or Hunter. They signed big deals and they are at a very different point in their careers.

Now let’s be clear…out of all the outfielders on the market Tori Hunter was the most talented (we’ll see about Fukudome)…but let the Angels pay that amount of money for a player whose bat, glove and charisma will help their ballclub.

Yes, SOX fans have a connection with Rowand and the beloved ‘05 team, but 60 million for a guy who should be hitting 6^th? Come on people, Swisher is the better deal.

Sure, I was surprised that the much coveted Geo Gonzalez was put in the deal, but if I know Kenny Williams, he will trade for and acquire Mr. Gonzalez once again. He’s the new, non-spitting Roberto Alomar.

I’d like to think the WhiteSOX are not done. They don’t seem to need either Messrs. Krisp or Pierre as Swisher will probably fill the void in center. But the SOX do need a lead off hitter and a viable 2^nd baseman (Uribe may be a worthwhile experiment but by no means is he a sure-thing at 2^nd). It would make the SOX Fukudome misadventure worth it if they could somehow steal Brian Roberts away from the cubs. Speaking realistically, the cubs have the inside track on this deal (McFail) and they have more to offer the O’s than do my beloved WhiteSOX. One version of a cubs/Orioles trade has the Patterson brothers reunited in Camden Yards. Awww….

That’s all in the future. For now, good job Kenny W and I promise to do my best to stay out of White Sox business.

The Liar's NFL Wild-Card Weekend Picks

This ain't good. For some reason I'm picking 3 road wins in the wild-card round. It isn't smart, but that's how I see 'em.
I think that I'm just unholy pissed at Seattle, Pitttsburgh, and Tampa for half-assin' it and screwing up my picks last week - This'll learn 'em.
I'm a firm believer in momentum, and the first three of these games are essentially the same story. I promise to mix it up a bit.

Last Weeks Picks: 10/6
Season Record: 170/86

Saturday Afternoon Game:
Redskins (9-7) over Seahawks (10-6)
While the Shawks were prancing around the may-pole, the Skins have been playing do-or-die games for the last 4 weeks; winning against the Bears (7-9), the Giants (10-6), the Vikings (8-8), & the Cowboys (13-3). In those four weeks Seattle won against the Cardnials (8-8) & Ravens (5-11), and lost to the Panthers (7-9) & Falcons (4-12).
Way to limp into the playoffs, boys.
It's gonna be a rude awakening for Seattle while they're picking their teeth outta the turf after this one.
Postgame: Arrrrrrgggghhhh!

Saturday Night Game:
Jaguars (11-5) over Steelers (10-6)
At least the Seahawks managed to pull out a win against the fucking Ravens in the final weeks - Pittsburgh can't say the same.
WTF? You guys do know that Baltimore lost to the Dolphins, right?
The Jags are a freaking juggernaut (bitch), and I don't see the sleepwalking Steelers waking up in time to get to the next round.

Sunday Early Game:
Giants (10-6) over Buccaneers (9-7)
What the diddily?
Before last week, I woulda picked the Bucs without any hesitation. A month ago I would have bet that the Giants wouldn't even make the playoffs.
After seeing NY play a hard-lost game against the red-hot Pats, I've had a change of heart. That game took GUTS. I don't care if they lost, they fucking played the hell outta that game. It beats watching Tampa drop two gimme games against the 49ers and the Panthers.
This game is the perfect litmus test on whether it's better to play or to rest after you have your playoff spot nailed down. I say "play".
Postgame: Wow, Garcia looked rusty as all hell. Maybe if they played him for more than a few downs over the last month this coulda been a real game.
The verdict is in: Play trumps rest.

Sunday Late Game:
Chargers (11-5) over Titans (10-6)
I'm not sold on the Titans and really would have rather seen the Browns in this match-up, but this is what we got. I don't think that either Cleveland or Tennessee has what it takes to knock out San Diego, but that match-up would have given me a dog in this fight -- insert Micheal Vick joke here --.
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Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN

"Let me congratulate you on being as great as me..."

Did y'all catch the backhanded compliments coming from those dumbass '72 Dolphins? "I know how hard it is to complete an undefeated season, so let me be the first to say...
" SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

As much as I can't stand Tom Brady (and his stupid chiseled good looks) and the video-tape-cheatin'-muthafucka Patriots, I much more hate the sorry-ass glory-days-extending Dolphins from the early 70's.

All the Pats need to do is win 1 more, and you no longer know how hard it is to win that many games in a season. Choke on your fucking Champagne, douchebags.

The Liar's NFL Week 17 Picks

This is it. It's the last week of regular-season professional tackle football. After Sunday, we have 4 more weeks of playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?), then it's a long seven months of trying to care about Hockey and Cubbies heartbreak before the 2008 preseason takes off.
I've finally reached my goal of ending up at .666% or better (see below). I'm Friggin' amazed. Unless I get handled this week with my picks, the outlook looks good for holdin' on to it.

Last Weeks Picks: 12/4
Season Record: 160/80

Saturday Night Game:
Patriots (15-0) over Giants (10-5)
Everybody, look under your seats... It's a free football game for you; and you; and you; and you... Free football game for everyone!!!
The NFL Network caved and allowed this game to be simulcast on NBC and CBS. Now everyone can see first-hand how friggin' terrible Bryant Gumbel is in the booth.
Postgame: Hey '72 Dolphins; now you can shut the fuck up, you twats. Up your ass, Csonka.

Sunday Early Games:
Seahawks (10-5) over Falcons (3-12)
The Falcons story would be tragic if they didn't totally deserve it, so this season plays more like a comedy.
Seattle doesn't have anything to play for in this one, and should rest-up for the wildcard round next week. If they were playing anyone other than Atlanta I'd call this one a loss, but the Falcons stink on ice right now.

Bears (6-9) over Saints (7-8)
A loss probably does Chicago more good in this situation, but the Bears feel a slight sting - That's pride fucking with 'em. It would feel too good to knock out the Saints 2 years in a row and keep from landing alone at the bottom of the NFC North (with a Lions loss).

Browns (9-6) over 49ers (5-10)
Neither of these teams is playing for anything. Cleveland is gonna be watching the Colts/Titans game later with much more interest. If the Titans lose, the Browns are in - If the Titans win, the Browns are off until August.

Packers (12-3) over Lions (7-8)
If the Pack had won last week, I'd have picked the Lions to walk away with a garbage win to bump 'em up to .500, but after the spanking Green Bay took at Soldier Field last week, they're gonna need a win to boost morale before their bye week.

Bengals (6-9) over Dolphins (1-14)
Thhhppptttt!!!
I'm tempted to pick the Fish in this showdown of the gayest team uniforms. The Tuna is on the prowl and all the little fishies are swimming for their lives. Cincinnati has just enough talent to win this (that's not a lot of talent, mind you, just enough).

Bills (7-8) over Eagles (7-8)
Toss a coin for this one. I'm just picking the Bills 'cause I like 'em. Probably not the best methodology for determining the superior team, but I'm goin' with it.

Buccaneers (9-6) over Panthers (6-9)
Does anybody care about this game? It's another meaningless playoff team -vs- a not a playoff team game. The Bucs are gonna be resting, but should have enough gas in the reserve tank to pull out a win... I think.

Jaguars (11-4) over Texans (7-8)
This one's gonna be close. The Jags are in sleep mode, but I can't see Del Rio giving a division rival a win before heading off to the postseason.

Sunday Late Games:
Broncos (6-9) over Vikings (8-7)
I really should be picking Minnesota, but after last week's embarrassing loss to the Skins at home I don't see 'em getting their shit together for the trip to Denver (outside in the snow).

Chargers (10-5) over Raiders (4-11)
I just feel sorry for TomO.

Jets (3-12) over Chiefs (4-11)
I f'ing hate Herm Edwards. This game would have been infinitely more sweet if it were last year at this time when the Big Apple Planes were playoff bound, and the Chiefs were a punchline. Now they're both jokes.

Cardinals (7-8) over Rams (3-12)
And the award for least watchable game of the week goes to... This one. Arizona is running the risk of this one stinkin' up their stadium so bad that the Super Bowl may have to be relocated this year due to ecological concerns.

Steelers (10-5) over Ravens (4-11)
The Ravens?!?! You guys are still here? I though that you guys went away after week 15.
The Baltimore thugs are pissed at Pittsburgh for "disrespectin" 'em back in week 9. It's like watching a retarded street dog picking a fight with a dumpster. It would be sad, but you kinda want to see how long it takes for the pathetic creature to figure out that it's a losing effort. Plus, you want to see blood and failure.

Redskins (8-7) over Cowboys (13-2)
Please, please, please, please?!?
The Skins have crazy momentum going into this one, they're playing on a load of emotion, and (most importantly) Dallas is resting a load of their starters now that they have a lock on the #1 seed.
I see the Redskins heading out to Seattle next weekend.

Sunday Night Game:
Colts (13-2) over Titans (9-6)
The Titans are fighting for a playoff spot here, whereas the Colts are locked in at the #2 seed. I just don't think that the Colts want to go into the Playoffs with a loss - They learned that lesson a couple of years back. They have a bye, so I'm thinking that they'll play for the win and use the extra week to mend.
---

Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED

A Christmas Tradition

Hearing that Bulls’ head coach Scott Skiles was fired on Christmas Eve took me back to Christmases of yore…

Our what?

Ok, it actually only took me back to Christmas 2001 when Jerry Krause’s fishing buddy Tim Floyd “resigned” after three plus years of sucking royal dick.

Oh, Jerry Krause isn’t royalty? I thought he was Lord Lard Ass or some shit like that.

There’s an image by the way…Krause “scouting” the talent in Iowa and dipping his fishing pole into Floyd’s brown Hawkeye.

That level of suck-assedness was all in the past, or so I thought.

Nine and sixteen? Nine and sixteen?…after they grabbed their ankles and took what the flaccid Rockets had for them on Saturday I thought of that great line from Bull Durham: “How did we ever win nine?”

I don’t think nine was the number of wins in the film but the image should be clear.

The Bulls quit, they knew how to quit, there wasn’t a single ounce of dogged, gay cowboy determinism in the lot of them and now they have to live with that BULLshit.

I love Pax, but he will have to live with his decision to spend all that money on Tyson Chandler’s defense, only to free himself from that to spend an even more ridiculous sum of money for Ben Wallace’s defense. No NBA franchise should ever have to spend top free-agent money for hustle and muscle. It just doesn’t make sense. That’s what the dumbass, lunch bucket players are for (sorry Chris B).

When signing a free-agent basketball GMs should consider this thought experiment…

“How would my team play if I cloned four more of these guys and put them on the court together?”

Now imagine a team of 5 KG’s vs. 5 Ben Wallace’s. No one could score on Team Wallace, although they’d be pretty good looking. (Technically KG was acquired via trade rather than free-agency feel free to insert Kobe or any other potential NBA free-agent into my thought experiment)

I loved to say that the head coach of the Bulls once got in a fight with Shaq – WHEN THEY WERE TEAMMATES! I always hoped Skiles would take on Antoine Walker of the Miami Heat (or formerly of the Miami Heat – I refuse to google a second or third tier NBA player to see where he is currently playing).

All this being said, I don’t feel too bad for Scott Skiles. After all on Christmas the Bulls decided to give him 7 mildo to not work. You know some of my repair crew doesn’t seem to want to listen to me any more, they’ve tuned me out. One might say they quit on me. Maybe I need to take a seven million dollar severance package and step aside…

…for the good of the team.

Carl's Holiday Message

The Liar's NFL Week 16 Picks

Hey, I'm tied for first with Schlereth from the NFL Experts for most correct picks (Jaws is whomping both of us in percentage since he doesn't pick Monday night games).
Not freakin' bad. Hooray me!
Every time I start bragging about my prognosticating abilities, I totally flame-out the next week. I really have to stop doing that.

Last Weeks Picks: 11/5
Season Record: 148/76

Thursday Night Game:
Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5) over Rams (3-11)
The Steelers have something to prove this week after getting spanked by a Florida team in a hometown snowstorm (I totally called that). Now they have to sharpen their teeth on the Horned Sheep in order to preserve their lead over Cleveland in the AFC North.

Saturday Night Game:
Cowboys (12-2) over Panthers (6-8)
Unless Jessica starts making out with the Carolina bench, Romo should have his head (and thumb) back in the game this week.
The Panthers are looking better as this season wraps up, but Dallas is light-years beyond them.

Early Sunday Games:
Bills (7-7) over Giants (9-5)
The Williams have had a killer season this year, and are much better than their record suggests. The Giants are in the midst of a tail-spin and are much worse than their record suggests. Unless Eli catches fire (and Plexico starts catching passes), the Gnats are doomed.
Postgame: You're killing me, Buffalo. That 4th quarter was freakin' atrocious. Now the Skins have this route to the playoffs shut down.

Bears (5-9) over Packers (12-2)
Lovie has to get back to his first year pledge in order to "salvage" this season. Two wins against the Pack would ease the pain a bit (and save a few jobs). I'm not sure that the Bears have what it takes to get this done, but I'm hoping like hell.
Postgame: THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. BEARS!!!

Browns (9-5) over Bengals (5-9)
I love me some Cleveland Browns this year. Everybody enjoy this story now before Disney ruins it by optioning the rights for some schmaltzy feel-good flick.
In related news, Vivid is interested in optioning the story of the Bengals under the title of "Ex-Con Suck-A-Thon".

Lions (6-8) over Chiefs (4-10)
I'm throwing Detroit a bone here. They've gone back to losing (thank gawd), and now I feel like I owe 'em something after wishing for their downfall all season. They might be bad, but they're not "Kansas City bad".

Colts (12-2) over Texans (7-7)
Indy has a 1st round bye nailed down, and might not be playing all-out this week. The Texans are back on track, and a win here would make a huge statement. This should be a fairly close game, but the Colts should be able to pull off a 'W' in a squeaker.

Saints (7-7) over Eagles (6-8)
I'm really hoping that the Beagles can pull off the upset in this one. A Philly win would really help out the Skins in their playoff hunt. That being said, the Eagles are downright bi-polar this season. I have no fucking idea which Eagles team is gonna show up this week. New Orleans has much more to play for in this game, so I'm going with the Saints at home.
Postgame: Thank you Philly. Now, please have a talk with the Buffalo Bills.

Jaguars (10-4) over Raiders (4-10)
This one's gonna be ugly - Look away, Tom.

Sunday Late Games:
Cardinals (6-8) over Falcons (3-11)
Look at the crap they're trying to pass off as late games this week. I'm sorta thankful that Chicago has the Pats/Fins late game. That's how crappy the rest of 'em are.

Buccaneers (9-5) over 49ers (4-10)
I give up: What can I say about this game? Nothing; that's what.
Bucs are good - Niners suck. Well, Instead of trying to pull some random meaningless stats off of the web, here's a Wikipedia excerpt on the mating of hedgehogs:
The hedgehog's dilemma is based upon the apparent danger of a male hedgehog being poked while mating with a female hedgehog. It states that the closer two people are to each other, the more they may hurt one another. However, this is not an issue for hedgehogs as the male's penis is very near the center of its abdomen (often mistaken for a belly button) and the female has the ability to curl her tail upward to the point that her vulva protrudes behind the rest of her body. As such, the male doesn't have to get completely on top of the female when mating.

Titans (8-6) over Jets (3-11)
A few weeks ago I had a random epiphany and started to wonder why the PC crowd didn't ever try to change the name of the NY Jets after 9/11.
I'm thinking of starting a petition just to see what ridiculous names the free-tards come up with.

Patriots (14-0) over Dolphins (1-13)
Fucking Ravens. I was gonna get cute and pick the Fins this week to get their first win and give New England their first loss. Baltimore shit the bed last Sunday and robbed me of that awesomely bold pick.
All bets are off of the table now, and I'm going with the Pats. As for the Ravens...

Seahawks (9-5) over Ravens (4-10)
...Contract 'em. After last week, I'm starting a campaign to dismantle the Ravens orginization. It's time that Art Modell's Blackbirds go the fuck away. Just give the 1996-1998 stats and records to Cleveland along with the Super Bowl XXXV title, and forget that this shit ever happened.
If Baltimore wants another football franchise, they should sack Indianapolis under cover of darkness and take back the Colts by force. Then, if Indy wants another NFL franchise, they can just go fuck themselves. Everybody wins.

Sunday Night Game:
Redskins (7-7) over Vikings (8-6)
Here's the game of the week. This is gonna be HUGE.
If the cocksucking Bears coulda held on to their lead last Monday, these two teams would be tied going into this one. instead the Bears failed (yet again), and now my Skins have to battle extra-hard for a playoff spot. I have faith - Hail to the Redskins.
Postgame: Hoo-Ha! The Skins are poised for a playoff appearance with a win against the resting Cowboys next week (Bears came through this week and settled the NFC home-field contest), or by losses from the Saints and Vikes. It's looking pretty damn good for DC.

Monday Night Game:
Chargers (9-5) over Broncos (6-8)
San Diego already has a playoff berth - this should be a good scrimmage match for 'em.
---

Correct picks in GREEN
Wrong picks in RED

The Trend

The trend continues for Superbowl losers becoming loser-losers the following season. The Bears were officially eliminated last night and I for one, say YUCK!

Urlacher played a great game and my son & I enjoyed watching the one playmaker on the Bears...arthritic back notwithstanding...make some big plays.

That was the bright spot last night.

I take that back. My favorite part of last night was when Fred "the Usher" Miller finally realized he could no longer play his position and just starts punching guys.

Well done Fred.

Hubris?

Anthony Irwin Kornheiser can blow it out his kornheiserhole. He blamed the Bears' woes on hubris...

The Liar's NFL Week 15 Picks

Hey, we get an extra night of professional tackle-football starting this week.
Actually, both the Thursday and Saturday games are on NFL Network, and 2/3rds of all American households don't even have that station on their cable package. So, I guess that a more accurate way of phrasing it would be: "I'm getting an extra night of football this week". I just wish it was better football than these two stinkers. It's kinda hard to lord over anyone when the teams involved are all below .500.
Fuck it, I'm out...
Okay, It's gonna take the bizarro DC Liar, Baltimore Truthteller, to make these two turd-packed games interesting. Here he goes:

Last Weeks Picks: 13/3
Season Record: 137/71

Thursday Night Game:
Broncos (6-7) over Texans (6-7)
Baltimore Truthteller: I am greatly looking forward to this compelling matchup. Both squadrons am 7+6. Both am very, very good. This am game of the week.
Postgame: Jake Plummer for Jay Cutler? Fucking brilliant!
Enjoy your offseason Shanahan, you fucking retard - It starts right now.

Saturday Night Game:
Bengals (5-8) over 49ers (3-10)
Baltimore Truthteller: 49ers am the best-ever 2007 team [except for Dolphins]. They are dominate the very good Cincinnati team. It be so good game, it silly.
---

Fuck that guy, I'm back. If Bizarro me picks two losers, does that mean that I get to count those as wins? No? Dammit.

Busy moving. Not time to chat.
Here are my Sunday Picks:

Early Sunday Games:
Browns (8-5) over Bills (7-6)
I'm digging both of these teams this year. Sadly, it looks like only one is gonna make the postseason - I'm betting on the Browns.

Titans (7-6) over Chiefs (4-9)
Don't get me wrong, The Titans could easily choke (yet again), but they don't seem to lose whenever Haynesworth is active - Go figure.

Packers (11-2) over Rams (3-10)
I've got this game on the DC affiliate (if I'm not driving through Ohio), but that doesn't matter. If I'm not on the road, I'm watching:

Ravens (4-9) over Dolphins (0-13)
I'm really psyched that we have this game this week. Cleo Lemon is back at the helm for the Fish, and this week they have the best shot at winning a game this season.
Don't let me down Miami, buckle down and lose this one. You have to remain beaten. That would make this shitty NFL season worthwhile. Please?
Postgame: Hey Baltimore: FUCK YOU!!! I hope you all choke to death on dicks.

Patriots (13-0) over Jets (3-10)
GRUDGE MATCH!!!
This is gonna be nasty. The last time these teams met, Coach Mangina busted out Coach Sweatshirt for totally tapin' his sideline doodz.
All your signals are belong to us!
Some ESPN analyst (I forget who) suggested that Belichick list his punter as inactive for this game.
We're not punting, bitches - Try and stop us.
That would be wicked-awesome.

Saints (6-7) over Cardinals (6-7)
The Lions have gone back to sucking, but the Cards keep threatening to be half-way decent this season. That worries me deeply. I'm hoping like hell that the Saints can pull out a win here and ease my soul.

Jaguars (9-4) over Steelers (9-4)
I have absolutely no idea who's gonna win this one. Both teams are 9 & 4. Pittsburgh got humiliated last week, and has something to prove. Jacksonville is the best team in the NFL that nobody ever remembers, and winning this one would be a huge statement going into the postseason.
{flipping a coin}
Jags.

Buccaneers (8-5) over Falcons (3-10)
I'd feel bad for the Falcons if I didn't hate their fucking guts. I think it has something to do with the whole 'Dirty Bird' thing from '98.
Fuck those guys - I hope every last one of 'em ends up in jail (or, even worse, Arkansas).

Seahawks (9-4) over Panthers (5-8)
Every year I seem to forget that the Seahawks are good. I'm an idiot.
On another unrelated note; I caught Matt Hasselbeck on P.T.I. the other day - He's a really witty guy. Who knew?
Postgame: This is the kind of shit that keeps making me forget.

Late Sunday Games:
Colts (11-2) over Raiders (4-9)
The Colts are trying like hell to hold onto the #2 seed in the AFC. This game should help 'em.

Cowboys (12-1) over Eagles (5-8)
I've got this game. I'm gonna spend this time dreaming of EIU's Romo in a Bears jersey, and trying to decide if I want Chicago native, McNabb, in one next season.

Chargers (8-5) over Lions (6-7)
Say goodnight Detroit.

Sunday Night Game:
Washington Redskins (6-7) over Giants (9-4)
Crap! These last two I really want to pick with my heart over my brain. I'm gonna split the difference.
The Giants have a wild-card spot nailed down (more or less) right now - The Skins are fighting for their lives right now. I see DC pulling the upset.
Maybe.

Monday Night Game:
Vikings (7-6) over Bears (5-8)
The one thing that I want for Christmas is for Orton to come into this one and lead the Bears on a 3-game winning streak to end out this season. Oh, and a job - Two things.
I'm gonna be routing like hell for Chicago, but am going with the odds on the pick.
Postgame: Fuck.
---

Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN

List of MLB Players Implicated

...by Killing for Sports

1. Three-finger Mordaci Brown – How’d he get so good if he only had three fingers?

2. Yogi Berra – When we asked Mr. Berra about his usage of performance enhancing drugs he said: “It ain’t over till I’ve taken my horse tranquilizers. Then believe me, the shit is over.”

3. Pete Rose – I’ll bet ya a thousand dollars he was on something when he got those fucking Little Lord Fauntleroy haircuts in the late 70’s and early 80’s.

Good Ol' Suk-n-Fuk

If the Saux can have a Dice-K, I say that it's time that my Cubbies get a Fuk-U.
That's right, The Cubs just signed Kohsuke Fukudome to a 4 year $50 mil deal - God love 'em.

Special Price

THIS says it all.

Name:Rex Grossman
Team:Chicago Bears
Dimensions:4'2"W x 6'6"H
Price:$99.95 $39.95

I'm considering buying a six-pack for target practice.

You Play to Win the War

Late Sunday night I popped in a copy of Madden ’06 for the old X-Box. I found an activeJets season saved to memory. There was one game left, the Superbowl. I thought well, it’s late Sunday I’m not really doing anything – I’ll play the Jets vs. the Packers in the Superbowl.

Just as in real life I won easily. That’s not news.

When this game came out Herman Edwards was still the coach of the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets! This was pre-Mangenius who, by the way, needs a new nickname considering the Jets record.

My vote is for Mandumbfuckingnarkass.

But Herm Edwards was the coach back then and thus coach in this version of the game.

So I win the Superbowl and the game goes into its end of the championship/end of the season fanfare. There is the ceremonial Gatorade dump and Herm is carried off by his players.

But in this series of graphics, Herm Edwards looked a lot like fucking Hitler!

The ‘stache was more compact than the legendary Wanstache, even Herm’s skin had a weird sort of Aryan thing happening…

Apparently the Jets needed living space and had to roll the Pack 78-6 to get it.

Just for the record, I didn’t program the damned thing so I am completely innocent of Madden-related war crimes.

Fuck it, Let's Drink and Stack Cougars!!

The Orton Era

So it's official. Orton will start against Minnesota. Maybe it'll be a one-two punch of Orton/Wolfe. You can be sure the Viqueens haven't planned for that. So, what happens if Orton goes out with an injury? What a mess. Worse yet, what happens if he wins out the season?

What should happen at QB next season? Running Back? Safety? Offensive line? Which is the most pressing need?

The Liar's NFL Week 14 Picks

I'm back in chaos mode. I'm tying up all of the lose ends here in DC, packing up the rest of my shit, and still finding time to head out to Fed Ex Field this week for the Skins -vs- Bears game. Woo-Hoo!

... I mean BOO!
That fucking game damn near turned me off of football (and grilled oysters).
Here's the rest of my picks.

Last week's picks: 11/5
Season record: 124/68

Thursday Night Game
Bears (5-7) over Redskins (5-7)
Who fucking knows how this game will go? If you're thinking of wagering on this one; you're insane - You'd be better off going down to the turtle races at Andy's Tap in D-Town and wagering the title to your car on turtle #13.
The Skins have had a really rough short week and are playing with a two-day practice week due to Taylor's funeral. They could be inspired, but after last week, I'm not seeing it. Then again, the Bears are finding a way to lose at every given opportunity. Who fucking knows?
I'm gonna be front & center at this train wreck. I'm picking Bears and routing for a Grossman career ending injury.
Postgame: Bluuuuuurrrrgggghhhhh!
This game was so blowful, that It needs its own post.

Early Sunday Games
Bills (6-6) over Dolphins (0-12)
Miami is starting to get desperate and making some crazy-ass plays so that they don't run the board in reverse. Miami QB, John Beck, might even get his first touchdown of the season in this one - Don't count on it. The Williams will triumph.

Rams (3-9) over Bengals (4-8)
The Bengals are reaching critical mass as a team. This is the game that will blow them apart.

Cowboys (11-1) over Lions (6-6)
Good news: It looks like the Lions aren't gonna make the postseason. Bad news: It looks like the Vikings will. Fucking NFC North.

Packers (10-2) over Raiders (4-8)
Brett is still hurt from last week, but should play. The Raiders are still hurt from January 26th, 2003, and really haven't played since.

Chargers (7-5) over Titans (7-5)
I'm not loving this pick. I think that the Titans at home have a damned good shot of up-ending the Bolts winning streak, and pulling off a win at home. The Titans really need this win, whereas San Diego has a 2 game division lead going into the playoffs. All signs point to a Titans win, but I think that the Chargers will drive the nail into Tennessee's playoff hopes.

Giants (8-4) over Eagles (5-7)
Donovan got real healthy real quick after Jay Touchy-Feely started throwing picks. It's still not gonna work. The G-Men own this one.

Jaguars (8-4) over Panthers (5-7)
I've been waiting all season for this match-up to tee-off.
Both of these teams came in as expansion teams in 1995 and I always get 'em mixed up after my second beer. Who can blame me? These both are teams from lame-ass southern cities that are named after THE SAME FUCKING ANIMAL. The Jaguar is a panther native to Central America.
I'm just amazed that they didn't grant extension teams to the Birmingham Pumas and the Texarkana Cougars the same fucking year. Yeeesh.

Buccaneers (8-4) over Texans (5-7)
With a win here, Tampa can secure a playoff spot. Houston is out, so they're just playing for pride. If you've ever been to Houston, you'll know how little pride they're playing for.

Late Sunday Games
Vikings (6-6) over 49ers (3-9)
The Vikes are gonna make the playoffs. The Niners are gonna make excuses and an early draft pick.

Seahawks (8-4) over Cardinals (6-6)
Once again, the Cards really need this road win to advance in the playoff race, and Seattle has a 2 game lead with 4 games left. Arizona really needs this win, I don't think that they're gonna get it.

Broncos (5-7) over Chiefs (4-8)
Hey kids, it's the crushed expectations bowl. Flush quick.

Patriots (12-0) over Steelers (9-3)
Here's the game of the week. Here's why: This (statistically) is the best shot at upending the Pats' perfect season; Both of these teams have a history of breaking each other's undefeated streaks; New England has struggled in the past couple of weeks against two awful teams; and if the Steelers could knock out a win here, they'd be in position for some home playoff games.
All that being said, the Patriots always seem to find a way to win. Plus, I want to see those '72 Fish bastards shut the fuck up.

Browns (7-5) over Jets (3-9)
Bad news for the Brown Bombers: Last week the Jets scored 40 points with Kellen Clemens at the helm. Good News for the Browns: Last week they played the hapless Dolphins.
Cleveland rocks this one.

Sunday Night Game
Colts (10-2) over Ravens (4-8)
Last week the Ravens almost upended the Patriots in the Monday night game. That was fucking weird. This week they should be back to full glacier mode - Slow and melting away into nothingness.

Monday Night Game
Saints (5-7) over Falcons (3-9)
Poor ESPN - I'll be watching just to see how long it takes for Kornheiser to lose it.
---

Wrong picks in RED
Correct picks in GREEN

Take me Out to the Ballgame (and Out of the Playoffs)

I had the great pleasure of attending last night's Bears -vs- Skins game (Thanx Dan).
Sweet Jesus, did that fucking suck.
I really shouldn't be bitching about having the privilege of being handed free tickets for an NFL game between my two favorite teams, but here I go anyway:

I had an extra ticket for the game, so I called up my buddy Steve, who usually is good enough to let me share in his season tickets, and see if he had a friend that could use my spare - He did.
By the way, check out the ticket (to the right). These tickets were printed up in the offseason - With Sean Taylor. There was a 1 in 10 shot of any featured player being on the ticket for this game, but on the week after his funeral? Weird.
We met up in the parking lot about 3 hours before kick-off to get some bratwurst and a good buzz going. The first thing I noticed was how freaking cold it was. The cold-front had just moved over a day earlier, going from 80 degrees the week before, to 50 degrees this week, to 30 degrees for the game.
I was bundled up like the kid from 'A Christmas Story', and still freezing my ass off - It didn't help that I packed up all of my boots and hauled 'em back to Illinois. I was ankle-deep in snow wearing low-top Chucks - It was either that or dress shoes.
It was a pretty damed fine tailgate; bratwurst, crab cakes, fried soft-shell crabs, beer, and booze. I should have had the sense to steer clear of the grilled oysters - Whole oysters grilled in their shells. Everyone else had gloves on - I didn't. I was handed a fresh-off-of-the-grill oyster and lost the skin on my thumb, index finger, and middle finger tips. I still managed to eat it, but was in pain for the rest of the night (and still am).

The game was a freaking war of attrition for all but 30 seconds right before the half. I was digging it, and even felt a little bad (between ecstatic cheers) when Rex went out.
Rex got his revenge. With him out, I was free to cheer for the Bears, but I had worn out my Sean Taylor jersey out of a sense of obligation. He dies, I own his jersey, I've got tickets for the next game - Shelve the Butkus jersey. So, here I am routing for Chicago and decked out in Skins gear - I just crossed my arms and tried to be as stoic as possible, lest I look like a total fuck-wit.
At half-time we met up with Steve and a few other people at the end-zone bar (Meathead was a no-show). I had a few smokes, drank a few shots, and headed back to my seats... Only to realize that I had lost my ticket.
FUCK!!!
It must have slipped out while I was reaching for smokes or pulling my gloves outta their pocket. The guy I had been sitting next to had joined Steve down at his seats for the second half ( I declined because I had fancy-ass club seats right on the 50), so my alibi was gone for the security check. I tried calling Steve - Direct to voicemail. I tried calling Meathead - Nada.
I'm fucked.
I couldn't tell you anything that happened in the 3rd quarter, because I was on the phone trying to find a way back into the game. I finally started wandering upward to the nose-bleed seats, and found a couple of unattended gates at the top in the end-zone. Perfect.
I went from the fancy-ass hoity-toity seats to the nosebleeds with a guy vomiting into the empty seat directly in front of me (really). Charming.

You all saw the 4th quarter, so I don't have to tell you all about the travesty against all that is good that unfurled on the field. I stayed till the game went final.
Then I sat for 75 minutes in line trying to get out of the parking lot with a jacked-up monster truck pickup directly in front of me, and got to watch every braying jackass shoot the thumbs-up at the driver and take pictures next to it. Fucking douches.
I got so sick of that nonsense that I shifted into 4 wheel drive, jumped the curb, shot off into the free-lane, and outta the park. I'm hoping that the monster truck guy saw that and felt like a complete ass for being a timid twat with a big-assed truck - Fucking pussy.
After I got out of the parking lot, it was a swift 20 minute drive home.

I was planning on watching the game again on Tivo, but just said "fuck it", took a shower, poured myself a bourbon, and headed to bed.
I needed it.

From Superbowl Runners-Up to Super-Size Pieces of Shit...

Wow... I don't even know where to begin. There are so many things wrong with the Decatur Staleys, it's hard to say which one they need to address first in the off-season. The most frustrating thing is that the team's talent seems to be less than the sum of the talent of its constituent parts. You can point to injury or off-season moves that may be at the root of the rapid decline, but the truth is that the most glaring issues tonight were lack of discipline - and shitty strategy on both sides of the ball. I place 97% of the blame on the coaching staff.

On the plus side, I thought the little guy from NIU acquitted himself quite well tonight. He had a couple of nice skill plays, but what impressed me was the way he was picking up blocks in the backfield. Now, if the O-Line could pick up blocks as well...

Babich sounds like bitch to me.

Any one who's name sounds like bitch shouldn't couch D for the fucking Bears. I had to rant some where cuz this guys is starting to really fucking piss me off. I hope I can get close enough Thursday to throw something large at him. Maybe a Redskin fan that pisses me off.

Have you heard these quotes buy Eli.... THE WORST QB in the league.

"kept running the same play" because the Bears never adjusted and "had some formations and looks they had trouble with."

So that should piss you off and make you want to fucking rip someone's lips off. Here is what Bitch has to say....

"We need to be more disciplined and address anything that we need to address, scheme-wise," Babich said.

Huh?

No comment my head just exploded.

"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.

Huh?

So you don't face good backs every year? Where the hell did we get this retard?

Babich must be a fucking retards retard, does he really expect us to believe this shit. He is delusional and fucking kiddding himself and needs to go away. The last two weeks, Derrick Ward of the Giants and Andre Hall of the Broncos set career highs for single-game rushing yards against the Bears. Four of the last five running backs to face the Bears' defense have established season highs for rushing yards in a game.

"Seems like we've faced an awful lot of good backs this year," Babich said.

Great running backs like DERRICK WARD, ADRE HALL, and WYNN!

We start web sites to get rid of Rex but this douche bag can spout this trite and we got to swallow it. Am I the only one pissed off?

The bright spot this year is Ogunleye is steppin up big time. With his play and leadership. It sounds like he has an up hill battle with the coaches. Here is his quote

"Guys missing tackles, guys having busted plays, me included, all of us have to make plays," Ogunleye said. "The thing it gets back to is if I make a mistake, Tommie [Harris] has to have my back, and I have his back. Guys have been breaking down and guys haven't been having each other's backs."

Fucking A right Bubba! Get er done and...

Some one please kick da Bitches ass.

Why Vegas has the Money

Maybe this is one of those delusional fucked up playing with myself in my head sort of things...


Ewwwww, sorry

I know that the Vegas lines are designed to get even money played (which always benefits the house) and probably signify nothing more than that.

But the Ravens are 17pt dogs at home to the Pats and I've seen the over/under as high as 49 or 48 as recently today. I've also looked at the weather (after being reminded to do so by Dangerous Dan McNeil of Chicago's ESPN 1000).

The weather is supposed to be pretty windy and the Pats are a passing, not a running team. The Ravens are injured in the secondary sure, but they should be able to get as much pressure on Tom Brady from the front four as the Eagles did last year.

I'm not suggesting that anyone bet against the Pats, but you get 17pts and the Ravens backup is starting instead of Steve "the Statue" McNair.

Maybe all I can say is if you can find a window in time, take a chance on the Ravens and for the love of Benji - BET THE FRIGGIN' UNDER!

That's free money.

More Carl

Carl Brutananadilewski's take on the BCS, Wannstedt, marketing, computers, and porn.

Six Sacks - Zero Turnovers

Granted, he didn't set the world on fire, but Rexy did not make any big mistakes (unless you count backpedaling). I'm telling you, I can't stop the Rex hate, but I think focusing on him will get us yet another average QB and NOT the parts we really need (RB, o-line, safeties).

This was a heart-breaking game, because the Bears seemed to have it under control until the fourth quarter. Then they went limp. The defense used to win games for us but now they can't stop anything. The offense can't consistently create yards/points.

They started off with the hurry-up offense and drove straight down the field - no pressure. I can see where you don't want to do that for the full game, but waiting until it's too late into the 4th quarter makes it imperative to be perfect on every single play (not good for the Bears).

Also, am I the only one that thinks that Adrian Peterson is MORE talented than Cedric Benson? I mean, who cares about college stats at this point? How many 1st downs did Peterson fight for yesterday? He might not be the best back in the league, but I've always thought he was under-utilized.

One more thing - Hester is fast and has great vision and evasive skills. That doesn't make him a receiver. Maybe try him as a running back. I think he's awesome as a returner, but that might be it.

Loser/Dumbass Gets Lucky

Wanstache (one “n” or two?) leads the once proud Pitt Panthers to a victory over #2 West Virginia Mountaineers?!?!?

Despite all the agitation Wanny caused Bears fans during his time in Chicago, anybody who could manage to heap more shame and disappointment on the State of West Virginia is worthy of a Killing for Sports shout out (is "shout out" one word or two?)...

Anyway, here it is: “You don’t suck for one fucking week, Suckbag!”

Week 13 Bears Predictions

I've been fretting over what my inaugural post should be, so I thought I'd break the seal with something easy.

I just want to go on the record before the game today saying that Benson's injury was maybe the best thing to happen to the Bears near-term future. Look for, at least, high-double digit rushing yards from the other Adrian Peterson and a breakaway play or two from the munchkin Huskie. More importantly, look for the front office to spend some serious dollars and hours looking to repair the long-term running game (O-Line and RB).

Also, look for the D to behave more like we expect them to, unless Shockey shows up Archuleta all day.

I promise a better post soon...

The Liar's NFL Week 13 Picks

Yup, I'm moving my picks over to KfS (along with all of the earlier picks from this year). The way I'm gonna work this is that I'll do a post for the Thursday game, then re-post this on Saturday with the rest of my picks. That makes sense to my booze-addled brain, then again, so does Ron Paul.

13 is my lucky number, so I'm hoping that I'll get some good mojo kicking in this week with my picks to help erase the mediocrity of the past few weeks. Here we go.

Last week's picks: 9/7
Season record: 113/63

Thursday Night Game:
Cowboys (10-1) over Packers (10-1)
I'm really looking forward to this one. It's fortuitous that I'm one of the few that has NFL Network in my cable line-up. Now I just have to manage to find a way to drone out Bryant Gumble.
Onto the tackle-football contest: This game could swing either way, and I'm kinda hoping that the Pack pulls this one out - It'd make for great television, but I think that they're simply outmatched. I'm going with the Boys
Postgame: Wow, this was a pretty damned good game. Favre got knocked out early and the GB back-up (Rogers) was freakin' awesome. A couple of bullshit calls handed the game to the Boys on a silver platter. Boys win by 10.
Favorite 'Bryant Gumble is retarded' moment: The Cowboys are running out of the tunnel at the begining of the telecast - Bryant: "...and out Come the Green Bay Pa... Cowboys". Idiot.
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Shit! All but (the last) 2 games this week are matched really evenly. It should make for some great TV viewin', but for difficult prognostication. This shit is supposed to get easier as the season progresses, but here we are.

Early Sunday Games:
Titans (6-5) over Texans (5-6)
The ex-Oilers are getting Haynesworth back this week, now maybe they can win a game.

Colts (9-2) over Jaguars (8-3)
I really want to pick the Jags, but I just don't see it happening. The Clots are getting healthy, and have something to prove.

Chargers (6-5) over Chiefs (4-7)
The Bolts are downright bipolar this season. Who knows which SD team will take the field this week? All I know is if they want a shot at the playoffs, they'd better get their shit together. We'll see.

Rams (2-9) over Falcons (3-8)
The Rams last-minute fumble cost me a huge upset pick last week against the Seahawks. Dirty bastards. They shouldn't have to wait 'til the last minute to beat the Birds, so I'm safe. Right?

Jets (2-9) over Dolphins (0-11)
An open letter to Coach Manicotti:
Please win this damned game. Miami MUST remain beaten. Seriously.
Love,
Liar
Postgame: Thank you coach Mangione. I knew you could do it.

Vikings (5-6) over Lions (6-5)
I'm hoping like hell that the Vikes and Bears both win, thus bringing the NFC North to a 3-way tie for last. If the Bears can finish ahead of the Lions this year, I'll be happy.
How fucking sad is that last statement?

Eagles (5-6) over Seahawks (7-4)
I'm picking the Eagles because it looks like Donovan won't start this week. He's a great QB, but it was criminal to start him this season before he could fully recoup from his injuries. Blame Coach Reid when he leaves Philly at the end of the season.

Redskins (5-6) over Bills (5-6)
After this week's events, I have a feeling that the Skins are going to play possessed in this one. Either that, or completely come apart on the field. We'll see on Sunday.
Postgame: They completely fell apart. The Skins screwed themselves with a stupid penalty while Buffalo was going for a long field goal with 8 seconds left on the clock - the Williams by 1 thin point.

49ers (3-8) over Panthers (4-7)
There are imploded stars that suck less than Carolina does right now. Don't get me wrong, San Fran is pretty damned bad, but they're just good enough to pull off this road win.
Postgame: I was wrong, the 49ers are bad enough to lose any game. I'm just glad that they're not playing the Dolphins this year.

Late Sunday Games:
Broncos (5-6) over Raiders (3-8)
Roll the dice. I'm just picking Denver because it seems that Oakland always finds a way to lose.

Browns (7-4) over Cardinals (5-6)
As long as the Browns don't eat at that horrible taco place on 7th in downtown Phoenix, they should be fine. If they do, Cards by at least 50 points.
Postgame: I don't know what pisses me off more; the fact that I'm on a 5 game skid due to a crooked call that gave the Cards the win, or that my losing streak ends here.

Giants (7-4) over Bears (5-6)
Granted, Eli looks like he's been channeling his inner Rex lately. Fortuitously, we have the real thing.
Watch out for the Giants' d-line, their specialty is getting penetration (insert cheap joke here). With our rock-solid o-line and the exceptional play making abilities of Rex Grossman under pressure, this shouldn't be a problem.
Postgame: Welcome to the lonely cellar of the NFC North, kids.

Buccaneers (7-4) over Saints (5-6)
The Saints really need to win this one at home, but they've failed miserably in every "must win" game that they've faced this year. I think that Tampa is too good of a team to let the Saints off of the hook.

Sunday Night Game:
Steelers (8-3) over Bengals (4-7)
I'm no grassologist, but I highly doubt that 6 days is enough time to fix the death bog that we all saw last Monday. If the field still looks like the results of a mass bovine disembowelment, then the Bengals might have a (lucky) shot.

Monday Night Game:
Patriots (11-0) over Ravens (4-7)
It looks like Philly found the key to defending the Pats. Unfortunately for the Ravens, Belichick has undoubtedly changed the locks 3 times since last Sunday. This game should be good for a laugh.
Postgame: Hole. Lee. Shit. That was close.
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Correct picks in (a slightly darker) GREEN
Wrong picks in RED